Disclaimer: I own nothing
There are times in everyone's life when fate takes pity on them and gives them a second or in Jess Mariano's case, a third chance, and givens them exactly what they want. Standing in the living room of his apartment, Jess Mariano stared at his mail in disbelief. Rory Gilmore or should he say Rory DuGrey had written him a letter. Carefully opening it he stared at the neatly written cursive wondering to himself if he really wanted to hear what she had to say. Sighing to himself he began to read.
Dear Jess,
First of all I wanted to say how sorry I am that I let you go. I'm sitting here at my office desk staring at our picture, the one from Luke and mom's wedding, and I can't help but think that I through away the best thing that ever happened to me. 5 years ago I was scared, scared of what we were and scared of what we could be. Because I was so afraid I pushed you away, feeling as though I was just going to end up hurting you and I didn't want to do that. So I married Tristan, the safe choice, the person that I will never love. I felt as though to marry him was the safe choice because he is predictable, there's no passion. But with you Jess, there is so much passion that it scared me, it still scares me. I should have trusted you; I should have trusted our love. But now it's too late and I have to live with my mistake. I hope that one day you can forgive me and that you are happy. Here is a poem that I wrote you a short time after we broke up.
Pensami Perche io songo te
I can see the beauty in the moonlight
As your face shines through.
You never looked so perfect as you do right now
I want to hold you close
Have your warmth engulf me
Your eyes are so inviting
As they stare deep inside of me
Beckoning to me to come towards the everlasting river of love
You make life seem so perfect
Like nothing could go wrong
As long as it was me and you and the never-ending time of making love and giving hope
As I watch you in the moonlight My heart skips a beat
A beat for when your eyes quietly look me over and stare into my soul
A beat for the way your hands gently caress my body as we lie in bed
And one for the way you make me the woman that I always dreamt I could be
I am so lucky to have had the chance to feel the way I do, and to love the way I do, when I am with you
I dreamt a dream tonight that you were standing here
On this promenade of everlasting hope
As I watch you in the moonlight I ask myself how can this be
That all my troubles just drift away As you come strolling towards me
I wait in grave anticipation for you to come to me I am so happy that I get a second chance to love with all my heart once more
But as you get closer you change, and it's no longer you but me staring back,
I wake up and the harsh reality sets in
That you are gone And that our love is finished
And that time has vanished and hope is diminished
As I lie in my bed The tears streaming down my cheeks
The thought sets in That we will never be
Pensami, Perche io sogno te
Think of me, because I dream of you.
---Rory
There are times when fate steps in a gives exactly what you want. And for most people there is a happy ending that follows but if you are Jess Mariano fate rips that thing that you want back and laughs in your face. This was one of those times. Jess put the letter down on the table and walked into his room. His life couldn't possibly get any worse than it already was.
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Rory's life couldn't get any worse than it already was. As she waited for the elevator to get off at the first level she couldn't help but think about what she had just witnessed. She had gone to Tristan's office to surprise him with an early dinner only to see him screwing his secretary Mary. She always knew that he was unfaithful to her but seeing it brought it to reality. Wiping her tears away and fixing her make up with the compact mirror she had in her purse, she couldn't help but think of Jess. 'He would never do this to me. Dammit, why did I have to let the one good thing in my life go?'
Rory walked down the block to pick her daughter Danielle up from the day care center.
"Mommy!" A little girl of 4 ½ with jet black hair and bright blue eyes bounded into her mothers arms.
"How was your day sweetie?" Rory said hugging the little girl tightly.
"Good, I got to read a really good book at recess and Danny called me a freak for wanting to read but James came to my rescue and told him to back off or he would hurt him."
"Oh did he?" Rory said as she thought about someone else she knew who had a knack of getting into fighting.
"Yes! And then I thanked him and asked him if he wanted to read with me and he said yes. Then he told me that he liked coffee and I said, "huh."
All Rory could do was laugh. 'She really is her father's daughter.'
"Mommy?" Danielle said in a small voice.
"Yea babe?"
"Were you crying again?"
"Yea I was."
"Was it over my real Daddy again?" Danielle always knew that Tristan wasn't her real father. She was Rory's hope when she didn't have any left.
"Yes it was sweetheart."
"Don't cry mommy, he'll come back. I promise." The little girl said as she cupped her mothers cheeks, pushed them together and kissed her with a loud smack.
Laughing Rory spoke as she tried to hide the tears, "Come on baby, lets go home."
