The Effects Of Puberty
Chapter 1: Shoebox
A/N – This chapter – and all chapters – were proof-read by Frost-Eva-04
Shinji's Room – Morning
Yet another day at school, and yet another day of a sync test. This was making to be the worst week of my life. Every single day something bad has happened; on Monday Asuka walked in on me changing, and actually cried rape. On Tuesday Misato burnt her hands trying to make a bowl of cereal. Wednesday was actually okay aside from the fact that Pen-Pen decided to use my shoes as a personal toilet. Yesterday was just horrible, Asuka was poking through my room and found a shoebox with… yeah… and blabbed it all around school. Now I'm known as the boy with three-year-old porn.
"Are you coming or not?!" and there was the red-headed wonder herself.
"Coming!" I follow her out of the apartment after grabbing my backpack.
"What took you so long, looking inside the shoebox again?" she had a wide grin on, "I swear, if you're going to have that, at least have a new one! The women in there damn near had wooden teeth!" it wasn't that old…
"I told you that I was sorry! Did you have to tell everyone?" she laughed into the air.
"Of course I did! Everyone had to know that the great Third Child was fapping it!" did she have to use that terminology? "You're lucky I didn't put a black light on it! I bet you can see that thing from space!" that was just nasty.
"Can we please drop it?"
"Fine… for now… but only because you're begging." The rest of the walk was in silence aside from her kicking a can the whole way. When we finally got to the school yard, she – of course – had to humiliate me again, "Hey Hikari! Wanna know what else he had in his closet?" damnit…
---
Classroom – First Bell
"Okay children, quiet down," the class continued to roar, "please, quiet down," he asked again in a monotone voice. This new teacher had no classroom management skills at all, "I SAID SHUT THE FUCK UP!" the class went instantly quiet, "Thank you," maybe I was wrong. I open my laptop and see a message waiting for me, most likely Toji about to tease me again.
You have entered room 'Shinji's Closet'
fappingtocavewomen- okay, which one of you assholes changed my screenname?
NERV- points at Toji
Hikaris- Kensuke you asshole!
NERV- LOL
fappingtocavewomen- looks like camera-boy hacked both of out accounts
Hikaris- Kensuke, I got a pic of Misato…
NERV- YOU DO?!?!?!?!?! Gimme!
Hikaris- Gotcha…
NERV- Oh yeah? I'm inviting Hikari…
Hikaris- NO!
HHgirl has entered 'Shinji's Closet'
NERV- Hey Hikari!
HHgirl- Hi kensuke…
Hikaris- hhhghguygjvhghghghghuv
Toji was banging his head on the keyboard and blushing bright red!
HHgirl- Toji? Is that you?
fappingtocavewomen- awww, look at Toji!
HHgirl- SHINJI?!
Hikaris has left the room
fappingtocavewomen has left the room
Gonnakillkensuke has entered the room
I'LLKILLYOU has entered the room
HHgirl- Uh oh…
"You son of a bitch!" Toji throws his laptop at a laughing Kensuke. The whole class breaks out in laughter.
"Toji… do you mind going to the principles office?" Toji stood there staring at the teacher, "Please?" Toji sat back down with a blush and buried his face in a book, "GET YOUR SORRY ASS UP AND GET OUT!" damn, this guy had a temper. As Toji ran out the teacher kicked him out of the door. I see Kensuke getting back up and sitting back in his chair. The man began to teach again as we went back to the chat-room.
NERV- ouch…
Gonnakillkensuke- read my screen name…
REDcutie has entered the room
Gonnakillkensuke- Hikari… you didn't…
Gonnakillkensuke has left the room
Hornyeva has entered the room
REDcutie- I think that suits you better!
Hornyeva- how the hell did you do that!!1!!1!!???
NERV- LOLOLOLOL!!!! Horny!
HHgirl- he… horny…
Hornyeva has left the room
I close the computer and plop my head on the desk. I'll never hear the end of this, I just know it…
"Squawk!" what the hell?
"TURN OFF THE PHONE!" my backpack jumps in the air. When he turns back around, I look inside my backpack and see Pen-Pen in there. He had a magazine in his hands and was staring into it. 'Artic Ass' was written on the front and had a few penguins on the front. He turned it so it draped vertical and his eyes went wide.
"Pen-Pen," I whisper into my backpack, "what the hell are you doing here?" he looks up at me and shoves the magazine behind his back.
"Shinji Ikari… what do you have there?" Pen-Pen's eyes went wide and he threw the magazine out of my backpack and zipped it up. The teacher walks over and picks it up, "B-Bestiality… p-porn…?" the while class busts out laughing. Kensuke fall backward in his chair laughing, Asuka is literally crying, and I could hear Toji laughing in the hall, "GET OUT! GO MEET TOJI IN THE PRINCIPLES OFFICE!" with burning cheeks, I leave the room with backpack in hand, "I'll… have to confiscate this… for… real reasons…" I see him put the magazine in his desk drawer. Toji is on the floor rolling and turning purple.
"I… can't breath!" he's laughing so hard that he's going to kill himself! After a few minutes, he gets up and wipes a tear from his eye, "Y-You brought… that to school?" Pen-Pen's getting grass for dinner, I swear.
