Yes, yes I know you people are going to flay me and put my head on a pike because it took me so long to update. Sorry, bout' that. I've been extremely busy the past month or so. Work, getting my pilots license, a girlfriend, etc… don't leave as much time for writing as one my think. I hope everyone likes this chapter, please review if you feel so inclined; and a hearty thanks to my reviewers from past chapters. Constructive criticism always helps! It took me a while to force it out, it's hard writing flashbacks. I'm trying a new formatting thing…flashbacks will be between two horizontal lines.
Two lines separated by plus syombols mean a flashback
Chapter 4 Explanations Part One
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"Auror Potter"
Harry's eyes began to focus as he blankly realized he had zoned out staring at the crumpled white card in his hand. It took him a minute to register where he was and what he had been doing. He was still sitting at his large, dark oak desk, piled with several large stacks of files bordered in front by canister of ink, quill and small plaquard with his name on it. In front of him was the small writing space he had kept open, and it currently, was occupied by several other pieces of mail, as well as the envelope that the card he was holding had come in.
"Auror Potter…sir." Harry finally realized he was being spoken to and looked up to see a young sandy haired Auror addressing him from the left side of his desk. The young man, not really any younger than Harry himself, was standing somewhat nervously to the side of Harry's desk fidgeting with the edge of his robes. Harry tried to recall the man's name, yet not much came to mind.
'Markus…Melvin…Maynard…something'. He thought absently. He had seen the guy around the office occasionally, and despite their age similarities and proximity at work he could not recall ever really speaking to this fellow for any particular length of time.
Harry was normally a very busy wizard, and despite his age he had been pulled into nearly every case in the office that dealt with dark wizards and dark magic since he had come to work for the Ministry's Auror Corps (and since that was pretty much the major chuck of what all Auror's did that's saying a lot). He was the recognized authority on Dark Wizards and Magic, even though there were plenty of older Aurors in the office who had been on the job much longer than Harry. Not many of them could lay claim to having have fought in as many battles, dealt with as many deadly dark objects, and fought as many dark wizards as Harry Potter could. He was also the top Auror in charge of all Death Eater captures, or killings, and he and his partner (and best mate) Ron were the only people the office would allow to deal with them; and that was how Harry wanted it.
"Yes…you needed something?" Harry answered curtly after a moment. Finally snapping fully back to reality and looking the other Auror in the eye. The hollow, 'lost in memory' look he had not a moment before hardened into an emotionless shell as he looked at the man. His gaunt, pale facial features tinged with the occasional angry-red scars and sharp cheek bones stood out against his dark blue Auror Robes; black hair, and his deep emerald eyes became a sea of emotionless green, and a well worn and weary frown etched itself onto his face. It was this mask that he had kept for almost two years now and it was this mask that scared even some of the most experienced Aurors that were lucky enough to have his attention turned to them from time to time.
"Yes, Sir. I just came from the field sir…Jenkins, Barnaby, Wallace and I have…have who we suspect is a death eater holed up in a small house on the outskirts of Devonshire…sir." The young man stuttered his explanation.
"By now the re-enforcements we ordered should be there…I wanted to come get you personally…" He trailed off as Ron arrived back at his desk directly across from Harry's. He was holding two cups of coffee…several doughnuts in one hand and one hanging out of his mouth. Harry's eyes narrowed as he surveyed the man again for a moment, and just as the other was paling under his powerful gaze he snapped to Ron.
"Grab your wand and kit…put that shit down…we've got work!" Harry snapped to his friend and partner as he flung open the first drawer to his desk and removed a small canvas bag from inside, angrily. Ron just shot his touchy friend a glare as he proceeded to put down the drinks and food and went to grab his gear as well.
"Do you have a portkey?" Harry snapped to the sandy haired Auror as he snapped back around from grabbing his gear and proceeded to rush the man towards the portkey departure area in the office; Ron hurriedly trailing behind and trying to catch up with them.
"What's the situation" Ron asked authoritatively he and Harry arrived on scene. Harry was looking grim and pacing around the perimeter the other Aurors had set up in the weed covered lawn of the obviously previously abandoned house on the outskirts of the Devonshire. Ron always did like this part of the job, authority; other people recognizing that he was important…as important to this team as Harry was.
