Yasashii Ryoute, a tales of symphonia fanfic

Insaneiac: Ladies and Gentlemen, as a brief interlude from the gore fest of Faraway Promises and the re-Tale of Beneath the Surface…I present a look into one of my favorite "Crack" couplings, one that'll get more and more attention in the former of the two aforementioned Insaneiac Productions. This is definitely a one shot, though rarely is anything certain in the world, and focuses around, well; it's a swapping POV story. Anyways, this is pretty much full on angst and is slightly inspired by Anima Sage Kurai's two-shot, Costly Protection. And, for once…this story really has nothing more than close comradeship in so far as Sheena and Lloyd. I'm trying to make this as open as possible, and the best way to do that is to have one pairing a focus on it so hope y'all enjoy! Also, this is at least a Teen rated story, due to some very strong language that'll be tossed around at one point. Also, I'll reiterate…I am making this as sad and depressing as possible. This is not happy go lucky, lovey-dovey crap. This is full on tragedy and angst.

-Note- The Title is based off a song from the .Hack/GU OST…amazing tune that embodies this completely. I suggest ya'll try and find it. Also, this is post game with some pretty decent spoilers alright, so read at your own risk.

Summary: Raine was always strong, no matter what came across. When that strength finally shatters, and her along with it…who will be there to help her fight her inner demons.

Disclaimer: I do not own Tales of Symphonia or any of the characters within it. Namco does.

Yasashii Ryoute (Gentle Hands)

---Raine's POV—One Week Ago---

It's late dusk…and here I am.

Sometimes things never quite make sense, even to me. You can stand there looking at it for hours or hear it spoken a billion times…even watch it unfold like a dramatic play but it would never make sense. Not until it was after the fact…not until it was too late. Even when it is set in stone and filed nicely into that folder of events we call passing time, it just won't make sense. It doesn't because of us…whether you are human, elf or stuck in-between like me. When something like this happens, we'll refuse it until the very moment we can't. We people, of any race, are esteemed experts in the art of stubborn denial.

A week ago I was in the middle of an exploration with Linar after he discovered a series of tunnels underneath the Dias at Asgard. While there was nothing in their in terms of material possessions, the architecture and designs of each room were nothing short of breathtaking. But this is beyond the point and entirely worthless…listen to me. Even now, I sound like a scientist. I can't help it; it was how I lived my life. I'm trying to cover all the facts. Or am I?

Am I just trying to justify what I did?

I had been running a hand along the stone tablet in front of me for quite some time…yes, I was speaking literally beforehand. Set in stone is exactly the case in this manner. As I run my hand along each individual indentation, I feel the strength drain. I started with the first letter, a capital 'G' and for about an hour, I couldn't move my hand past it…I'm only now on the third letter…a lowercased 'N' that seems to be there specifically to shatter my mask of strength. That mask I've worn since I came to this village that I've never taken off in public. That mask that I've kept fastened to my face so I could hide the weakness I despise. I find myself retracing the letter again and again, each time I did I felt that mask crack just a little more.

Lloyd…he's behind me. He is watching me like he's afraid of something. Knowing him…he probably thinks I'll either kill myself or destroy this damn stone tablet. Hell…I might just do both. But behind that glance I can feel something else…almost like what a child would be doing if his mother was faced with tragedy that the child could not comprehend. He is afraid for me. Beside him is Zelos…the two of them had returned instantly from their journey to rid the world of exspheres once they heard the news. They were here within hours…along with Colette and Sheena…along with Regal and Presea. All of them had gotten here within hours. But what about me…his sister. His damned sister!

I took a week.

I took a Goddess-be-damned week to get here.

They were here to watch him as he screamed in pain and tossed side to side in convulsions…to see him vomit whatever went into his stomach and dry heave for a good few minutes after his stomach was empty. They were here to watch his eyes shrink slowly and his skin become as pale as the hair on his head. To watch him proceed from echoing screams to voiceless cries of agony. To see him descend into a state of nigh catatonic shock mumbling…pleading for release from the pain.

They were there to hear him pleading for them to find me…to bring me to him. When I hear that…I don't know anymore. I see him lying on a bed in the middle of some blank and empty room, crying out my name at times, and muttering it hoarsely at others. He's always crying in these little torture sessions that my sadist mind forces me to endure, and his eyes are always saying the same thing.

"Sis…where are you. I'm cold…I'm scared…I'm afraid of this. Sis where are you? Why aren't you here…Why am I all alone…"

Finally, my hand lifts off the letter and presses for a split second on the next before I feel it jolt away in shock. I kept telling myself it wasn't true…that anyone's name could start with GEN…that anyone of her companions could have been friends with this nameless GEN person. The next thing I know, I've shattered my right hand quite effectively as I drove it with all my might into the fourth letter. Lloyd gasps, Zelos flinches, and I stare at my hand against the tablet for a second of torturing silence before shattering like a plate of glass hurled at pavement. The impression of a lowercased "I" is now deep within my right hand, though you couldn't tell from the blood that covered it pretty fast. Next thing I know, I've collapsed to my knees and had my arms wrapped around the tombstone, crying and screaming as if he was dying in my arms right now. My last living family member that still knew who I was…that still loved me because he knew who I was…he was gone.

