Disclaimer: I don't own these characters, I don't own Firefly or Serenity, I don't own my house, I don't own my car, I don't own my pants. Where…are my pants? Where…is my car…? Oh shit..not again…SAFFRON!

Warning: Sexual Content…I repeat graphic Sexual Content. There will be scenes and they will probably be graphic. Lemons and Limes are my kind of fruit, and if you ain't cool with that turn around now. Now on a different note, there is a little splash of torture, and a little dash of action, lot of blood, and a little gore zested on top for garnish. Read at your own risk

The XXX XXX XXX XXX XXX XXX denotes a time change or scene shift. I usually use but they don't show up on this site. Odd don't you think?

NOTE: SORRY! I misspelled Captain…as Caption…So…for the last few day I suppose I wanted Mal to be small lettering under a picture…but now he is permitted to control a ship. The first two chapters are the same I just fixed all the references to pictorial descriptions.

Alive in Memory

By: Koken

Mal stared ahead at the beautiful companion as she hesitated. She took a breath, her answer slipping across her lips with a sweetness and honesty that made her resort to an unsteady quiver. It wasn't natural to see Inara naked in such a way. "I don't know" She said in something almost quiet.

He wanted to smile wide with victory, but he just let his face take a very honest look. "Good answer."

Inara watched him go, his steps heavy with the weight of his past. She let her eyes glace across his tattered clothing as he left, her mind taking into her memory every inch, every movement of him. She closed her eyes and let herself loosen. Should she stay? Could she survive him all over again?

She found herself walking, without a destination. Letting her feet carry her to the place she most felt at home. Inara lifted her hand to the door of her shuttle. Her clean delicate skin graced the dirty metal door before she pulled it open.

The harsh material felt alien around her, but the pilot's seat was still the most familiar place, most private, to her. She let her footsteps echo in the emptiness, wanting to hear more than just her own thoughts.

She sat herself down and closed her eyes. Her mind was very loud, a calamity of unanswered questions splattered with doubt and confusion. Did she want the civilized life again? Did she ever want it? Did she want the glamour? Though all the noise she didn't hear Mal enter unannounced.

He didn't speak at first just watched her for a moment. He saw her sad face, staring into nothingness with closed eyes. Her gown was as beautifully proper as ever and her very smell filled his breathe. She looked very tense. He couldn't resist taking an extra moment when she wasn't paying attention to admire her.

"We're in the black again."

Inara's usually calm shoulders jerked with surprise, eyes wide as they looked up at him. "You scared me Mal."

"Sorry 'bout that." He said a deep tone of sincerity to his voice. "I didn't mean to…ya know." Mal's tone was soft as he crossed his arms.

"Not scared, just startled." Out of familiar habit Inara found herself resisting the urge to scold Mal for entering without knocking. It wasn't her shuttle anymore.

Silence. Heavy and thick like molasses drained down the walls between them.

"Can I help you?" She finally asked.

"You know…your welcome in the guest bunks, they are a bit nicer than this empty shuttle." He said seeming to be offering and not ordering.

Inara let her hand trail over the panel of dials, lights and screens that composed the steering console. "I think I'll sleep here tonight, if that's alright with you."

"Of course, he said with a nod, "Knock yourself out." The tall man leaned himself back a little more and spent a moment searching for the words he needed. "You think, you'll want to rent it 'gain?"

She seemed to momentarily stiffen. "Can we talk about it in the morning?" Inara asked, her clam mask a shadow of its former glory.

"Yeah, 'course." Mal said quickly wanting to think of something witty but instead he decided not to venture on that path today. Inara didn't even notice him leave.

Inara sat in the empty shuttle; it seemed to echo her own heartbeat. A vivacious living being trapped inside a metal shell and yet unable to decide. Inara's dark curls fell over her face. She could feel the home she used to have here. She could have it again. She could stay and see Kaylee's face light up. She could stay and see Mal everyday.

Even though Inara hadn't seen a client since teaching at the academy, she knew that Mal would still call her a whore.

Kaylee envied the companion, for her glamorous life, and her luscious taste, yet Inara envied the mechanic. She was so close with the Captain. Like a younger sister. The girl enjoyed privileges Inara did not. Mal made things right with Kaylee. Mal indulged her, took care of her. Mal didn't even respect Inara.

She touched the cortex screen with a delicate finger. Did she want to take on clients? She had to remain a guild member; she was too accustomed to the privileges to quit. She had no quota to fill, no dues to pay. She had permanent membership with requirements, although they were minimal. She could just stop if she wanted. Did she want to?

If she gave in, quit, it wouldn't be for Mal, at least, she couldn't let herself admit that. Mal's insults she could handle . . . she just didn't know if she wanted that life, not now. She loved entertaining men, the conversations, the events. She enjoyed the recent work, just escorting them, the tease of hard to get, the lack of misunderstanding. She stood and let herself gracefully float across the shuttle. A dance, beautiful and graceful, calming unraveled from her movements without conscience thought. She let the hum of Serenity wash over her, clean her. She didn't dare step into the bowls of Serenity in her weakened state. She knew the ship would consume her. Like a beast and force her to stay before she had made her decision.

She finally let the calculated rhythm die away. She let her body still. She could hear the thumping of her heart, struggling to hear it speak. What did she want?

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Mal didn't yet trust River to fly his girl without him there. He had sent the girl to bed and enjoyed what he could of the early morning hours. They were getting close to the training house. He turned over in his head all the things he could say to try and convince Inara to stay, in the end he knew she would choose what she wanted. He leaned back and stared into the black with his eyes a little glazed over. He heard her footsteps only a moment before she spoke.

"Mal?" Inara's sweet voice made the room seem to glow. He turned to look at her, attempting not to tense.

"Yeah?" He asked, knowing what she was here for.

"I want to stay on Serenity." The sentence was filled with Inara's calculated calm attitude. "however, I have some conditions."

Mal let an eyebrow raise up, "Speak your peace."

The dark haired woman stood proud and assured with her face up as she spoke. "I want the shuttle. It was my home, a place I could make my own and it offered certain freedoms that I require. I cannot, however, currently afford the same price we negotiated before." She took a few steps closer to the Mal. "I do expect I am even more valuable to your ship, now."

"Why do you figure that?" Asked the Captain, trying to suppress a pleased feeling of knowing she would stay. No matter how he argued, she would get what she wanted.

"Because of this," She extended one long and graceful hand to touch the cortex screen. Her fingers were almost like water, gliding over the glowing screen easily. Mal looked down at his face and name, shimmering onto the screen. Zoe's followed then Simon, and River. Their faces, names, birthdates, all wanted; for murder.

Mal's brow frowned. "There haven't been any waves…"

"I know. This was a message to companions. The guild ran it out. Confidential. Low profile. Something they weren't supposed to tell us. Alliance didn't want to wave it, because they don't want many people to know. Probably so you wouldn't know." She shifted and shut the screen down. "The information I have access to is important. I can help you in this way, in exchange for some of my rent."

Mal bit his lip and looked up at her. "Why isn't Jayne wanted, or Kaylee, or you for that matter?"

"Your changing the subject Mal." She stood tall. "Do we have a deal or not?"

"Yeah, I can agree to that. You can take Jayne to the academy to lug your stuff, but, in light of this new information, Zoe, Simon, River and I won't be goin nowhere soon."

"Understood." She began to walk away and smiled gently to herself, without turning around she added. "By the way Mal, if you call me a whore again, I will slap you."

After Inara disappeared Mal couldn't resist a whisper and a chuckle, "Kaylee's gonna wet her pants."

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Kaylee let out a pleasure filled squeal that echoed in the cargo bay with almost a painful quality. Jayne rolled his eyes and dropped the heavy crate in front of the girl. "If I was liein' and she wasn't stayin' why would I be carrin' all the gorram crap onto the ship."

She let her face light up and hugged the large man in excitement. The cheerful girl grabbed the smaller box on top of the large crate and bounded up to the first shuttle. Jayne took a moment to breathe. She had wrapped her warm little hands around him and squeezed. Sometimes Jayne wanted to kiss the girl. Grind his mouth on hers, push her against a wall and just make that cheerful girl squeal even louder than she just did. Jayne paid little mind to his urges, woman enticed him something fierce and Mal had already made it very clear Kaylee wasn't for him. Besides she had the doctor, he'd do the right thing, stay out of it. No one ever said he couldn't think a her, alone at night or in his dreams, he didn't hesitate to dream of every inch of her, or her wigglin' under him…screaming his name. He kept in his mind the feel of her arms around him, knowing that would eventually work its way into his fantasy's.

He looked up and saw her reach the top of the stairs. Saw her face light up as she looked at Simon. Jayne didn't mind that they were together, didn't mind Kaylee got all worked up over him, he just hated when the man made her cry. Seein' a girl cry made Jayne want to hit something, to smash someone to pieces. Seein' that particular girl cry made it even worse.

His hands tightly griped the handles on the large crate. He heaved up the box and made his way up the stairs to Inara's shuttle. He stayed in the background, out of the way. He was here to be the muscle. That is all.

