A/N: I was suffering another one of my two hour bus journeys, listening to my (fantastic) Jimmy Eat World album when this idea seized me by the non-existent collar and yelled, "Write me! Use me! Write me!" In order to avoid a scene and alarming my fellow passengers, I agreed. And thus, this fic was born. If it accomplishes one thing, it convinces me that I need to listen to less Jimmy Eat World and maybe more happy stuff. Like... Jack Johnson? I swear, that guy has never been unhappy in his life. Anyway, what I'm trying to say is sorry. I apologise for this angst-ridden fic. There. Lay down your pitchforks.
Disclaimer: Don't own Doctor Who and judging by this, a good thing too. (It rhymes, I tell you, it rhymes!)
The song is 23 by Jimmy Eat World (I know Rose isn't 23. Would you just use your imagination?)
He didn't know it, but he possessed everything she had and everything she was.
I felt for sure last night
That once we said goodbye,
No one else will know these lonely dreams.
No one else will know that part of me.
He'd built himself a wall. A good strong one, too. And the young, female human had destroyed it. Had simply swept it aside as if that was what she had always been meant to do. And it had shocked him so much that he had stood back and let her in. Shown her who he was. Trusted her. Trusted her with his hopes, his fears and his life.
I'm still driving away,
And I'm sorry every day.
I won't always love these selfish things.
I won't always live...
Not stopping...
Sometimes, he felt guilty about the way he had taken Rose Tyler. He had swept her up, taken her away to a place where life was dangerous, fast and hard. Sometimes, he thought that he should just take her home, take her back and make sure she would always be safe. Somewhere he knew she would be living her life right the way through. But at the same time, he knew it was too late. She had seen and experienced too much. He knew that giving up the kind of life they had was an impossible task. He'd given her a new life, but in return she'd had to destroy her old one.
And he knew the new life wouldn't last.
Rose knew that sometimes he felt guilty about having brought her with him. Sometimes, it made her angry. No one had forced her to go with him. For the first time, it had been only her who made the decisions. She had been answerable to no one. He hadn't dragged her or carried her off. She had made that run into the TARDIS and she hated that he could blame himself for it.
It was my turn to decide.
I knew this was our time.
No one else will have me like you do.
No one else will have me, only you.
He had all of her. Typical. He'd reached for her hand and she'd given him her heart.
She'd rushed into love just as they rushed into each adventure. And in so many ways, the love was an adventure. Battling aliens, saving lives; it was all nothing, compared to just being by the Doctor's side.
She loved him, she knew that. And she knew that in his own way, he loved her too. But she would have liked him to have shown it clearly. To have given her a proper sign. To have told her.
Their time wouldn't always last. She knew that. Humans wither and die. He'd told her that. But she didn't believe holding himself back, restraining himself, could make him happier than seizing the moment. It would be short lived for him, yes. But she still didn't believe that was reason to dismiss what they had. To stand back and pretend they were just travelling companions.
You'll sit alone forever
If you wait for the right time,
What are you hoping for?
I'm here, I'm now, I'm ready
Holding on tight
Don't give away the end
The one thing that stays mine
She wanted to travel with the Doctor her whole life. In a way, he'd said she could. She didn't know how it would pan out, but she had seen how the Doctor lived. It could be violent. It could be a death in battle. She wasn't scared, though. At least, not too scared. Dying at the height of excitement, at the height of love, would be better than falling back down to Earth. Better than slowing down to a comparative crawl. It was selfish of her. She hated to think what that would do to the Doctor. He carried around enough guilt with him as it was. She never wanted to add to the burden. But would it be worse for him to watch her grow old? To watch her reach the end of her life, while he carried on?
Amazing still it seems
I'll be 23.
I won't always love what I'll never have.
I won't always live in my regrets.
Sometimes, he hated himself for the games he played with Rose. He was too locked up in his head, he knew that. Too quick to grin and joke to cover up any deeper emotions. It wasn't fair on her and he could see the confusion he caused her. But he didn't think he was brave enough. He couldn't bear the thought of having her, and then losing her. So he tried to hold back. And yet, without her, he didn't think he could have made it out of his prison. The touch of her hand had saved him in that basement. He was sure of it.
He was the last of the Time Lords. The only one left. He had no one and he had nowhere to go. He wasn't supposed to have anyone because any happiness he found would soon be destroyed. He needed to stand back, at a distance, to protect the people around him. To protect the people he loved.
But he hated to be lonely.
You'll sit alone forever
If you wait for the right time
What are you hoping for?
I'm here, I'm now, I'm ready,
Holding on tight.
Don't give away the end
The one thing that stays mine.
Somehow, despite having all of time and the entire Universe to travel, he had found her. Her. Rose Tyler. Shop Assistant. And now Time Lord's companion. Talk about promotion.
He didn't need to look any further. She hoped he knew that.
He'd said it himself. They wouldn't have forever. So why couldn't he just take the moment they had?
You'll sit alone forever
If you wait for the right time
What are you hoping for?
I'm here, I'm now, I'm ready,
Holding on tight.
He needed her. He pretended that he was tough, that he could make it alone. But he needed her. The thought of that dependence both scared and thrilled him in a way he'd never felt.
She knew he needed her.
She was along for the ride, for however long it lasted. The important thing was staying with him and it was true; she wouldn't have missed it for the world.
Because being with him, running with him, laughing with him, loving him was more important to her than anything. More important to her than all the worlds in the universe. Than life itself.
He owned her, just as she owned him and they were both willing possessions.
And she knew now that she would never let go of his hand. Even if it killed her, she would never let go.
Don't give away the end
The one thing that stays mine...
I'll be honest with you. It didn't turn out how I wanted it too. So please leave me an honest review. (More rhyming. What is wrong with me?)