My little brother, Genis…my precious little brother…dead.

And it's all.

My.

Fault.

I don't remember how long I was there for…I could have cared less what length of time had passed while I poured out. The great castle of emotional fortitude that was I, Raine Sage, had come crumbling down inside of itself, as if my entire life was simply balancing on a point. The kind of point that seems unbreakable and immovable until the inevitable snap comes with age and loss. First it was our father, then out mother who descended into insanity and began fondling a worthless doll…calling it me. I was replaced by my own mother…with a raggedy doll. After that, he abandoned me when I needed him the most, and left me and my baby brother alone and scared in the middle of Sylvarant. I've lost every member of my family other than Genis…and I swore to the Goddess that I'd always be there for him. I'd never abandon him like the rest of our family did.

But I did…Like Dad…like Mom…like him… Like all of them did to us, I did to Genis. As if that realization was the final killing blow to that mask, everything shatters. Is there a world around me anymore? At that time, I wouldn't have known or even given a damn about. I cry and scream into the ground, into the tombstone, into the air…it didn't matter. Nothing did at that point. Again I pull back my shattered right hand, and punch the tombstone. The pain tears through me like lightning through water, but bared no more strength than a mere pinch to me. Nothing could match this pain I felt now. It was a vortex of emptiness that ravaged through me, a maelstrom of anguish that plagued me. I punched the tombstone again and again, always in the same spot until I could no longer lift my arm. Had I been able to look at anything other than the word "Genis" in front of me and the blood that adorned the letter I and most of the tablet under it, I could has seen that my fist was a mess of shattered bones, blood and open wounds. But it didn't stop me from sobbing and screaming. What did was my throat finally having enough of it being bloodied and strained, cutting off my ability to scream. Tears still ran down my face, salty waterfalls that seemed everlasting trailing along my flustered cheeks.

Eventually, I felt a hand rest gently on my shoulder. It rested their, waiting for me to acknowledge it. After another few minutes of my silent sobbing, I rest the side of my head against it and cry into it. I thought it was Lloyd at first, but the hand was not as soft as his…it felt strong. A strong hand. He pauses for another moment before helping me to my feet.

"Lloyd, get back to Iselia and let them know we're coming back…." Zelos spoke, his voice betraying the nature I've come to known of him. Zelos had always kept a light tone, even at the most depressing and hopeless of moments. He was, in many ways, a happy go lucky Lloyd who made passes at everything on two legs. This wasn't Zelos…it couldn't be Zelos. His voice…it felt empty. "LLOYD!"

Lloyd shook from his comatose like stance, and locked eyes with Zelos and then mine. His eyes…they were so confused. He was as lost as a three year old child in the middle of a forest, and there was nothing she could do for him. "R—Right!" Lloyd blurted out, turning and dashing back towards the village, nearly tripping twice as he ran off. We were just about a mile outside of the village, in a large field that Lloyd, Genis and Colette used to play in. Where I used to watch and smile as Genis lived a life I dreamt of.

I heard a deep breath, or at least I thought I did, before Zelos began to walk back to the village. I couldn't understand it, Zelos hated Genis. Zelos and Genis were at each others throat at almost all times. It was comedy to watch actually…sometimes Zelos would positively stump Genis, only to seconds later find himself on the more commonplace flip side. I would laugh at them at times, and scold them at others. There was even a period were the two were competing for Lloyd's friendship and confusing the swordsman to death.

"I'm sorry." I mutter weakly. I could feel the vibrations of Zelos shaking his head, but it didn't matter. "If I…I…" I gave up talking as the sobs returned. Zelos said nothing during the walk back to the village, but I could feel it from him. I could feel what he was feeling, why he was so distant and so unlike himself. He didn't blame me for Genis' dying. He along with Lloyd…blamed himself for not being able to find me sooner. I wanted to tell him to stop blaming himself…but I couldn't. Not because I blamed him for it in the slightest, but because the way he kept to himself showed me that he was also trying to wear a strong face for me. My lovely little façade of strength was now firmly fastened onto the face of the idiot chosen.

