Chapter 15: Out into the Open

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The morning finally came, after a long dark night.

Despite the gunshots still echoing in her ears, despite still seeing the man's face frozen to a horrible bloody mask, somehow Melissa had actually managed to fall asleep for a couple of hours. The sleep had been restless, but mercifully without any dreams; a black pit thick with fear and guilt. When it had morphed into nameless and faceless men, dragging her and Jackson down into the sand, drowning them, she had woken up with a start, heart beating fast and furious, for a moment not knowing where or when or how.

Jackson's arm had tightened around her, and she had remembered everything. She had felt like crying then.

They had sat huddled together, waiting for the sun to rise, not talking about what they should do, what would happen next. With almost fervent anticipation, they watched as the jungle turned from dark shadows to brilliant colours, as the light started to penetrate through the leaves, painting everything in the shades of green and gold. Melissa thought she had never seen anything so beautiful.

In the light of the new morning, she felt a little better. The sun couldn't make the thugs miraculously go away, but it could banish the darkness for a little while at least. It also brought much needed warmth back into their bodies; their clothes had never really dried - the damp fabrics stuck to their clammy skins, cooling their already cold bodies further.

In the sunlight, Melissa also got the first good looks of herself and Jackson - and they truly did look like they had been to hell and back. Jackson's face was dotted with bluish bruises, his lip split, hands clotted with dirt and specks of dried blood. His t-shirt was torn at the hem, and the shirt together with his jeans was covered with sand and mud. It was the sight of his neck though, that made Melissa wince in worry and sympathy. The angry red marks were a sharp remainder of how close to death they - he - had really been. How close she had been to losing him - not to another girl, but to something far more terrible and permanent.

Melissa promised herself then that whoever he chose, whether it be her or Taylor or someone else, this would always be the real gift - Jackson breathing and speaking to her - and now that she knew what a real loss looked like (the man's hands around his neck, squeezing, his eyes closing), she would be fine, if he loved someone else, she would accept it, and although it would hurt (God it would hurt-) it would not really be a loss of any kind, except her stupid fantasies.

They sat still quite a while, enjoying the warmth, oddly hesitant to speak even the simplest words. It felt good to be warm again, and it felt even better to feel his thigh against hers, their shoulders touching. Melissa soaked up the comfort as much as she soaked up the sun and almost regretted, when she finally opened her mouth. However, they needed to decide what to do next; they needed badly some kind of plan on how to continue onwards.

Neither one of them wanted to leave their small shelter under the canopy of palm trees to roam the island, where they could stumble upon the thugs. Neither one of them wanted to think, let alone discuss, what had possibly happened to the others. What the gunshots had meant. Who had been shot, and whether the man they had fought had died (by her hand).

In the end, it was the overwhelming thirst that overcame their fear and forced them to leave their hiding place. For if they were to survive, they needed food and water. That had to be taken care of first, and the rest would have to wait.

Carefully, listening to every sound around them, they started to make their way towards their water source; the precious spring that had really saved all of their lives in the early days, when they had still been struggling with the basic needs in the new environment. They were only alive because they had found water, and now Melissa and Jackson had to find that place again.

Luckily, the jungle looked completely different in the sunlight; settled and familiar. It didn't take long for them to get their bearings and figure which way to go. Jackson in the lead, Melissa directly behind him, they mediated a speed that was between running (they wanted to be there now, back in some kind of shelter) and creeping (they could not be heard, could not be found out).

During the whole journey to the water spring, Melissa watched the surrounding jungle with almost paranoid attention; seeing the thugs in every moving shadow, hearing them in every rustling sound. She prayed that the luck would be on their side, that they would be left alone, for they were both so thirsty and hungry and tired and defeated - and for a moment she was truly afraid that they wouldn't have the strength to fight back anymore if it came to that.

To her utter relief, it did not come to that, and they arrived safely to the water spring - only to find out that they were not the only ones seeking to quench their thirst.

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After an utterly miserable night in the jungle, things were finally looking better. The thugs were gone - they had to be gone - and they were all in one piece, and soon everything would be back to normal again.

Really, it was all good now in Eric's book. Lex was fine, a little scared and shocked maybe, and still clinging to Daley as if his life depended on it, but nothing bad had happened to him. Eric had taken care of him, when it had been just the two of them with Cole, saying soothing things and holding his hand, and if that had also been for his own benefit, no one had to know. The point was: Lex was alive and with Daley again, and Eric didn't deserve the cold shoulder and sharp looks Daley had been giving him since they had settled down to wait the sun to rise.

