Spoilers: Major spoilers for 'Emohawk - Polymorph II', so I suggest you watch that first.

Archive: Yes please, just ask first!

Pairing: Lister/Rimmer

Rating: PG

Warning: You should know by now that there will be slash in this…very tame though I have to say.

Disclaimer: Grant Naylor Productions owns the idea, the actors own themselves. I just own the perversion.

A/N: Well, this one was an interesting one for me to write, different for two main reasons. Firstly, it's mainly from Lister's POV, rather than Rimmer's. Secondly, this is the first story I've ever been able to write which is mainly dialogue. Anyone who knows my work will know that description and inner monologue is usually the order of the day…but not this time! I do find it harder to write dialogue, so I would really appreciate feedback on how I did. Thanks to everyone who reads, I hope you enjoy.

Lister raised his head from the hypo-spray Kryten had adapted to work on hard-light as Rimmer swaggered into the medical bay.

"Ready to get your bitterness back?" Lister asked with a smirk, feeling strangely excited to see his old Rimmer standing before him instead of this incomplete version.

"Well Davey-boy," Rimmer drawled, tossing his hair out of his eyes, "I've been meaning to ask you about that. Why are you so damned anxious to get that Rimmer back? And don't give me any of that smeg about being true to yourself either…I think we both know there's more to it than that."

Lister stopped short. How could he explain why he could never think of leaving Rimmer as he was? He would prefer the Cat be left as Dwaine Dibbly rather than loose Rimmer to 'Ace'. He could see Rimmer waiting for him to form some kind of answer, before the hologram moved away and sank on to the medical bed with a sigh.

"How long have you liked him?" he questioned softly, giving Lister a sympathetic look.

Lister spluttered uselessly, his normally inventive mind completely short-circuited by the abruptness of Rimmer's question.

"You knew…he knew?" he finally forced out, his eyes wide with panic as he stared at Rimmer.

"Your Rimmer had no idea," the other man replied with a smirk. "It's amazing how much bitterness can blind a person to. By the way, I don't think you've answered my question yet Davey-boy."

With that Rimmer fixed Lister with a piercing look, reminding him yet again of the differences between this Rimmer and the one before the emohawk's attack. This Rimmer may be more charismatic, but that also disguised his greater ruthlessness, a trait controlled by the real Rimmer's cowardice. Lister never thought he would think longingly of that particular trait but it was nice to know that, though Rimmer may cower behind you when the fighting started, he wasn't planning on snapping your neck if there seemed no alternative.

"Not from the beginning," Lister replied, hopping on the table to sit opposite Rimmer. "When I first met him I thought he was a total smeg-head. The personnel officer even told me, when I first joined, that there was a berth reallocation fast-track for anyone bunking with Rimmer."

Rimmer snorted with laughter at this, the sound causing a spike of irritation through Lister. Odd as it sounded, even to him, 'Ace' hadn't earned the right to laugh at Rimmer…despite actually being him.

"I stuck it out though…it wasn't as though I actually spent much time there; I was always off with Petersen and the others getting plastered. It was actually quite fun really, to have someone you could really insult without worrying they were either going to cry or punch you. Better still, he almost always had a come-back…I never would have told him, but I even used to nick some of the best to use on other people. Then I got put into stasis, and came out to find the crew were alldead…"

Lister paused, the memories still painful, even after all the time that had passed.

"And Holly had brought him back to keep you sane," Rimmer finished, tapping the 'H' on his forehead for emphasis. "Computer senility is a terrible thing."

"Maybe so, but it worked," Lister said shortly. "When he walked in and started insulting me it felt like…like when you're walking home absolutely bladdered and you see your front door. Feeling didn't last though…lucky for him he was a hologram or I might have strangled him while he slept."

"So why did you stick around?" Rimmer interjected, leaning forward as he spoke. "He could never work out why you stayed as his bunk-mate, when you had your pick of the ship."

"For a long time neither could I," Lister sighed. "Living with him when he was alive had the same effect on my mind as being moral officer on the post-iceberg Titanic. I was always planning to leave, as soon as I could be bothered to get all my stuff together. But he got there first, when he moved in with that clone of his. I thought it would be great…played my guitar for an hour at full volume. Then I realised it was no fun without someone threatening to make me a soprano with the E-string."

He looked away, scrubbing at the top of his head.