Later that night, when Danielle was asleep Rory sat on the couch waiting for Tristan to come home. Around 3 in the morning the door opened and a very tired, but satisfied, Tristan walked through the door.
"Tristan." Rory said in an emotionless tone.
"Oh Rory! I didn't see you there." And obviously startled Tristan said. "What are you still doing up baby?" Tristan said with fake interest.
"I want a divorce."
"What! Rory, no! Come on I love you." Tristan said. No matter how many times he cheated on her, he didn't want to loose her. She kept his image in society clean.
"No you don't." Tristan tried to speak but she cut him off, "Don't lie to me and say that you do. I saw you with your secretary today and I know that there have been other women. Get out, I don't love you." Rory said crossing her arms over her chest.
"Fine. But I swear to god, you gold digging whore, if you think that I am paying child support your wrong," Tristan snarled as he stepped closer to her. Rory could smell the alcohol on his breath.
"Don't worry she's not yours. She belongs to a real man. Not a cheating son-of-a-bitch like you." That's all Tristan needed to snap. He slapped her hard across the face, sending her flying. Picked up his suit case from the closet and walked out the door. The last she saw of him was his retreating figure as he slammed the door. Crying, she crawled up on the couch. 'My life just got a little bit better.' Falling asleep Rory couldn't help but think of what Jess was doing right now.
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Jess got up Monday morning after a horrible weekend of being sick and not sleeping. He just couldn't get Rory off of his mind. Deciding to go for a walk to clear his mind, he headed to a near by park. He was walked around the park sipping his coffee on the cold February day when fate intervened for the second time that weekend. He only hoped that this time it wasn't snatched away from him. Rory Gilmore was sitting on a near by bench sipping coffee and staring at what he only assumed to be her daughter. A flash of hurt crossed his face as he thought of her and Tristan being together. Deciding to not let that bother him he through his coffee cup away and sat down on the bench that she was at.
"You know that stuff will kill you someday." Jess said with an awkward chuckle.
Startled by his presence, Rory yelped. "Jesus Jess! What are you doing here?"
Sighing Jess turned and faced the playground, "I don't know really." He said turning to face her, "I came here to clear my head when I saw you and decided to come over. Is that a problem?"
"No not at all. I was just sitting her watching Danielle, my daughter, play that's all." Rory sighed as she looked at Danielle. 'Our daughter is what I should say.'
"Huh. So you had a kid with DuGrey?" Jess said trying to hide his disappointment.
"No…uh…actually…she's yours." Rory said looking Jess in the eye trying to gage what his reaction would be. When he didn't say anything Rory just looked down at her shoes feeling as though she shouldn't have told him. She could feel the tears threatening to spill.
"Huh," Jess said with a smirk, 'I have a daughter, wow.' "So you and Tristan are…"
"Getting a divorce," Rory said with a sigh as she looked out at the playground.
"When did that happen?" Jess said truly concerned as he put his hand on her shoulder. The sudden contact made Rory jump but Jess kept his hand their .
"Last night…He came home drunk and I asked him for one. I told him that I knew of the cheating and that I didn't love him any more. Then he called me a gold-digging whore when I told him that Danielle wasn't his, he slapped me and I haven't seen him since." Rory said as tears began to spill down her face.
"Oh Ror, I'm so sorry," Jess said as he pulled Rory into a tight hug. As Rory silently wept he couldn't think about how much of a bastard DuGrey was for cheating on Rory, his Rory. "You know Rory you don't deserve that, you deserve better. Some one who will love you and take care of you for the rest of your life." 'Some one like me' Jess thought.
Neither knew what to say after that; both knowing how they felt but neither wanting to make the first move. Finally Jess spoke again, "So I um….got your letter." Jess said looking down at his hands. He wasn't quite sure how to address this subject.
"And?" Rory said looking at him nervously, she wasn't quite sure how to address this subject either.
"And," Jess said as he brought his eyes to look at her. "I think we should give it another shot." Rory's eyes brightened, "But…" Jess sighed as Rory's eyes saddened, "We have a lot to talk about, A lot to move past. Do you think we can do that Rory?" Jess said, eyes pleading.
"Yea I do. Do you maybe want to come back to my apartment for a little. You know just to talk, square so things away?" Rory said hopeful. 'this is my shot, its now or never.'
"Yea, sure." Jess said, uncertain of what was going to happen next.
"Danielle! Time to go sweetie." The little girl came running over to where Jess and Rory were standing. "Baby, this is my friend Jess, he is going to come back to the apartment with us, ok?"