"No, a penguin did!" he stares at me wide eyed and begins to laugh again, "I'm serious! Look!" I open my backpack and see it empty. Then I look down the hall to see him running with arms flailing and a sandwich in his mouth… that son of a bitch stole my lunch!
"Nice one Shinji!" he put an arm around my shoulders and walked down the hall with me, "Listen, you don't need that at school, you got real girls! I don't even see why you have it at home; sure, Asuka's a demon but hey, nice body. And look at Misato! You can't tell me you've never seen anything!" actually, no. I did have something to brag about thought…
"No… but I've kissed Asuka before…" he stops dead in his tracks.
"Asuka? Asuka LANGLEY SOURYU? Man, dreams don't count, I'm talking REAL things."
"Me too. It was after she had a date and ditched the guy. She said she was bored and asked me if I wanted to kiss her." he went wide eyed again, "But she was obviously teasing me," he calmed down.
"Man, you freaked me out for a second!" he began to open the doors to the exit.
"Wait, we were supposed to go the principles, where are we going?" he lets go of me as we step on the sidewalk.
"Are you kidding? Please tell me you're kidding! We're going to your place! Misato isn't supposed to be home for another six hours, right? Well let's hang out there!" might as well, I've had a bad enough week, what could make it worse?
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After School – Misato's Crib
"You son of a bitch!" Asuka comes storming in the apartment and tackles me to the ground.
"What?!" we were just playing video games until she came in!
"What? WHAT?!?! You told Toji about the kiss! You know damn well that's not how it happened! You forced yourself on me!" great, now she was lying about this, "Now everyone at school knows! The whole God damn class could hear you!" oh crap! Well, at least that cleared up some of the porn teasing.
"Well you did! What I said was true!" she slaps me.
"No it's not!" I could see Toji standing next to us smiling and actually turning red.
"Asuka! I always knew you'd be on top!" ah crap… she was sitting on me…
"You asshole!" she jumps up and chases him down the street. Soon both of them are out of sight. I turn to look out the balcony, wanting to see Asuka beat on Toji, but instead I see Pen-Pen on a small beach chair laying back with a tanning mirror and glasses on. He turned and looked at me, then a drop of sweat rolled down his head.
"You're eating grass tonight you rat!" he jumps up and runs full speed into his cooler, slamming the door shut. Now that I was finally alone, I could get back at Asuka… time for some serious snooping in her room! I know guys would always jokingly say 'Never look through a girl's purse!', and we all knew why, but a room has to be ten times worse. Like I cared! I walk into her room with a pounding heart and realize that this was the first time I've been in here. It actually looked a lot like mine, just with perfume and makeup on the dresser.
"Wanna make yourself look pretty, huh?" I walk over and open up one of the drawers, "Lets see… bra, bra, bra… damn it, nothing…" it's not like I haven't seen them before. Hell, I do all of the laundry around here. I go down a drawer and open it, once again all panties and socks. "There has to be something here!" I look under the bed and see something shiny. I reach in and pull it out, "Good lord…" I held in my hand a small plastic cage full of mice, "Let's just put this back and pretend I never saw it… sounds good?" I put it back under and continue my search. I go over to the homework covered desk and open up the drawer it had, "Pen, pencil, paper, pencil, paperclip, nothing!" I slam the drawer closed in anger, causing the desk to shake. I hear a loud thump on the floor under it. I look under it to see a small pink book… score! I grab it and run to my room.
"Finally!" I can't believe Asuka keeps a diary! "Lets see here… how about Monday… 'I actually walked in on him! OMG! What the hell is his problem?! He could have at least locked the door! I have to admit though… not bad…' WHAT!?" I slam the book closed and shove it under my bed. Did… did I just read what I thought I read? Curiosity killed that cat as I pulled it back out, "Good lord… 'Not bad… at least he has something to brag about.' This isn't Asuka, I just know it! What about Tuesday? 'Misato can't cook worth shit! She actually burnt her hands making cold cereal!' that wasn't so bad. Wednesday, 'OMFG! Pen-Pen took a crap in Shinji's shoes!' that's it? Damn… okay, what about Thursday? 'Uh… yeah, I found a porno in Shinji's room… to think I was going to actually ask him today. He just lost a BUNCH of respect," I hear the door open to the apartment and I shove it back under my bed.
"Oh, Shinjiiiii!" Asuka sang my name? "I have a gift for you!" I walk out of my room and see her waiting in the hallway, "There you are! Come here, I got you a gift…" I walk over to her slowly and she puts her arms around my neck, "You know that kiss? It wasn't real… and just so you know…" she gets anger in her eyes and knees me in the groin, "IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN!" she stormed off to her room and slammed the door shut.
"Why… me…? Uhhhhh…" I laid on the floor in pain.
"Because you're an asshole!"
A/N- Okay, this was supposed to be a one-shot, but NOOOO, I have too many ideas, so I'll split it up into chapters. You know the routine by now; what was in Asuka's diary? Was that a joke? Will Shinji ever have kids? Find out in the next chapter; Growth, until then, keep on keepin' on!