Title: Confessions
Summary: A certain someone finally confesses what really drives her
Author Notes: I am in no way associated with WWE and people mentioned in this story. They belong to themselves and some old McMahon geezer.
I bet you all, deep down inside, wonder why I put up with him
I mean come on, it's pretty obvious that we are together for convenience; it's an itch we scratch, so to speak. The attraction is there, but there's no love. We use each other, hurt each other fight constantly; he's more concerned about himself than me. He's made that pretty obvious when he did nothing when I got FU'ed, spine busted, and figured four. But I still stick with him.
You know, I don't really have a clear answer my self. With Matt, it was great. We had great communication, great memories, and great sex. But, I didn't feel…. like myself. It took me six fucking years to figure that out. Matt and I are still friends, don't get that wrong. I starting to think that's all we were meant to be. Especially now he's dating Ashley. I like her, too. But with him, it's dangerous. You never know when one of us is going to snap and hurt the other.
It started on a regular enough evening. I was depressed about my knee injury, and he was having problems with his wife. We got drunk, fucked and fought. We both walked away extremely satisfied, thinking it was a one time thing. As if. We met up on a weekly basis and vented our frustrations on each other; I lost count of the hotel rooms we messed up. Cost Vince a pretty penny let me tell you. He didn't get mad though. He didn't want to lose two of his top superstars, I guess.
I guess I put up with it because I'm afraid. I don't want to be alone, to be empty inside, to be so numb I fall into the state of depression I did when my dad left. It was the same thing with Essa I guess, but that was bad even by my standards. I was pretty messed up after him, but I got over it. I guess history repeats itself. I'm not saying he's abusive at all, no no no. But like I said, there is no love.
As weird as it sounds, he saved me. I was miserable in the relationship with Matt. Not in the way you would think. I wanted something more, I wanted to do something so outrageous that even if I crashed and burned I could look back and say YES I DID THAT!! It didn't matter what people thought. It didn't matter if I got fired or my family rejected me. I didn't care about people's feelings. I realize I made a mistake but I was on top of the world. I still am. Forget drugs, I'm on a constant high because I have what I want. I don't care what my heart tells me, screw my feelings, screw love, and screw feeling good and having to constantly tell one person you love them. I just want to feel something. And he does that.
So that's why I put up with Edge.
Chew on that.
This is Lita, signing off.