Author's Note: August 13, 2006
Welcome, one and all to the sequel to the Amazing Race: Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door edition! With twelve new teams, fourteen legs of action, and unknown potential...what will happen? Which team will win? Will the fact that the competitors are all extremely minor sub-characters make a difference? Let's see...
Disclaimer: I don't own the Amazing Race or Nintendo (which includes the PM:TTYD characters). Although Miles and Blaise are my characters, the Yoshi concept belongs to Nintendo.
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Previously...on the Amazing Race...
Twelve teams of two took a mind-numbing challenge: a race around the world. These teams had strong friendship, leadership, skills, and smarts. In this race, a team was knocked off in most rounds, but three moved on to the final…where one team came out victorious. Koopley and Koops, the father-and-son team from Petalburg, managed to claim the prize: one million Smash coins. Little did the crowd at the finish line know…twenty-four more would be competing once again…
The lush jungles of Keelhaul Key sway by the gentle ocean breezes. A large, loose leaf fell into a small, shallow pool of water, creating ripples on the surface. The reflections of two Yoshis that were leaning against a large tree could be made out after the energy stopped moving over the surface of the water.
Miles & Blaise: Hosts (Keelhaul Key Jungle)
"…This is Keelhaul Key. An island surrounded by treacherous waters and an aura of secrecy…with a remarkably flourishing jungle and intense mysteries…including the treasures of many pirates." Voiced the orange Yoshi, named Miles.
"However, a greater treasure awaits. As a matter of fact, this remote land of adventure will be the starting point in a race around the world." Said the red Yoshi, Blaise.
Twelve brightly colored hot-air balloons can be seen in the distance, floating towards the atoll.
"Twelve new teams are currently being transported here by hot-air balloon, and will reach ground by splashing down on target by a large flying block. These teams are made up of two people with a special relationship, varying in size, species, and age. These teams are…" Blaise trailed off.
(Author's Note: All interviews in the following section are prior-race.)
(Voiceover occurs at hot-air balloon.)
Toodles & Toadia
"Toodles and Toadia. Two residents of Poshley Heights who have known each other for years through piano lessons."
(Toodles is wearing less make-up than usual, and her hair is pulled back into a ponytail. She is wearing a red T-shirt, a small pearl necklace, a tomboyish yellow skirt that reaches down to her knees, and new red-and-white tennis shoes. Toadia has her brown hair in the usual fashion. She has on a white-and-green shirt featuring "Luigi Fans Don't Lose," blue jeans, and green tennis shoes.)
"Sophistication is a key element to winning. As a formal class lady, I must remain disciplined. Although I will refrain from doing anything crazy, I know that as a team, Toadia and I will pull through and do our best. She has been a pupil to me for three years now, however, I feel that I will be learning quite a bit from her during this experience." Toodles declared.
"My only better choice as a partner would've been Luigi, but…oh well!" Toadia giggled. "I know for a fact that Toodles and I cooperate well together, and that by itself puts us a step ahead of any uncooperative teams. I'm not exactly interested in the prize, though. For me, it's more of trying to impress Luigi! Other than that, I've always wanted to explore new places."
(Voiceover occurs at hot-air balloon.)
To & Too
"This team has decided to keep their names…as shown."
"To and Too, the younger two of the sisters in the Three Traveling Sisters trio."
(To and Too have their pink and green hair in braids, respectively. They both have on skirts that match their hair and hat color, along with white shirts and blue jackets.)
"Two, Too, and I decided that it was time for the younger of us to go for it out into the world!" To exclaimed.
"And discover even more than what we had found in our previous adventures!" Too continued.
"For exploring is our hobby, and we intend to make use of our global knowledge to win this race!" To followed.
"Because for sister power, anything can happen!" Too screamed out to finish.
(Voiceover occurs at hot-air balloon.)
Hamma & Flare
"Hamma and Flare. Two specially-powered brothers who fight as a team simultaneously with the third bro, Bamma."
(Dressed in the regular Hammer Bro attire, Hamma has on his helmet, shell, and boots. Flare has on the same, but in his own coloration. Neither have any clothing outside of their shells.)
"Dude, it's only natural that we'd make it onto the race. This thing's only for the strong, and that's what we are! We're gonna blow past all the others!" Hamma clenched his fist.
"There's no doubt about it; we're going to be dragging along the rest. It's just that me and bro have trouble sometimes…he's got some ego problems…" Flare smirked.
"Shut up, you hot-headed freak!"
