Bedlamite
Charlie won the poll for the new story, Replay is finished, and a new oneshot has been posted (not exactly slash so you het fans can be happy). I've completed the plans for the new fic but haven't started writing it yet. The same applies for the Replay sequel. I've almost finished the 10 chapter Harry Potter/Lisa Turpin story I've been working on. I think that brings everything up to date.
Warning: This story is rated M. It contains strong violence, adult themes, and sexual references.
Summary: First let's pretend Harry is sent to Azkaban. Now let's pretend he doesn't like it much. Then let's pretend the ministry says OOPS and releases him. But finally, let's pretend Harry does not easily forgive and forget. Dear wizarding world… this means war.
Disclaimer: Hello? This is fan fiction! Surely you've all realised that I do not own all the aspects of my story? I mean come on! Duh! (For those of you who didn't realize, the characters you will recognize belong to J.K Rowling and related companies. So does the setting, but I do own the plot and an overdeveloped ego).
Dedicated to dogbertcarroll for being the 300th reviewer and to 10dedfish for coming up with the idea for the Ginny ad and then not kicking up a huge fuss when I forgot to give credit last chapter.
Chapter 10- Revelations
"Well, I'd say that all went quite well." Poppy commented brightly to Severus as they finished the last of their popcorn.
"I couldn't agree more my dear." Severus nodded as he got up from the couch, "Those boys should be glad Harry thought to inform the house elves there would be a need for extra ice-cream. It could have been disastrous otherwise."
"Did we miss it? Please tell me we didn't miss it." Narcissa cried out dramatically as she and Alastor tumbled through the floo entrance.
"I'm so sorry Narcissa," Poppy placed a gentle hand on her shoulder. "But… I'm afraid you're too late."
"No! It can't be! I never said I loved him!" Narcissa collapsed in sobs against the plump nurse.
"Honey, I think you're confusing this situation with something else." Alastor commented with a raised eyebrow, "But, I would pay a lot of money to know who you thought you'd lost for a moment there. You barely love your son, and you certainly haven't missed your husband and supposed life partner."
"That term's overrated. You wouldn't believe the fun you can have as a single woman at a swinger's club."
"No, I don't suppose I would. I shall never know that joy." Alastor managed a tragic look.
"Did I miss it? Did I miss it?" George suddenly tumbled out of the fireplace already shouting eagerly.
"How'd you know to be here?"
"Cassie's voices told her." George explained, "She said I could go ahead and get these guys before heading up here. Did I miss it?"
"Sorry Mister Abbott." Poppy smiled at him sympathetically, "It just ended."
"What? Oh you've gotta be kidding me." George stomped his foot crossly, apparently taking on a bit of Cassie in her absence, "I missed it all? Even the ice-cream?"
"Sorry Georgie-boy," Narcissa commented brightly, "But I promise Alastor and I are just as upset as you, if not more so because we're bigger and squooshier."
"Squooshier?"
"You are Alastor, whether you admit it or not."
"Damn." George slumped down on the couch, "I was sure I'd at least get here in time for the Weasley thing."
The room fell completely silent.
"The Weasley thing?" Severus finally whispered in a strangled voice.
"Er… yeah."
If ever it were a possible for a room to get more silent than dead silent, this one did. For a minute anyway.
"Everyone back on the couch!" Severus hollered.
"Alastor, you're sitting on me."
"So move your fat arse Cissy."
"Fat arse?"
"Oh she is so going to make you regret that comment."
"You're developing a smart mouth Mister Abbott."
"Sorry Madam."
"That's alright George. Severus, move!"
"I can't, Alastor keeps poking me."
"You are such a baby."
"Mister Abbott!"
"Well he is."
"I know dear, but it's not nice to say it."
"Hey!"
"How do you get this plasma thingy working anyway? What is the plasma stuff?"
"Harry and Daphne didn't say. I think it's some form of spirit… or mucus or something."
"Ew. Whatever it is brings up a clear picture though."
"What are we watching for?"
"The Weasley thing. You should pay more attention Alastor."
"Constant vigilance!"
"Don't tease him Georgie-boy."
"I'm not."
"Is everyone settled? I think something is happening."
"Then shut-up."
"You shut-up."
"You shut-up."
"Both of you, stop behaving like little children."
"Mister Abbot, what did I say about smart-mouthing?"
Albus sighed in his best melancholic tone as he dismissed the last of the boys with a wave. The teachers all still remained for him to query but somehow he knew their stories would be just as confusing as the students' had been. Secretly he couldn't help but be glad that he didn't have enough information for a full enquiry into the whole escapade. He doubted he would like what he found.
"Life treating you a bit roughly there hey Albie?" a small voice piped up beside him.
"Hello Miss De Gette," he responded without looking down, "Did you enjoy today's dramas?"
"Oh immensely," Cassie sighed in a dreamy voice, "One day I hope to be capable of creating as much chaos as we witnessed here today. I'm afraid I haven't quite reached those standards yet."