All the little girl could do was smirk and stare at Jess. They just stood there until Jess noticed that she had dropped the book that he had seen her reading before. He walked over, bent down and picked it up for her. "Here," Jess said handing the book back to her, "You dropped your book."
"Huh," Was all the little girl could say as she took the book back from him. As they walked back in silence both Rory and Jess thought about what was in store for them and about the uncertainty of it all. When they reached the apartment Rory finally spoke. "Danielle how about you go into your room and read while mommy and Jess talk ok? I'll call you when dinner is here."
"Okay Mommy," Danielle said as she skipped to her room without another glace back.
"So…do you want something to drink?" Rory said nervously, unsure of what to do or how to act.
"Nah, I'm good. But I was just hoping we could get to the talking part."
"Ok…well do you want to sit on the couch?" Rory said motioning to the leather sofa. Jess nodded and they both walked over to the couch and sat down.
"So…"
"So… I guess I'll start then." Rory said not look Jess directly in the eye. "It all started when I got pregnant."
Flashback
'Oh my God,' Rory thought as she looked down at the pregnancy test that read positive as contemplated what she was going to do. Rory and Jess had just gotten back together a year earlier and they were in no way ready to have a baby. He was still temperamental at times and she was just starting her career. They were both so immature in so many ways.
"We can't raise a child! We can barely take care of ourselves! We'd scar the child for life! Not to mention that we would kill each other in the process and…Oh my God! I'd have to stop drinking coffee! I love coffee! No me and Jess are so not ready to have a baby, we are just getting on track. A baby would just mess us up. But I can't abort the baby, that's just wrong, I won't do it. I refuse too." Rory said as she walked into the bedroom desperate for some sort of answer, letting her know that it will be alright. Suddenly, noticing Jess's duffle bag on the floor, it all clicked, "I know exactly what I'll do." Rory said as she packed Jess's duffle bag and walked out of the door and out of Jess's life.
When Jess got home he didn't need a note to tell him that she was gone. He just sensed it. The apartment felt different, colder. When he walked into the bedroom he notice a note saying 'I'm so sorry,' written on the mirror in sharpie and that his duffle bag was gone. Rory Gilmore had walked out of his life and there was no way he could stop her.
End of Flash Back
"I don't get it Rory, why couldn't you tell me about it? We could of worked through it, I mean you didn't even give me, us, a shot!" Jess said, his voice getting louder with each word.
"I know that now Jess! But five years ago I was scared! Terrified of what I could feel for you and then getting my heart broken again. So I did what I thought was right! Obviously now I know that it was the worst mistake of my life!" Rory said matching Jess's tone as she got up and paced around the room.
"Why did you marry Tristan if you loved me?"
Flash Back
Jess opened up the front page of the news only to have his heart ripped out of his chest.
Wedding Announcements
Rory Gilmore, daughter of Lorelei Gilmore and Christopher Hayden married Tristan Dugrey, son of Thomas and Cathy DuGrey this past Sunday in Hartford Connecticut. This is the first marriage for both and Tristan is quoted as saying, "We are both so deeply in-love with one another, this is the happiest day of both our lives."
He always expected her to get married to someone else, some one more deserving but he never expected it to be this soon after they broke up. Pulling out his cigarette he tried not to think about how much he hated himself for not going after her.
End of Flash back
"You know, now that I think about it I don't know why I married him. At the time he was the safe choice, you know? There was know passion there and I thought that if there was no passion I couldn't get hurt. Now I realize that I was just hurting myself more by denying my heart what it really wanted." Rory said looking down at her feet.
"Yeah, and what was that?" Jess said with a smirk on his face. He knew what she was going to say, he just wanted to hear it come from her.
"You," Rory said as she walked over to Jess and kissed him hard on the mouth. She couldn't hold it in any longer. All of the passion she had bottled up for the past five years came out and Jess happily reciprocated the kiss and the feelings as he pulled her closer to him. Jess wove his fingers through her hair and when air became an issue he broke the kiss and sighed as he played with her hair. "Hey Ror?"
"Yea baby?" Rory said as he closed her eyes and touched her forehead to his.
"Do you think that we could start over?" Jess said in a hope filled voice.
"I'd love too," Rory said as they both broke out in goofy grins and kissed once again. Lying on the couch, rapped in each other's arms, Jess thought to himself, 'Fate has been good to me.' But fate has away of throwing you a curve ball in the midst of your happiness that makes it impossible to turn back.