"When we got drunk together after wiping the copy, I found out Rimmer could actually be fun to hang around with. Truly hating him was pretty much a losing battle after that. Didn't stop me from trying though, and he didn't make it easy, but eventually all his Rimmerness became less irritating and almost…endearing. Still doesn't keep him from annoying the smeg out of me, which makes it easier to hide all this from him…up till now anyway."

A look of horror crossed Lister's face as belated realisation struck. He had confessed everything to the one man he had vowed should never know…a man who would, when he got his proper personality back, scarper faster than a hare on steroids. Now he knew why Rimmer crammed his fist in his mouth in such situations - it was to remove temptation by leaving no room for the barrel of a bazookoid.

"Well I can't say I understand it Davey-boy," Rimmer began, shaking his head, "But you needn't look so worried. He likes you too…and in a way the Ace Rimmers of the universe never could. You've got to understand though, it's going to be difficult getting him to show it."

Rimmer sighed wearily, then stood and came to lean against the table next to where Lister sat.

"You see Davey-boy, with all the bitterness Rimmer has, he can't believe anyone could care for him but himself. One of the reasons he's such a maggoty little goit is because, in his own twisted sub-conscious, it's safer to make everybody hate him. That way he never has to suffer the rejection of trying to be liked and failing, and no-one gets close enough to hurt him."

"But that's a smegging stupid way to go through life, think how much you're…he's missing out on."

"To his mind, all he's missing out on is pain. It's why he's such a damn coward. If you can't admit you care about anyone else, the only one you look out for is yourself."

"What, you mean he's cowardly because he's bitter?"

"And he's bitter because he's cowardly. God Davey-boy, if I weren't him I'd give him such a shake. Guess you'll just have to do that for me old chum."

With that he picked up the hypo-spray and placed it into Lister's hands.

"Would you like to do the honours Davey-boy?"

Lister reached out and smoothed back Rimmer's unfamiliar long hair, exposing the man's neck. He placed the hypo-spray against skin, then hesitated.

"Bye Ace…and thanks."

"Nothing to thank me for Dave old chum, this is just the way things have to be. Smoke me a kipper, I'll be back for breakfast."

Ignoring the 'what a guy' swirling on the tip of his tongue, Lister depressed the trigger. There was a soft hiss as the hypo-spray injected the hard-light DNA, then Rimmer stiffened. His holo-image blurred momentarily, then reformed complete with his usual haircut. Rimmer slowly swivelled his head to face Lister, who could see the panic welling in the hologram's eyes. The next minute he jumped up and began pacing tensely at the other end of the room, deliberately avoiding Lister's gaze.

"Rimmer it's ok man," Lister said reassuringly as he stood and walked over. He could feel the broad grin spreading across his face and he began to hum tunelessly, his hands tapping out the rhythm against his trouser leg.

"No Lister, things are not 'ok'," Rimmer snapped, not pausing in his relentless pacing. "Saying things are 'ok' is like saying that Hitler was a fair-minded politician with a vast tolerance for all members of society. How on Io can any of this situation be deemed 'ok'?"

"It's ok because I don't have to keep hiding, as without your vast amounts of bitterness I was finally able to find out how you feel."

"Um, I can explain…hang on…uh…"

Lister watched as Rimmer screwed up his face, knowing he was desperately trying to invent some excuse for what had just happened.

"Got it!" Rimmer spun to face Lister, pointing his finger in emphasis. "I made a mistake, the emohawk didn't suck out my bitterness, it sucked out my sanity. That's why I was poncing around like that stuck-up git 'Arse' Rimmer, and why I implied I might think of you as more than a frie…git."

Lister got up suddenly and moved in close to Rimmer, deliberately invading his personal space and forcing him away from the door.

"Er Lister, what are you doing?" Rimmer asked nervously, his tongue flicking out to moisten his lips in an unconscious gesture.

"Not listening to a smegging word you say," Lister replied, then pulled Rimmer's head down and kissed him.

Rimmer pulled back after too long a moment, nostrils flaring as he struggled for something to say.

"Listen miladdo…" he began, before Lister leaned in to cut him off again, taking advantage incomplete sentence to slip his tongue into Rimmer's open mouth.

This time it was Lister who eventually drew back, grinning at the unfamiliar sight of Rimmer with flushed cheeks and kiss-swollen lips.

"So, this is how you plan to stop me pointing out the general insanity of this situation," Rimmer said, his expression softer than Lister had ever seen it. Lister simply nodded, his gaze not breaking from Rimmer's.

"Then you are a total, total…" Rimmer started with a small smile, already leaning forwards to meet Lister's lips with his own.