A/N: This is...odd, for lack of a better word. There is not much to say, other than this is like nothing I have ever written before, for when I say it is odd, I do not mean odd in a crazy way. Nevertheless, I do hope you enjoy!
Emily
Disclaimer: I do not own any of this.
She once said that it was her job to observe. He remembers it clearly: it was six years ago, the first case they ever worked alone together. He was putting on a shirt in the locker room, and she came in while he had it off. She liked his body. He liked that she liked it. She told him his shirt was ugly. He took it off. He remembers this all because it was the first time that he ever really wanted to try to impress a woman. She was smart and pretty, and he liked her no nonsense attitude. He remembers that he didn't like the case much-it revealed to her that he had once been in a fraternity.
He got the feeling she did not like frat boys.
He thought he had a chance with the pretty brunette. Then he saw her and Grissom, together, shortly after the case. He saw the way his boss looked at the younger woman, and he knew.
It is her job to observe, and it is his job to keep his boss happy, even if it means giving up his chance at happiness.
This does not keep him from flirting constantly with her. He likes flirting with her-she is sharp and witty, and always good for a laugh and good conversation. He likes smart girls. Especially smart girls named Sara Sidle.
But it is his job to keep his boss happy, and his boss likes smart girls named Sara Sidle as well. It is simple reasoning:
His job is to keep his boss happy
His boss likes smart girls named Sara Sidle
To keep his boss happy, he cannot date smart girls named Sara Sidle.
Not even if they are pretty and smart and even if he loves them.
She believes in science. Science and logic-those are her two tools, her life's rules, her words to live by. Without science, and without reasoning, you have nothing.
In high school, she learned about syllogistic reasoning in her science class. She doesn't remember which one-maybe her AP biology or physics or chemistry. She likes science-it is often so strait forward and logical, and she likes logical.
She uses syllogistic reasoning to map out her life, and to make conclusions and come to decisions. Like love, she knows that to be in love must mean that you are also miserable. It is simple:
Her mother loved her father.
Her father beat her mother.
Her mother was miserable.
If you are in love, you must be miserable.
So it is natural that she loves Gil Grissom. She needs only to extend her thoughts on love to make this conclusion:
Her mother loved her father.
Her father beat her mother.
Her mother was miserable.
If you are in love, you must be miserable.
Gil Grissom makes her miserable.
She must be in love with Gil Grissom.
She doesn't really know why this must be the case-but she knows that her life is supposed to be complicated, and that it is supposed to be tragic. She did something bad long ago-she knows she must have:
Her life is bad.
Bad things happen to bad people.
She must have been bad.
Simple.
She likes simple logic, because her life is complicated. And then it isn't complicated at all in some way, and in all ways. Her life is complicated to the point of simplicity. She can predict the complexity of her life. She knows she makes things more complicated than they need be, but that is how her life should be.
Complicated and miserable.
It is how her life always has been, and how her mother's was. She takes after her mother.
Her mother was smart.
Her mother had a hard life.
Her mother drank.
Her mother loved a man who made her sad.
She is like her mother.
She will make all the mistakes her mother made.
She wonders if her mother ever had a man like Nick in her life. Her mother probably did. She probably had the perfect man in her life, but like Sara, she knew that he would make her happy, and like Sara, maybe she knew she couldn't allow herself happiness.
At least that is how Sara justified never allowing herself to be with Nick:
Nick is sweet, handsome, smart, and everything she wants.
Nick is her perfect man.
Nick makes her happy.
You can't be in love and be happy.
She can't love Nick.
Sometimes she wonders if she is all wrong in her way of thinking. Sometimes she wonders if perhaps she can break this chain of misery that she knows has plagued her family for ages. She thinks about it, lying in bed with Grissom. She sleeps with him because she has to do so to make him happy, and because she hates doing so. And so that means she must do it because it makes her unhappy.
She knows that making love to Nick would make her happy.
So she never tries to think about it.
Except, she does. Because there are exceptions in science. Sometimes things do not make sense, and allowances must be made. In genetics, experiments following linked genes on chromosomes don't follow Mendel's principle of independent assortment. It is a difference.
There are a lot of exceptions in science.
She bases her life on science.
There may be exceptions in her life.
So this is why she stands on the doorstep of Nick's home:
She bases her life of logical science.
Logical science says she should be miserable.
Logical science has exceptions.
She is an exception.
She may not have to be miserable.
Nick doesn't know what to say when he opens the door and finds her standing there. He does, however, think that it is awfully warm outside, and that she should really come in so that she isn't so hot. Then he thinks that his boss wouldn't like that he was thinking of letting her in.
Then she whispers: "I don't want to be miserable."
He knows exactly what she means.
To follow the science, by following logic, they have both made themselves miserable.
And then when she kisses him, he wraps his arms around her and pulls her in.
Because maybe they are the scientific exception.
Maybe they are the genetic mutation.
Maybe they are allowed to be happy after all.
A/N: Again, it is unlike anything I have written before, I think we can all agree. Still, please leave a review: Was it different in a good way or bad way or huh way...I do love to hear from all :)
Emily