If he was honest Harry had more experience; and Harry really was more powerful…scary powerful sometimes, even Harry himself couldn't explain half the things he could just 'do' anymore; however Ron was the one in-charge on scene. He handled all the speeches and the administration of the other Auror teams, while he and Harry shared joint all major decisions. Harry had always recognized that Ron was the better tactician of the two of them and he had insisted that Ron be in charge of these types of things when they agreed to be assigned on a team together.
Ron relished the attention he rarely got as a child because of his many brothers and sister and he was grateful that he was not always in his best mate's shadow anymore. It had actually worked out for the best for both of them; and while Ron had his jealous moments of Harry's fame and fortune (in monetary values at least); he had seen enough of his friends life to never want to trade. The more he learned about Harry (and he and Hermione were still learning…even after all the years) the more he understood just how horrible his friends life had been in many respects.
Ron specifically remembered a time in Auror training when they covered Dementors and their effects in dept. Each Auror was briefly exposed to a Dementor while their partner observed and repelled it with their Patronus when it got too close. It was a test many were uncomfortable with and was hard on everybody, but for Harry and Ron is was particularly hard. It wasn't hard so much in the fact that they had to repel Dementors; in fact they two had more experience with them then all of their classmates combined; however it was the observation and sharing that hurt.
After each test they would analyze their partners reaction and experience; each person would describe what they felt, and try and explain why they felt such a way, then the hard part was that they had to share the memory with their teammate through a pensive. By that point each of them had seen some pretty horrible things; experienced horrible battles and events but Harry's….they were on new level Ron hadn't even realized his friend had dealt with.
His memory had been a nightmarish combination of experiences and feelings from his encounters with Voldemort and his Death Eaters. Painful torture sessions, duels, mind games, and nightmares some projected directly to Harry through his link, others he had actually experienced; all ending with the memory of his parent's death…Ron would never forget his friend's mum, screaming and begging to spare Harry's life.
Ron came back to himself just as another Auror, presumably the one in charge before their arrival, finally walked up.
"Situation report?" Ron asked as the man presented himself.
"Sir…we think that we have a Death Eater in there. We apparated in here on a tip about an hour ago and proceeded to check the place out once we had secured the parameter we were about to enter the house when Wallace was knocked back a few yards by a bludgeoning hex sent right at him. We called reinforcements then and secured all the exits we could find and finally called you. We know he's still in there because he'll send out a curse every now an then; but otherwise we haven't been able to get a peep out of him. We are fairly sure it's a Death Eater because some of the curses he's using haven't been used by any other group in recent history."
Ron looked thoughtful for a moment. He knew if it really was a Death Eater there was only one left that they had not either captured or killed…Harry would be gunning for blood on this one. After a few moment of thought Ron turned back tot the man to issue his orders but was cut short.
"It's him….I can feel him…I can see his magic…It's him Ron." Harry hissed to Ron…he was downright scary when he got like this…His face was contoured in rage; his eyes looked dead, he cheekbones stood out even more than usually and his pale features looked almost translucent. Never would Ron tell Harry to his face, but sometimes he thought Harry looked a little like Voldemort; moments like this made Ron supremely glad he was on Harry's good side.
"You sure its him mate…we've been through this before…if it is you let me deal with it alright...remember what Kingsly said last time…" Ron faded out as he saw the furious look Harry's face had contorted in. If there was anybody Harry hated just as much or possibly more than 'the Dark Lord' himself it was Severus Snape.
Snape: The man that had delivered the prophecy to the Voldemort which had sent the monster after himself, and his parents. The man who had made Harry's life hell during his tenure at Hogwarts; the man who had destroyed Harry's image of his father, and the man who had killed Harry's mentor and friend atop Hogwarts…who had trusted him and even had given Snape another chance. He was also the man that had pined after his mother and made a deal with the Dark Lord; were she to survive Harry's killing, Snape would get her as a slave…he had learned that one only recently.
