Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter NOR any of his friends NEITHER any of his enemies. It's hard to admit, but when I'm done with them all, I have to return them to Joanne K. Rowling in an original wrapping and unharmed. I make no money, I mean no harm.

Only Another Adventure

Sirius wonderes why Bellatrix shrieks so happily. He's just falling - backwards, yes, and he'll be probably stunned for a while, but the rest of the Order members can surely take care of her until he wakes up.

Then the darkness and silence start to close upon him. The edges of his vison blur and everything seems suddenly so distant.

The last thing he sees is Remus' face, sad and shocked and horrified and...

Nothing more.

He woke up instantly and registered something amiss. If only he could put his finger on it...

He was standing in the middle of a garden. He found the scenery vaguely familiar. He turned around and took in a few trees without leaves, bushes with dark, dead blossoms, a grey statue over a broken fountain, a smelly pool, yellowish grass... Unquestionable, the garden had used to be very beautiful. In fact, there was still something attractive about it. Than the realisation hit him

He woke up standing.

"Not such a bad place, eh?" a voice spoke softly next to him. Sirius spun. On the path, there stood a young man with long dark hair, wearing brightly blue robes.

"Who are you?" Sirius asked.

"There's no need to be afraid," the other man lifted a hand and stepped closer. Sirius had a strange suspicion he wasn't wearing any shoes. "You are dead, Sirius, so there isn't very much that can harm you."

He's barking mad, Sirius condluded in his mind. If he were dead, something must have killed him.

"Bellatrix killed you," the young man supplied amicably. "Not her curse, but she threw you through the veil and that killed you." He winked at Sirius, who felt a bit offended. For someone telling him he was dead the man was surely too good-natured!

"You have to realise there's nothing you can do about the fact that you're dead. Your only choice is to look forward to the future."

"The future, eh?"

"Yes, you know - the 'another adventure' thing." Sirius' unbelieving stare met a shining grin.

"So I'm dead now?"

"Yes, Sirius. Erm, unfortunately?" The young man's features didn't quite fall in step with the word. And Sirius was infuriated by the fact that the man knew his name, whilst he had never introduced himself.

"Who the..."

"I'm your conscious, Sirius. I'm here to lead you through your past sins, your regrets, false vows, lies and wounds both caused and received." He paused and thought for several seconds. "Aye, that may be all of it. You see..."

"I don't think there's much you can do for me then," Sirius interrupted.

"Oh, there is. You see, this garden is the very picture of your heart. You don't think it's in its best, now do you?" Sirius glanced around again and had to agree.

"So what do I do? Take out my wand and cast Scourgify on the sculpture?"

"Well, that wouldn't work... Although it wouldn't hurt neither. The thing needs a bit of shining. But the main magic you'll need lies within you."

"I though all the garden lied within me?" Sirius asked dumbly.

"Not the same within. More like..." His conscious made a rotating motion with his hand to show he was trying to express something. "You'll need to reconsider some of your opinions and become even with yourself. You'll have to forgive."

"Forgive?"

"Yes!" Sirius shook his head. "It's necessary."

"Like, you mean, forgive Wormtail?"

"That's the spirit."

"I can't do that!"

"Why not?"

"Because it's not me he got killed. It wasn't me who had to grow up without me parents because of him," Sirius said slyly.

"But he caused you some pain."

"Oh, I've already forgiven him that."

"Really, Sirius?"

"No... Yes! Look, er... How can I call you? My Conscious?"

"My full title at the moment is The Solicitor of the Past Lurking in the Back of your Head, but seeing as I am your self totally truthful to yourself you can just call me Sirius."

"Hm."

"Now, back to Wormtail, he..."

"Can I call you Albie?"

"Albie?"

"I've always wanted to call Dumbledore that and you remind me of him." Sirius was finally satisfied to see his conscious taken aback.

"Okay," Albie said after a while. "Can we now move on to the business?"

"Right. Wormtail. Why should I forgive him? He is such a coward, an unfaithful bastard who betrayed his closest friends. He doesn't deserve forgiveness."

"But you do," Albie said. Sirius looked at him. His face showed pure concern.

"Do I?" he whispered.

"Yes. Forgiveness has great power. It can heal. You have been wounded, Sirius, deeply wounded by your friend Peter Pettigrew. You have paid for his crime, you have let the desire to revenge yourself, James and Lily eat at you. But if you can forgive..."

"He was a coward," Sirius said and closed his eyes, because all of sudden he couldn't bear the pain.

He is standing among what is left of the Potters' house. Just ruins. Hagrid has already left with Harry, so now it's just him and the memories.

"Peter caused this. The traitor. Wormtail," he whisperes to himself. The nickname has a new meaning. A low one.

