The Trouble of Emotions
Fanfic by: Bee
Pairings: Data/Picard
Rating: M for Mature D
Warnings: None . No spoilers no crazy shit either…just…a +100 gheyness belt.
Disclaimer: Data and Picard © to some company that I forgot the name of...

It was extremely late and all was relatively still and silent aboard the Starship Enterprise. Oh there were always a handful of people awake, but it was nowhere near as active as usual. The Captain in particular was having difficulty sleeping, though he knew he needed it. His thoughts were instead weighted down with things that troubled his usually logical mind and very human heart. He mindlessly shouted into the replicator for his hot, earl grey tea and a cup appeared before him. He sipped, and paced, and sipped, and paced until he felt as if he'd go absolutely insane if he stayed in this spot any longer. He briskly threw a loose t-shirt on and his Federation jacket before storming to the bridge, thankful when he arrived that he hadn't run into any crew.

He sank gratefully into his seat on the bridge. It welcomed him and certain calmness settled over everything. A familiarity swept over him and it all but wiped out the alien feelings, pushing them to the very back of his brain. Picard was an unusually solitary man, for him to express any sort of desire for someone or something other than his duty to the Federation was very odd. He quietly sipped at his tea, breathing hot steam through his nose. Just as his frayed nerves began balancing out again the doors to the turbo lift slid open.

"Come Spot," said Data as he stepped through, waiting patiently for his feline friend to get ahead. Picard held absolutely still, Data certainly could not see him yet, he was far to concentrated on his cat, but any moment now spot would look over and…

"Oh good evening Captain," Data spoke just seconds after Spot yowled in his direction.

"Hello Data," Picard smiled and nodded. The android went quite still, as though he was calculating something, which of course he was.

"Do you desire company sir, or is my presence here unwelcome?"

"Of course not Data, why should you ever be unwelcome?" When Data opened his mouth to speak, no doubt to rattle off that he'd computed Jean Luc's posture, tone of voice, and general attitude to contradict his offer, Picard held up his hand.

"Just Sit, Data…" He nodded, giving that forced smile again.

"Sir, if I may," Data sat in the first officer's chair, slightly turned towards his captain.

Picard sighed, discreetly rolling his eyes but waving his hand. "Continue."

Data nodded once in affirmation, "You seem troubled."

"Because I can't sleep," He sipped more of his tea.

"Then all logical conclusion leads me to believe that you are aflutter, anxious, dithery, edgy, het up, hung up, jittery, jumpy, nervy, perturbed, tense, uneasy, unquiet, upset, uptight, or worried. In short, Troubled, Sir."

Data looked delightfully confused when Picard let out a rare, deep chuckle. He set his cup on the arm rest, crossed his knees, and turned to Data with his hands clasped. "So you caught me," He chuckled again.

"Sir, if I may ask, what is funny?"

"Consult your dictionary," Picard smirked.

"I meant, Sir, why are you laughing? Have I said something humorous?"

Picard shook his head. "I couldn't properly explain, and you wouldn't find it funny anyways."

"I am an android sir, I find nothing funny."

"Then why should I explain?"

Data's mouth opened, then closed as he appeared to be trying to find a suitable answer but couldn't. Jean-luc seized the moment.

"Why are you up Mr. Data?"

"I could not rest either, Spot," at the mention of his name the cat leapt into Data's lap, "Desired to go for a walk."

Picard looked curiously at the mass of fur now innocently licking his paw. "I was not aware that cats enjoyed being taken for walks."

"Oh yes," Data gently stroked the soft fur, eliciting a gratified purr from Spot. "I often take Spot out around the enterprise. Actually, it usually seems as if he is walking me, always walking a few steps ahead. Essentially, I am just there to activate the doors while he satisfies his natural curiosity."

Picard chuckled again, reaching for his tea, "I recall a quote I read," he said before sipping slowly, "About cats having staff instead of owners."

"Ah, in that they are of a demanding nature," Data nodded, "I have extensively gone to the lengths of learning all I could about felines. They are quite an interesting species."

Data was extremely attached to Spot. Picard mused as he sipped his tea and watched the droid stroke and coddle his cat. And though he often insisted he could not, Picard suspected that on some level, Data did feel something akin to emotions.