The moment we entered the village, I felt a pair of arms wrap around me tightly, ensnaring me in a warm embrace that seemed to further provoke more tears. Slowly, a hand shifted to the pack of my head, and I felt myself lower and press my face into velvet material, my tears quickly soaking into the garb. A warm voice, quivering on the edge of breaking itself, whispered words that attempted to sooth my as I bled tears into the kimono. I feel a pair of hands carefully attend to my right hand and soon a warm feeling entwines the damaged appendage and purges it of the insignificant pain. The moment that pain faded, the rest of it crashes back down upon me, and my knees give out. I collapse to the ground, guided gently by Sheena who never once let go of me. I land in a heap, leaning up against the young ninja, head and face pressed firmly against her shoulder, buried into her clothes. At the entrance to the village I break apart again, sobbing and screaming into the clothes that housed my face. Despite my screaming fit, I could hear the sound of heads turning to look at me, and feel the different emotions among the crowd. Much of it was sympathy and pity, the kind that someone who had no clue how to respond would give.

"Hey…HEY!" I hear Zelos scream, and feel the gazes lift from me. "This isn't a show…piss off." His voice was even colder than Kratos' at that point, and soon I heard feet stomping off in all directions except towards me. Slowly, I reach my hands up and grip the sides of the kimono for support. For some kind of support, it really didn't matter anymore. I was falling and falling further and further and I wanted to stop. I feel the hand in my hair tighten up ever so briefly before it pressed against my head harder, closer. Human contact that I didn't deserve but I truly needed.

"Sheena, let's get her to…" Zelos started, before I heard his hand tighten around his sword handle. How come I could hear everything…didn't people who lose someone precious to them blank out from the world? Why could I hear every little thing that went on around me now? I begin to wonder why Zelos had done what he done when I heard another voice…someone I wanted to avoid more than anyone.

"Why Raine…" Squeaked a heartbroken little blonde angel. I slowly and regrettably lifted my head from Sheena's shoulder to stare at Colette. I regretted it the moment I saw her. She had eyes that were redder than Zelos' mane, and her hair was disheveled and strewn about. Yet it was what was in her hands that truly delivered another blow to my life. She held Genis' kendama in her hands, gripping it as tightly as possible, as though it were Genis himself. Gripping it with those desperate and depressed hands. I knew all too well that I wasn't the only one that blamed me, and as soon as I saw that kendama, I knew Colette blamed me. Good girl, at least you've got the right idea. I choked back a cry, and my face contorted into that of a victim of cruel torture before I dug my head back to that perch of safety within Sheena's shoulder and screamed into it at the top of my lungs. Through it, I hear Colette run off, and Zelos' hand slip off his sword.

Was he worried Colette would do something? Stupid Chosen…you should know better than that. Colette had a weapon far more devastating than her chakrams or angelic powers…she had eyes that stabbed into the soul no matter how they did it. Fatal wounds to the body are one thing, but a blow to the soul is like a thousand deaths at once. The only difference is you can recover from the latter. It takes far longer than one wanted to, but they would recover.

"Comon…let's get her inside." I heard Zelos utter, and felt a nod in return from Sheena.

"Raine…we're standing up okay. Don't worry, I've got you. I promise." Sheena whispers to me, waiting for me to give some sign of acknowledgment. I try to say 'okay' but it comes out as a choked sob and more tears. Thankfully, she got the message regardless and stood up, albeit slowly. I matched her motion for motion, until we were moving towards our old house. It was easy following her hands, her comforting and sympathetic hands. With each step, that presence came a little closer and I felt it drown me a little more. Finally, I felt a pair a tough, hard hands grip my right hand with care and precision. It was Regal, I could tell from his presence. His presence, his emotionless presence…I couldn't have been more thankful for that. I didn't want any more sympathy, or hatred…I had all that. What I wanted…no, needed was a rock that had no comfort in it, yet bore no edge. That was Regal.

Slowly, they guided me to the room Lloyd had rushed to get ready, and I spied the swordsman rushing out of just as I went in. I heard him slump up against the wall of the house, and a moment later I swore I could hear him sobbing bitterly. I had been with Lloyd much of his life, and I have seen him go through the most tragic of things without breaking down. If anyone knew how I felt at any bare level, it was Lloyd. I lost my brother, he lost his best friend.

In the corner I could see Presea, staring in wonder at the scene unfolding. Presea…I wonder how you feel about this. You, you are free of this emotion aren't you? I envy you…yet I saw she was lost. She was afraid, lost, and unsure. Maybe I don't envy you…maybe I pity you. Genis…he loved you and you didn't even know how to react to that emotion. I wonder how this is reaching you…does it reach you? If it does…how will you respond?

Look at me; I'm still acting like a scientist.

Finally, I am laid across soft fabric, and I feel hands and bodies leave me. Suddenly, I'm only comforted by sheets and pillows. I begin to whimper and shake, tears still flowing from my eyes as I feel presences exit the room. The last thing I hear is Regal as he approached Presea.

"Come on Presea…let us leave."