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"We got it all yet? Would you like to pack up the mountain?" Mal asked, voice dripping as he looked down his nose as Inara.

"Almost Captain" She said with a smile, spreading a luscious set of royal blue sheets across her bed. "The only thing left is a few large containers, they are not for me. They're for the crew."

That peeked Mal's interest. "Is it…"

"Food. Yes. Fresh, honest to goodness food. The strawberries are for Kaylee, I assume you will ask her before digging in to them." She said with a smile, seeing the mechanic sparkle in the doorway at the sound of food, and even more than that, the thought of a certain fresh red fruit.

"Oh Inara!" Kaylee squealed, running herself toward the girl with open arms. She gave hugs out like candy today. Her joy was audible and her demeanor positively gitty. "It's so wonderful to have you back!" She turned and even hugged the Captain tightly as she ran out the door.

Simon almost spun as Kaylee ran past him. "I believe you just made that girl happier than any man could. You've ruined her." He shook his head sadly.

Mal laughed to himself. "That makes you just 'bout useless, doesn't it doc."

Inara held back any laugh for the sake of being polite.

Simon made a somewhat childish face and then ignored the taller man for the woman in front of him. "I just wanted to say I'm glad that your coming back."

"Thank you" Inara said with a soft smile, "I'm glad to be back."

Jayne walked into the shuttle and set the last box down. "Took food ta the kitchen, it's all in, we should get goin' capt'n, I ain't fancy to the look I get from these folk."

Inara let out a small laugh. "They are just school girls not used to seeing such a ruffian as yourself. Like a wolf in the hen house, pay them no mind."

Jayne blinked. "Wait…capt'n if they interested in me, I can't be leavin' um wondering, I should go back, be a wee bit hospitable."

Rolling his eyes the Captain walked out the door. "We're taking off Jayne." The mercenary sulked like a kicked puppy grumbling something about no pay in luggin heavy shit.

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Zoe climbed the stairs into the cockpit, a hand on her gun she walked up to the window. She always took count of the people in a room, always checked every corner the second she entered. Mal to her right, River to her left. She looked only at the Captain. "You said we have a job sir?"

River blinked looking at the back of the woman's head. She knew what the tall woman was thinking, but didn't speak. River was getting better at holding things in, especially those things that shouldn't be spoken.

"Yeah, Inara's got us a buyer for that hot little item we got bottled in the bottom of Serenity's hull." Mal said flipping a switch or two.

"That laser gun is extremely dangerous to fence, especially…in our current."

River's eyes widened, snapping her eyes to Mal's. She knew. She heard in Zoe's head, the woman had thought it, couldn't stop herself from thinking it, and now River knew. "We're wanted again." River looked at Zoe. "Why were you keeping this from us?" Her question was answered far before either of them could speak. She kept the answer and looked forward. "You should tell Simon, he would do something stupid if he didn't know."

Zoe looked down at the Captain her eyes confused. "She's getting better at this, sir."

"You can say that again." Mal said quietly. "The planet is not in the core. Alliance isn't reported to be anywhere near there. We should be alright, mind our own."

"Yes sir." Zoe said with a nod.

"We can make it in a day or two, at full burn. Faster we get there. Faster we're safe." River said as she looked up at Zoe's dark eyes, looking deep into her. She opened her mouth to say something, but Zoe's sudden mental voice seemed to slap River in the face, her head jerking to the side. She let her wide eyes stare forward. "Not my fault …you're thinking to loud."

Mal blinked, unable to fully understand the conversation but knowing that it might very well have something to do with Zoe's much hidden emotions, she would fly true, as best she could, but not with River in her head.

The tall woman turned. "I'll get things ready, sir."

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Jayne had been the good guy for a long, long time. He watched Kaylee fall head over heals for the shiny doctor and watched him mess it up with on dumb comment after another. Tonight, however, he seemed to be striving to top himself.

Simon's brow was furrowed at the brown haired girls standing defensively in front of him. "I give you all the time I can. I'm very busy, you need to understand that."

Her look was steady but did not hide the hurt of his words. "You sleep, eat, and breathe River." Kaylee was exhausted, something in her voice seemed to be dieing inside, her as the words bubbled out of her mouth with untamed emotion. Something even Jayne noticed, the entertaining quarrel even began to loose a little of its fun, knowing Kaylee would cry after this. But only a little. "I ain't ever gonna be even level with her."

Simon's arms tensed in frustration, his body leaning forward offensively. Jayne, the thick headed man he was, could see the mistake coming a hundred miles off with bright lights flashing every which way.

"River is my sister, I would give anything for her. She will always come first." He didn't seem to hear his own words, and Simon defiantly wasn't censoring them.

The deep tone made Kaylee stumble back a little bit. The words hit her physically in the chest. She didn't open her mouth, didn't say a thing. The girl just shook her head and walked away. Her feet didn't stomp out of the kitchen, they walked defeated. She was broken and accepted her loss without the dignity she deserved.

Jayne just looked at Simon his deep blue smoky eyes boring holes into the doctor. Jayne felt the impulse to protect the girl, an itch to pop the man in the mouth came curling up form his stomach. The mercenary never did like that fugitive none. But he didn't move, didn't do nothing but glare. He was doing the right thing, stayin' out of it, wasn't his business none.

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Kaylee wanted to scream. Wanted to howl in the blackness of space, and let the 'verse swallow her pain like it swallowed sound. She settled for the engine room. She walked to the back in silence before letting her throat open in a frustrated growl. Lifting her arm she pounded on the back wall of her crimson safe haven. She knew Simon wouldn't follow her, wasn't in him to seek out more confrontation.

"Now, now, little Kaylee, what Serenity ever do to you?" Came Mal's voice from behind her. She turned to see the man in the doorway playing with his worn suspenders.

"Nothin' Capt'n" came Kaylee deeply tired whisper, drawn with anger, sadness and little bits of longing emotion. All of these nuances Mal didn't catch the slightest of.

"She ain't the cause a your trouble so can we all agree on not beatn' on my girl." Mal asked with a gruff tone. "Now tell me little Kaylee, what you got your panties in a bunch over?"

Kylee flopped onto the step as the Captain lowered himself down. "What else in the gorram 'verse but that doctor."

"What? again?" Mal quipped with a twisted expression on his face. "you have got to stop this messin 'round if this man ain't doin' you right."

Kaylee sighed deeply running her fingers through her soft brown hair. "The doc just don know what he's sayin's all." The girl let her eyes stare at the turning engine of Serenity. "I just never known men to be so gorram complicated."

Mal let out a deep chuckle. "Could be sly…" He said with a shrug.

Kaylee just shot him a funny look and frowned. "Ain't funny Capt'n, believe me you don't want him neither."

"I know" Mal responded before realizing what Kaylee had said. "HEY!"

Kaylee erupted into laughter, the wide smile back on her face and some of her spirit back in her face. "And you say I got a mean spell!" Mal said with a tousle of the girl's hair as he stood up. "Get back to work."

"Yes sir" came the sweet ringing sound behind him.

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Inara brushed her hair slowly, her eyes closed as she stroked her long tresses in something of a trance. Mal had been, less than malicious, almost civil, but that had only proved something was weird between them. She stood, gracefully sliding her shall over her shoulders. She looked around her shuttle, boxes gone, and mostly decorated. She continued to move her fingers through the gentle fabric, showering her world in luxurious beauty. She stroked the soft fabric and remembered the words of her friend. Remembered the woman that defended her home. Remembered the pain of seeing him come out of her room. Remembered how long and hard she cried. She paused for a moment, noticing her hand holding onto the fabric in a tight fist. When she pulled her muscles loose she peered at the wrinkled soft piece. She pushed from her mind the thought of them together. The thought of him enjoying pleasures only a companion could give him…and knowing that wasn't her. She wanted it to be her. She wanted him.

She shook her head hard, reaching forward and grabbing the wrinkled fabric, she pulled violently, ripping the material off the wall with gusto. She threw it to the ground and pushed the tears down into her stomach. She was strong. Graceful, smart, skilled, and truly able to resist this pain. She slept with many men while her heart wanted Mal, wanted something with him, and she had no right to hold it against him. She closed her eyes, but only saw Mal. She took a deep breathe and let it go. She leaned against the closest thing and eased her heartbeat. She hadn't a client in a long time, she hadn't had a man in a long time. After years of being a companion she hadn't realized how much she was used to regular pleasure of her body. Her entire being yearned for someone to touch her, but in the middle of space she didn't even have the option of breaking down and taking a customer. She leaned her head back and closed her eyes. She remembered Mal in the dessert, where Saffron had left him, striped as naked as the day he was born. She remembered the way he looked without anything on. She remembered the wave, were they spoke civilly. She remembered the way his chest looked, littered with scars but still amazingly attractive. She pictured his sleep tousled hair, and imagined it that way after being tangled together with her.