When Spot had decided he had enough and jumped down Data looked back to his captain, "We still have not discussed why you are still awake."

"Oh Data," Picard leaned back with a heavy sigh and set his cup down again. "Sometimes I just cannot sleep. Too much is on my mind and if I lay down I'll only toss and turn."

"Would you care to discuss some of those things with me sir? I believe it may help."

"Data if I were to tell you what is wrong it will only serve to make things worse."

"Nothing will bother me Captain; I will be able to function normally despite whatever you wish to talk about."

Picard quietly drummed his fingers on his knee, thinking hard on his admitting his feelings. What troubled him was that Data lacked the comprehension of human emotions to the extent that Picard felt. If he told his true feelings, it would become just another file to be stored away within virtual memory banks. Picard wasn't sure if he could, on top of everything else, deal with only being another file to Data. Then an idea came to him.

"Data," he spoke quietly.

"Yes Captain?"

"If, when I am finished speaking about what is troubling me I ask you to delete this entire conversation, you must. Do you understand?"

"You are my Captain, Sir I am required to carry out any orders I am given."

"Very well then…" Jean-luc sighed, not really fully deciding how he would best approach. Though he knew playing coy and subtle would generally not work with Data…save to hear him ramble more in his constant over-analyzation of things.

"Sir?" Data prompted.

"Data I," he hesitated, drumming his fingertips on his knee.

"You…what? Sir."

"I find you…to be very pleasing company." He mentally kicked himself because as simple as it was, he could not find a way to be outright direct.

"I am glad. I would be of no use to you otherwise, but I do wonder how the pleasure of my company is troubling you?"

"I find you attractive, Data…" Picard tried again.

"Well I was designed to resemble a reasonably handsome male. However I would have chosen a far more natural skin—"

"Data I like you!" He finally burst out, startling (if it were possible to do so) Data.

"Captain, you seem…emotional this evening. I fail to understand what any of this has to do with—"

"Oh I give up!" Picard cried throwing his hands into the air and standing up suddenly angry. As he made his way to the door, Data's calm, unaffected voice reached his ears.

"Would you like me to wipe our conversation out now Captain?"

Spot weaved around his feet as Picard looked over his shoulder at the android. "Perhaps I was wrong in thinking, no, hoping maybe you…" He shook his head. "No, don't delete it. It's not like you understand anyways." And he left Data to his calculations.

Jean-luc angrily tore off his jacket and threw it across the room. Damn his emotions! He envied and loved Data, the droid who felt nothing. Sometimes Picard wished he were the same, but no matter how he tried, he'd never truly block out his human nature. The desire that was always there, constantly picking at the back of his mind. He slowly sank down onto his bed and closed his eyes, turning on his side. Damn everything, he thought, closing his eyes.

He had just begun to zone out into that grey area just before sleep came when he faintly heard the door to his quarters swish open and footsteps approach his bed.

"Lieutenant Data," Picard mumbled, exasperated "Can I help you?"

"Sir," he began as he sat, uninvited on the edge of the bed. "It appears I am the one who is now troubled."

"Data, I thought you said you could function normally if—"

"My systems are all functioning as if they normally would Captain."

Picard sighed. When he did not speak, Data filled the silence once more.

"When my father created me, he gave me the ability to choose. My likes, my dislikes, my future, what I eventually decided to aspire towards…"

"Data please, if you have a point, make it. Otherwise, I am very tired."

"My point is Sir that along with the ability to make many different choices, also came the ability to choose a sexual preference. Father designed me to be as human as possible."

"Data," Picard rolled over, giving him that piercing, no-nonsense look, "What does any of what you're saying have to do with me?" He had to be sure.

"Because Captain, you have feelings for me on a personal level, do you not?" Data's mind whirred and ticked with every possible calculation, looking at every angle of what he was faced with. In a matter of seconds he'd completely analyzed the entire situation and come up with, while not the most logical, the most human course of action.

"Data, I understand how you might view my feelings as not only complex, but odd or unnatural. After all, it is unusual for a starship Captain to develop such intense feelings for one of his crewmen, and I am quite sure you've never met anyone with homosexual thoughts but—" Picard was cut off by a sudden kiss. It wasn't at all how he'd imagined kissing Data. He'd expected, as Data was, something more mechanical. The very real, very human-like kiss threw him off balance, and when Data pulled back, Jean-luc was startled into silence once more.