"I don't understand…wh-"

"Now is not the time Presea…" I heard his voice quiver weakly, ever so briefly. Even Regal was losing his ability to stay strong. "Not the time." With that, I hear them leave and then the sound of the door shutting me in, shutting them out. The loneliness engulfs me and as sure as Genis is gone, I begin to cry. Truly cry. There is weeping and sobbing, which one does when they feel something wave over them and overtake them…and then there is crying. There is the blood of the soul as it drips from your eyes, silent at times and incredibly loud at others. I hear nothing anymore outside of my sobs and my screams. To my surprise, a hand rests on my shoulder, and I cry harder. From the feel of the hand, it is Sheena…she had stayed behind to watch me. To comfort me…and to make sure that I know I'm not alone.

Bless you Sheena…you're a Goddess in human skin.

Somehow, in between the sobs and the images of Genis that plague me, I drift to sleep.

------ Two Hours Later ------

I blink open my red eyes to find myself engulfed in darkness. I can hear the rhythmic breathing of Sheena beside me, asleep as well. I glance out my window to see the village bathed in moonlight, the sky darkened in night but not yet in twilight. Despite none of the moonlight reaching through the window, I could see everything clearly. Sheena is in a chair, sleeping peacefully. I can tell she has been crying too. Slowly, I step out of the bed and nearly collapse to the floor. I felt so weak…so absolutely pathetic. I began to wonder why I felt so weak…what it was that had taken so much out of me. I blink for a moment, and in that space I see Genis lying dead, on top of a dirt mound with his gravestone towering over his head. I just about break down again, though the tears start instantly. Lying on the floor, I wrap myself up into the fetal position, clenching my knees tightly as I poor my soul into them.

I start counting from ten, hoping that it will stop. I get to eight when my tears get stronger, and by six I was outright sobbing. I couldn't tell at the time, but in-between each bawl I was muttering fervent requests for forgiveness and begging for amends. No one stirred in the room, and for a moment I wonder if I really saw Sheena in the room. I wait there, holding myself acrimoniously and waiting for the tears to subside. It took a while, but they eventually did. I feel guilty that they do, that I've the audacity to stop crying for my lost brother…but I refocus.

I can't stay here.

Peering to the left, I see Regal's bag. Poking out of it is a wing pack, beckoning me to it. I'll flee from here. I don't want to be among his friends and comrades anymore…a murderer does not deserve that charity.

I'll suffer on my own like killers should.

My hand grips the wingpack in one moment, and by the next time I realize I am doing something, I am out the window and flying off into the night, away from Iselia.

Away from Lloyd, who is afraid for me.

Away from Zelos, who is there for me.

Away from Sheena, who has comforted me.

Away from Colette, who now hates me.

Away from Regal, who I can cling to.

Away from Presea, who I can envy and pity.

And most of all, away from Genis. Who I betrayed…who I failed. Away from my little lost brother who I killed.

I just fly away.

------ ? POV – Meltokio, Present Time ------

Time.

Time blows.

Yes, I know. What a grand and fitting analysis from myself, but I could care less. This time of the year, you could probably slap me across the face and jump on my feet, and all I would do is just kill you. No smarmy comeback, no collection of dazzling moves and spells, no vengeful mutterings of the such…I'd just take my weapon and cleave your head from your shoulders. This is the time of year were people like me should just hide away in the deepest darkest basement of their house or building or evil lair, whatever…and just brood.

Of course, I am not doing that now am I? Instead, I'm walking through the middle of the awful slums of Meltokio after paying respects to someone precious to me at their favorite part of this city. A lone statue that rarely sees the light of day that I've kept in tip-top condition even since I had to hide it away. I've kept it hidden in this city for generations upon generations, ever since that first insignificant fool of a Pope considered it an offense to have anything half-elf anywhere. I'll be damned if I let some scrawny little short lived human take that away from this world, especially when she loved it so. Ever since, I've hidden it from the normal people of this place.

But what ever…I just want to go to my little habitat, and hide for the day. I refuse to say anything other than that, even to myself. I know what will eventually happen, but I refuse to acknowledge it dammit. I pause for a brief moment and reaffix my cloak, tucking a few strands of blue hair underneath its thick black hood. I hate cloaks by the way. No real reason, I just do.

As I begin to take another step, I hear something. I mean, in the slums of this awful town, one can hear lots of things…but I heard something in specific. A sob. Again, not so uncommon in a place where people will spend days lamenting their lives. Come to think about it, I don't know what it was that made this sob so important at the time or even worth my time at all.

Like I said…time blows.

I take a deep breath and turn my head to the right, the source of the sound. I find myself staring down a rather disgusting looking alleyway, abandoned for all but one solitary figure. A figure slumped up against the side of a building looking about as broken and beaten as a person could nowadays. At first, I took it at face value as some poor, down on his luck bum. After I saw another sob emit from the person, I realized that the person was a woman at the very least.