"Oh I assure you, you have my dear," Albus told her.
"Oh Uncle Albie, you're making me blush," Cassie said with a giggle which unnerved the nearby Sirius to no end, "But seriously, I think I need to practice a bit more first don't you?"
"No. I personally think the idea should be abandoned but then, who am I to separate a young person from their dreams?"
"You could lock me in Azkaban," Cassie suggested helpfully, "I hear that's worked well for you in the past. Although it is only a quick fix and holds no long term benefits for either of us."
"For a minute there we almost had a civil conversation," he pointed out to her with a patronizing smile.
"Bite me."
Albus turned his attention towards the teachers and began getting Sybil's story. Along side him Sirius and Remus echoed his questions to Professor Vector and Professor Sinistra. As they worked along the line of teachers it became clear that Albus' suspicions had been right. None of their stories made any sense in the slightest and were only made more confusing by the indignant spluttering noises the teachers could not seem to desist making.
"I say we brush this whole ordeal aside and pretend it never happened." Sirius muttered to Albus as Cassie and Remus made exasperated noises and snapped their fingers in unison.
"He'll retaliate to that with something bigger Padfoot and you know it."
"Indeed. Honestly Noreen, are you incapable of coming up with a realistic suggestion?"
"Now, now both of you," Albus began, "Remus I don't know what's gotten into but-"
"Albus!" Molly Weasley bellowed deafeningly as she slammed open the doors to the hall, causing Filius to fall from his seat, "Where are my children? I blame you for this as much as I blame them!"
"Molly, do calm down," Albus placated her, "If you will only wait a moment I'm sure Mister and Miss Weasley can be summoned for you."
"This is going to be good," murmured Cassie in a singsong tone as Sirius rushed off to find the two Weasels.
"Mum? Dad?" Ron looked at his parents in confusion as he entered the hall, followed closely by Ginny, Sirius, and Hermione who apparently could not bear to be left out of any discussion, "What's going on?"
"That… is for Ginny to explain," Molly hissed out, drawing her chest up.
"Er… I'm not sure what's going on either Mum." Ginny looked at her parents warily as they glared at her.
"Would you care to tell us about this," Molly thrust the advertisement under Ginny's nose, waving it around dramatically.
Ginny glanced negligently down at the proffered paper and then gasped. She looked stunned for a moment and then, to the amazement of her parents; her lip twitched and she raised her hand to cover a smile.
"This isn't a joke Ginny!" Her father roared, honestly angered with his youngest for the first time in years.
"I'm sorry Dad, but you have to admit it's funny," Ginny looked sheepish, "Anyway, how can I be held responsible for Ron's er… business ventures.
Both adult Weasleys looked at her in amazement before turning the paper over to reexamine it. In the place of Ginny's health warning, a new advert had been placed. A rather unbecoming picture of Ronald Weasley sprawled out on a lounge looking flirtatiously at the camera had appeared. Printed above it was the message Out for a good time? Just touch your wand to this ad and state clearly 'Ron is a Hornbag' to find out just what this sexy redhead can get up to.
The hall's other residents all peered past the Weasleys to look at the ad.
"Ron," Hermione gasped out, staring at her boyfriend in amazement.
"I swear 'Mione I've never seen that before," Ron looked around at the others desperately, a red blush already staining his cheeks.
"I think Mister Weasley may be telling the truth," Albus told the others almost regretfully, "Going on your initial reactions Arthur, Molly, I would assume it previously showed something connected to Miss Weasley?" the two adults nodded, "Well then, this positively reeks of our friend Mister Potter."
"No, it positively reeks of Daphne," Cassie corrected him, "Honestly, you've all experienced more than enough of the so called tarnished trio's pranks, you think you'd start to recognize their styles by now. Harry likes to go with the less subtle and sometimes painful punishments that are purely for embarrassment. Daphne is more likely to be responsible for anything written or sex based. And then Draco fills in the gaps with mass pranks like this morning or what happened to Diagon Alley on Evil Day."
"How is it you know so much about their actions?" Sirius looked suspicious.
Cassie looked around nervously before beckoning Sirius close and whispering in his ear, "Penelope… I hear voices," she gave a loud sob and cried out, "They're everywhere! I can't escape them. But sometimes they're useful," she smiled angelically at Hermione, "Like when they told me about what Daphne set up for you as the 'solution' for the spell Harry cast. Honestly, how gullible can you be?"
"That was fake?" Hermione breathed out in horror. Cassie nodded slowly, a wicked smile spreading over her face, "But I've already slept with Filch!" The bushy haired brunette wailed.
"You said you loved me!" the caretaker shouted from the corner of the hall where he'd been observing everyone before snatching up his cat and running from the hall.
"Hermione…" Ron began.
"You don't understand me," Hermione hiccupped, a tear running down her face, "And you certainly don't understand why I had to do that! No one understands me! The whole world hates me!" she too ran sobbing from the hall.
"Frickin' emo kid," Cassie muttered.
