Okay, this is my first attempt at a multi chaptered story. (By multi chaptered, I mean six or seven at most. Possibly four or five.) I'll update if I get enough reviews saying I should, but as is, it could be a very short one shot. You guys decide.

Disclaimer: imagine witty reason why so they're not mine.

Obviously, hitting number one helped out my depression for a little while. Okay, a bit longer than a little while. It got me through the winter, helped me smile big at celebrity events, even helped me flirt with guys with some semblance of ease.

Being friends with Jamie again also helped matters. Sure, Patsy was his number one now, and held that power over him that I once had. But still, after he told me that he was "Obsessive compulsive" when it came to me, it was a lot easier to go on being friends.

Even Sadie and I had finally gotten it right—we were sisters, real sisters now. I'd take her out to lunch every now and then, and after that, she'd make me over for what ever hang out I had that night. We giggled over her new relationship with Kwest, but I was really jealous of it. It wasn't that I wanted to be with Kwest or anything like that—I just wanted to be with someone who made me happy, like he made her. And I had a candidate in mind. Oh, god, I did.

Enter, Tommy Quincy. Or whatever his last name really was—he never got around to telling me. That haunts me at night when I lay awake thinking about him; I think of my birthday, and how adorable he sounded speaking in French, I think of the night after my record was finally finished that he kissed me. I can't forget that intoxicating feeling of his body crashing against mine no matter how much I try to. And, believe me, I try to.

So he left. And despite all the distractions that I have to stand in the way of the pain, eventually, obviously, it always comes back. I can't get Tommy out from under my skin. He was the first guy that I ever, really, truly considered myself in love with. The first person to awaken both my spiritual and sexual side in the same space without having to do anything.

I don't know where he went, why he went, or if he's ever coming back. He hasn't answered any of my letters or messages or phone calls. It really is like he just fell off the face of the earth. Except, if he had, I would at least know that he hadn't wanted to leave me. As it is now, I can't stop thinking about him, and I don't even feel like he still remembers my name. Maybe he doesn't.

Sometimes at night Sadie finds me crying on the Living Room couch with the late night TV still on. She begs me to tell her what's making me so upset, but I can't do it. I can't tell her that the reason I'm crying so much is because her ex kissed me and left. How does that sound? I'm trying to grow up here, trying to get stronger. And the first step of growing up is thinking before you speak. Seeing as I know exactly how that conversation would turn out, there's no point trying to have it.

So I'm here. And despite all the people that Jamie says are around and love me, I can't get over the fact that the guy I believed in left me without an explanation. And it sounds horribly cliché, but I can't remember ever feeling this alone.

Hit that nice little button and review, and I will love you always.