Squinting, I glanced at her a bit more closely and began making out details about the person. She had white or silver hair that went where ever it wanted to, matted with dirt and filth in spots. The side of her face that one could see from where I stood looked like it had seen far better days, and I could just barely make out a solitary blue eye that seemed to stare off into nothingness. She wore an orange overcoat of sorts that seemed familiar in some fashion; only this was dirtied, ripped and wasted away from the looks of it. Probably just bad choices on her part. In her left hand I could see a bottle of what could only be some level of alcohol, probably something strong enough to kill a small child with two gulps.

"Well, if she's got alcohol, she can't be too unhappy." I murmured, rubbing the back of my hooded head before I was about to start off again. THAT was when I stopped on my own power. I realized that in all my life…my very, very long life, I've only seen one person with that kind of get up. I whip my head back to the alley just to make certain, and I could feel my jaw unhinge itself and slip open as I saw her again. Raine Sage, the so called Mistress of the Ruins…was in ruins herself. Out of that entire group, she was the only really bearable person. Lloyd was an idiot, Colette tried to sacrifice herself for everything, Zelos was a fruit, Genis was a smartass, Presea and Regal annoyed him to no end with there personalities (or lack thereof), and Sheena was a loudmouth at some times, and a basket case at others. At least Raine was a respectable and intelligent, not to mention behaved, member of the group.

Albeit, one that did let you know what was on her mind, regardless.

Shaking my head, I turn completely and begin down the alley, stopping only when I get to the slumped form of Raine. To be honest, the view from afar was much nicer. There were parts of her that looked like she never had any degree of her former self even within her. She could barely ever look up at me, and when she did I could see no reaction at all. Slowly, she lifted the bottle of liquid up to her mouth, missing several times as she stumbled around half-drunkenly, and half-dead to get another drink. She was so pathetic right now…yet I could see this wasn't something she wanted. She just wanted a release of some kind from newfound misery. I know of only one kind that could do this to a person like her.

"Raine…what the hell happened to you?" I finally ask, after watching her for what seemed like too long. Slowly, she tried to get her head to look up at me, but after a moment of failure and slouched back down.

"F—Fuck off Yuan…" I heard her murmur in her drunken stupor. At least she knew it was me, even if she sounded like she fit in with the crowd of the slums. "G-go…back to---to you-u-ur…" She stopped mid stride before collapsing to her side, still clenching the bottle of booze in her hand. Slowly, I bent down and take the bottle from her, giving it a strong whiff before turning away. Like I had said, she was going for broke here. She wasn't drinking for pleasure, she was drinking to forget. With a long sigh, I toss the bottle away, not even flinching when I hear it shatter, before picking her up and tossing her over my shoulder. I hear some degree of protest from her, mostly in slurs and swears that would make sailors on shore leave blush.

"Talk all you want, at least let's get to some place that's not filthier than your mouth." I remark. Glancing around, I make my way down the alley and towards a door. I can already see the padlock on it, but it doesn't really mean much to me. Upon reaching it, I give the door a solid kick…and end up snapping the door in half. Angel strength, one's got to love it. Pushing through the halves of the door, I march into the building with the bumbling Sage on my shoulder, and proceed to the stairs. I knew this would at the very least make way to the roof of the building, which should pry us from any wandering eyes.

After a few moments, I kick open a second door, this time with a bit more effort needed, and march into a bland looking rooftop that seemed to stretch above the others by a little bit. Finally done with her insults and curses, I lay her against the side of the medium height rim of the roof before glancing off into the city.

"Go…away…" I hear her mutter, and all I can do is simply shake my head. Why was I shaking my head? Was it because I, the emotionless prick Yuan, could not abandon someone I have barely spent a full day with to her drunken stupor, or was it because I actually felt sorry for her? Wasn't there someone she had to turn to already, like Lloyd or her little broth-

Oh…right.

Shit.

I hadn't even noticed the fact that she had started to weep, tears sliding down her dirtied and bruised face as she made the motions to drown herself a little more in booze. When it failed, she began to weep a little harder. Then again, I can't blame her.

Not many lose someone so precious to them and recover from it. At least not completely. I still remember how Mithos "recovered" from it. However, I understood her pain a bit more than just that. She blamed herself for his death. Genis had some kind of a disease, something she probably swore she could have cured. He was dead before they found her.

How the hell could I have been so damn…?

"Hold still." I muttered, turning towards Raine. Not waiting for a direct reply, I place my index and middle fingers against her forehead and emit a blue light into her head. Moments later, her facial bruises clear up and much of whatever life she still had was rejuvenated. Not to mention that, thanks to more than a few tricks I had picked up along my life, her drunkenness faded as well. I doubt she would be happy about the latter right away. After the light finished, I removed my cloak and passed it to her, hopefully conveying the message that her clothes looked like hell and to use it to cover up. Finally, I took a few steps to the side and slumped up against the rim as well. I heard her look at the cloak, then spread it over herself as if it were a blanket.