Sirius feels tears burning his eyes. Everything hurts - last night, persuading James to make Peter the Secret Keeper, tonight, standing on the results of that, just a couple of metres from where both James and Lily died.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," he cries and sinks to his knees. "So sorry..." A soft touch of a hand on his shoulder; he tries to shrug it off but fingers claw into his flesh.

"You couldn't have known it," Albie's soft voice reminds him.

"I might have. I should have!"

"But you couldn't."

"All because of that cowardish traitor!"

"You have to forgive him, Sirius."

"He betrayed them, he betrayed the Order, he killed them!"

"Yes. But none of it matters now." Sirius whines and the wind whines with him. "Just put the anger aside."

"I can't..." Sirius is crying and it starts raining. The more he cries, the more cool drops fall on his shoulders, back, wet his hair and clothes.

"You can do it, Sirius. Forget the anger, forget the revenge. Forgive," Albie repeats, again and again. Sirius has run out of tears and now he is just shuddering with dry sobs. "Forgive him. Show me you're strong enough."

"Am I?" Sirius whisperes. The rain stops, the wind dies down and Sirius stands up. He walks over to the crib, the only part of furniture not completely destroyed by the explosion.

James made it the day Harry was born. He had promised to get it since Lily had announced she had been pregnant and only started to work at it when she got into labour. So much like him. Sirius smiled.

"I am."

They were sitting on the edge of the broken fountain. Sirius felt dazed and confused.

"Is it always like this?"

"Mostly," Albie nodded.

"Did I manage?" Albie pointed at the nearest bush. The dark blossoms were falling to the ground and fresh green leaves were rocking in the soft breeze.

"This is how you can see how much you've done," Albie said.

"Wow." Sirius watched the bush for a minute. "What's next?" he looked at Albie eagerly.

"Pick something that's nagging you," Albie suggested. Sirius kicked at the fountain absentmindedly, deep in thought.

"Harry," he said finally. "I promised him so much..."

"... and you couldn't keep your word," Albie finished for him. "Hardly your fault he had to stay with his relatives."

"Maybe there was more I could do for him," Sirius frowned. "I might have at least watch my back and stay alive to be there for him."

"If you are honest with yourself, you have to admit that you, being your childish self, having never grown up fully, you could hardly be much of an example for him," Albie mused and Sirius burst in laughter.

"Merlin, I'm not that bad, am I? Am I?" he asked again, feeling unsure out of blue.

"You are. But that's not your fault either," Albie assured him. "Anything else in the front of your mind?"

"Well, there was this girl... Sophie... I promised her I would marry her."

"Oh, Sophie," Albie sighed dreamily.

"What am I telling you this for? You know it already."

"To come to terms with it. Sophie?"

She is as beautiful as she was on her eigthteenth birthday. Long blonde hair, sparkling amber eyes, smooth tanned skin, long legs, rounded hips, sweet lines of waist, breasts and shoulders moulding into the arch of her neck.

"Sophie." She smiles at him. He notices wrinkles around her eyes.

"I'm sorry, Sophie," he says and he means it. "I lied to you. Never meant to marry you - though I can't tell why now - just wanted to get in your knickers."

"Oh, Sirius, don't try to offend me. I hoped you would stay - we all did - but then, I knew you, didn't I?"

"Can you forgive me?"

"Can you forgive yourself?"

"No," Sirius shooks his head. And he means it. He could have had this beauty if he only tried to keep his word.

"Then I'll have to do it myself." She winks at it. "Roger will help, of course."

"Roger?"

"I knew you'd want to give him a Muggle name." For a moment Sirius sees her with a baby in her arms. Th picture changes rapidly to show the boy growing, playing with other children, getting on the Hogwarts Express for the first time... The quick movement makes Sirius feel dizzy.

"Is it true? Do I have a son?" he asked eagerly Albie, who was waltzing through the grass and flowers.

"Does it matter?"

"Of cour... well, I suppose there's not much I can do about it now, but it would be nice to know." Sirius kicked off his shoes and touched the grass with his toes. It was soft and soothing.

"It is."

"How do you know?"

"It's one of the advantages. You just know. You'll learn how later."

"Oh. Can we continue?" Sirius liked the way his garden was changing. All the plants coming to life.

"Sure." Albie sat down on the grass and tapped the ground. Sirius joined him.

Later - it was hard to tell how much later - Albie was cooling his feet in the renewed fountain and Sirius was wandering through the garden. He felt pleasantly tired and satisfied with his work. He had managed to clear his mind and heart from so many dark thoughts. With Albie, they had gone through all his relatives, making up as much as it could ever be possible, apologising sometimes and forgiving a great deal.

He had never cried so much during his life. Nor had he ever felt so light.

