I was bored and so I came up with this for the great Potato challenge. I hope that you all enjoy.
Warnings: NONE! This fic is pairing free! However, you may want to brace yourself for my new and improved versions of beloved songs.
Disclaimer: The songs that I have destroyed are the songs that I learned around the time I was in preschool. As far as I am aware they have no true owner. BUT Just to be certain. I DON'T OWN THEM. Also- Beyblades is not mine.
'How much is that Pota-to in the window?
The one with no eyes and no mould.
How much is that Pota-to in the window?
I do hope that Potato's not sold.'
"Mr Hiwatari?" A young girl asked, stepping away from the general chorus of second graders.
Her teacher stopped what he was doing and looked up at her. "Hm?" He asked, sparing one last glare at the tangled lights he had been trying to sort out.
"Isn't this song meant to be about a puppy?" She asked.
Kai shrugged. "So? I'm not letting a dog on that stage." He sighed and reached down off the stage to produce a Mr Potato Head doll. "Besides, you're upsetting him." He said, holding out the plastic Potato to her.
"EWWW!" The girl screamed and ran back to her friends in the chorus.
Kai rolled his eyes and sighed, looking back at the lights that were yet to be untangled. "Next time I say that the school should do something for the wider community, shoot me." He told his fellow sufferer.
"Can I just shoot you now?" Tala asked, grinning and hopping up on to the stage. He was quickly surrounded by people half his size. "That was great!" He said enthusiastically. I could hear it all the way down at the back!"
He smiled as a general noise of excitement overcame the kids. He waited until they were quiet again before he continued. "Now. Who wants to try the Hot Potato song?" He asked, laughing as a unanimous groan filled the hall.
"Why do we have to sing all of these stupid songs about Potatoes?" A small brunette boy asked. "There's no point."
"Of course there is! It'll all sound great when it's put together and everyone loves Potatoes!" He told them. "Besides, I wrote all of the lyrics so you better like them."
"I'll know who to send the anthrax to." Kai muttered under his breath as he finally untangled the lights.
He had yet to figure out what the entire performance was about- only that Tala had taken a lot of different songs, murdered them, and put Potatoes in them just because he felt like it.
Tala ignored Kai and continued to smile at the seven-year olds. "Ok, so are we ready to do the song with actions?" He asked.
"Yes, Mr Ivanov." They chorused in a monotone.
"You're all so enthusiastic!" He told them. "I wish I could have that on my alarm clock it'd wake me up all cheery in the morning!" He flapped his arms at the kids. "Go on. You know your places, I'm going to stand with Mr Hiwatari and watch you- ok?"
When he received a general murmur Tala nodded and jumped off the stage to land next to Kai. "Ok! Ready? Go!"
"You sound like you're starting a car race." Kai told the redhead with a smirk.
Tala shrugged. "Whatever works." He winced as one of the kids got the moves wrong and ran into another. A brief shouting match broke out before they remembered that they were meant to be dancing and singing beautifully.
Kai sighed. "Why is it all about Potatoes again?" He asked.
Tala shrugged. "Probably about the only thing the school can afford."
Kai smirked. "Now isn't that the truth." He said, nodding encouragingly at a small blonde girl who was looking unsure. "So basically, they get up, sing a few songs about Potatoes, try not to kill each other in the process and then get off so the other grades can have a shot, right?" He asked.
Tala nodded. "Basically."
"Then why do I have to untangle these damned lights?" He asked in a whisper so as not to disturb the classes.
"Because you're not the one who's teaching them to sing like angels." Tala told him with a grin. He looked up and realised that the song was almost finished.
He also noticed that a small group at the back wasn't doing anything. His eyes narrowed. "Excuse me." He said to Kai before putting his hand on the stage and jumping up on to it. "Natasha! Katie! You're meant to be singing and dancing, not talking."
"Sorry, Sir." They chorused.
Tala nodded and walked back to the front of the stage so he could see everyone. "I can't wait to see the faces of your parents when you do that!" He told them earnestly. "That was wonderful!"
"What's next?" Kai asked, looking up at the school children. "It sounds lovely from down here."
Tala tapped his chin thoughtfully. "How about Mary had a little Potato?" He asked.
"…" The two joined classes stared at him blankly.
Tala held up his hands defensively. "Maybe not."
"Can't we do a proper song?" The same boy who had questioned the potato before asked.
"Wayne! These are proper songs." Tala said, turning his ultra-cute-I'm-your-teacher-don't-you-love-me look on to the young boy. "I was told that the entire nights about teaching everyone to eat healthy stuff and I happen to like potatoes."
"But Potatoes aren't healthy!" A girl said- Tala couldn't pick her out from the crowd.
The redhead frowned. "Of course they are!" He said. "What Potatoes are you eating?"
"The chip kind." She said flatly.