"What did you do that for…?" I heard her mumble, just loud enough for me to hear. "Where's my drink…"

"Because you were hard to look at when drunk and I tossed it away." I answered sharply, though I noticed my tone was considerably less cold than usual. Four thousand years of life has given me the opportunity to see how different people react to this kind of tragedy. It varied considerably, from selling your soul to avenge the lost one, to letting it devour your soul entirely. It was people like me and Raine that got the worse of it. We didn't go either way, we just remembered them. And we more often than not did it all alone, where the rest of the world could not pity us.

"I didn't want your help Yuan. I was fine." Raine choked out, her voice weak and unconvincing.

"No, you weren't. You were fumbling about just trying to find where your mouth was on your face." I retorted before taking a deep breath. "Tell me about it."

Tell me about it? Why do I even care?

"I don't want your sympathy Yuan."

"I'm not giving you any." I reply, prompting a vicious glance from the woman. "You don't need it anyways."

"And just what the hell would you know about what I need Yuan? What could you possibly know about what I need?" She screamed. Suddenly, I felt like a bit of myself sunk within. I wanted to interrupt, but I couldn't. Or…was it that I wouldn't. "What could you, of all people, know about losing someone that you swore to always be there for? What could you, in all your emotionless and heartless presence, say or do for me that could help me! You wouldn't even so much as flinch when you heard of Botta dying, so just how could I benefit…could I feel anything at all, from talking to you!" When she finally finished yelling, she gave me a glare that ice would give to fire. I felt my head hang off its shoulders, and for a moment I began to ask the same questions of myself. "What could you possibly know of loss Yuan, and what it does to you? The closest you ever came was Botta, and you didn't even so much as twitch when you heard."

"You're forgetting…" I started, pausing for a moment.

Then another moment.

Then yet another.

"What am I forgetting? What could I possibly be missing Yuan?"

---Raine's POV---

"…missing Yuan?" I asked ruthlessly. I don't know why I asked. He said he got rid of the drunkenness for me, but was it still lingering? Was this really me? I stopped berating myself long enough to glance at him, and it was then I realized that I was missing something. He looked as if he was digging out something imbedded into his chest before he finally looked at me again with those same solid eyes and cold face.

"Four thousand years ago, I failed to protect someone I swore I always would. I broke a promise to the most precious person I've ever known and because of it, she died. I watched her die, watched her as she died in the arms of her brother." My mouth quivered once before I felt it try and stab my brain. I forgot all about it. Lloyd and the others weren't able to put it together, whether they were too busy with other things on their minds, or just too slow to add it together, or maybe they just didn't care. I, however, knew.

Martel. The woman he loved. Mithos' sister. Suddenly, I felt like the biggest bitch on the face the planet. This man lost the woman he loved more than anything. What is worse is that he blamed himself for it as well. He said it himself, he had failed her. And I failed Genis. He probably did feel the same way about Botta too, though nothing could have matched what happened to him before.

"So yes, Raine. I know how you feel. I know what you are feeling. I know what you want right now, but I also have some extent of knowledge that you do not. I know what you need. And it does not include lounging in some filthy alleyway and drowning yourself in liquor. The one thing I never had was someone who could listen to me. Mithos was too busy going insane through her death and both Kratos and I knew that he would need the attention the most. I was left to my own devices surrounding it. Nightmares that plague me that I thought I could drown out with alcohol that only went ahead into drunken stupors. Never helped me forget though. All that happened was that I grew cold and distant."

"Yuan…I…" I started, stuttering. For a second, I wanted to apologize to him…for him. I realized that it was the same thing I did not want to hear from anyone. Whimpering softly, I dragged my knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms around them. "I was in some ruins with Linar when it happened apparently. I was out of them and resting at Linar's home and preparing to leave for Iselia the day he was buried. Zelos and Lloyd found me as I was leaving Asgard…I couldn't understand at the time. Lloyd looked like he was running from hell itself, and I could tell there had been moments where he was crying. At least I thought there was. Zelos carried himself like Kratos at that point. He was colder than usual, and not once did he make a lighthearted comment or some degree of a pass on me." I struggled for breath as I felt the tears coming back. "They couldn't tell me what had happened…Zelos tried and stopped halfway before walking off, and Lloyd could barely even stutter the words 'Raine, you need to come with us.'. By the time we got back, we turned away from the village and walked to a field I use to watch Lloyd, Colette and… and…" Now I couldn't even say his name. Every time I tried, it turned into a frantic choke, or a half sob. Finally, I skipped the name and proceeded. That only made me feel worse inside, and I think Yuan could tell it did. "In the middle of it was this gravestone."