Sirius had cleared the table with Remus for spilling his secret so recklessly to Snape. He had apologised for that before, when he had been still alive, but this time he had meant it somehow deeply. Albie had told him he had to come a long way to be able to forgive himself for that.

It had surprised Sirius to see how many people he had hurt - and how many people had hurt him in return. For such a short life, it had been quite a number. Albie had told him it hadn't been any exception. He just hadn't realised the small wounds... and small hatreds.

Now the garden was blossoming, the fountain sprang water high in the air, Sirius could hear birds chirping in the bushes and he even spotted a butterfly dangling on one flower. He was beginning to like his garden. Then his gaze fell on the trees.

"Albie?"

"Yes?"

"The trees... the trees are still dead."

"Indeed they are," Albie nodded.

"And the pool's still dirty," Sirius noted.

"It is," Albie said gravely and walked up to stand beside Sirius.

"Why?"

"There is something we haven't covered yet, Sirius." Sirius looked at the dark, smelly surface of the pool.

"What?"

"Not what, but who. Severus Snape."

"I've already forgiven him!" Sirius cries angrily into the storm that is bringing him back in time, back to Hogwarts. "Along with the rest of Slytherins! I don't have to do it twice! I WON'T do it twice!"

"This is not about what he's done to you, Sirius," Albie says mildly. "It's about what you have done to him."

"Nothing," Sirius mutters. "Not ever." He looks around and recognises one of Hogwarts' corridors. Yes, there's that picture of an old hag with three toads on her nose and just round the corner a very special room can be found, an abandoned classroom where Sirius discovered the charm of a kiss in his time.

And round that very corner a thin figure is approaching. He can recognise the boy anywhere, anytime - the greasy hair, hooked nose, arms too long and elbows too sharp. What a pitiful picture. Sirius curls his upper lip in disgust.

"Hey, look, if it isn't our good friend Snivellus there," another voice sounds from behind Sirius. For a brief moment he has to close his eyes in pain.

For this is James, still alive.

Sirius turns to watch his best friend, his younger self, Remus Lupin and Peter may-the-hags-tear-his-body-to-pieces Pettigrew stride easily towards little Snape. Must be twelve, maybe thirtieen.

"Leave me be," Snape snarls at them and hugs his bag with books to his chest protectively.

"'m doing you nothing," young Sirius murmurs, leaning to Snape. Snape flinches backwards, trips over the hem of his robes and falls. James, Sirius and Peter burst in laughter.

Remus sights.

"Shouldn't we go?" he asks his friends and practically makes them leave the scene.

"Well?" Albie rises one eyebrow at him. Sirius shruggs.

"I didn't do anything to him," he says. "Anything at all."

"Really?"

"And he deserved it."

"Really?" This time Albie sounds a bit amused.

"Really really," Sirius answers and feels offended when Albie shortly laughs.

"We'll need a reply then." Steps echo in the corridor; that's a young Snape reappearing. Sirius doesn't mind repetition, but it's not as amusing as the first time, is it?

"Hey, look, if it isn't our good friend Snivellus there." This time Sirius doesn't turn round and he notes how Snape pauses for a second. As if his heart skipped a beat or something. His eyes flicker from one boy to another and he hugs his bag.

"Leave me be." Now the bag lifts itself a bit more. Young Sirius steps through his dead self to intimidate young Snape.

"'m doing you nothing." Dead Sirius notes the strange expression Remus' face adopts for a few moments. Snape trips over his robes and falls, the Marauders laugh and leave.

Remus turns to look at Snape for the last time. His eyes are a bit worried and he lingeres, hesitates... then hurries to catch up with his friends.

"He... disapproved," Sirius realises suddenly. "Why?"

"Maybe because what you did wasn't right?" Albie asked. Sirius shakes his head.

"He deserved every bit of it. Every curse, every insult, everything. He was evil." Sirius frowned in thought. "He still is evil," he finished.

Albie, who was sitting under one of the dead trees, looked him in the eye.

"He was a child." Sirius looked away, his eyes following a movement in the bushes. Probably a bird. "Just a little boy with his fears and desires. Just like you."

"No!" Sirius jumped to his feet and advanced on Albie, hands in fists.

"He was just a child," Albie repeated calmly.

"So he was a shy, scared creature. I didn't know that."

"You could have."

"How would you know? How would you understand?"

"Because I'm you - I know what you know."

"You know more."

"Hardly."

"You knew about my son!"

"You knew it was a possibility. You just forgot to ask yourself about it when you were still alive."

"Does it matter?"

"Yes. It does."

It's a misty night and they are walking through wet, cold grass towards a single window shining into to darkness. Sirius peers inside through the curtains. There's a tall man standing in the middle of a poorly lit room. Something about him is familiar.

The man shouts something unintelligible. Sirius realises he is drunk. He sways forward and Sirius' eyes are drawn to something on the floor. Something trying to escape the man's attack.