Tala rolled his eyes. "That's not potato."
"Eh?"
"That's cardboard wrapped in flavour to make you think it's a potato. It's in disguise."
Tala heard the faint slap as Kai hit his head, thinking of the number of unopened chip packets that would grace the bins by the end of the lunchtime.
"That's it." Kai said, jumping up on to the stage. "I'll teach you my favourite Potato song." He waited for the general noise that followed his announcement to die down while he prepared himself for what was about to happen. This is –so- beneath my dignity.
"I'll do the actions as well, ok? No-one join in the first time and the second time we'll try and do it together."
Tala jumped off the stage and moved to sit in the audience, watching Kai with one eyebrow raised. This was going to be interesting.
Kai jumped forward a little way, holding his arms up like a kangaroo.
"Ga-loomp went the little po-tato one day." He hopped again
"Ga-loomp went the little po-tato." He hopped.
"Ga-loomp went the little Potato one day.
And the Potato went Gloomp Gloomp Gloomp" Kai hopped on each of the 'Gloomps'
He then turned to face the seven-year olds.
"But we all know Potatoes go" Clap. "La-di-dah-di-dah!" Clap "La-di-dah-di-dah" Clap "La-di-dah-di-dah"
"But we all know Potatoes go" Clap. "La-di-dah-di-dah! They don't go gloomp gloomp gloomp!" Kai held up his hands for the big finish.
"…Isn't that song about a frog?" A girl asked- Kai suspected it was the same one who had asked about the puppy.
"Do you want a frog jumping around on stage?" He asked her. "It'd probably crawl all over you making you all slimy."
"EWWW!"
Yep, definitely same girl.
"That's why the song isn't about frogs."
Tala smirked as he watched Kai trying to arrange the young children into rows so they could safely 'gloomp' and not kill anyone else. It wasn't going to well for him; the kids were getting restless and weren't staying where the bluenette put them.
Honestly, it's like herding cattle sometimes, he thought sarcastically as he stood up and walked over to the stage, jumping on to it and trying to get some sort of order. He managed to get his class lined up while Kai did his own. Tala was sure that the bluenette had pulled a Hiwatari death glare at some point but he wasn't going to argue with what worked.
"Ok. Ready?" Kai asked, putting his hands up to his chest again to remind the kids of what to do.
Tala saw that he wasn't needed anymore and stood at the edge of the stage. He checked his watch. They only had about five minutes until lunchtime. Hopefully Kai would keep them occupied for that long.
Tala tuned back in just in time to grab the arm of Wayne when he tried to punch the redhead next to him.
"I don't clap like a girl!" He complained.
"I'm sure you don't." Tala told him, crouching down to be at eye-level. He looked over at Kai and pointed the other out to Wayne. "Do you see Mr Hiwatari?" He asked.
"Mm?"
"Do you think he claps like a girl?"
"Nu-uh!"
"That's how you were clapping." Tala said, nodding to emphasise his point. "Next time if someone tells you that you're clapping like a girl tell them that you're clapping the same way as him, ok? It's not nice to hit other people because they don't have anything better to do than annoy you."
Wayne nodded slowly. "Ok."
Tala nodded, satisfied. "Great!"
The bell went, making both Wayne and his teacher look up in silent thanks. "Have a good lunch." Tala told the young boy with a smile.
"Thanks Mr Ivanov!" Wayne said, happily running off the stage and out the door.
Tala looked around the large room and, seeing that there were no more students in it, flopped down on the stage. "Why do we torture ourselves?" He asked Kai, looking up at the still standing bluenette.
"Because at some point in high school we decided that we wanted to help the world's children learn their ABCs." Kai said flatly.
"And- evidently- to teach them to sing songs about Potatoes." He looked over at Kai. "Speaking of- that last song was inspired"
Kai rolled his eyes. "I figured that I couldn't get much worse than you." He told the redhead with a smirk, holding out his hand to Tala. "Come on. We should probably go and act like teachers in the staff room."
Tala sighed and reached up to take Kai's hand, using it to help himself to stand. "When's our next rehearsal?" He asked once he was standing.
"Next week some time." Kai replied, jumping off the stage and walking to the door of the room.
"Thank God for that." Tala told the bluenette, joining him at the doorway. He opened the door a little bit and shut it quickly, seeing how busy it was. "This is going to be fun."
Kai sighed and opened the door, walking fearlessly into the throng. He recognised most of the faces of the students, having taught most of them at some point or another. He looked over at Tala "Oh one more thing."
"Hm?" Tala asked, picking his way around the moving bodies gingerly to try and catch up to the other.
"How much is that potato in the window? Never become a lyricist." Kai told him seriously before turning around and continuing to make his way through the students.
Tala sighed and watched as the first of what he assumed would be many chip packets be thrown into the bin. "Noted."
Please Tell me What you think