She walked to the shuttle door, making sure it was locked before she laid herself gently on her bed. Closing her eyes she let the image of Mal kissing her flood her head. She let the idea of his lips on hers, her neck, her shoulder, her stomach, her breasts…she let her heart race, she let her world heat up. Her hands tenderly slid the silk from her body but the shuttle still burned around her in a fiery desire. She did no more then let her hands roam over her bare skin. Still thinking the touch was Mal's, imagining calloused fingertips, larger palms and his brown messy hair tickling her flesh. Eventually she slid her hand between her legs to finish what her mind begged to be done.

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River griped her pillow as hard as she possibly could. She had felt this … things like this before…but not quite like this. She had felt Zoe and Wash, but that was before she had been able to clear her mind and focus. She felt love, she felt heat. This was something entirely different. This was frustration, this was need, this was primal and this had flashes of the Captain. She didn't want that man in her head…she didn't want him on top of her, she didn't want him kissing her, but that feeling, that lust that want that passion made her breathe quicken. She stretched her body out and shivered deep inside. She couldn't block it out. It was so loud.

Touching; Kissing; Passion; that pushed inside her and moved like molten lava in a physical flow down her body. Her eyes flew open, where they were once tightly closed. Her black curled hair moved around her in waves. She felt suddenly like she was going to explode. This she hadn't felt before. She had felt the males on the ship doing what they did, but this never happened to Kaylee with Simon. This was coming from Inara. She could feel the woman's strength, passion and assurance as the feeling built. River felt fear rise in her, her own emotion. She felt her thighs shaking, her own thighs, not Inara's. She felt her chest heaving. She felt her body quivering. She couldn't stop it, her mind wanted to scream stop, her mind was scared of it, her mind didn't know what would happen. Her body on the other hand starved for it, shook for it, trembled in anticipation and kept her from closing her mind to Inara.

The heat, pooling between her legs didn't explode but she felt the wave of sensation, Inara's orgasm as she let out a small scream, the stimulation was suddenly taken away.

No more touching; No more kissing;No more passion poured into her mind and she no longer had to resist the idea of the Captain touching her, she was still mentally afraid of the feeling, but her body was determined. She moved her hand inside her underwear and pushed where pressure was need. Hot, wet, and burning for something to release her. The muscles in her body were woven together in a hot mix, like they were ready for a fight, a terrible fight that wouldn't come, something else needs to come. She pushed and wiggled and worked herself as best she could but the fantasy was missing, she didn't have anything from outside pushing on her anymore, she whimpered to herself, wishing Inara hadn't stopped.

She breathed raggedly pushing desperately with her fingers but to no avail. She couldn't get her thighs to tremble like Inara's passion could. Something else came to her, something just as primal, just as filled with need, and she didn't care who it was or where it was coming from, she just needed it. Needed to fulfill her own need. She felt the touching like a breeze of memory she could feel her imagination running her fingers into long brown hair, yanking it and it's mouth into a searing kiss. She could feel need inside her, feel herself swelling, feel her hands running up the smooth fleshy skin of another body as well as in her own pants and gripping her own pillow. It was vivid and confusing. The imagination, simple, forceful, blindingly loud now. Screaming in her head was the soft heat of another body, the dark brown eyes boiling in great sensation. Strong muscled arms suddenly flipping and pinning flesh to flesh, a tousled bed the only thing to stop the body's from crashing to the floor.

Touching; Kissing; Passion; once again, pounding animal passion that caused the world to shatter and wither before her. She bit the pillow hard and screamed into it as she came, exploding in a world of light and her body positively vibrated with sensation. She just lay there. She had felt other people wracked with pleasure like this, but she felt it on her own, much more intensely than she felt through anyone else.

River knew what sex was all about, now she knew. Not just the pleasure of touching…feeling…kissing…but…it ends in fireworks.

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He kissed her with delicate grace. His hands moved politely over her body and kept a dignified distance until invited to the interesting parts of her. He was full of restraint and careful attention. He kissed her and worshiped her body as if it were the most precious crystal vase. But he seemed to be empty. Where was hunger? Passion? Love? He was too selfless, always setting the pace slow, for her, never loosing control. Calculated and precise. The same way every time, the same touch, the same steps, almost the same order. Something about it left Kaylee feeling incomplete. Although she finally had what she wanted, it seemed hardly different from when she chased Simon. His eyes looked at her but never saw her. Now it seemed he intended on protecting her from the entire world.

He sheltered her like a child. Kept her from the engine room late at night, and always took care of her. It was sweet, it really was. . . but hallow in a way. It was an obligation rather than devotion. He treasured her, but it was more than that. She didn't feel like her own person anymore. Kaylee felt like she was being…swallowed.

She looked at him as he slept. An angelic face on a dark pillow. She looked around her abnormally clean room. He had organized her things. She reached out to hold his hand and stared at her calloused fingers on his. She quietly turned Simon's words over in her head. All the stupid things he let slip out, but all true.

"Your quite literally the only girl in the world."

"With Kaylee? No, never with Kaylee!"

"River is my sister, I'd give anything for her. She will always come first."

"Kaylee's a simple girl, she doesn't know what love is."

"I only stay because of River. She still has her bad days."

"I can't change myself, my very being, just to prevent your irrational reactions."

She stroked his hair. He'd never change for her, although she tired to change for him.

Kaylee lay her head down and closed her eyes. She had been up for too long.

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"What's bothering you meimei?" Inara asked as she moved the brush through Kaylee's soft hair, her hands careful to be gentle.

"Nothing's bothering me." She replied with a nervous tone.

"I've been trained to read people Kaylee, you can't hide these things from me."

"I…don't know if I …" She stopped, taking a deep breathe. "Simon, isn't…what I thought he would be."

Inara laughed softly. "People don't change overnight. Life and death experience don't do it either."

"Mal did…" replied the girl quietly. "He changed for bad, he changed for good…changes like a boat in the wind."

"With no rudder…I know…but Mal has many sails of freedom, people like Simon…they are very, very…" Inara could not find the right words.

"Rudderful?" Kaylee offered with a soft smile.

Laughing softly Inara nodded. "Yes, very rudderful."

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She moved with sure grace, she moved with a certain attitude and strength. Wash called her an Amazon and she called him Husband. Now she cleaned her guns and thought about him. She didn't want to be around people as much anymore. She didn't like to be around River. The girl would read her thoughts and bring up the man who could never be replaced. Wash often was unsure of her and the Captain's relationship, but Zoe felt her heart split in two. She could not love another man with the image of Hoban Washbourne running through in her head.

She was strong, she'd fly on.

But she would never forget. She would never forget how much she loved him, how he was the only man she would ever want to bear a child for. She missed his empty seat at the table, she missed his jokes, she missed his flying.

She was strong, she'd fly on.

Her hands moved with skilled grace. She knew her guns every nook and crannies, she knew how to disassemble and reassemble them. She moved without thinking, she just didn't want to think anymore.

Zoe let herself fall onto the bed. Her shoulders ached and her body screamed at her to lay down.

"You got shot? You got shot and all you wanna do is lay down. Zoe, you go to sleep with a gunshot wound you ain't gonna wake up and I don't like sleeping with dead people!" Wash shouted in a funny but caring tone. "Look, you let the doc stitch you up and I'll rub your feet."

Zoe wasn't gonna turn down a footrub, despite the fact she was barely grazed in the firefight, she conceded pulling herself up again, feeling her feet scream. "Your rubbing them till I fall asleep."

She shook her head a little and cleared her head. Her husband was dead. She saw him get a huge spike of wood slammed through his chest. Probably pushed his heart into tiny bits or even fused it back into the Captain's chair. She touched him, told him they had to go and she felt him, skin unresponsive. He had still been warm, still felt alive. Her husband was dead and gone and there was no reason to think about him any longer.

Zoe heard footsteps approaching the kitchen, a skip to them let her know it was Kaylee. She glanced up to see the girl's soft brown hair brushed into gentle waves. The woman smiled softly with her luscious lips and laughed as Kaylee stumbled and almost tripped on her way in. "Where are you headed in such a hurry little one?"

Kaylee flashed a sweet smile. "Nowhere." She righted herself and walked quickly to the fridge. She wrenched it open and reached inside.

"Your looking for your strawberries?" Zoe asked with a singsong bit of knowledge.

Kaylee had a small defeated look to her as she peered at the woman. "Did…someone take my strawberries?"

"No" laughed the war veteran, "they are in there just where you left them, but I thought it would be a good time to tell you there is also chocolate."

The girls eyes went wide and her mouth watered. "You mean real life chocolate, wonderful tasting, sweet, yet bitter delicious …from real cocoa bean…chocolate."

Standing with an ethereal smoothness Zoe walked to the lockers and opened hers, ignoring the empty locker that Wash used to use. She moved aside her glass mug and took from the compartment a small bar of rich delicious chocolate. "Inara brought it for me, however, I don't need all of it."

Kaylee's eyes had a way of lighting up like a kid in a candy store, something about her just made Zoe smile. She handed the bar to the girl and smiled wide when the girl jumped up and down. She wrapped her arms around Zoe and the warrior woman let her. Human contact was rare these days without any bullet removal involved, so she would enjoy that contact, possibly more than she should. Missing her husband was never quelled, never will be, but it was nice to be among friends and Kaylee always forced her to be in the real world rather than her thoughts and memories. This was a girl she'd willingly die for; it was only fair the girl brought life with her into the room.