Harry just left Ron standing as he mutely stalked towards the house. With a long horizontal slash of his wand in front of his body the entire front of the house exploded in splinters. Ron and the rest of the Auror's surrounding the front of the property hit the dirt as pieces of the building flew all around.
"Come out out you bloody coward!" Harry yelled towards the house as the scene quieted and the dust started to settle.
"Why, if it isn't the chosen brat himself. Come to do me in, have you?" Came the silkily sardonic reply. A black robed form began to emerge from the dust at he spoke. Harry just stood mutely in the center of the yard, his face stoic and jaw set, his wand hung limply in his hand at his side. Blinding rage was evident behind his façade.
"Sir…shouldn't we…" Began the Auror who had secured the scene.
"Don't…this is between them. If Harry leaves anything; then you can take it in…but the way he is now you'd just end up getting yourself hurt for trying to interfere." By now Severus Snape was clearly visible, standing across the yard from Harry, once he had stumbled out of the slowly collapsing house. He looked haggard. His normally greasy hair was even worse than normal; it was long shaggy and unkempt. His lanky form was wan looking; dreadfully thin, even for a man like himself who had normally been skinny all his life. His eyes were bloodshot, and it was even noted, with some amusement on Ron's part, that he had a bit of facial hair growing….though scraggily and unkempt looking.
"So Potter, it seams you've finally learned to shield your mind properly."
"Don't you dare speak to me in that tone; you bloody turncoat bastard." Harry growled from between his teeth; and with a barely visible flick of his wand a yellow curse was sent hurtling at Snape who sent up a shield…only to have it shattered and send him flying backwards a short distance. Snape ground his teeth and returned fire.
Blow after blow, Harry quickly and quite decisively had the upper hand each step of the way. Everyone could clearly see he was taunting and toying with his prey. Then as suddenly as it had begun the duel was over.
"Percutio!" Harry finally knocked Snape to the ground with his percussion cures; Snape's wand flew in the other direction as he cast a silent disarming charm and stalked towards his opponent. Harry stood over the man with silent fury as he pointed his wand down upon him, like a giant stone sentinel.
"Go ahead Potter…what are you waiting for…do it." Snape gasped as he lay on the ground panting from the exertion of their duel.
"I want to know why…why you wanted my Mum." Harry hissed out quietly as he stood over Snape. Snape just narrowed his eyes and stared coldly back at Harry; who did the same.
"ANWSER ME!" Harry finally yelled at the man leaning down on a knee and hoisting Snape up by the top of his robes and digging his wand into the man's neck.
"You know why Potter…that's all mud bloods like her are good for; they are best as slaves, only fit to serve there master in anyway he chooses." Harry growled at the man and shoved him back to the ground; and stood again, presumably to give the give the final blow. But after another moment of holding his wand on Snape he asked another question.
"Why kill Dumbledore…why agree to it when you could have alerted your master and not had to risk your pathetic life?" Harry asked…and he saw one of the strangest, and most disturbing sights he had ever seen. Snape grinned…not a genuine grin but an evil malicious grin; the grin of an insane man.
"That's the funny thing about playing both sides Potter…you have to do some things you don't like; and you have to do some thing's you do. Killing your precious Dumbledore was one of them I supremely enjoyed. Keeping your pompous, egotistical ass safe was something I loathed…The funny thing was the old man thought I was following orders…that Id' be able to return to the order after I killed him. He thought I'd continue to spy and keep you informed…he just failed to realize I kept both sides informed."
Harry's grip on his wand tightened and he let out a low growl at the man. Snape just continued to grin sadistically at him.
"Still can't do it potter….I thought you'd gotten over that when I heard what you did to poor Bella." Snape drawled…still taunting the already dangerous Auror, but Harry did something nobody expected. He lowered his wand and stared at Snape for a moment. Then, without saying a word he slipped his wand back into his arm holster, and scowled down at the man, clenching his fists.
"I'm going to tear you apart with my bare hands."
"Harry…mate…he's unconscious…don't…Harry…." Ron pleaded as he tried for the third time to hold Harry's hands back, as he straddled the unconscious form of Severus Snape.