"What you said is not true Captain. I do not see you as something unnatural, nor are you the first person I've met with preferences such as these," Data knew it would be best, so he half-lay beside his captain. He made the gesture smooth as he appeared to recline and relax. "You see Sir, out of the four choices I was shown, I was most intrigued by homosexuality, and therefore, in all ways that I am able, I prefer men above women."

"Data, do you understand what you are doing?" Picard breathed, his voice hushed and almost pained as he watched the Android leaning in close for another kiss.

"I have vast amounts of knowledge Sir; I have studied all I could possibly on humans and sexual interactions. However," He hesitated for effect, tilting his head to the side. "No, I really do not understand because no man has ever expressed interest for me in this sort of way."

Jean-luc Picard, with some moral difficulties, managed to get his arm around Data. He knew that not now, maybe not ever in his lifetime, would the android know exactly how much this meant to him, nor would he be aware of how deeply human feelings could run. However, he could not bring himself to yet push Data away, not when he so expressly offered himself this way, offered a position that he could not possibly ever fill.

"Sir?" Data questioned, his eyes serious and inquisitive. "I am required to ask, but, does this mean you wish to continue?"

"For god's sake!" Picard ground out before forcefully pulling Data into a kiss. Data could have prevented it but he did not, instead his eyes went wide as he scrambled to put scattered information together, and as Jean-luc thrust a well-intended tongue into his mouth, he brought his hand to rest on Picard's cheek. Sensors told him the other man was running his fingers through his hair, stroking and pulling as if he could not decide whether to stay or go. Data responded well of course, relaxing his muscles and putting weight and depth, meaning and perhaps a certain feral level against pliable lips.

Picard did not resist what he was offered but instead accepted it and rode upon unbridled passion that suddenly burst up from deep inside of him. He wound his fists into hair that was too soft for words and kissed him until Jean was afraid that he'd broken a lip open, only then did he pull away, gasping for air, with a taste on his tongue that was slightly metallic and not at all the rubbery, rotten taste he'd expected. Most certainly not displeasing.

"Sir," Data had lowered his voice to just above a whisper, his face melting into what could be called coy as he mouthed words just above his captain's lips, trailing a hand into the deep, opened V of Picard's shirt. "You must teach me how to please you; tonight you must tell me what you would have me do."

Picard pondered this as he idly allowed his fingertips to undo the clasps of Data's uniform. "Shall we start with you learning to say my name while we are in private like this?"

"What else…Jean-luc?" He questioned, helping by shrugging one arm out of his Starfleet uniform. His other hand was pressed firmly into Picard's chest, cradling his ribcage and squeezing, putting a reassuring weight down.

"Let's see you pair up what you've learned so far about human sexual interactions with all you know about me…and we'll go from there…" There was a mischievous glint in the Captain's eye as he allowed the lower-ranking officer to take control. He could not bring himself to order the other man around while in bed, directing pleasure was not something he felt qualified doing, so he resolved to speak only if displeased…and as clothing slowly disappeared and data let on that he knew far more about pleasing the starship captain than he'd implied, Picard was very much far from being displeased.

Data had always felt particularly close to his Captain, in fact, he had devoted a good amount of time to studying Jean-luc. So it was safe to say that all he knew about Picard combined with his fully functional sexual abilities would allow him to provide adequate pleasure.

The older man rolled his head to the side, letting out a sharp gasp. It only seemed right to allow Data this control. The android was always under some sort of command, and Picard, as Captain was constantly in control. Hell, he manned an entire Spaceship. He would gladly surrender in the setting of a bedroom. Data gladly accepted that sweet surrender as he stood, very much naked, and requested a generic lubrication from the replicator.

Once in his hand the Android approached the bed where his Captain lay. Picard was half-dazed, aroused beyond belief. It had been so long since he'd allowed anyone, let alone another man, touch him this way. Data's hands fell with feathering light touches to his flesh, hot breath on his chest, unnaturally soft lips wrapping around his nipple. Each ministration sending hot jolts down his body to the tips of his fingers and toes, eliciting a new gasp each time. Picard caressed the android as well, reaching and pressing and touching, and fondling anything he could place his hands on. Though he knew somewhere in his mind, that the pleasurable moans coming from Data were only programmed, he loved hearing them just the same. He loved the way his body reacted to each touch, ach kiss, each shared moment.