"Thank you!" The girl turned quickly and pulled a few strawberries from her box and skittered to the table with her treats. She looked at Zoe's guns, admiring them laid out neatly and thoroughly cleaned. "You sure are careful with you guns aren't ya Zo'."

"Gotta be, don't want it jammin' like it did back on in Rollers. I don't want anything goin' wrong." She responded, although the taller woman knew the real reason, knew she never had to clean them this much.

"Think the deal will go well?" Kaylee asked as she prepared to eat her dessert.

"We can only hope, if it does, we may get paid for that hard to steal piece of history." She rolled her eyes looking over at the younger girl as she scooped up her fruit and chocolate. "Goin' somewhere?"

Kaylee peeked both left and right before letting out a little giggle. "Eating strawberries is a sensual experience and I think being alone is most . . . appropriate. Don't you think?"

Zoe laughed. "Sure do."

Kaylee skipped out in the same manner that she came, leaving the strong woman to sit alone at the table, alone with her thoughts again.

"Oh what's this?" Zoe teased, holding up the small plastic figure that Wash wanted so much.

He acted like a child as he attempted to jump for the toy, a little hunched to emphasize Zoe's height compared to his. "can I please have my toy back sexy warrior woman."

The woman's rich lips couldn't help but spread into a smile and she shoot her head. "That isn't what you're supposed to call me now is it?"

Wash hung his head. "Can I please have my toy MRS. Sexy Warrior Woman?"

Zoe's strong muscular arms stretched for a moment. "Well, what do I get in return?"

Wash's sweet smile turned into a predatory grin as he leaned forward toward the taller woman. "I could think of a few things…Mrs. Sexy Warrior Woman…" He had a new target now, intent on her lips and fully distracted from her hands.

Jayne's heavy feet caused an echo that snapped Zoe from her memory before he even entered the room. She spun one of her rifles and turned it to Jayne peering at him through the site. The large man just grumbled. "Damn girl, you clean your guns more than I clean mine."

Zoe knew, somewhere in her head she had a catchy come back for that. Well you get them dirty just thinking of Vera, or that's a complement considering your unnatural love for your gun, but nothing seemed to come to mind. These were the times she most missed her husband. He always had something funny to say, always had something to add, but now her world was silent, and laughter was far too sparse.

Jayne didn't say much, didn't do much more than walk around the kitchen, getting himself something to eat and snacking on one form of biscuit or another. Zoe usually paid Jayne little mind, he didn't care much for anything but guns, money, whores, and liquor. The man leaned over her shoulder, and reached out to touch one of her guns. Jayne wasn't a smart man.

In the blink of an eye, the gun Zoe was cleaning sat down on the table, still disassembled while a loaded pistol in her right hand pointed itself at Jayne's nose. She cocked back the hammer and heard the mercenary gulp. "Sorry, can I please see this gun here?"

Jayne's attempt to fix his rude action didn't really matter to Zoe. She just plain didn't want nobody touching her guns. That was that. "No" She said flatly.

"Alright, alright!" Jayne backed off and picked up his mug, he walked out grumbling about her lack of humor. He didn't say 'since Wash died' but Zoe only assumed she didn't hear it. She knew she wasn't complete without that man. Wasn't the same, but she assumed she would adjust, she would right herself after long enough with a hole in one side of her heart. She just didn't know how long it would take.

"Come on, I go out there and risk my life for you and all I get is a cold look. No thanks, no nothing. Come on! Gimmie a kiss for my troubles at least." Wash said with a wide smile, his mustache twitching slightly as he spoke. She just gave him the strangest look.

"Alright, I'll settle for a date first." Wash said, pretending to give in to her cold demeanor. He smiled up at her. "I mean, at least I can treat you to a nice dinner planet side before we get all hot and heavy, no no, I insist." He waved his hands around as he talked. His voice betrayed he was nervous, but his body language was still strong.

The taller woman rolled her eyes. "You better shave that rat on your face."

"Wait…" Wash realized as the woman walked away from him, her legs moving in a pure strut. "That…wasn't a no then?"

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Jayne sipped from his cup quietly, hearing something ahead of him that made him stop walking. Without the presence of his heavy foot falls he could hear Zoe disassembling her guns, but she could also hear something else. Something more incoherent. The man made a conscience effort to make himself silent, he slid toward the engine room, and heard it more distinctive. Someone was making sounds in there that weren't normal.

The mercenary didn't move at first, after the initial shock he peered down the hallway to make sure no one was coming, and that Zoe wasn't looking his direction. He snuck around the side of the wall peering in, and there in her hammock was Kaylee. She had half a strawberry in her mouth and a chocolate chunk in one hand. She made a soft cooing sound as she chewed the fruit. She moaned as she bit a small hunk of chocolate and mixed the two in her mouth. She looked positively erotic. She stretched out, letting her head fall back and Jayne could see her still moving the sensational tastes around in her mouth. Her hair fell delicately around her, her soft skin seemed to glow in the light and her fingers slid up to touch her own neck.

Jayne gulped hard and felt himself growing very hot. His pants no longer had quite enough room in them. He stared at her chest rising and falling as he inched himself dangerously closer. He knew however, that she wasn't paying him any mind. He tilted his head, daring to peek down her tank top and smiled unconsciously at her soft breasts pressed together. He watched her touch her own neck, stroking the flesh as she lost the delicious food to her stomach. Gorram…he wanted to be a strawberry more than life itself at the moment.

He indulged in the view for a little longer then he should, enjoying the way she licked her lips, touched her own soft skin and breathed as raggedly as he was. He had to go though, she was chewing on the last bit of fruit and nibbled her last bite of chocolate, and although he loved the sounds she was making, he had some business to take care of in his bunk. He didn't think for a second it would be that difficult, what with her moans still freshly ringing between his ears. Her every pleasure filled whimper drove his skin to crawling and his body to tensing, it was almost unnatural.

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Simon took a deep breathe, his hands a little uneasy as he weaved them together. He let his eyes stay on the table; he didn't want to look at her right then

"We started out with the best of intentions." Came Kaylee's soft voice, a rehearsal to her words. Her sweet brown eyes glistened a little. "But I can't continue like this…"

"Like…what?" Simon asked a twinge of hurt creeping into his voice.

"I'm living in a constant state of want. Always wantin' more than you can give." She let her eyes fall closed and her head hung a little. "I feel…like I'm fightin' for your attention and your fightin' for privacy."

Simon bit his lip. "Are you bitter?" his question was not angry as she had expected.

Kaylee shook her head. "I just know that your little sister…will always mean more to you. She will be first. She will always come first. I'm just tried of comin' in second."

Simon opened his mouth to say something in protest; however, he had no words.

"I'm not mad; I just can't keep this up. I should move on, can't do it with ya still so shiny and occasionally loving on me like you do." She had almost a pleading quality to her voice, something that Simon couldn't dismiss.

The educated man let a small smile pass over his face, only laden with sad eyes. His larger hands reached over and took hers. "You think this is for the best?"

Kaylee took a deep breathe, she could feel his warmth spreading into her from his hands, she wanted to leap across the table and kiss him. She let her eyelids flicker and her deep brown eyes catch his clean blue ones. "Yes" She finally whispered.

"I do too." He admitted.

The words felt like a door slamming, or a hammer driving a nail into place. He didn't want to fight for her none. Wouldn't fight, and the saddest part was Kaylee knew he wouldn't. The room seemed to echo their sorrow. Despite wanting the other to understand, each felt a deep hurt as they both gave up. "Your…still a special girl little Kaylee. I will always care for you."

"Just shiny doc, I'd love to be yer friend." She said with a large smile that did seem to slightly reach her eyes.

Simon's lips twisted into a tiny but genuine smile, there was a long moment. Nothing was said. Both sat still across from the table, avoiding one another's gaze. Eventually Simon stood; he took one step away but hesitated. "I…I tried Kaylee." Came his tender but defeated voice. "I really did you know." He just wanted her to know.

Kaylee let her open fingers trail along the wooden table top before looking up at the doctor. She stared at his smooth dark hair and the bare edge of his sweet face that wasn't looking at her. "I know Simon."

She watched him go, listening to his polished shoes on Serenity's metal walkway. She traced a few scratched in the hard wood, letting time flow over her. She breathed, listening to the hum of the engine, letting the sadness sink into her heart.

Serenity would flow inside her like a wave of calm warmth, and that was what she needed now. Sweet strength curling into her like a bottle that was waiting to be filled, she closed her eyes and remembered what it felt like to have him hold her, kiss her. She concentrated on the warm spot on her hand where he hand held the flesh. She cleared her mind of everything but that remaining bit of human contact.

Kaylee just wanted to be loved.

Simon couldn't give that to her any longer.

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Mal stared into the blackness of space. Alone for the moment with his girl. His ship. Serenity. It was alive to him, a member of his crew, as flesh to him as Kaylee, Zoe Wash, or ….