"Let go Ron! Let go….I'm going to kill him…Let go!" Harry furiously yelled, twisting to try and get his arms free from Ron who had them behind his back from when he had gone back to punch the man again.
"Let it go mate….remember what Kingsley said about it…remember last time. Look at your hands Harry…LOOK, DAMN-IT!" Ron yelled back at his friend again, just as Harry struggled free and began to pound on the motionless form beneath him again.
Ron's plea seemed to shake him for a second and he paused…just long enough to see the blood that covered his hands and forearms…Snape's blood; and Harry stopped and stared. He stared at the blood literally on his hands. Harry sat back and rolled off the man finally, a silent haunted look taking over his face again, and he laid back on his arms laying on the ground stared at Snape's bloody face, breathing heavily. Ron was laying on the ground to his right, doing the same.
"Fix his face and take him to Azkaban." Harry finally ordered one of the other Aurors who was standing closer than the others.
"But sir he needs to go to St. Mungo's." The man stated looking pale, presumably from the sight of all the blood.
"I didn't ask for a discussion….DO IT!"
"Shouldn't we be…I don't know…like celebrating or something?" Ron tersely asked the next day as he finished up his paperwork on the previous day's incident. They had been given the rest of the week off; and Kingsley had been supremely happy Harry hadn't gone too far on this one, no one died, and they had finally caught the last Death Eater; so Ron failed to see the reason his friend was in the melancholy state his was. For Harry's part he had been in a morose state since the previous day.
Harry had forced Ron to come in that morning to go ahead and do paperwork when he should have been relaxing at home. Most of the morning Harry had just silently done his paperwork; ignoring the angry glare from Ron when he had arrived and his pointed questions for the next several hours, and for the last hour he had been waiting on Ron to finish his paperwork he had just blankly stared at his hands, not a word had passed from him since he had flued Ron that morning to tell him he wanted him to come in.
"Harry, mate…what's with you? I know it was kind of disturbing bringing him in; but frankly the man had it coming. It's alright if you got a little carried away, he didn't die, and we finally rounded up the last one of those bastards." Ron stated; staring at his friend. Frankly, as mad as he had been that morning that Harry had dragged him out of bed; he was a little more than concerned with his friends behavior. He knew Harry had the tendency to blame himself for all the wrongs of the world but he had hoped that after they had caught Snape that Harry would stop doing it.
"I can't do it anymore….I can't live this way anymore Ron." Harry finally broke the silence between them, and looked up at Ron, his once vivid green eyes that had been hollow for so long bored into his friend. Ron just stared back at him for a moment trying to process what his friend had said, and why he would say it.
"This is about that invitation isn't it?" Ron asked hesitantly a moment or two later.
"No….no…not really…no…it's not. It's hard to explain Ron…I just." Harry stammered to explain himself, running a hand tiredly through his messy black hair as he leaned his elbows on his desk and sunk his face into his hands.
"Look Harry…I'm not happy about it either, but I've been told I have to be the supportive brother in this case." Ron replied frowning in obvious disdain.
"You do have to look at it another way though…you did give her up. I know it's kind of sudden to you and all…but she has been dating him for over a year now, and they've been engaged for several months. You and I really don't have a say in it." Ron finished shaking his head in dismissal and wildly waiving a hand as if shooing the conversation away.
"Ron this isn't about Ginny….well it isn't all about Ginny anyway. I know she has ever right to marry anyone she chooses…and I may not agree with when she has chosen to do it or how fast, but she has made it very clear it I don't have any say in her affairs...not anymore at least. Look…it's about me. I just… Ron do you remember the day after the department of mysteries… the day I told you the prophesy?" Harry asked, and Ron shook his head in agreement.
"How can I forget, mate." Harry shook his head in agreement and ran another hand through his hair again.
"Ron…ever since that day…ever since I heard the prophesy, every minute of every day has all been dedicated towards defeating Voldemort and his minions…and even after I killed the bastard I still had to get his supporters. Every, day Ron…every day, no matter if I even appeared to, or wanted to think about other things it was still there…Ron I have lived my entire adult life in a race to kill or arrest people. I just…I can't do it anymore."
