Two possibilities

Category: Humor

Genre: Gen / Het

Summary: Two possibilities regarding Ziva and Tony (spoiler for Shalom)

Spoilers: Shalom

Notes: Kate98 from the NCIS haven LJ community inspired me to write this when she suggested that something I wrote in the "Shalom" discussion thread would make a good fic. I am just offering two alternatives regarding Tony and Ziva and urging the reader to decide for him or herself which seems more likely.

Warning: This non-story hasn't been betad and is not intended to be taken seriously

Disclaimer: These characters belong to DPB, CBS, Paramount, et al. No copyright infringement is intended.

What have Tony and Ziva been doing at Ziva's place at least once a week for the past three months?

Two possibilities to choose from:

Possibility 1:
From the diary of Anthony Dinozzo:

June 23rd
I can't believe Gibbs left. After Ducky took him back to his place to pack, Abby and McGee disappeared somewhere and Ziva and I decided to hit the town. We jumped from bar to bar and in the end found ourselves rather drunk at her place. We thought of having sex but after discussing it for a while decided that it would be against regulations and would have a profound affect on our relationship. Instead, we played some monopoly until we decided it really sucked with only two people. We sat down in front of her piano and played chopsticks till Ziva's next door neighbor started yelling that it was driving her crazy and that she'd even prefer the noise that Ziva usually made with her male guests. This led to another discussion as to whether or not we should have sex. We drew a table and weighted the pros and the cons. In the end we decided it would be much more prudent not to have sex and instead to find ourselves a nice safe hobby to pursue. Ziva suggested starting a stamp collection. Pleased with our decision, we shook hands and I took a taxi home.

June 30th
Just solved our first case without Gibbs. In order to celebrate Ziva and I decided to have a nice meal at her place and organize the stamps each of us gathered during the week. Ziva was more successful than I was. She utilized her contacts around the world and got stamps from just about every European country as well as from some more exotic places (I especially liked the North Korean ones). After we finished with that we watched a movie I brought over. Ziva said the book version was better. Who knew that "the ten commandments" was based on a book?
Later we discussed having sex again, but decided that it wouldn't be a good idea since it would make us too tired on a weeknight.

July 6th
As I was entering Ziva's apartment I thought I saw someone taking my picture. I was probably just imagining it.
Ziva is teaching me how to knit. It is both fun and relaxing and takes our mind off the sex we could be having. I was a bit surprised that Ziva knew how to knit. She said they taught her to do all kinds of things with knitting needles at Mossad. Apparently knitting wasn't one of those things, but since they had the needles handy she taught herself. In return I'm teaching her how to tap dance. I guess it's a good thing mother made me learn.
This time it was the neighbor from downstairs that got upset. He actually yelled: "Why don't you have sex already!" up at us. We decided that it was getting late, so we shook hands again and this time having had nothing to drink (drinking on a weekday is irresponsible) I drove home.

July 13th
Ziva and I had a tea party and braided each other's hair. I don't know why we did that, but it seemed like a better idea than having sex.

July 20th
I picked Ziva up at her place and we went together to audition for roles in the community center's production of "The Mikado". I got the role of Nanki-Poo and Ziva will be Yam-Yam. Aren't they a couple? This could lead to dangerous thoughts of sex. Maybe we should reconsider.

July 27th
I went to Ziva and we read from the scripture. We then discussed what we learned and decided that next week we would volunteer at a soup kitchen.

August 4th
We distributed food at the soup kitchen, but to our surprise there was no soup involved. After arriving back at Ziva's place we decided to rectify this so we made soup. When I was taking the elevator down, I met Ziva's neighbors from next door and from downstairs and for some reason they asked me whether I was gay.

August 11th
I decided to teach Ziva the rules of the road. I printed a brochure from the DMV website and we went through it together. The concept of signaling seemed strange and alien to her. By the time we were half way through, Ziva suggested we have sex. I knew she was just trying to wiggle out of becoming a better and more aware driver, so being the responsible and virtuous person that I am did not cave in to temptation.

August 12th
Ziva is reading "War and Peace" to me. It's actually quite nice. We reached page 54. We are also learning how to make jam.

August 19th
We reached page 163 of "War and peace". Ziva was very happy with the hat I knitted her. I think I saw someone taking my picture again, but who would want to follow us? We are so boring.

August 26th
We finished 300 pages of "War and Peace". I told Ziva that the fact that we made such a responsible and righteous decision not to have sex has inspired me and that I took a vow of abstinence. Ziva was so proud of me. She confessed to me that she too had considered this and that now that she has been inspired by me she will never have sex again. We hugged chastely, and then discussed the weather at length. The jam turned out very nice.

September 3rd
We played twister for a while, but that led to impure thoughts so we read some more from the scripture. I think I finally realized what book "The ten commandments" was based on.

September 10th
Ziva threw me out of her apartment today when I told her I thought Peter Jackson was a genius for coming up with the plot for the Lord of the Rings. She was shouting something about reading and books and some guy named Tolkien.

September 17th
Apparently Ziva forgave me for whatever it was I did wrong last week. She gave me a gift today. It was a library card. I was really happy, since a friend told me that the public library has a nice collection of DVDs. Ziva is getting rather good at tap dancing. I think I taught her all I know. I on the other hand, have become a wizard at knitting. I am working on a true masterpiece. It is a lovely scarf that I think I will give McGee for Christmas. I think I have become a much better man since I stopped having sex.

September 26th
Dear diary, It has now been three months since I started visiting Ziva's apartment at least once a week. In this time I have learned to read more, knit, make Jam, resist my primitive desires and Ziva has learned how to tap dance, drive more safely, make jam and resist her dirty urges. We are both better people. Ziva and I have therefore decided to sell our story to Hallmark.

Possibility 2:

They have been having sex.