Wash.

His heart stopped for a moment. That man was an integral part of his girl. Serenity and Wash were connected like no other pilot Mal had known. Kaylee was Serenity's heart, Jayne the Ego, while Zoe presented a strong moral compass. Wash was the spirit. The life of Serenity could not be replaced. The ship seemed to miss him, the way he drove her into spirals for fun. The way he knew how she should move. He never fought her, he steered her, helped her; helped them all. He was as irreplaceable as all the other additions. Simon become Serenity's Medic, took care of the crew and in turn serenity took care of him. River felt the ship, moved with the ship. River was her only friend. Book grew to be a source of guidance. Inara…as beautiful as all the stars in the 'verse.

Hair as black as the reaches of space. Skilled. Intelligent. Stubborn. Smart. More than a handful for any man. She could have been anything she wanted. She could have done wonderful things and yet she chose to be a glorified whore. He would never understand her.

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Deep brown hair, sweet blue eyes, as strong as his unmovable will. He was more than a handful for any woman. He could have been anything he wanted. He could have done wonderful things and yet he chose to be a petty thief. She would never understand him.

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Kaylee nursed the drinking glass between her fingers staring sadly out into the all but empty cargo bay. Eventually she lifted the clear vessel to her lips and let the stinging alcohol flow down her throat. She heard heavy footsteps behind her but didn't care enough to turn around.

Jayne's heavy body plopped next to her in an unceremonial fashion. He grabbed the bottle of home made brew and silently sipped it next to her. He filled her glass when it was empty and waited till she hand a good smile on her face before asking. "Fighting with the doc again?"

Kaylee let out a long sigh as she stared into the bottom of her glass. "Nope." She took a fast gulp and let her head hang back. "We're in agree-ance and that's the scary part."

Jayne let out a deep chuckle and refilled the mechanics glass. "You both agree he's a gorram pain in the ass piece of shit?"

Kaylee laughed; a shuddering bone chilling eruption that didn't sound in any way natural. Her shoulders shook and her hair stuck to the tears on her face. Jayne took her glass with his free hand and knocked the solution to the back of his own throat. "You've had enough little Kaylee."

"NO!" She snapped, her hand surprisingly strong as she ripped the bottle from Jayne's hand. Her eyes were filled with dangerous fire. She gulped down another mouthful. "This is my gorram drink, my gorram body and I can do with it whatever I gorram like." She was far beyond caring and it was obvious to Jayne she wanted it that way. The cheerful light was broken, in a moment he saw and realized the heart of serenity had been broken.

The large man reached out and put an arm around the smaller girl. "Kaylee…you ain't gonna do no one no good huggin' your shitter in the morn. Simon ain't worth all this fuss ya know."

She pushed back at his. "You shut your gorram mouth Jayne." She hurled the bottle at him violently, but the much more sober man caught the heavy glass easily. "Simon was best thing ever com' my way, he ain't nothing like the space trash on this boat. Ain't no lying, whoring son of a gorram money shit, who would sell his own mother for a drink, a gun, a bitch, or a bit of silver."

She didn't have the mind to sensor her words, she stumbled and her face made a beeline for the floor. She didn't even think, or remember what she had said as Jayne's strong, warm arms circled her and caught her before she hit the metal grating. She let herself fall into the black fuzz pulling her down and left Jayne alone. Alone in the cargo bay with only the shell of Kaylee in his arms, and her words echoing in the cold air.

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Mal frowned down at the little girl. "No" he said again, this time more firmly. "You ain't settin' foot off this boat, not here, we got enemies I don't want gettin' hold a your pretty little head over no whats-a-ma thingy, now just sit back and we'll get it on the next port. Kaylee, don't you even think of leaving this boat without a baby sitter."

Normally the mechanics lip would have popped out in a pout, she would whine some and maybe Mal would give in. There was no argument. The girl just gave in, gave up. The game was over. Her eyes died, no light left in them as she was turned down again. She walked out of the kitchen with her head hung low, disappearing into the engine room without a word. She probably wouldn't even ask again…"What's wrong with her?"

Inara was the first person he looked at naturally, but she just gave a shrug. "I can try to find out…" The companion gave a slight bow of her head as she left the room, floating for a moment across the steps.

Jayne just itched to say something, his eyes burrowed deep into the doctor that sat on the other side of the table. The core boy seemed oblivious and there was nothing that Jayne could do but speak up, something wouldn't let him. Maybe it was a sense of confidentiality, or privacy, or respect for things that were said when a girl was broken hearted and drunk out of her mind. He held his tongue for the moment, his mind competing with itself on whether or not to speak. River answered the dilemma for him.

"Jayne knows." Came that all omnipotent innocent voice, she talked in somewhat a singsong voice, not saying anymore than needed to make the correct choice for the mercenary.

Mal's hard blue eyes looked straight into the thug of a man, challenging him and demanding the answer, but for Jayne to say, Mal had to command it. "Spill it Jayne, what you know 'bout what's botherin' little Kaylee?"

"You should ask her that yourself." Jayne said shifting in his seat under the Captain's glare.

"I'm askin' you Jayne. Now talk or we might have some trouble." Mal's voice was threatening and deliberate.

Jayne shifted uncomfortably. "She's been little upset is all. Hadn't said nothin' too specific, just know it's about Mr. Shiny Pants over here." The mercenary jerked his head up toward the doctor who spooned his breakfast into his mouth without a word.

Mal's arms tightly wound over his chest as he scowled at the doctor. "What now?"

Simon gulped. "I don't see why she's upset." The man didn't lift his eyes from his protein, a lethargic movement to his fingertips. "She broke up with me, after all, not the other way around."

River shook her head a little, stealing a crumbly bit off Simon's biscut. "Your such a loser." She said, "You pushed her, forced her hand by ignoring her and bugging me too much."

Simon frowned, "That's enough River."

Zoe spoke from the doorway, her hands on her hips, "You two on good terms still?"

The man shrugged. "I thought so, yes."

"Then you keep talking to her. Be extra kind." The second in command glanced at Mal and then back to Simon with a knowing look.

"That is if you can do that without messing up." Mal said for her, allowing himself to bring the amusement to a vocal place.

River smiled and Simon rolled his eyes. "Very funny."

Zoe nodded. "Just let her know you ain't ignorin' her is all. She held a torch for you a mightly long time, gonna take time to readjust." Zoe felt her words echo from a place very deep inside her.

"She broke up with me!" Simon whined, looked to the Captain to make Zoe mind her own business. When there was silence he came to his own defense. "She seems to be making a fine art out of ignoring me. Am I supposed to hunt her down."

Mal rolled his eyes. "Do you need a dog? We got Jayne here."

The mercenary drew his face an innocent expression and peered up at Mal pretending to be hurt. "Hey!"

Simon shoved another mouthful of food into himself, knowing this battle was long lost. Mal turned in the doorway and glared down at him. "You broke my mechanic, you gotta fix her, dong ma?"

The Captain waited for an answer, forcing Simon to nod before he would leave the room.

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Inara felt when she wasn't welcome. It was like the room was so cold it prevented anything from moving. She felt like Kaylee was barely breathing. "Simon can't be all that is troubling you…please talk to me meimei."

Kaylee caught the last word, she latched onto it like a moth to the flame. She looked up at the engine as it turned. "Do you think I'm pretty 'Nara."

"Of course I do," She whispered, reaching out to stroke Kaylee's hair behind her ear. The touch was affectionate and Kaylee welcomed it. The girl leaned onto Inara's shoulder and let herself cry. Tears feel down her face, her shoulders shook. She just cried, without saying anything, sobbed on Inara's shoulder, something she had to do.

Simon stood in the hallway behind them, he stared at the mechanics back, watching her shake and shiver, he took a step forward and although Kaylee didn't heat it over her sobs, Inara did. The girl looked back with a hate in her eyes. The companion didn't have an overwhelming dislike for the doctor, but at the moment she didn't dare let him make the mistake of thinking he was invited here. She looked at him with the most intense stare that knocked him backward a step again. It told him to leave in not so many words, and let him hear the pain through Kaylee's tiny sounds. They echoed inside his chest and made him want to throw up his freshly eaten breakfast.

Rivers voice came in a whisper next to his ear. "Look at what you've done, Simon. Don't think it isn't your fault. You have to fix what you've broken . . . but you can't do it now."

Simon looked down at his sister. He felt so alone, even his sister blamed him for hurting Kaylee. But she…had broken up with him…

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Kaylee didn't even remember how she got into Inara's shuttle, she just remembered crying the entire time, someone carrying her. The older woman stroked her hair and dried her face with the softest cotton towels. The companion was singing softly when she finally couldn't cry anymore. Her tender voice echoed in the small shuttle, moving like the wind through the hanging fabric.