Harry let out a long sigh and stood, pacing the short distance behind his desk, before he suddenly stopped and let out another raspy, rattling sigh.
"There's more to it than just that…I don't understand…I don't understand what has been happening to me. Ever since I killed Voldemort I've been able to do this stuff…and you and Hermione and everyone else can't tell me how I know things or how I just 'do' a spell sometimes. Then there's the public…there's just…you wouldn't understand…but I…." Harry trailed off looking off towards one wall of the small office the two of them shared. Ron just furrowed his brow and made as if to say something but was cut off when Harry spoke again.
"Ron I'm leaving…I've known for sometime that I would have to, but I just never could get up the nerve to tell you or Hermione….I know you're going to argue with me, but I have to…it's just something I have to do." Harry said, as he snapped his head back and stared straight back at Ron who looked to be at a loss of words. Ron just sat with his mouth open for a moment before he came up with a question to ask.
"What do you mean 'you're leaving'? Do you mean your quitting being an Auror…cause I can understand that…I mean we've been at it for three years now, and I want a break sometimes myself you know…" Ron started rambling off to Harry before he could answer but stopped at his friends pointed look.
"No Ron…I'm leaving England…and the Wizarding world…for a little while at least." They sat for another moment in silence again…this discussion seemed to be throwing Ron's already easily confused mind for a loop.
"But Harry….I…." Ron trailed off as Harry signed again an flopped himself back into his seat.
"I've thinking about it and planning it for a while now Ron, I just couldn't bring myself to tell you. I turned in my resignation this morning before you got here and I figure I'll spent the first couple of months just traveling. After that I plan on settling somewhere for a little while." Ron made to ask another question and Harry stopped him with his hand.
"Look…I can't tell you why I'm doing it…and I will be back someday, I just don't know when. You and Hermione have things to do here, and frankly I don't want you along this, this is just something I have to do alone. I'll be in touch, don't worry about that…I'll just be off on a sort of extended vacation for a while. I'm leaving tomorrow night, and I'll come by the burrow and say goodbye to everyone, alright?" Harry rattled off, seeming to gain more confidence in just the mere fact that he had finally gotten his confession out. Ron just looked bewildered for a moment, then seemed to process it all and looked at his hand.
"Alright mate…I guess I can understand why you're doing this…I'll tell 'Mione, and we'll come say goodbye properly tonight alright?" Ron replied a little forlornly, and then added with a smirk.
"You know she's going to be unbearable for a while…and I'm going to blame it on you." Harry just gave Ron a mischievous grin…something Ron couldn't recall seeing his friend do in a very, very long time.
+
"Well…" Ron said opening his hands, staring expectantly at his friend as they lounged in the living room of the Burrow.
Earlier that afternoon and emotional Hermione had dragged them from Fred, and George's shop to the Burrow, where after a much too emotional reunion (for Harry and Ron's tastes at least), they had partaken of one of Mrs. Weasley's famous button-popping, stomach bursting dinners. Now it was late evening, and finally Ron, Hermione and Harry were lounging in the living room; once Fred, George, Flur, Bill and their five year old daughter, Abigail (who had been enamored with Harry) had taken there leave, and Mr. and Mrs. Weasley (only after another emotional good night) had gone up to bed.
"Well what mate?" Harry asked, his eyes mischievously sparking as he played dumb with his friends. Ron and Hermione could only stare for a moment at their friend as he held them with his now joyous gaze. It was so different, they both noted, from the way he had looked when he had left seven years ago.
"What do you mean 'Well what?', you come back after seven years of your 'extended' vacation and have yet to explain anything to us!" Ron nearly yelled at his friend.
"Ronald, don't get angry, I'm sure Harry will explain." Hermione soothed her husband, though he wasn't really mad, just agitated. Harry just openly grinned at them.
"Aright…alright, I suppose there's not reason you shouldn't know now…I just didn't want to dig some of those things up so soon, but I suppose I do owe you and explanation." Harry said after a moment, his look turning from a grin, to thoughtful.