"Oh yeah! At least I don't hit myself with my own hammer—"
(A/N: Due to the nature of the rest of their interview, we would like to cut off at this point. We apologize for any inconvenience. …Not really.)
(Voiceover occurs as the couple boards the block.)
Husband & Wife
"This team has decided to keep their names…as shown."
"Husband and Wife. A married couple of 'Twilians' who nonchalantly runs the Twilight Town shop."
(Husband's purple skin is covered by his blue jacket, white short sleeve, brown boots, and green work pants, which compliment his signature green hat. His glasses cover his eyes. Wife's blonde hair is left to freely move about her head, except for the part covered by her red bandana. Her short-sleeve is blue, and she has a dark pink apron along with black running shoes.)
"For us, it's merely a matter of not arguing…we've had so many arguments and differences over the years, and it could create quite a bit of conflict within the team. But, all of those disputes have only strengthened our relationship as a loving couple…isn't that right, Wife?" Husband asked tenderly.
"Of course, sugar… We're hoping to advertise our shop in Twilight Town, but of course, we want to have an enjoyable experience to look back on. We're hoping to use our feeble looks to fool the other racers so we can sneak up and make our move to the front." Wife explained.
(Voiceover occurs as the flying block floats out of the balloon.)
Screamy & Torque
"Screamy and Torque. They became best friends while accompanying Luigi on his 'heroic' adventure."
(The marshmallow-like partner's yellow eyes glow with a sincere kindness that greatly contrast from his partner's competitive spark. Torque's hook seems to be sharper than usual.)
"After traveling around with Luigi through the Waffle Kingdom, we're both excited to be going around the world! It's not every day that you get pulled away from your daily life to do something this awesome! Right, Torque?" Screamy inquired.
"Yeah, yeah…just so I can get the money to help repair my kart…" Torque muttered. "Then maybe I'll have enough leftover to bribe people into throwing that Luigi into jail or something…"
"What was that?"
"Huh? Oh, uh…nothing…"
(Voiceover occurs as the flying block slowly descends.)
Pa-Patch & Cortez
"Pa-Patch and Cortez. Reasonably good friends, pirates, and sailing mates."
(Pirate Cortez has his trademark black pirate's hat atop his head. His eerie blue eyes peek out of his sockets. Pa-Patch has his typical pirate appearance with his bone wheel, patch, and striped hat.)
"Keelhaul life has definitely re-fueled a want for adventure…it's been a while since I've left the island, but I'm sure it'll be fun to smell somefin' besides the ocean air. It's just that Sir Cortez…well…" Pa-Patch looked down. "To be honest…he sorta freaks me out…"
"Mi amigo Pa-Patch and I will bring fun to the race, no? Haha, he still has not yet gotten over the ghostly appearances from when we first met…pero, he should be over it…" Cortez cackled. "Our performance does depend on it…y si él falla, él sufrirá..."
"What!"
"Muy bueno, you understand?"
"…Um, no…not really…"
(Voiceover occurs as the flying block slowly descends.)
Pungry & Pungent
"Pungry and Pungent. Punis of the Great Tree, and friends. Both reside in the Great Tree's hidden shop."
(The shopkeeper's blue bulb is a great contrast to his body, which is striped with gray. Pungry, on the other hand, has his bulb hidden under his hat. His eyes are a glassy gray color.)
"Although it'd be nice to win, that's not our main goal. Pungent and I pretty much just want to be able to experience traveling…the Great Tree is an awesome landmark, but it'd be cool to see different places." Pungry remarked.
"Racin' with meh buddy Pungry here's gonna be one wild ride! Although we spend all our time cooped up in the Great Tree, those others are gonna be plumb well surprised how speedy we can be!" Pungent exclaimed.
(A/N: In the game, Pungry has no bulb showing…it's either that its hidden under the hat, or he has none at all…and it's also impossible to tell if those are actually his eyes, or just some shady glasses…either way, I just went ahead and picked.)
(Voiceover occurs as the flying block slowly descends.)
Shimi & Waitress
"One member of this team has decided to keep her name…as shown."
"Shimi and Waitress. Workers aboard the Excess Express' dining cart, and close friends."
(Chef Shimi's orange lips glow in the sunlight. A blue baseball cap has replaced his green chef's hat. Other than that, nothing else covers his brown body. Waitress' heart on her frilly shroom hat stands out, as does her two purple ponytails. She has a pink shirt and skirt on that blend with her pink shoes.)