"When I was just a little girl, I asked my mother, What will I be

Will I be pretty, Will I be rich, Here's what she said to me

Que sera, sera,Whatever will be, will be, The future's not ours to see

Que sera, sera, What will be, will be,

When I grew up and fell in love, I asked my sweetheart, What lies ahead

Will we have rainbows, Day after day, Here's what my sweetheart said

Que sera, sera, Whatever will be, will be, The future's not ours to see

Que sera, sera, What will be, will be,

Now I have Children of my own, They ask their mother, What will I be

Will I be handsome, Will I be rich, I tell them tenderly

Que sera, sera, Whatever will be, will be, The future's not ours to see

Que sera, sera, What will be, will be, Que Sera, Sera"

Silence ensued, the calm, the storm was done, the whirlwind of emotion of dwindling and Kaylee had control again. "I've never heard that before…"

"It is…very old." Replied the classically trained woman as she gently slid Kaylee's hair off her face. "How do you feel?"

Avoiding the question she didn't want to ask herself Kaylee looked up at the ceiling. "Do you believe it…"

"Yes. Whatever Will be…Will be."

Tears welled in her eyes. "We can change it though, if we try hard enough."

Inara shook her head. "That's not what it's about… We can't change what will come our way, we can't see into the future, can't know what is coming. We must take what comes our way, life, death, or both. We must take the gift of happiness as well as that of pain. We cannot throw out what we don't like. You will never know what lies ahead, and we should not try."

Kaylee wanted to listen to that soothing voice talk forever. Wanted to listen to it lull her to sleep. "So we should give up…do nothing…"

"No." The tenderly manicured fingers tips slid up Kaylee's head. "No, we cannot change the world, or other people. We cannot make things undo themselves. We must…accept it."

"What will be…will be." Kaylee whispered letting her eyes drift down.

"Why didn't you tell me, you broke up with Simon." Inara asked softly, trying her mightiest to keep any hurt out of her voice.

"I couldn't…I didn't…want …I …I wanted him to say no, to fight me, I wanted so much for him to promise to do better, yet he just gave in 'nara. He just threw in the towel, he didn't …I…I'm not worth it to him." She felt like she would cry if there was a drop of water left insider her.

"Whatever will be …will be…accept it, and look ahead, to what will come next The sun will set today, and rise again tomorrow, when it does, you don't have to let this hold you." Inara whispered kissing the girls forehead.

"'nara…"

"Yes?"

"Will you sing it again?"

"Of course."

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Mal found himself starring down the barrel of a gun, his hands raised into the air and not for the fist time he heard a little voice in the back of his head asking himself were his gorram crew was.

The overwhelming sound of a shotgun cocking echoed in the small room. As Zoe stood tall in the doorway behind him. "A little late don't you think Zoe."

"Sorry Sir." She said looking down the site at the unseemly character holding a gun to her Captain. "Better late than never wouldn't you say?"

Jayne's gruff laugh followed the sound of his own gun cocking from behind the mark as he smiled and let himself be known. "I'd say any later and it would be never."

Mal cocked an eyebrow and let that slide for a moment before reaching out and grabbing the small bag of gold from the surprised party's belt. "Well Lore, would have to say it's a pleasure bein' double crossed by ya, hope to do business 'gain some time." A small bow and they were gone, leaving Lore without a frown larger than the entire little planet he was stuck on.

They walked quickly, quite close to a run as they approached Serenity. Jayne's mind haunted a little by Inara's words.

"Mal, can I have your help for a moment. I need something for you to carry."

The Captain looked in either direction before nodding to Jayne. "Help her out, we'll meet up with you in town."

Inara's voice was boarderline snippy. "Mal…I asked for your help."

The man's sweet blue eyes blinked. "Jayne's all the help I can spare…You want Zoe too?"

"No…forget it…thank you for your help Jayne." Inara couldn't keep the snide out of her voice. She lead him through the kitchen to the engine room where Kaylee cried. She was far worse than Jayne had ever seen, curled against the wall, sobbing, weak and small. He looked at Inara with a tenderly destroyed face. This wasn't what he was good for, he felt so out of place and in the wrong. He couldn't help a girl that was crying, he didn't know what to do.

"She's okay, she just needs to cry, and it would be better for her if it were more private. If you dare make fun of her for this or bring it up to her I will shoot you myself."

Jayne lifted the mechanic with a delicate touch, she leaned against him and he felt her wet face through his shirt. He let his thumb rub back and forth on her arm. He felt the natural urge to cradle her, only after pushing down the urge to gut the doctor with a spoon. He set her down in Inara's bed, looking at her tightly closed eyes with deep concern.

He looked at Inara with shock and sadness, unable to hide his utter helplessness. "I knew she was bent outta shape over the doc…but…this seems like she's shot er somthin…" Jayne whispered, something in him desperately wanting to understand.

The gentle companion put a hand on his arm and guided him out. She looked up at him and then back to Kaylee as she spoke. "She just got her heart broken…she'll cry for a while, let it all out and be fine. It is very similar to getting shot Jayne, she has to dig out the bullet so the wound can heal…It hurts a great deal but it's better in the long run. Once she cries all the pain out, she'll be right as rain."

"Doc's pretty fucked up to do a thing like that …" Jayne whispered, venom anger in his voice.

"Just the way it is Jayne. Thank you…and please…" Inara was interrupted before she could finish.

"Not a word, on my mother's grave." He swore, crossing his heart with one finger.

"Jayne…your mother's alive…"

He was haunted by the feeling of her in his arms, the feeling of her sobbing against him. That was something that hurt him more than any wound he had every felt. Why did he care so much that the girl was crying like a baby? Women were foolish creatures, letting a man hurt um' that bad. Sex wasn't 'bout nothing but pleasure, going at it and feeling good. Sex didn't make you cry, sex didn't make you care. Jayne didn't want to care.

He realized he was walking faster than Zoe and the Captain, hurrying to get back to the ship but he wouldn't admit to himself for what reason. He wanted to make sure she was okay…wanted to see her smile. At that moment he'd trade all the money in the verse to see her smile and hug him, not sob while leaning in his arms. The image still haunted him…might even give him nightmares, but at least in his dreams he could take a nine iron to the doc's precious brain.

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Simon looked down the stairs and hesitated. He knew she was there, fixing something in an access panel outside his infirmary, but he didn't want to pass by her. Zoe had said to talk to her, but she …she didn't want to talk to him, he just knew it. He watched her from the dark for a moment. He pulled together enough courage to walk down the stairs.

"Good evening." Simon said with a little awkward smile.

Kaylee swung her head around and smiled at the man. "'night!" She seemed fine…spunky and spirited as always. "Hear from Serenity you've been having temperature control problems down here?"

"That's right.." Simon replied, about to ask her something more serious before he was interrupted.

"Well it should be all a go now." Kaylee said with a small smile. She stepped down off the small ladder and smiled at him gently, normally.

But Simon's guilt wasn't gone yet. "Kaylee…I…"

"I get it, you don't have to say…I hadn't let go yet…now I have…promise, everything'll be alright…"

Simon didn't seem convinced. "Kaylee…do you want some help, makin' dinner?"

Kaylee shook her head. "Thanks, but no thanks…I'm making my favorite whether the crew likes it or not."

"Alright…" He seemed uncomfortable, he wanted to get to work, but he was supposed to be…nice. Problem was, he really didn't know how to be to Kaylee.

The brunette smiled and let her soft hand pat his shoulder with a friendly touch. "Captain and Zoe should be 'bout back by now. How many bullet wounds you think they got?"

"None?" Simon answered hopefully.

"Awww come on doc, that makes the game no fun" Kaylee said with a giggle, they walked toward the cargo bay to meet the rest of the Crew. "Big deal, shady contact, come on, you've been with us long enough to know something will go wrong."

"Mal…will defiantly be shot…Zoe will have nothing more than a graze if anything, and Jayne will have a strange wound?" Simon said, a little fast, making Kaylee wonder if he played this game often.

"Strange?" Kaylee asked.

"You know, shot through the leg with a wooden spear, or doped up and drooling."

Kaylee couldn't stop herself from laughing.

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Jayne didn't stay in the cargo bay long, he grumbled something about being in his bunk and walked off immediately. Kaylee and Simon rounded the comer on the stairs and Jayne made sure his shoulder slammed into the doctors as they passed one another. Kaylee smiled and changed her concentration. "Didn't happen to get hurt in any mysterious but fun ways did ya?" She asked with a quipy cheer that Jayne didn't expect her to have. Jayne didn't look around. He didn't care, he didn't know why he did it really, he just grabbed her and kissed her with every bit of force he had in his body. He to protect her, wanted to hold her and for some reason, seeing her right as rain and walking around with a smile made him overjoyed. He knew as soon as his lips touched Kaylees there was someone in the room, but he also knew he was far beyond the point of stopping. He just threw himself all in, crushing his lips against her's in a touch he craved and in his moment of insanity he remembered her words. Her drunk and truthful words. Jayne wasn't good enough for her, but he took the kiss anyways.

Kaylee had tensed in surprise her eyes wide, but they closed and she let Jayne kiss her, pinned between his hard body and his arms. She didn't say a thing, but neither did he. He broke the kiss as soon as he could force himself too and kept walking. He wanted to glance back but he didn't

WHY IN THE GORRAM VERSE HAD HE DONE THAT?!

