Author's Note: Rock Lee angst. God, I don't know what came over me. I just needed to do a Rock Lee angst. Oh well, here it is.
Freeze.
Just, everything, freeze. Cease. Stop. Halt. Freeze.
Everything.
Time does my bidding. Faces freeze in morbid glances and sorrowful frowns. Tears stop their course down pale white cheeks. Eyes snap wide, wide open in shock and stay there.
The world stops in between the breaths of words.
"We're sorry."
No, you're not.
".. there was a miscalculation in numbers of the enemy."
There wasn't.
"A B class mission rose to S level."
It didn't.
"We didn't expect so many of them at once."
You did.
"There were just so many of them."
There weren't.
"The odds of anyone surviving were 1 to 100. We were outnumbered.."
No, you weren't.
"His actions saved nearly half of the platoon."
I don't want to hear.
"He demanded we leave him there.."
No, he didn't.
"- There was back up on the way. We had to go"
No, you didn't.
"There wasn't any time."
There was, too.
"He was too far gone, anyway."
No, he wasn't.
"He would have died on the way back."
He wouldn't have.
"He-he wanted me, to be the one who informed you all."
There's nothing to inform us of.
"I'm sorry."
You lie.
"Lee, he wanted you to know he was proud of you..."
He can tell me himself.
"Gai, hell, Gai put most of us to shame on that mission."
He would, too.
"Lee.." A hand on my shoulder. "-Gai was.. "
I don't want to hear anymore.
".. a good man. A brave one, too. But, a real measure of bravery is"
Shut up.
"-To give one's life for the good of another"
Be quiet.
".. Gai did what it means to be a shinobi"
You're wrong.
"Even Kakashi-"
Damn Kakashi.
".. wanted us to drag him back. He even said he'd bring him back himself, but-
I knew he was still alive.
"Kakashi.. Was too weak himself. We had to"
You didn't have to.
"-Leave.. Him."
No, you didn't.
"Here."
A blood-stained white piece of cotton wrapped hastily around a hiate-ate.
"We figured you'd want it."
I don't. It belongs to Gai-Sensei. Give it back to him.
"So.. Well… I"
"Go away." I whisper, eyes locked to the blood and mud caked metal.
He leaves.
Depart, leave us, leave me.
Tenten cries. Neji looks pale.
One fingernail traces the Leaf sign, sending flakes of dried blood drifting to the brown grass.
I run.
Time, space whirls into a bloody mixture of leaves and burning chakra.
Acid teardrops sear my face and rasping screams rent the air.
Don't.
Forget.
To.
Breathe.
Hard, hard gasps of air fill my burning lungs, stinging. God, it stings. Make it stop, make it stop.
Pounding, pounding shoes beat the ground in an irregular requiem, echoing inside the emptiness of my mind, emptiness that's being filled with words, words, emotions I don't know.
Heartbeat like a drumbeat, fast, steady and regular. Heartbeat. Pounding. Calm the sea of chaos in my head.
Something. Something to focus the chaos on.
Breathe.
Don't. Forget. To. Breathe.
Gasping, flailing, crying, wrenching, screaming, pounding, wailing, heart beating, tormenting me, stop, stop tormenting me! Stop! Everything! Everything just STOP!
Freeze.
Everything.
The quiet stillness of the forest broken by my occasional whimpering sniffle. I curl my legs to my chest and let silent tears run rivers down my face.
Breathe, Lee.
Just.
Don't.
Forget.
To.
Breathe.
Gasp in, gasp out.
There's nothing to breathe.