A woman.

She's obviously scared. There's a blood all over her face - her eyebrow has been torn and the wound is still bleeding. The man lands another blow, this time splitting her lip.

"We should help her!" Sirius shouts. Albie shooks his head.

"This happened years ago. Watch."

The man leaves the woman alone to reach for a bottle standing on the table. His hand goes wide and he knocks the bottle down, spilling the rest of its contents. The man swears, turns to hit the woman again and finally falls to the ground.

There's another figure hidden in the dark corner. A small, thin boy. A boy with big dark eyes, greasy hair, hooked nose and tears wetting his tatty shirt. The woman gets on her knees and hands and crawls to hug the boy.

"Don't cry, Severus. Don't cry. He's sleeping now - it's over. It's over," she whispers.

"No," Sirius whispers. "No, that's not true - it's just a possibility!"

"A possibility you've never weighted."

"It's not true!" He's shouting now, but he doesn't care - no-one can hear him, he's not really here. In fact, it's not even happening, it's not! Albie points at something through the window.

The woman is now looking straight at him, her eyes both accusing and pleading.

Sirius was sitting at the smelly pool when Albie dropped himself to the grass next to him. Neither spoke.

Albie put a hand on Sirius shoulder. Sirius shrugged it off and growled lowly. Albie touched him again.

Sirius looked up, tears in his eyes.

"No," he repeated stubbornly.

"Yes," Albie said softly. And the garden sighed and whirled around them.

Sirius is shouting. He's accusing Slytherins, his parents, their parents, Snape's parents.

Somehow, he can't bring himself to accuse Snape anymore.

The images float before his eyes - deep welts in Snape's flesh. Snape's childish face wet with tears. Fear in Snape's eyes. The malicious glint in his own.

Sirius is running. He is running away from all of this - it's worse than the worse pain he's ever suffered - it's worse than James' and Lily's death, even. He wants to leave it behind, to lose the memory of everything. To forget.

He can't forgive. No, not when he feels the pain he caused. Not when he knows the meaning of it.

Sirius watches Snape senior pushing his son's head under water in bath. The little body is writhing with the effort to reach the so needed air, to breathe. Sirius wants to strangle the devious man.

Sirius is closing his eyes, again and again, to scenes of torture. But he can't close his ears as well. He hears the laughter, the mockery, the insults. He hears himself laughing, mocking, insulting.

He hears himself cursing Snape and yells for himself to stop - in vain.

Sirius is crying. He has fallen to the ground, drawn knees to his chest and he's trying to cry it all out. But he can't.

Albie puts a hand on his shoulder and Sirius gets half-way up to circle his waist. He can't reach higher.

Albie sinks to his knees and hugs Sirius back. He offers him his shoulder to cry on. After unbelievable time, the pain subsides and Sirius looks up.

Snape is standing two steps from him, watching him intently. Sirius stands up and fights to meet his eyes.

"I'm sorry," he whispers. "Wish I could turn it all back." Snape smiles - really smiles - and Sirius feels something dark leaving for good. "Severus?"

"Yes?" Even his voice has changed. Sirius doesn't know whether it's real or just a possibility. He doesn't mind either.

"Just wanted to hear how it sounds." And he smiles.

The garden had changed again. There were new, fresh leaves on the trees and the pool smelled of clean water and water lilys.

Albie was standind next to a door that hadn't been there before.

"You've done it - you can leave now and meet whoever did it before you." He winked. Sirius looked around. Somehow he knew he wouldn't be leaving this beautiful place. Just carrying it inside himself.

When he reached the door to open it, Albie was gone. But he would never leave him completely, either. Sirius walked through without hesitation.

There's a table under a tree with five chairs around it. Two of them are occupied and Sirius already knows by whom.

The slim man is tanned and very familiar.

"Regulus," Sirius says instead of greeting him. His younger brother grins at him and shakes his hand, firmly. Then he pulls him in a hug.

He wears a short-sleeved shirt, revealing a tattoo at his left forearm. It shows a butterfly.

"Everything's changed," Regulus laughs. The other person stands up and offers Sirius a hand. Sirius lifts it to his lips and lets the green eyes catch his dark ones.

"Hello, Lily," he says. "Nice to see you again."

"I don't know, Padfoot, if it means you're dead..."

"Oh, I've... come to terms with that already. May I join you?" Lily asks him about Harry and Regulus pipes in with questions about the house. After half an hour, Sirius can't stand the chatter anymore and has to ask.

"So, where's James?" Lily frowns a little and runs a hand through her hair.

"You know, Sirius, that's what bothers me a bit... he hasn't shown up yet."

A/N: Please, review - all feedback is highly appreciated!

7th March 2010: cleared up some horrible mistakes. :)