The (Mis)adventures of the "Death Eaters"

Declaimer: If I owned Harry Potter... Okay, coming out of my happy dream now...

Names, Names, Names

The Death Eaters were in their headquarters, having, as usual, an important meeting. They were all thinking about what to suggest.

"We need a name," Narcissa said suddenly.

"We already have a name," Snape reminded her.

"Do we?" asked the as-usual clueless Voldemort.

"The Death Eaters," Snape said, exasperated.

"Oh, right." Voldemort said, sounding rather stupid. "But 'Order of the Phoenix' sounds much better than 'Death Eaters'".

"'Death Eaters' sounds more imposing," Snape said. "Besides, J.K. Rowling wanted the good guys to sound better than the bad guys."

"Why can't we be the good guys?" whined Lucius.

"Because it's against our natures," Snape explained. "We're evil." After a pause, "Aren't we?"

"I think so," Bellatrix said.

"Well, our headquarters do need a name." Snape declared.

"The Order's headquarters don't have a name," Voldemort commented.

"That makes us better!" Lucius exclaimed triumphantly.

"Once we have a name," Snape reminded him.

"Right, let's do it!" Lucius cried excitedly, as eager as ever.

There was a moment of silence. It was obvious that the Death Eaters weren't very imaginative.

"Black Hole!" suggested Lucius joyfully.

"Why on earth?" demanded Snape.

"Because everything that comes in here never come out." Lucius said, trying to sound imposing.

"I don't like it," Voldemort said. "How about Dark Tower?"

"This isn't a tower." Snape commented.

"But that's the classic Dark Lord stronghold name."

"Well, we don't have an imposing enough so-called stronghold, then." Snape concluded.

"House of Horror?" suggested Bellatrix.

"That's a good one,"

"How is Black Hole worse?"

"How about Dark Duress?"

"What is it with the alliteration?" from Snape.

"Prison of Terror!"

"You might as well take House of Horror."

"Labyrinth of the Minotaur!"

"Are you insane? This isn't a labyrinth!"

"Who cares, it sounds scary!"

"Haunted House!" Lucius suggested, bouncing up and down in excitement.

"Try something a bit more cliche, will you?" Snape growled.

"Sure," Lucius said, happy to oblige.

"That was sarcasm!" Snape cried.

"Go to hell with your sarcasm!" Lucius yelled, losing his temper. He jumped up and punched Snape.

"I know! Living Hell!" Narcissa exclaimed

"Good one! Or Hell's Outpost!" Bellatrix suggested

"I like that one, but I like Living Hell better."

Two minutes later, both sisters were tearing at each other's hair and screaming at each other. Soon, all of the Death Eaters were on the floor, punching and kicking for all they were worth.

The next morning, Snape came up to the headquarters of the Death Eaters. He was limping, and had a black eye. His healing spell wouldn't work. He was about to open the door when he saw a piece of paper taped to the door. Thinking that it might be a note from Voldemort, if he was literate, Snape reflected bitterly, he looked at it. The paper said The Black Hole.

"Oh, no," Snape groaned.

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