"When I turned to look at them for answers, Zelos was the one with tears rolling down his face. He told me the story, from start to finish, before turning away and…I've never seen Zelos act like that before. I began thinking it was some joke they were playing on me. But Lloyd, the way he began looking at me and the gravestone, he looked afraid. Afraid and lost. As soon as I saw his eyes, I started running towards the grave, and by the time I had reached it…" I paused for a second thinking it would help. How many times was life going to prove me wrong now? Before I knew it, I was openly sobbing into my knees, my body trembling against the roof's rim and the roof's surface. "I didn't believe he was dead…I refused as long as I could but…"

I flinched heavily when I felt something lay up against me, and with renewed tear stained cheeks, I turned to see Yuan sitting right beside me, looking off in the distance passively.

"Yuan?"

---Yuan's POV ---

"Yuan?" She asked. I bet she thought I hadn't listened.

It's been four thousand years since today…four millennia. And it still is like a knife carving into my ageless soul. This day I cannot escape. I had to spend it alone for so long, with no one there to tell me it will be alright or to listen. Kratos was too busy tending to Mithos, who had proceeded from fits of sporadic and violent crying to vows of vengeance and demands of destruction. I was alone.

There is no reason for her to have to face this alone.

"It was four thousand and twelve years ago exactly." I began, feeling her eyes rest themselves upon the side of my head. "When I stumbled about where Mithos and Kratos had buried Martel outside of Ymir forest. That day was the first day I actually realized she was gone from me. I had been within arms length of her when she was struck down…but even when she died I couldn't believe it. I wouldn't." I feel my fists tighten as the memories reawaken, more vivid than ever before. "A village had asked us to take care of bandits that were raiding them. All of us went to deal with them, only to find no bandit hideout where they had said. We were about to turn back when several of the villagers attacked us. It had been an ambush all along. Five attacked from the rear while four took us from the front. Mithos and Kratos attended to the ones behind us while I took to those ahead. I had cleaved through three of them when I spotted the last one to the far right, a javelin of electricity in his hands. Martel was his target and I was no more than three steps to her. He loosed the lance…"

This was the hard part…this was always the hard part. I could have been there for her, in three worthless steps.

"…I froze. Not because I was afraid for myself…but because that fear of losing Martel engulfed me. Many think that is a boost, that the fear of that loss will spur you to movement faster than anything else. But it's not. Any fear will cause you to falter and stumble." I could feel a solitary tear creeping down the side of my face opposite Raine, and inwardly I was thankful. I've spent four thousand years ridding myself of weakness and tears…I will not have that undone in one day. "The javelin tore through her like a needle through paper, and before I knew it, she had collapsed to the ground in a heap, blood pooling around her. I stared for not but a second before I charged the mage that attacked her and began to attack him like an animal. I had killed those other three instantly, but I couldn't this one. By the time I was done, he was barely recognizable as a human. When I turned back to Martel, Mithos and Kratos were already with her, with Mithos screaming and clutching her in his arms."

I felt a second tear, this time on the side of my face that Raine had been watching oh so intently. Did I care about it now?

…No. Not right now.

"It felt like an hour to take each step towards her, and when I finally reached her, I was broken to find Mithos trying to drag her from me. I could tell in his eyes and actions that he blamed me just as much as he blamed humanity on a whole. With what little of her life she had, Martel asked Mithos to stop so she could…" It was never usually this hard for me in my head. Usually I could just take it out on furniture or the training room…or even just let myself dull from it a little more. Why was this time so hard? Was it because of this woman beside me?

Am I really caving in after this long of a life?

Maybe I just finally have someone to talk to about this that understands. Heh, it's ironic now that I think about it. Finally, after four thousand years, I weep anew beside this half-elf woman that I've barely even known, or even been around for more than a few hours if that.

"She told me to be happy and to take care of Mithos. She began to tell me she loved me and always would when her life's flame was finally extinguished and she faded. Just like that she was gone, but I couldn't believe it. When it came down to it, I might be the reason Mithos ended up the way he did. I begged him to find a different way, to find some way to bring her back. He still couldn't look at me without sneering and growling, but I couldn't give up. I vowed to find a way to revive her, whether they would help or not, and ran off."

But I never did.

"But I never did. I finally returned to where her life was taken from her to find a tombstone off in the distance, towards the entrance to Ymir. I charged and staggered towards it, and when I reached it I nearly ran head first into it…but that was when it hit me. Her name was on that tombstone, along with a handful of lines that etched themselves into my soul. 'The Earth in majesty gave her to us, and to it we shall return her so that the beauty we came to love and cherish could warm and tender the Earth once more.' On top of that grave, in front of that tombstone…I broke apart like glass struck by a hammer. I hadn't even realized it when Mithos appeared…and when I finally did he took my tears and wiped them away and told me he had found a way to bring her back. After that…well the rest is history."