There was a stunned silence around the hall, broken only by short groans and the words Oh you're dirty from Ron's ad after Cassie quietly set off the spell. Molly looked at the ad, gave a squeak and shoved it in her bag.
"Minerva, be a dear and make sure Argus is off the premises by four o'clock," Albus murmured to his deputy before drifting out of the hall.
"Where the hell is Rita?" Corey Badger shouted from his office. As editor for the Daily Prophet, he was naturally a bit upset when for the second day in a row his top reporter hadn't shown up for work.
"Sorry Corey," Penelope Clearwater his personal assistant rushed in holding a stack of documents, "I've called her at home four times already and she's not answering her floo. Here are the drafts from Ben for the travel segment for Friday, a deck of photos of Cornelius Fudge from Lara Trifle that she would like to sell; only three are any good, and a list of draft ideas for tomorrow's cover story from features. They'd like your choice within the hour. Allen Smith has called eight times to ask if you're interested his three week progressive story. It was crap, I keep telling him you're in a meeting and not interested.
"Your mother wanted to know if you could get back to her soon about your father's funeral plans. I've already made arrangements for the flowers for you. Your son's preschool called, he hit another kid with his toy broom and they want him picked up today."
"Can you do that for me Penny?" Corey shuffled through the photos, "While you're out, get me a coffee and drive to Rita's to see what she's up to. Take a spare hour to have your lunch break and get Joey something after you've picked him up. We'll purchase the first two Cornelius photos off Lara but that's it."
"I'll do that right away Corey," Penelope smiled and headed back to her desk outside.
"Oh, and Penny, how's it going between you and the Weasley boy? I hear he's running his own department at the ministry now."
"That's right," she looked surprised that he'd remembered, "He got promoted to Legal Representative for Underage Victims and Offenders but the job turned out to be so big they made it a sub department of Amelia Bones' and gave him three under officials and an assistant. He's really pleased with how well it's going-"
"Whatever Penny," Corey waved her to silence, "I hear there was a massive controversy connected to the Potter kid when it all started. With his new job he must know all the details. If you can get them, I'll let you write the article and get your name in print."
"Cho? Hi, it's Penny."
"Oh hi," Cho leant over her desk to cover her mobile phone and cast a furtive glance across at Fudge's office, "He's in; we'll have to be quiet. I'm not supposed to use Muggle technology."
"I know, I know, me neither. I'm just in transit on the Knight Bus, Joey was being a pain again, plus Rita didn't show for work. I gave Corey you photos under the name Lara Trifle, he'll buy two of them."
"Awesome," Cho grinned, "If he ever lets you write articles, I've got some juicy stuff about the current controversies in the Department of Magical Creatures."
"I'm not even a real journalist and I've already got an inside source," Penelope laughed, "And get this, he wants me to get details on Harry Potter from Percy. If I can, he'll let me write articles."
"Are you going to do it?"
"I'm not sure, it's sort of unethical. I'll ask Percy but I'll tell him the truth as to why I want the information." Penny smiled at Stan as she passed him her toll and jumped down off the bus outside the preschool.
"You may still not want to write it. Have you heard what happened to Rita?"
Penelope stopped where she was.
"No, I was going to drop by there via floo after getting Joey. Like I said, she hasn't come to work for two days."
"Penny, you really don't want to go there," Penelope could hear the hint of humour in Cho's voice, "Potter got back at her for those articles."
"This I've got to hear," Penny grinned.
"He took that old Muggle trick of covering the floor with plastic cups filled with water and expanded on it. He filled them all to the brim so she would have to carry them one at a time to the sink, but as soon as she touched one, they all leapt at her. She's got several hundred on her at the moment but each time she brushes one, more jump on. She looks like a plastic abominable snowman. They've got about ten ministry workers over there trying to fix the problem but apparently only Arthur Weasley is experienced enough with Muggle artifacts to deal with this problem and he ran off to Hogwarts. He left yesterday and still isn't back. I hear Arthur's going to be demoted if he keeps behaving so irresponsibly."
"Nice, I'll be sure to try and contact Potter if I choose to write this article. I don't want the same treatment."
"Oh I'm sure he'll let you. He's gotten back at your man for his involvement in the whole thing already."
"Oh dear, what'd he do?"
"He replaced all his paperwork with scripts from that kid's show Barney and made them sing the I love you, you love me song," Cho giggled, "He almost had an apoplexy until he realized who was responsible. He found a note from Malfoy explaining that it would fix itself in twenty four hours but would return to this way if it seemed Percy's morals were slipping at all. Percy just let everyone from his department go home with a full day's pay."
"Cool. I have to pick up Joey now okay?" Penelope looked in worry towards the preschool and the childlike screams of anger emerging from it.
"Yeah sure, I have to go check on Fudge anyway. Bye Penny."
"Bye Cho."
Review or I'll kill off Cassie.
Memories-of-the-Shadows is responsible for the Percy idea.
10dedfish came up with the idea for the Ginny revenge that was in the last chapter. I forgot to give credit then sorry.