Pure bliss as not one, but two fingers breached his shields, knocking down each carefully constructed wall one, by one. Though Data had no idea how deeply he was really touching Picard, he took comfort in the thought that when it came right down to it, with Data he would always be in control. He took a small comfort also in the fact that though he would carry on memories, he could annihilate Data's…wipe out any trace of a relationship, of this…one-sided love. Knowing Picard would be able to return to normal, to hiding himself and sheltering from close contact…this eased his mind.

Data positioned astride his Captain, pushed, stopping only when Picard grunted painfully. "Don't stop dammit!" He half-shouted then sighed, not meaning to be harsh. "Please Data, don't stop unless I tell you to."

"As you wish Jean," he began pushing again, his captain relaxing and yielding when hands wrapped around the stiff organ.

Light kisses rained over his face, down his neck, and Picard clutched Data's shoulder, fisting his other hand into the soft black hair.

Picard had always, as he remembered, been quiet relatively, but Data pulled noises from his choked throat that he'd never heard. Drew out the loneliness from his core and stroked it tenderly. For one, long, beautiful moment Picard pushed all thoughts of Data being just an android aside. After all, how could a machine make him feel this? He allowed himself to believe that he'd never be alone again, that Data could be everything he ever lacked. He clawed at the soft flesh as their slow lovemaking reached a fevered pitch, his teeth sank into Data's shoulder, and he android without missing a beat, cried out in pain, drawing a long, delicious moan out of Jean-luc.

The Starship Captain shuddered, spilling everything all at once in a beautiful rush that left him crying and breathless. Data, also breathless, collapsed on his Captain, his circuits buzzing. The closest he'd ever been to feeling pleasure. There was something about it that he could not dwell on now. Picard was holding him too close, he would not move now, not with Jean-luc holding him like this, like Data was the last thing on earth keeping him grounded. Whispering such sweet things into his ear that Data tried, but ultimately failed to understand on the level Picard did. Through all of this, he knew though, somehow felt that his captain needed him more than anything, had needed and used him to get rid of whatever had been plaguing his mind.

"I love you," the words slipped out as if by accident but Jean-luc Picard meant them with everything he was.

Data froze then, probably doing more computing, so Picard sighed.

"Don't," he pleaded, pulling away, his arms leaving the droid. "Don't tell me you can't love me, I already know that."

"Jean-luc," Data started, rising to his knees and bracing his hands on either side of Picard's head. "You are very special to me, perhaps the one I now feel closest to. Although the feeling of love is still alien to me, I know what it is like to feel desire and the desire to be…close is very real to me."

"And that," Picard smiled, tracing a hand down Data's beautiful body that would never feel the affects of old age. "Is much better than nothing."

Data swooped down to claim those pouting lips. Though he did not know what sadness felt like, he recognized fully when someone was feeling it. And that pained look in his Captain's eyes demanded some sort of attention. In the moment that he violated those lips, Data once again resolved to master human emotion. He would one day be able to love his captain.

"Data," Jean-luc whispered, slowly pushing the android away, not wanting to at the same time. The absence of the warmth of Data's body and lips caused a shiver to run through him. "What I am about to do will always stand to hurt me more than you will ever be able to comprehend."

"Jean-luc?"

"Data, get off my bed, and get dressed," He commanded, the Captain persona appearing again, his steady shield rising up to comfort him. He listlessly watched Data dress himself. "As soon as you walk out that door, I order you as your Captain to delete the physical encounter we've had tonight."

"Yes sir," Data said, quiet, and if Picard did not know better, almost remorsefully.

Data pretended as though he could not hear Picard's labored breathing as he lay down and quietly the tears came again. The door swished open and then closed behind the android.

Data's eyes glossed over then as he carried out his final order.

Riker walked briskly by, stopping to look at Data with a very bewildered stare. "Data what are you doing here?"

"I was just taking Spot for a walk," he replied, looking around.

"Worf found Spot this morning on the bridge," Riker gave Data a piercing look that said he was searching for something, that he wasn't quiet convinced, namely, that he was suspicious.

"I see…" Data mused, slight confusion taking over his expression, "I must have lost track of time." He simply stated before turning to return to duty.