"Cooking for the Excess Express is fun, but we hardly ever see anything but Rogueport, Poshley Heights, and the Riverside Station. With this experience, we'll be inspired to do better at our jobs upon our return! And anyways…we'll be able to eat—I-I mean, beat the other teams in a jerky! …I-I mean, jiffy!" Shimi stuttered.
"I've worked aboard the Excess Express for a few years now…it's enjoyable, but being stuck there for so long gets so annoying! No shopping, no sightseeing…a girl's gotta have her basic necessities! Although we won't have time to shop, at least we can see things we'll never forget on the race." Waitress smiled.
(Voiceover occurs as the flying block slowly descends.)
Andy & King
"Bandy Andy and King K. Two characters who fight in Glitzville on separate teams, but are best friends."
(The KP Koopa has on his usual yellow shell and boots, along with his spiked choker, bracelets, and sunglasses. Bandy Andy, on the other hand, has the usual green tunic of a regular Big Bandit.)
"What we strive to accomplish in the race is basically just being able to see all that it has to offer. It'll be different competing as a team together, since we both usually lead our own groups…but I don't think it'll affect us too much." Andy shrugged.
"Don't be gettin' negative, dawg! Think it! You use that info-grabbin' talent of yours, and we got this in the bag!" King reminded.
"Yeah, I guess…it'll be fun memorizing new rumors in new places."
(Voiceover occurs as the flying block lands on the target.)
Smorgo & Smorga
"This team has decided to keep their names…as shown."
"Smorgo and Smorga. Two Smorg who are in fact, genderless."
(Both Smorg have no distinguishable physical characteristics, so it's impossible to tell them apart unless they speak.)
"SMORGSMORGSMORGSMORGSMORGSMORGSMORGSMORG"
"SMORGSMORGSMORGSMORGSMORGSMORGSMORGSMORG"
(A/N: For reading purposes, at the start of the first leg and onward, the lovely speech of these two will be translated to make it a lot easier on you.)
(Voiceover occurs as the couple steps off the block.)
Zess & Toadsworth
"Zess T. and Toadsworth. A pair of best friends who are thought to have a deeper relationship."
(The chef's bouncy gray hair is still in the same curly style it has been in. Her yellow Toad cap compliments her red apron and black shirt. Sir Toadsworth has his regular attire: purple jacket, and a purple shirt with yellow buttons.)
"Let's see now…ah, yes. Toadsy and I have known each other for quite some time, we were quite overjoyed to see each other again in Rogueport; our relationship from when we parted ways hadn't changed. It's that kind of cooperation we need to pull off this operation, and we're going to do it right!" Zess smiled at her partner.
"Indeed. Although we might end up being a bit slower than the others, we still have the youthful spirit that they share. Our wisdom should be able to bring us good standings in the race…isn't that right, old bean?" Toadsworth asked.
"Of course…" The two Toads pulled in for a kiss, but the camera shut off before they could.
(Voiceover occurs as the couple brings up the rear, and starts walking up the beach.)
Beldam & Queen
"Beldam and the Shadow Queen. It is speculated by many that their similar appearances offer a possible relationship hint…but the truth is unknown."
(The ice-using Shadow Siren has her trademark blue striped hat atop her lavender hair. As for the Shadow Queen, she is in her original form, quite similar in looks to her partner. However, she has been somewhat downsized so her tall crown is probably about only two feet above Beldam's head, and her spiral body is instead in the same shape as that of Beldam. Other features about her include her flowing white hair and seemingly translucent appearance, the latter making her look really out of place.)
"I can't believe you! I only brought you back so we could race together, and this is what I get!" Beldam cried.
"Be quiet, Beldam!" The Shadow Queen commanded.
"No! I'm not under you anymore, it's the other way around like you're a magic lil' genie!"
"Are you serious! Ew! How mortifying of an idea; why, I don't even know why you'd even think that! If only I had my powers…"
The twelve teams shuffled past the shore and walked through the camp.
"Which one of these teams will be able to put together the right amount of strength, knowledge, and teamwork? How will the very relationship that bonds these partners together handle the stress of traveling thousands upon thousands of miles in unknown places? Who has the greatest will and ambition to brave the tasks? And which team will cross the finish line first to win…the one million Smash coins?" Blaise questioned.
"All of these questions and more will be answered as we begin…the Amazing Race." Miles smirked.
Both Yoshis turned their heads towards the direction that the teams would be approaching from.
