I actually wrote this a long time ago, but never typed it up... I wonder why...

--------

Ed rubbed his tired eyes and looked up when a short blond girl wandered through the room.

"...35 liters, Carbon 20 kilograms...phosphorous 100 grams..."

Ed's mind clicked. She was listing ingredients for human transmutation!

"OK then, here we go!"

A bright flash of light illuminated the adjacent room and Ed's eyes widened in horror.

"NOOOO!" He dashed into the room as the bright light faded, then stopped at a slightly confusing sight. A gooey skin-tone pudding was staring the carpet as she stared down at it.

"Whoops."

"What the #! are you trying to do! What DID you do?" Ed peered down and sniffed at the glob.

"Well, I just wanted to know what would happen if you used... less than scientific ingredients!"

"What in the world did you use, then?"

"Table salt for the salt and "Lime Away" for the lime. It's that stuff for faucets, remember? Plus some bread and pasta for "carb"on, pneumonia germ sample for ammonia, Peter pan salty peanut butter for the salt peter, a "mole-fur" for "sul"-fur, fluoride mouthwash for fluorine and orange traffic cones for silicon."

CLUNK! Ed went away to bang his head on a hard object.

----------------

Too retarded? I have no idea. Probably, but I'd still appreciate any reviews!