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For the past month Rory and Jess spent every day together. He was there when she filed the divorce paper's and he was starting the become the father to Danielle that she deserved in her life. Tonight Danielle was spending the night at Lorelei's so that Jess and Rory could spend some time alone together.
As Jess laid on Rory's bed waiting for her as she put the final touches on her make up, she couldn't help but think about how Jess seemed different some how. He tired more often and his appetite was almost all but gone. Not wanting to ruin the evening Rory decided to wait until tomorrow to bring it up.
"Okay! I'm ready Rory said as she turned to look at Jess."
Jess smiled weakly, "You're beautiful Ror,"
"Jess are you sure you want to go out tonight? I mean you don't look so hot," Rory said as she went over to feel his forehead.
"Thanks Rory, I love you too," Jess said with a meager laugh
"I'm serious."
"So am I. Lets go," Jess said getting up from the bed and grabbing her hand. "I want tonight to be perfect baby, a little cold won't do anything to stop it."
Rory and Jess walked down the block to a little Italian restaurant called Mio Bella's. When they walked inside the private room Jess and reserved Rory was shocked, the whole room was covered with sunflowers and candles, and there was one solitary table in the middle. "Jess? Did you do all of this…Just for tonight?" Jess nodded as he pulled her into a short kiss and then lead her to the table. They fell into a comfortable talk about everything and nothing at the same time and even had the occasional banter about their favorite books. It was like old times and both Rory and Jess never wanted it to end.
Rory and Jess were walking back to her apartment when all of a sudden Jess stopped.
'Baby, what's wrong?" Rory said with concern as she walked back to where he was.
"Nothing, just…dance with me?" Jess said with a smile as he extended his hand. Consenting Rory let him pull her close and guide her around in slow circles.
Barbra:
Once I found a perfect love
And you showed me everything there was to know of love
Time will not betray the truth
And for all the years we've shared I celebrate with you
For you...
"Rory I want to ask you something now, that I have wanted to ask you five years ago but never got the chance." Jess said as he stopped moving.
"Jess…"
"No Rory, let me finish."
Josh:
Un giorno t' incontrai One day I met you
Barbra:
And me...
Josh:
Pensai, "adesso lei" I thought, "now it is she"
Barbra:
Will be...
Josh:
D' allora insieme noi From now on together we are
Both:
Forever
Both:
You are all I know of love
How could I ask for more
You're everything I'm dreaming of
You're all I need from love
And every star above
Spells out your name
I swear I'll always feel the same
You're all I want...
"Rory, I've loved you since the moment I asked you to ditch dinner with Luke and your mom and to climb out the window with me. I've messed up, you've messed up but the point is, we have some how found each other in the mess that we call this world. So I guess what I am asking you now is, will you jump out the window with me?" Jess said getting down on one knee. "Marry me?" Jess said with a hopeful smile as he pulled out the diamond ring.
"Well it took you long enough!" Rory laughed as tears streamed down her face.
"Is that a yes?"
"Yes!" Rory screamed as Jess picked her up and twirled her around as he kissed her.
Rory and Jess quickly made it back to the apartment and as the walked in Rory slammed the door shut and pulled Jess fiercely towards her. After awhile Jess pulled away, "Rory are you sure." A nod of her head was all he needed. They spent the night devoting themselves to each other like they did so long ago. Later on when it was over and they were laying in bed talking about how they were going to spend their life together, Jess pulled out a cigarette.
"Dodger, I thought you quit?" Rory said looking up from her place on his chest.
"Started up again."
'You know those things are going to kill you someday." Rory said with a look of determination on her face.
"So will coffee," Jess smirked, Rory went to say something but he cut her off, "Here is a little piece of advice Ror, whether you die today or 20 years from now, it doesn't matter how long you live, but what you do in that time that counts." Jess said putting out the cigarette.
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"Well Mr. Mariano I have some bad news for you," Dr. Madison said as he walked into the room, "It seems that the lung cancer has spread even more and you don't have much time left to live."
"Huh," Was all that Jess could say, he always knew that he was going to die, he just never figured that it would be this soon.
"I'm sorry. Do you have any one you want to put onto your contact list if you should pass?"
"Yea my fiancé, Rory Gilmore,"
Later that night while Jess was trying to work up the courage to call Rory there was a knock on his door. Opening it he found one very happy Danielle and a very upset Rory.
"Daddy!" Danielle said as she ran into her fathers arms. Jess hugged her for the longest time just trying to remember how she felt, knowing that this could possibly be the last time he ever hugged her. "Daddy, where have you been. Mommy is worried."