It was then I realized that it hadn't just been a pair of tears I had cried. My eyes hurt in much the same way as they would if I had been crying heavily, and my face stained with tears. What's more, I had realized after the fact that I was stuttering my words and trembling through others. I clenched my fists tightly, thinking it would stop the weakness from showing through. I begged myself to stop being so weak, as if I could someone be subconsciously working against myself. I couldn't bring myself to look at Raine. I was afraid she pitied me, even though I knew she wouldn't. People like us did not need nor want pity, we wanted understanding. We wanted to be understood amidst one another.

"Martel had this statue she treasured in what is now known as Meltokio. They wanted to make it in her image, but she asked they make it in the image of the Kharlan tree. They compromised and made it of the group standing around the base of the tree. After she died, people wanted to remove it and destroy it…so I hid it from them within their own town. Every year, I come to see it, and to pay respects to her. I use to go to her grave as well…but it doesn't exist anymore. Mithos removed it from existence when he found that I kept going to it. He told me there was no point because she wasn't truly dead. But I still would visit her. I still do."

It was my turn to flinch now, as I felt her head lay itself against my shoulder. I instantly began thinking I should run away, or maybe just disappear. Two emotionally fragile half-elves in the same vicinity never resulted in good things occurring. But for some reason, whether it is some impassiveness working itself back up within me, or if it was Martel herself working her hand and brining them closer together. Hell, maybe Genis and her were doing it together. Weirder things have happened. Whatever the case would be, all I know is that there were two weeping half-elves that were relying on the other.

Not for comfort.

Not for assurance.

Not for something to cling to.

Definitely not for respite from hate…

But for understanding. I understood her pain, she understood mine.

……

For once this ludicrous world just doesn't seem so empty.

--- Raine's POV ---

Genis is gone. I need to take that to heart before it consumes it. I loved my little brother and he knew that I did. I will never forget my little brother, and he knows that. I'll never replace him with some filthy doll and he knows that. I'll always speak highly of him even now and remember just what it was that I loved about my little brother, and he knew that.

And maybe I don't need to face this alone.

"Does this ever get better with time?" I ask quietly, not lifting my head from the comfortable perch on his shoulder. I wonder if he minds.

"No. The person who said 'all wounds heal with time' is full of crap. The only thing that helps is not holding it in and allowing yourself to grow cold to the world. And…having someone to talk about it with seems to help too." Yuan replied with no pause. It didn't sound like the cold and distant Yuan I came to know in our brief confrontations. This sounded like a real person, like someone had finally removed the mask and spoken without it blocking their voice. His voice sounded oddly peaceful and comfortable, something I had never expected to hear from him. Slowly, he took my hand in his and stood up, leading me to my feet. "Come on…let's go get you cleaned up. We can talk more when you don't have the scent of an alleyway masking you."

I didn't notice it then, but I had started crying again. I took my other hand to his, and began rubbing it in an inspective manner, garnering myself a confused stare. "Your hands…they're gentle. Gentle hands." They were the kind of hands that let you know that you weren't alone in life, the kind that told you no matter what, no pain was solitary. Someone could sit with you and relate, someone always could. I looked back up to see a first for the half-elf. A warm and sincere smile was on his face as the words resonated, before he turned towards the entrance we took to get to the roof.

"I bet that was a bit of a surprise, wasn't it?" He finally said, before we began to walk away. For the first time in a week…I felt safe and unafraid.

I felt like there was a still a point to life.

But above all the other feelings was something I knew

I knew that I was not alone anymore.

A/N: Raine Sage is a character that fascinates me. I think by now we know that I adore Lloyd, Sheena and Zelos, but none of them reach me on quite the same level of intrigue as that of Raine. Throughout the game she was strong hearted and always straight minded, even when it had to do with ruins. She was the one who always gave the colder advice that the group needed to hear, and yet she carried a very motherly presence to her. She was incredibly protective of Genis, Lloyd and Colette, and even of the others she seemed to be protective of. Even with the sad back story to all the characters, her's reached a new level of sad. Her family not only abandoned them, but she was replaced with a doll and Genis all but forgotten of, with only mere mentions as a coming birth. Above all of that, she had a strength that no one else, save for maybe Kratos and Yuan, seemed to be able to breach. This mask of incredible strength became the point of her I was most smitten with. Then I read Costly Protection, in which Raine gets absolutely hammered after Lloyd kicks the bucket. The idea of Raine drunk and broken began to resonate within me, so much so that I read it again for that soul purpose. Then this began to form. I asked myself, "What would happen to Raine Sage if her brother, the last member of her family that still new she was family, died." Then it became, "What if she could have saved him."

So this took form from a 'what if' scenario that evolved then into a Yuan/Raine ending. I felt it was good, but y'all can make up your own verdict. Peace!