The Journal
© Mikagami Morrigan

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DISCLAIMER: Characters that appear on this fan fiction are copyrighted to Natsuki Takaya-sensei; for Fruits Basket. No profit is being made out of this; it is simply for my senseless enjoyment.

Everything in ITALICS are written from the journal.
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He didn't think it could've been deliberate on Mayuko's part to leave her precious journal lying about in the bookstore – especially when she knew Shigure would be visiting to pick up his latest book request. No, no, Mayuko was far too cautious around him; so by accident, perhaps?

Of course, of course. And it is by mere… "accident" as well that he has stumbled upon this precious artifact, with which he now held gingerly in his hands, light-weight despite its size. How could he have known? It was stacked (albeit way, way down at the bottom) along with the pile of Shiraki bookstore's latest acquisitions; and it had caught his attention because of its rather unique, seemingly hand-sewn binding. Really, could his penchant for antiquities be blamed?

Shigure bent over a little to his left to check behind and beyond the counter for Mayu. She hasn't returned from the stock room yet, and it's been nearly half an hour ago when she suddenly left him to tend for himself. Her father has stubbornly insisted upon her help in sorting some of the newly acquired books, and it seems that it might take her a little while longer. Shigure thought he might as well indulge himself, having the opportunity present itself in a silver platter – or rather, a scarlet-red hand-paper cover with the kanji for "Mayuko" scribbled neatly in ink at the bottom.

He could always pretend he didn't see that little detail. Shigure grinned mischievously, in spite of himself.

Scanning through the entries, he found that it was actually an old journal of Mayuko's; written two, maybe three years before, during that time he and Mayuko were going out. It was also when Hatori and Kana had still been together. Shigure's brows furrowed in contemplation as he sped-read through Mayu's memories; he found scarcely an entry about his and Mayu's relationship, just mostly places they've been and random conversations they had. In fact, most of the entries were all about Hatori and Kana, and Hatori, of course – he flipped a page – Hatori, once more – he flips another – Hatori… Hatori… mostly Hatori. Shigure frowned.

He realized, this was probably where Mayu had kept all her unrequited feelings for the doctor, putting them all down in writing when they became too much for her, if only to help put up an indifferent mask around him and her best friend. Of course, it wasn't news to Shigure that his former girlfriend was – no, still is - very much in love with his best friend when their relationship had began (and ended). It had both amused and annoyed him to no end, but he had been too blinded to really care back then. And perhaps, despite circumstance, he still was. He might not be wont to admit, but there was a reason that he had wanted to date Mayuko years ago – and not only because he was utterly bored.

Shigure sighed and flipped through a few pages more, becoming a little irritated once more as he perused through all the entries that had Hatori mentioned at least thrice. Was Hatori all Mayuko had ever cared and thought about? Wait, that was a stupid question. Of course she had – and still did!

He was so close to throwing the book into the trash bin when his name suddenly popped up in one of middle pages. Shigure allowed his heart to leap a little at this. Finally, an entry where his presence alone mattered to Mayuko –

- that was, until he read the single sentence that contained his name, in big bold handwriting: "THE THINGS I HATE ABOUT SOUMA SHIGURE."

And Shigure's heart sank. To the floor.

1- No matter how many times I scold him about it, he never bothers with his hair. His bangs are beginning to drape all over his eyes and he doesn't even mind! Sure, they're silky soft, but why he prefers them uncut and unkempt... Urgh! One day I swear I'll nip them off when he's sleeping!

2- I hate it that I don't know what he's thinking most of the time. He thinks I never notice how he spaces out sometimes, and when I ask him about it, he only smiles and says it's nothing. Nothing my foot! I'm sure that constant cheeriness is completely false…

3- His favorite pastime is torturing the hell out of Mit-chan: I mean, seriously, what kind of twisted satisfaction does he get from messing around with that poor woman's mind?

4- Why do I sometimes get the feeling that I'm a pawn to whatever game he is playing? There's no way he would just go out with me out of pure kindness... is there? What are you playing at, you fool!

5- Why does he always seem to wriggle away whenever I try to get close to him? You'd think for a self-proclaimed lech, he'd jump at the first chance of physical contact. Shigure YOU ARE SO DAMN FRUSTRATING!

6- He's seen it a million times already and still, he ends up in a fit of giggles every time he watches it. I swear - I fail to see what he finds in "Meet the Parents" so darn amusing.

7- Even in his sleep, he seems to be plotting, scheming something… and it makes me nervous.

8- I will always envy his audacity at having to ask someone to be with him, even if it was for the sake of easing the loneliness… I can never be as brave.

9- His dark eyes are too sharp, too deep… I'm afraid to fall unwittingly into that intensity.

10- He hides his sadness, but doesn't expect anything from me either. I don't know if he's being cruel to me or himself.

All in all, the man's pointedly imprudent, understatedly shameless, and the more you get close to him, the further he moves away! So why do I…

"Shigure, I got your book."

He almost tossed the notebook out the window in surprise. It was a good thing he was nearly half-hidden from the books on the counter, and was able to slip back the journal stealthily amongst an older pile, when Mayuko had walked back in the store. Damn, he wasn't able to finish what she wrote, though he thought he might regret it if he probably read further. Wow, her words hurt truthfully.

"Here you go." Mayu waved a book impatiently at him, scowling when he didn't take it right away. It seems she was determined to be rid of him as soon as possible. When he took them off her hands, she immediately began dusting and shuffling the books on the counter, a not-so-subtle indication that she was far too busy to entertain him further at that point. However, being the good ol' bane of Mayu's existence that he is, Shigure stayed put, smiling and watching his ex-girlfriend shuffle around the small store.

"Argh! These books are so frustrating!" Mayu wailed, clearly irritated; though at him or at the books, he really can't be sure. Probably at both.

"Really? I'll just have to change your mind about them, then." He said easily, a smile dancing in his eyes.

"Huh?" Shigure could have sworn he saw the recognition and slight panic in Mayuko's expression; and he almost took pleasure in that fact. Almost. He wanted to make it up to her, somehow.

Sometimes, he surprises even himself. "Nothing." Shigure only smiled wider.

fin.

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AUTHOR'S NOTES: This thing is still unbeta'ed, but screw it! I hope it works out just fine, anyways. I can't believe I wrote something ShiMayu! --; Geh. Ah well, I have always wanted to explore their relationship a bit more cos perhaps, somehow, I believed that Shigure actually fell in love with her too... Comments appreciated!

This was written for the Eleven Reasons community at LiveJournal, somewhat spur of the moment inspiration. Special thanks to Smokey, for the beta-work ;)
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