"Sorry baby, daddy's been sick that's all." Jess said trying to hide the sadness in his voice. "why do you go into my room while I talk to Mommy."
As soon as his door was shut Rory spoke, "Jess what's wrong?"
"Nothing baby, I'm just a little sick that's all." Jess could feel himself getting weaker by the moment, he had to get them out of here. "Baby how about I come over tomorrow for breakfast when I'm feeling better?"
"Are you sure that you don't want me to say and take care of you?" Rory said in a hopeful voice.
"Nah that's ok. I'd just be nuisance." I will be there first thing tomorrow I promise.
"Well ok," Rory said still not convinced. "Danielle lets go." Jess hugged his little girl one last time. "I love you daddy." Those four words brought tears to Jess's eyes. "I love you too." Jess said as he kissed her forehead and put her down.
Walking up to Rory he kissed her for one last time with all the passion and love he felt for her. Letting go all too soon he looked at her and smiled bitter-sweetly. "I love you Rory, don't you ever forget that."
"I love you too Jess." Rory said, perplexed by his choice of words. He kissed her one last time and then watched them walk out the door and down the hall knowing that he would never see them again.
Later that night Jess curled up in his bed as over whelming pain washed over him as he sank into his bed. He picked up his favorite picture of him and Rory and looked at it. It was one of them in bed, she was snuggled into his shoulder and he was kissing her temple. Kissing the picture he uttered the last words he would ever speak, "I'll be seeing you Rory." And with that Jess Mariano drifted off to a place where he and his love would never be separated again.
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Today was the day that fate took everything Rory Gilmore had ever wanted away from her. Reaching for the phone Rory grumbled a faint 'hello' into the phone.
"Ms. Gilmore?"
"Yes this is her. Who am I speaking too?"
"This is Jess's doctor, Dr. Madison. I'm afraid I have some bad news."
At those words Rory was fully awake and out of bed.
"What's the matter?" Rory said tying her robe and listening intently.
"I'm afraid that Jess's cancer had spread and this morning when I came to check up on him I found him lying in his bed. He passed away at about 2 am. I am so sorry for your loss Ms. Gilmore."
Rory dropped the phone and collapsed on the floor in a fit of tears. 'Just when I get him back, I loose him. Gosh I was so stupid, if I just never left him in the beginning, he would be here in my arms instead of lying in a coffin.'
Rory was soon broken out of her trance when her daughter came running into the room.
"Mommy! Mommy! Why are you crying? Is it daddy again?"
"Yes baby, daddy has gone to be with the angels now."
"Oh," The little girl said with a sad smile.
"Honey, I'm going to pour myself some coffee, do you want some?" Rory said getting off of the floor and walking into the kitchen.
"No Mommy."
"No? Why not?" Rory was perplexed. Danielle was her mother's daughter, she never turned down coffee.
"Cuz Daddy, who is standing by the coffee maker says that, that stuff can kill you."
A startled Rory looked over at the coffee maker and when she did she nearly had a heart attack. A smirking Jess was standing there in his signature leather jacket with his signature smirk in place.
"Well you just tell him honey that it doesn't matter if you die today or 20 years from now, its who you love while you're here that matters." Rory said smirking as she stared at Jess. Jess quickly mouthed, 'I love you' and then vanished. "I love you too Dodger."
Josh:
Che e per l' eternita It's for eternity
Barbra:
Like a memory
Josh:
'Mi terrai ad abitare nei pensieri tuoi' You will hold me to
live in your dreams
Con te with you
Barbra:
You are my only heart
Josh:
In te in you
Barbra:
I loved you from the start
Josh:
Noi due we two
Barbra:
Together not apart
Both:
Forever...
Both:
You are all I know of love
How could I ask for more
You're everything I'm dreaming of
You're all I need from love
And every star above
Spells out your name
I swear I'll always feel the same
You're all I want...
Rory and Jess pulled one over on fate. Because even though they had been physically parted they were forever intertwined. For the next 60 years of her life Rory never loved again. Her days were spent making sure that Danielle knew exactly who her father was and how much he loved her. Her nights where spent in the arms of Jess, her one true love. Even though he wasn't physically there, he was with her in her dreams, loving her and waiting for her to come back to him, like he did so many times before, until one day when they would reunite for eternity. As Wesley said to Buttercup in the Princess Bride, "Death can not stop true love, it could only delay it for a little while."
Lyrics: All I know of love by Barbra Streisand and Josh Groban