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"Next stop is close, we'll be there by morning." Mal said as he picked up another tomato between his chopsticks and brought it to his mouth. He looked around the table a little before speaking again. "Where…is all my crew."

Simon looked up and around the table, He looked at the empty seat next to him. "River is flying, Jayne's been in his bunk all evening, Kaylee said she wanted to eat in the engine room, and Zoe…I don't know…probably in her bunk or something."

Mal looked around the room. "Something is wrong with this."

"Why is that?" Inara asked as she gracefully stepped into the room. "Sometimes people just want to eat alone."

"Well this is my ship and I say we eat together." Snapped the Captain.

Inara sat down at the table very gracefully. "Mal I have to ask you a question later."

Mal rolled his eyes. "Just say it here Inara, we're practically alone."

The sweet woman picked up her chopsticks, and that is when Simon saw the ring. The shimmering opal in a white gold setting, the swirling metal, was thin and delicate on her finger, but as beautiful as Inara herself. He began to think then, and ignored most of the oncoming conversation. That meant something…didn't it?

Inara spoke and then Mal, they talked back and forth and Simon wasn't paying attention until both of them stood up, anger in their faces. Simon…missed something, but not anything as important as what Mal missed. The only word the doctor heard, was the only one that mattered. "…whore…"

The scene moved almost in slow motion, her left hand, bearing the very stunning ring lifted to Mal's face and slapped him. A trained companion was forced to loose her cool and strike the mouth of a stupid man. "Don't you ever call me that again, or I will do worse things to you." The threat was somewhat empty, but Mal was still reeling from the slap. He did not expect that from her, at least she had never done it before.

He stumbled back a little bit, falling back into his seat. He looked around the room but the woman was gone. "What in hell just happened?" He meant to ask himself, but it had come out allowed.

Simon cleared his throat and looked at Mal with slightly widened eyes. "That ring sure stung, didn't it…"

"Ring?" Mal asked with a blink. "I guess…"

"Did you even notice the ring?" Simon asked calmly, the knowledge of holding something over Mal was thick in the air and it made the Captain uncomfortable.

"No…just a ring…right?"

"Not exactly. Companions are a complicated guild you know, there are those who do what Inara once did, but when they earn their way enough, or petition, they can become isolated escorts." Simon explained, hoping Mal would understand.

No such luck. "What?"

"You called her a whore. That ring she wears is a giant neon sign that says she is no longer offering that particular service to her clients. She is an escort, a companion, for an evening, not and entire night, if you know what I mean." Simon was having difficulty remaining a gentleman in this conversation.

Although Mal understood he just looked confused and defensive. "She didn't say nothin' how was I supposed to know."

Simon rolled his eyes. "She had a ring on her left ring finger, that, usually denotes devotion and unavailability. Is that different on the edge of space?"

Mal just grabbed his plate. "I'm gonna go eat in my bunk." He stormed out of the kitchen without another word, he didn't wanna look that know it all in the face at the moment. He walked into the Cockpit and looked directly at River. "I need to yell at someone. Give me someone who deserves yellin and tell me why."

The young girl looked up at the Captain with a gentle smile and a tilt of her head. "You want to know a secret?"

"Yes. Now tell me before I start yelling at you." Mal growled.

"Jayne kissed Kaylee. Kaylee didn't even know it was coming." River answered her voice steady, offering no more information then that.

Although Jayne had kissed Kaylee without invitation, he wasn't pushed away. Mal was angry, clouded, didn't think of that possibility. The only thing he could think of was Jayne being a horny son of a bitch and trying to take advantage of his mechanic.

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"WHAT THE GORRAM HELL DO YOU THINK YOUR DOING KISSIN' MY MECHANIC." Mal's voice boomed at Jayne.

The mercenary just about jumped out of his boots at the Captain's voice. He was all yellin' and didn't seem to be stoppin' anytime soon. The man was using the stairs of the cargo bay to his advantage and knowing there was no one close let him yell to the world his anger. Poor Jayne didn't know it really wasn't for him.

The tall thug just stood and listened to the Captain rant about taking advantage of a girl like that. He scolded, yelled, and grit his teeth together. Leaning in Mal growled. "Stay away from her. She don't come to you, then you don't even talk to her. Dong ma?" He had gotten so close that Jayne had backed his way up to the wall by now.

"Yes…sir" Jayne chocked out, expecting this was the time he was supposed to answer.

Mal growled. "I don't know what your thinking Jayne."

Jayne watched the Captain stop away. He wasn't quite himself. Captain never really got that mad, and never really lost his sense of humor. There was no jokes in that scolding. There were insults enough, but not the light hearted ones Jayne was used to. Jayne felt ready to pick a fight, but unlike the Captain he didn't have the luxury of being able to lord over anyone on the ship he wanted. The mercenary settled for exercising. If he tried real hard, he could forget about all the moody people on this gorram ship.

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Kaylee sighed gently, leaned against the all of a quiet hallway. She felt confined, she felt trapped, She closed her eyes and tried to expand the ship around her. She thought of mountains and grass, streets and buildings. There could be an entire world in her head if she just imagined. It failed however, when she found herself going to Jayne's lips on her's. He was substantially larger than her and when he held her the sensation enveloped her physically. He kissed with a burning passion that called for many long breaths just to catch up. She had felt him push her lips so hard it almost hurt against her teeth.

She hadn't had a kiss like that in a very long time. Just like a brush of wind he left. No words, no embrace, lasting less than a minuet and then…gone. He seemed just the same at breakfast before he, Zoe and Mal went into town.

Kaylee was the one who wasn't the same no more. She has a fire ablaze up inside her, questions popping into her head. She couldn't ask Jayne, he wasn't here, and suddenly Serenity just seemed so small. The world that cradled her safely felt like strangulation. Sky was right outside, real circulating air, and she wasn't allowed out without a babysitter.

The small girl picked herself up and swayed on her feet. She rung her fingers and she paced before heading to the cargo bay. The room seemed practically claustrophobic, even though Simon and Inara were the only one's there. She quickly rattled down the stairs. Her feet moved like she was rushing although she had no where to go.

Inara smiled sweetly at the young mechanic, she pat the metal platform next to her and nodded in invitation.

"Thanks" Kaylee said plopping down unceremonially. Some where in her memory, in this same place, she remembered Jayne sitting the same way. She shook her head to evict that image as she sat swinging her feet.

Her hands kept moving, her fingers and hands rolling over themselves. She heard the two next to her talking, they always used such full sentences and proper English. She wasn't really paying attention anyways. She peered a Jayne's workout bench, remembering what he looked like. He was very strong, muscles made for moving weight, not for just show. Simon had lithe athletic muscles of a well kept man, but Jayne, he could be powerful and he could grab her and throw her to the floor and- HEY! What was she thinking about? Jayne? Why did he kiss her? What was he thinking?

"KAYLEE!" Came Inara's voice, high and loud in the mechanics ear.

"Huh?" Kaylee's brown hair bounced as she jumped and looked at the woman beside her. "What?"

"I was talking to you and you didn't seem to be listening at all." Inara said with a concerned look. "Would you like to talk?"

Kaylee faltered a little, not wanting to tell Inara everything she had in mine. "I'm all antsy is all. Think bout it 'nara, were finally sittin' on solid land and I can't go planet side without an 'baby sitter'. I'm just itching to walk around, feeling so closed up all a sudden."

Inara lifted an eyebrow at the girl. "Kaylee, the entire time I've known you, I've never seen you appear so claustrophobic toward Serenity."

Kaylee coughed, running her hand through her swaying brown hair. Today it was brushed and clean. Her face was clean and so was her hands. She has washed, maybe several times, her hand nervously stroked the teddy bear patch on her leg.

"Well Kaylee, I'm a professional. I'm sure I would qualify to take you out for a little while."

"Really?" Kaylee quipped with excitement audible on the word.

"Of course." She said standing. "Let me change into something a little more comfortable for walking around. I'll be back momentarily."

The beautiful woman disappeared for a moment. Simon looked at Kaylee with concern deep in his expression. "Be careful okay?" His words were simple but filled with concern.

Kaylee shrugged. "Be back before you can spit, which considering it's you would give us just about a lifetime."

Simon laughed a little and shook his head at the girl. She couldn't be tamed.

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Inara walked with a certain amount of grace and planned action to her. Her head was held tall and her back perfectly straight. Kaylee on the other hand had natural bit of a slouch to her and walked in an almost irregular skipping fashion. The brunette was simply overjoyed to see the sky and smell the humid breeze.

It felt like such a short time to cross the town and walk around the square. They moved with the soft giggle of school girls. They went into every small shop and down every sprouting street. Hut like homes and stands welcomed them to look at the wears of the people. Kaylee turned countless metal objects in her hand, telling Inara what they did, and what kind of machine they were for.

Inara was paying attention. Really, she was interested in what Kaylee was saying but something caught her attention. It was a deep familiar whirling sound behind her on the main street. When she turned to look she saw just a glimpse as they passed by. A brief moment of Mal's brown coat flapping in the wind and Zoe's curled hair whipping behind them. "Kaylee, we have to go now."