And okay, he had messed up when he had hid the money, but how had he been supposed to know what would become of it? The important part was that it was all over now; the men were gone (please let them be really gone), they were all fine (he would not think of the dead man) and while they had no idea, where Taylor, Melissa and Jackson were, Eric was certain they were just hiding somewhere, waiting it out, as they themselves had been not a short while ago.

He felt like he had just survived another plane crash, but this time around he knew what to do afterwards. They had to get back into the swing of things, go back to camp, get some food and water and a nice fire going, some clean clothes and a lot of rest.

Eric had put his point across relentlessly to Daley and Nathan, when they had discussed what their next step should be. Of course he had been ignored, but finally the leader and her consort had decided that they needed water and therefore, they should all head for the water spring. And yeah, his throat was parched and he couldn't even remember, when was the last time he had gotten a drink, so he had followed them without a protest.

Eric could always go his own way if he wanted, but for now, it made sense to be with the others. Not that he was afraid anymore, for the men had almost certainly already left and the island was as deserted as it had been on the day they had crashed.

They had easily found the spring and had hastily put their cupped palms under the clear fresh water, gulping it down in record time, enjoying the soothing coolness in their mouths.

Eric was on his fifth round, when Jackson and Melissa stumbled out of the surrounding thicket with a crash, looking dazed and half dead. Things were a bit chaotic after that.

"Oh God you're alive!"

"You're okay, thank-"

"We were afraid you-"

"No we are all fine I am so happy-" Everyone seemed to be talking at once, and Melissa was hugging Lex and Daley, and then Nathan grabbed her to him, exclaiming how relieved he was, and Jackson grinned like crazy and the ugly bruises on his face made him look like a maniac (and what was up with those?), and Lex had disentangled himself from Daley and was now hugging Jackson and saying,

"I knew you'd be fine! I knew it-"

And then Mel was suddenly squeezing the life out of Eric, and God, there were tears in her eyes, and he felt something huge unfastening inside him, a tight pressure he hadn't even known he had been carrying until it fell away, and for the first time in what seemed like forever he breathed properly again.

It had only been a few minutes, when their current numbers seemed to sink into their heads (not seven but six), and Jackson was the first to ask, "Where's Taylor?", followed immediately by Melissa's frantic inquiry, "She isn't - oh God is she - is she gone?" It took a moment for Eric to realize that she meant dead.

"No, she's fine - or as far as we know she's fine -" Nathan was quick to reassure, and Daley continued after him, "She didn't come with us, but I'm sure she is fine, she was okay…"

The answer seemed to appease the pair, who definitely looked worse for wear, and Eric couldn't help but ask, "What the hell happened to you two?"

Melissa and Jackson traded quick glances, before Jackson shrugged his shoulders and answered, "Nothing much. We saw the men and hid, and then later stumbled upon one of them and had a bit of a fight - but we're okay."

Jackson's voice was steady and his eyes didn't shun from the curious looks directed to him, but Eric knew that there was more to the story. It seemed that Daley agreed with him, and she was already opening her mouth to demand details, but was interrupted before she got any words out.

To Eric's surprise, it was Melissa, who turned the tables by firing a string of questions to them.

"And what happened to you? How did you escape? Did they let you go? Where - do you know where they are, are they-" Her voice was hoarse, and it broke into a dry hacking cough. Jackson took her hand and drew her next to the spring, gesturing to her to drink. As she took her first sips of water, Nathan started to tell what had happened. Eric grimaced, when he got to the part where the money had become an issue, but luckily Nathan didn't delve further into Eric's newest screw up.

As the story progressed, Melissa and Jackson were sufficiently horrified by Cole taking Lex with him and amazed by the resulting showdown in the clearing.

"So the gunshots we heard…" Jackson left the rest of the sentence unvoiced.

"The leader shot the other man. He - I think they were fighting over the money."

His name was Jin, Eric thought, oddly irritated at Nathan's words. He has a name.

"We came there just after it - Daley - Daley was amazing, she threatened him with a gun and got him to leave." Nathan turned to Daley and gave her an adoring look that made Eric want to roll his eyes. So we are back to puppy love.

"I - I just had to do something, I didn't think." Daley returned Nathan's look with as much fervour, holding Lex tightly by her side.

"And he just left?" Jackson sounded sceptical.

"Yeah. He got the money, said he would not come back - I believe he was serious."

