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I Need To Hear It

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"I want to renew our vows." Harry shifted his position a little, in anticipation of the response he might receive.

Draco snorted loudly.

"You've got to be joking." The blond ceased raking his long fingers through Harry's dark locks and rubbed his eyes, exhaling noisily. He really didn't want to enter into an argument. This was the first time in a long while that he and Harry had both been able to have an afternoon to themselves, and he had no desire to spoil it.

"Why?" Harry tilted his face upwards from his husband's chest and searched the pale grey eyes. Draco returned the stare exasperatedly.

"Harry – you already got me to stand up once in front of everyone in ridiculous robes - "

"You only didn't like them because they weren't green."

Draco corrected him. "I didn't like them because they made me look like a fool."

Harry stiffened slightly, obviously hurt by his husband's remark. "So that's how you felt on our wedding day? Like a fool?"

Draco swallowed. "Harry – I married you, didn't I?"

"Because I forced you into it, so it seems." Harry's voice was tight. He shifted a little. "You shouldn't have bothered if it was so awful for you." He once again laid his head on Draco's chest. The blond could tell that Harry was holding back a sob, and that he had only resumed his position so that Draco wouldn't see his face. The Slytherin stroked Harry's hair softly.

"I didn't mean it like that," he whispered.

Harry remained quiet for a long while.

They stayed like that, the Gryffindor absently toying with the collar of Draco's cotton shirt, until Harry softly broke the silence.

"Why did you marry me, Draco?"

Draco whispered softly. "You know why."

"Say it."

"Because Ron was already taken – OOOOF!" Harry had punched him in the stomach.

"I'm being serious, Draco." Harry wasn't in the mood for games.

"So am I!" There was distinct amusement in Draco's voice.

Harry tightened his jaw and wrenched his head away from his husband's touch. He shifted his position to slide off the Slytherin but was stopped by a strong hand at the small of his back.

"Harry - " Draco's voice was tender. "You know why."

Harry pulled himself away and swung his legs over the side of the bed, his back towards his husband. He rested his elbows on his knees and looked at the floor.

"Can't you just be serious for once?"

Draco was silent.

The dark-haired man raked his fingers through his hair in frustration. "I – I need to hear it once in a while."

"Saying it doesn't mean anything, Harry." Draco's voice was cold. "If it's there already, then it doesn't need to be said - "

Harry cut him off angrily. "Will you stop talking in riddles for goodness sake? If you love me then just SAY - "

Draco shot out of their bed and made towards the doorway.

Harry watched his retreating back scornfully. "Oh that's right, just leave…. You're good at doing that when you have to talk about your feelings," he said bitterly.

The words stung Draco.

He paused, his whole body rigid, but refused to turn around to look at Harry.

"You've got no idea what you're talking about."

"Then tell me! You owe me that much…."

Draco's breathing quickened and he almost made to leave the room - but something stopped him. He seemed to be fighting some inner struggle. He fumbled with his hands for a long time, and when he finally spoke, it was in a voice that Harry barely recognised.

"Everything I've ever had, Harry - " His voice was barely a whisper, but hot tears thickened the sound. "Everything I've ever cared about – my parents, the people I trusted, my home - "

Harry couldn't believe it. In all their years together, he'd never seen Draco cry. Not once.

" - I loved them all and I destroyed every one of them…." His shoulders shaking, he lifted his left sleeve and winced at the insignia traced into the skin of his forearm, all but faded away with time.

"I didn't know what I was doing - I didn't know who I was anymore, Harry." He looked at the floor and rested his forehead in his hands. "I'd just about lost hold of everything – everything I'd ever dreamed about, everything I'd ever wanted…." He wiped his eyes. Harry stared sadly at his husband's back. He wanted to hold him so much, but at the same time he didn't want Draco to stop talking. He knew that he needed to say this.

Draco turned a little towards the Gryffindor. "And then - just when I thought there was only emptiness instead of this wonderful future that I had always imagined, this amazing man comes into my life." He smiled through his tears. "And he wants to marry me." He sniffled and turned away again. "You have no idea what you did to me, Harry. You made me feel so safe, and so - " He closed his eyes and inhaled a shaky breath.

"I'm too scared to admit to loving anything, because I know that at some point my past is going to catch up with me and destroy it." He started to shake, his voice thick with tears. "And I couldn't lose you, Harry. I just couldn't - "

Harry couldn't stand it any longer. He stood quickly and covered the ground between himself and Draco and circled his arms tightly around his waist. He drew the trembling man towards him and buried his face in the back of his neck. "I'm so sorry, Draco…. I had no idea…."

Unable to speak, Draco instead entwined his long fingers with those that were holding him firmly around his waist, and let the tears spill down his cheeks.

Harry slowly turned him around so that they were facing. Draco lowered his head quickly, not wanting him to see his tears. He wiped his sleeves frantically over his face.

"No," Harry demanded softly. He tenderly removed Draco's arms from his face and placed them around his own waist. He tilted Draco's chin upwards and forced his gaze to lift to meet Harry's. "I want to see you," Harry said tenderly. He used his own fingers to wipe the tears from Draco's cheeks. "Don't ever hide from me again, Draco…."

The Slytherin fell into the offered embrace, his shoulders still heaving, and those strong arms had never felt so safe and so comforting as in that instant. Harry turned to plant a soft kiss on Draco's hair, and the warmth of his husband's touch somehow made it easier for Draco to speak.

"I can't bear the thought of you not knowing how I feel about you." He buried his face in the crook of Harry's neck and clung to him tighter, as if to let go would be to lose him completely. "You're everything to me." He pulled back a little so that he could look into those green eyes.

Draco lifted an unsteady hand to caress Harry's cheek, and traced his thumb over his husband's lips. "It's always been you, Harry…. Always…."

He was now trembling. They both were.

Draco whispered hoarsely. "Every time I lie beside you I have to touch you to make sure that you're real - that you're really here with me. Every morning I hold you and wait until you open your eyes because I – I want to be the first thing that you see….

"How can you even ask me if I love you?" His voice was filled with emotion. He turned once more to Harry, his eyes misted with the enormity of what he was feeling. "These past seven years I've done nothing but - " He couldn't finish his sentence.

But he didn't need to.