"Awww," Whined the younger girl, "just a bit longer 'nara, ain't seen a good hunk a parts in a while." The sweetness in Kaylee's innocent voice normally would have won but the realization that Mal was gonna get back to his ship missing both of them made her stiffen. There would be dues to pay for this. Inara held her voice firm.

"We've already been out to long, it's time to go." Inara pulled on Kaylee's hand lightly, guiding her back into the streets.

The mechanic caught a glimpse of the mule, rounding the corner far ahead of them the dust kicked up behind it seemed to roll down and smack the girl in the chest. "Think Mal's gonna be mad at us?"

Inara tried to remain calm; she moved her feet faster but kept her demeanor steady. "Not if we get back before he has a chance to leave without us." She felt a man following them, a culmination of intuition and observation but she didn't want to scare Kaylee.

The wide brown eyes on Kaylee's face made her feet go faster. She made a point to go just as fast as the companion. The town seemed larger, longer than when they had walked away from Serenity. The ship seemed so far away now, a beacon of safety. Dust and fear climbed up Kaylee's spine like a spider with tiny pin pricks of sensation. She glances back for a moment and felt her heart beat heavily.

Even her glance was too long looking back. She walked toward the ship but couldn't get the man out of her head. He was weaselly and tall, thin and frail looking. His long nose even seemed to be ominously jutting from his face. He has a crisp white shirt and clean Khaki pants. He held no gun, yet oozed danger. She kept walking, kept going, hoping the sinking terrible feeling inside her was wrong.

Inara's arm jutted out and stopped the smaller girl with force. She glanced back, the man stood with an eerie smile, and when she looked back in front of them, three large men had stepped into place. The companion drew a deep breath and stood her ground. They had guns on their hips, hair and face covered with dirt. The one to the left spoke. "Fancy meetin' you two here, lovely ladies like yourselves be needin' escorts, we be glad to show you back to a nice place." His voice was deep and harsh. Their eyes promising pain if they didn't corporate.

Inara's eyes drew a little tight. "Do you know who I am little man?" She looked ready to explode, but she didn't not when the man behind them rustled, his high voice echoing in their ears as he spoke. "Inara Serra. And Kaywinnit Lee Frye"

Inara gulped as the muscular man grabbed her arm and she felt him pull her. "What a lovely surprise to see you in our little boarder town…"

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Mal frowned at Simon, more like a scowl really. His eye ground holes into the slightly shorter man, his body tense. It had been hours, and the doc swore they would be back any minute, "My mechanic ain't back by nightfall in one piece…I've got an airlock with your name on it."

River's voice seemed almost chocked. "They aren't coming back, they can't." Mal's scowl fell to concern and Zoe stood up with white knuckled determination. Jayne looked at the physic girl, he didn't mean to frighten the little one, but his mind filled with violence.

The young girl's face twisted in sudden disgust. Her head filled with terrible thoughts, including kissing Kaylee. . . again. She shook it away as quickly as possible focusing on the intense emotion she was feeling. She looked up at Mal with a look sickeningly familiar.

"I'm sorry." She closed her eyes and griped the table. "Smells like sick, broken and bloody. Pain for death again and again. Bullet in the brainpan, squish, end it before it starts again."

Simon grabbed River's shoulder with more roughness than he intended. He pulled her face to his. "Inara and Kaylee. Are they alright?"

She tilted her head. "Strangers are angry, hallow, Inara's strong, but they intend to kill them. Kaylee is very afra—" She was cut off suddenly as she took a deep breathe with eyes wide open. She looked straight at Zoe, wanting to say something, but unable to. "Bring death, face death, or be death. Choices …Choices."

She shivered and griped Simon's arms. "Rats in cages without bars, mercy of a dead man, missing …" She felt suddenly dizzy and grabbed her brother tighter, falling into him. She breathed harder, irregular. "Too many….can't listen anymore." She pushed against him and pushed the thoughts away, cleared her head of all the feelings that didn't belong to her.

Jayne looked at Mal with his usual harsh insistence. He was waiting, not very patiently for an order to get some weapons. Zoe checked her shot gun, popping the barrel closed with a flick of the wrist. "Think they are after us Captain?"

"Yep," Mal replied, "Don't wanna disappoint…"

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Inara's knees felt the ground rush up to meet her as the thug behind her pushed her down violently. He yanked her hair and took a deep breath, inhaling her scent with a animal like leer.

"Now, to lure Mr. Reynolds, we'll need something to let him know we have you."

The weaselly man held up a pair of sharp claw like scissors. He bend down in front of Kaylee, gently taking her hand in his. Kaylee shook with fear, unable to stop it. The large man behind her held her very tight, despite her struggling the thin man kissed her hand and whispered softly. "Such pretty fingers…"

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Mal, Zoe and Jayne stood ready, armed to the teeth while Simon paced. "Why take River?" He said worried. "Kaylee and Inara are already in danger, River could be no use if she had a fit."

The Captain loaded his gun and slid it into his holster, the last of his mental checklist. "Your sister might be able to find them, before they get killed like she says they are gonna."

Simon looked warily at River as she stepped down the boxes of the cargo bay. "Simon, you're such a boob" she said looking at mal with her head tilted. "May I have a gun?"

The brown haired man lifted an eyebrow. "You gonna need it?"

The physic girl waited, staring at him as if checking her memory slowly. "Yes"

"You can ask when the time comes than." Mal said dismissively as he looked at Simon. "now you gotta keep Serenity hidden and keep out intruders. You see anyone on my boat…you shoot them, dong ma?"

"Yes sir. Does that include you, for shooting I mean…?" Simon's smart ass voice granted him only a scowl from the Captain.

"Zoe with me," Mal commanded as they walked down Serenity's bay ramp. "River you stay out of fire, less you feel like helping, and Jayne stay behind her, Keep an eye on our tail."

Jayne hung back, keeping his ears, eyes, and nose sensitive. They went through the dark town systematically. They walked with efficiency and clear objectives. River seemed to wander a bit as if shopping at all the closed stores, she seemed to browse the cleared display shelves and turn imaginary objects in her hands.

It started as footsteps, a little more than theirs, than breathing. Jayne slid up to Mal and whispered lowly. "Got some company, Three. Not Quiet, but big."

Zoe concentrated on the sounds. She heard them too, barely but definably, on their tails. "Sir, the only reason to follow us without pouncing, would be to heard us. I believe we're on the right track."

River stopped suddenly and peered down and alley. Shivers danced across her skin. She lifted an arm and pointed. "Found you." She smiled wide. "Nothing in the 'verse can stop me."

Mal drew his gun as the bushes rustled. They were going to have to fight there way in.

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"STOP!" Inara yelled, trying to keep the panic out of her voice, she had to think, appeal to him or he'll never leave Kaylee unharmed. "You can't cut off her fingers, if you want Mal to come after her that is." Inara let the bait of her words sink in before continuing, "She's a mechanic, and she needs everyone of those digits in tact to be of any use to the Captain. He'll just leave her for dead if you do that."

The man leaned back, his tall frame lacked intimidation because of it's skinny size but he held himself very seriously. Inara could see he would have no hesitation in killing them. He laughed a little at her comment, his assistant also chuckling with humor. There was something Inara was missing.

The man reached out and touched Kaylee's face, a delicate but creepy movement. The girl attempted to shy away but the man behind her held her still. "Up" commanded the eerie master. Kaylee was wrenched onto her feet and held tight as the thin fingers creped down her side. She felt her hear race, she felt fear pile inside her. His fingers passed her hip and slowly traveled to the teddy bear patch on her pants. He ripped it off with one clean motion. He held it in his hand turning it over slowly before peering at Kaylee.

"Distinctive, this will do. Take her away."

Inara watched the terrified innocent girl be forced to her feet and taken out. She held her breath and kept away a wince as the man behind her yanked her hair again.

The tall skinny man held out his lonely hands to Inara's. "And why should I spare a companions artful fingers?"

Inara opened her mouth to speak but instead the boney hand coiled into a fist and slammed into her face. She hadn't said a word and yet, her lip was split open. The man leaned close and used the patch from Kaylee's clothes to wipe away the blood. Inara's eyes narrowed and held a never-ending stream of hate, but her face remained the picture of calm. The boney fingers leaned forward with the sharp scissors slicing though her beautiful hair. It was only hair, it would grow back. "Get her outta here." The man commanded with a wave.

Kaylee moved her feet along the ground in a resistant way, dragging and pushing rather than walking. The man held her firm, but her wiggling was at least making her feel less helpless.

What happened next should have been her chance to get free, but it shocked her beyond comprehension. As the man dragged her unwillingly around a corner she was greeted by a crossing movement. A blur of flesh and hair streamed into her vision and hit the man the overpowered her. She was suddenly let go and she fell to the ground. "Run!" echoed in her ears as she was released.

Kaylee saw his face and couldn't run, she didn't have the courage to leave a friend behind and more than that, she was too stunned at seeing Wash; alive.

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