"Well, there's one way to be sure." Jackson looked determined. "They have a ship in the bay - the one near the bunker. We have to check if it's still there." Melissa didn't look too pleased about the suggestion, and Eric could definitely share her disquiet. He didn't have any desire to walk straight into a place, where they knew the men could be, where they were keeping their boat for God's sake -

"It's the only way we're going to be sure." The silent and not live in fear anymore flashed briefly in Jackson's eyes, only to be covered by a stubborn look soon after. Nobody said anything, and just as Eric was thinking, I for sure won't be volunteering, Jackson said, "Look, I'll go and you'll wait for me here-"

"I'll go with you." Melissa surprised Eric again, her voice quiet but earnest, her hand hovering near Jackson's, as if she wanted to grab him, before he had a chance to go without her. And the two had been friends before, but when did they become joined in the hip?

"No - stay here Mel." And as she was ready to protest, Jackson added with a softer tone, "Please stay here. You don't have to go back there." And there was something behind the words that only Melissa could hear, could understand, and she nodded her defeat.

"I'll go." Nathan spoke up and lifted the hem of his shirt, revealing the black handgun tucked into his pants. "We'll have this if there's trouble."

Jackson and Melissa both stared at the gun, and even Eric, who had known it was there, had seen Nathan put it there, was a little fazed. They had a real gun. That's one hell of an addition to our survival kit.

"Okay, let's do it. Stay here until we come back." Jackson and Nathan moved to leave, but Melissa's question stopped them in their tracks.

"What about Taylor?"

Jackson turned to her, and again Eric had the distinct feeling that there was something going on beneath the seemingly normal looks and words, as Jackson answered "We'll find her when we're sure the men are gone."

Melissa's small smile followed Jackson's and Nathan's retreating backs, before her face morphed into a sad expression. Daley was already looking anxious. Clearly, it was going to be a long, unpleasant wait. Eric did the only thing he could; he prioritized.

"So…how about some food anyone?"

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One would think that the fear would disappear, when the object of dread is proven to be gone. It is not that easy. The body and the mind remembers, and even if one's new mantra is there is nothing to fear, they will tell you differently.

The body stiffens whenever someone comes unexpectedly near it, the presence of the other too sudden and too close. Through every ache and strain, the body remembers the violence inflicted upon it. The ugly marks, black and blue and turning to yellow, are there for all to see, so they will know the same - something that has happened can always happen again.

Bodies can be broken. The flesh is soft and the bones are brittle, and the blood will flow away if there is nothing to contain it. They have an example of this in their backyard; two bullet holes in a flesh fast decaying.

The mind remembers all of it, and it won't shut about it. It tells tales - true stories - how one held a gun in one's hands, ready to pull the trigger, how heavy the oar was and what kind of noise it made upon impacting the skull. It's not murder if there is no body, but sometimes the mind doesn't believe that. The intent to harm is all that matters.

There is nothing to be scared of anymore, and yet, the smell of fear is still ripe in the air. There's no forgetting what true helplessness tastes like, either. The body freezes, when the mind reminds it how it felt to be hold in place against one's will. It wants to run, when told what it was like to stay quiet and hidden, waiting in the rain, waiting in the darkness, waiting alone. The body shivers, when the mind recalls over and over again, how cold it had been, how cold the ocean was when one went under it.

They won't talk about these things.

One cannot skip daily routine on a deserted island in favour of a survivors' trauma group meeting. Water and food has to be collected, their provisions stocked to last through another crisis. The fire has to be rekindled, dry firewood salvaged, and the damp and muddy clothes have to be changed and washed. Cuts and bruises have to be tended quietly, without any fuss.

And if at the first sight of the sun going down, of darkness approaching, they gather in their tent, it's because they are exhausted, ready to rest at last. All of them in the same small tent, back to back, side to side, because it is warmer that way.

And because the fear won't disappear, but it lessens, when there is a hand one can hold onto.

FIN

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So, this was it! I can't believe it's over. Firstly, I want to thank all of you, who have read the story, especially those of you, who have reviewed - you have motivated me to write better and faster.

I hope you enjoyed the last chapter - I didn't mean to finish on such a downbeat tone, but the last section kind of wrote itself. I know that there are many issues that were left unresolved, not least the whole Melissa/Jackson/Taylor triangle. I made a decision to not go into it in the last chapter, for I felt I couldn't do it in a satisfactory manner - I felt it didn't fit in this story. However - I fully intent to resolve those issues in another story. That's right, I am planning a small sequel!

The sequel will tell how the seven will deal with all that happened to them, and how the relationships and they themselves have changed. I will post it later this spring, when the final tests in my school are over.

Once again, thank you all, and have a nice warm spring!

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© Kirsi Rönnqvist

August 2006 - March 2007