"Now where to begin…" Harry said to himself mostly.
"How about why you left in the first place, you have never really told us anything solid." Hermione supplied helpfully.
"Very well…I do suppose that's the best place to begin anyway." Harry said grinning…he loved it when he mimicked Dumbledore.
"I suppose it was a number of factors." Harry started, his grin, folding into a slight frown. He didn't like remembering that part of his life.
"First, we had finally caught Snape, and so the last of the Death Eaters were finally dead or in jail…I felt like that part of my life was coming to a close because of that, quite honestly I really wanted to make a clean break. Then there was Ginny…I know I said it wasn't the reason…but it was a factor, but…I just…It would have been too hard to watch her move on and start a new life with another person. Then there was the fact that I have these powers I still didn't know anything about, and that both of you couldn't figure out. There was the public, and all that…and finally I just felt like it was time, I just knew it was time for me to leave." Harry said, summing up what should have been several hours worth of explanation in a simple paragraph.
"What do you mean the public, Harry? I mean they've always been there, but how was it any different; you've been dealing with fans and reporters since you started school…how was it any different? Besides, people know you all over the world, how would that be any different no matter where you went?" Herminie asked after a moment, Ron nodding in agreement.
"Look…I don't know if you can understand this but, after I killed Voldemort, things just changed. Do you know what it's like to walk down the street and have the people you see, whom most you've never met before, cringe in fear? People were afraid of me, people were afraid of what I could do; and the articles in the Daily Profit about our time as Aurors didn't help matters much either. People saw me after they had seen the articles in the paper about us capture some Death Eater would literally run away. I was supposed to be the savior of the Wizarding world and I was drowning in my own quest for revenge, and people could tell. Even you two were afraid of me."
"We were not…" Ron started, but he silenced as Harry looked up at him, as sad frown gracing his face, he new they were found out. Hermione just seemed to be ashamed of herself and deiced her feet (which she couldn't see because of her pregnant stomach) were more interesting than meeting her friends gaze.
"We weren't all the time…you could just get so frightening sometimes, mate." Harry just nodded accepting that Ron was right, he could be frightening.
"What did you mean by you 'just knew'….I don't understand that Harry…how did you just 'know' you needed to leave, besides all the other things, Harry" Hermione asked after a moment, and Harry smiled at her a little.
"Ron do you remember what you told me a few day's before you asked Hermione to marry you? When I asked how you knew she was 'the one'?"
"Umm….when was that…oh yeah, When we were at Madam Rosmareta's that day…yeah I remember." Ron said remembering the conversation and starting to blush, his ears turning pink yet another time that day. Hermione seemed very interesting in this part of the conversation and was staring directly at her husband, expectantly waiting for his explanation.
"Well….tell Hermione what you told me" Harry said grinning again.
"Well…I...we were talking about stuff and I told Harry I was going to ask you marry me, and then he ask how I know you're the one I want to spend the rest of my life with…how did I know you were it." Ron explained shuddering at first and turning to face his wife on the sofa.
"…and I told him that I just knew…It was like I knew for certain and I didn't have to be told, and I didn't need any advice or anything…I just knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you, and that was that. I can't really explain it any better I just 'knew', and that's the way things were supposed to be." Ron said blushing even deeper. Hermione just smiled at him and whispered in his hear ( a quite 'I love you too', which Harry's sensitive hearing picked up on, but he didn't comment).
"That's how I knew Hermione…I knew when it was time to leave, and when it was time to come back. I didn't have to think about it, I just knew it." Harry replied with a shrug and a smile.
"Now, I know you want to know all about everything that's happened during the last seven years, even if we kept in contact and all, however it's getting late and I'm tired from all this reminiscing and hugging today, so if you don't mind I think It's time for me to go home and go to bed, if you don't mind. We've got a whole month to catch up and lots to talk about, before my new job starts, and I don't think we have time for everything tonight." Harry said, getting up and stretching.
"Wait a minute Harry…what new job?" Ron asked
"…and where are you living?" Asked Hermione, almost echoing her husband.
Please be patient on the next one, it may take me a while.
Thanks! RamaFan