The twelve teams were lined up on the edge of the shallow water. Behind them was an infamous cave, known as Pirate's Grotto—a few barrels could be seen in the entrance. Two figures, the red and blue 'stach statues, jutted out of the waters, seeming to gaze intently upon the cast. In front of them stood Miles and Blaise, and a few yards beyond the hosts, a series of backpacks that lay in a straight line between two ledges. They were divided into twelve groups, each with an envelope and black fanny pack on top.
Miles seemed to check on Pirate's Grotto to make sure nothing would jump out suddenly and attempt to wreak havoc on the racers. He then turned back toward the group and looked at Blaise, who nodded.
"In just a few minutes,you will all be embarking on a grand adventure around the world. The race is divided into several segments known as legs. In each leg, you will be faced with a set of tasks that you will be required to complete in order to reach a resting point at the end, known as the pit stop. Nine of these are elimination points that you will want to hurry to as fast as you can, because if you're last, you will be eliminated." Miles explained.
"At the start of each leg, you will receive a small bit of money that will have to cover all expenses except for airline tickets, which the race will pay for. You will want to save as much of this money as you can, as you can use it on subsequent legs, and you won't receive any until the beginning of each leg." Blaise said.
Miles continued, "In the end, the final leg will have only three teams battling it out to the finish line. The first team to cross it will win the grand prize…one MILLION Smash coins."
The group of twenty-four erupted in a large cheer, breaking the silence of Keelhaul Key.
"It looks like you are all ready." Blaise observed. "When we give you the signal, you can run over to the luggage you brought with you, where your money is stored in a team credit card inside of the fanny pack. You can open your clue and read what's inside…what you do after that is up to you."
The two Yoshis raised their hands up.
"The world is waiting for you…remember to travel safely and keep to what the restraints of your powers are…" Miles warned. "On your mark…"
Several teams crouched down.
"Get set…" Blaise stated.
"GO!"
The teams flew by Miles and Blaise in an attempt to arrive at the packs first!
And now for a word from this portion's special guest, live after the race…the missing sibling in the Three Traveling Sisters, Two!
"Hello, wonderful world!" Two skipped out onto the stage of the building that held the Amazing Race premiere party and struck a dynamically cute pose.
…
"…"
…
"…"
…
"…"
…
"…Oh! Oops…sorry, I'm used to having that 'finishing sentences thing' with my sisters…I've gotten so used to it, it's so hard to stop!"
"So, tell me…why are you and your sisters named as the three homophones Two, To, and Too?" Asked the readers.
"That?" Two raised her eyebrow. "Well…those aren't our real names. But, we tricked the race workers by placing those as our names on the registration forms. More of them, since I didn't sign up."
"I KNEW IT! THAT'S WHY YOU HAVE STUPID, UNUSABLE, IDIOTIC NAM-MMMMF!" Yelled a member of the audience at the AR premier party.
"It's funny!" Two started laughing because the random audience member's muffler hadn't noticed that he/she/it was turning purple from getting no air. Eventually, all of the audience began laughing, including the he/she/it that was running out of air, but seemed to be somehow breathing fine because it had no gills and was completely weird, making fun of a joke that the producers were going to completely utilize to the fullest because they can.
"Are you really the oldest sister?" Inquired a reader.
"Actually, we keep that as top-secret. It was just an excuse that they gave to me to sign up as a team. Before I realized that it went against our oath, they had already signed up…" Two shrugged. "At least I can cheer for 'em as they go around the world! WOO! YEAH! Not even relatives get to know who wins until the final episode airs."
"So, what does this new season of the race provide that the previous one doesn't?"
"Um…let's see…this second season supposedly offers thirteen legs before bringing up the finale as the fourteenth…four non-elimination locations…it's also supposed to not have any more changes in team introducing during the race, ya know those bold things? Yeah…let me think…" Two thought extensively for a moment before perking up. "Oh, yeah! It's also supposed to have two destinations that are purely author-created, and a special guest commentary after each segment. That person's going to provide clues about where the next leg takes place, and steal some of the author's note lines…which I've done! Let's see…the first leg isn't too far from home…but it's a true cement maze."
Two giggled and curtsied as the crowd applauded.
Author's Note: All of the teams should be a bit more in-character than the cast of the first race, with the exception of probably Screamy/Torque, King K., Shadow Queen, Toodles, and Chef Shimi. In other words, a lot. I'll try to do my best to stay in their mindset, but meanwhile…read on!