Well folks this is the final chapter! Thank you all for your reviews so far. Remember as you read the end that this particular story was entitled Never An Absolution for a reason.
Let me know if you think I did the title and the idea behind the story any justice.
Chapter 21
James woke with a splitting headache, it was psycho-somatic he knew. He had fallen asleep last night with a burning rage in his heart at Kate's deception. Too angry to even think about what she had just done, he'd taken some sleeping pills he'd found in the hatch and welcomed the dreamless oblivion.
It was now three days after he'd sent out the signal to Travis about their situation. 'Any day now they'll be here.' He thought with relief. He couldn't wait to get off this damn Island and away from Kate. She was going to be the death of him. This time she'd gone too far. He couldn't forgive her for this. She snuck into his tent to sleep with him at night then in the daylight hours when Saint Jack was around she acted like nothing happened between them the night before. And now she was trying to do Jack's dirty work for him by using sex as a tool. 'Man she's really done a number on you.' He thought to himself self-mockingly.
James left the tent to go and take a much needed shower in the hatch. After he showered he walked into the kitchen where Ana-Lucia and Sayid were having breakfast.
"Good Morning James." Sayid greeted politely.
"Mornin' Ali, Rambina."
Pouring himself some cereal and milk James leaned against the kitchen sink to eat.
"How's Frank doin'?"
"Better, he can speak a little now." Sayid replied.
"Good. Sonofabitch owes me some answers."
"Answers about what?" Sayid enquired.
"About the mole."
"What mole?" Ana-Lucia piped up.
"André said there was a mole in our camp, someone who survived the crash with us but is one of them. They were waiting for Gale to make contact with the mole."
"I knew it." Breathed Sayid.
"When y'all came to find Libby and Bernard in the hatch yesterday, do you know if either one of them made contact with either prisoner?"
Sayid and Ana-Lucia looked at each other, "Not that we know of. You're not suggesting that Libby or Bernard are the mole are you?" Asked Sayid, disbelievingly.
James shrugged, "Gotta start somewhere."
"True, how about we start with you, James?" Demanded Jack as he sauntered into the room.
James rolled his eyes, "I'm startin' to get tired of your shit, Doc, why don't you stick to the doctorin' an' leave the heavy duty stuff to those in the know?"
"You're highly suspect disappearance doesn't make you in the know, it makes you someone very unreliable and quite frankly untrustworthy. Why are you giving us bits of information when you feel like it? Why didn't you tell anyone about this mole when you first got back? How do we know you're not the mole? What else are you hiding from us James?"
All eyes were on James now, and he didn't like it one bit.
"Listen to me 'cause I'm only gonna say this once you smug sonofabitch. I don't plan on livin' or dyin' on this damn Island an' I most certainly don't plan on waitin' around like a sittin' duck while other people pick us off one by one, toy with us, steal our children an' poison their minds with God knows what bullshit. I figured long ago that there must be a mole or we must be under some sort of surveillance an' if you think that any conversation you have in this damn concrete monstrosity is a secret you're dumber than you look."
Jack, Ana-Lucia and Sayid all looked around the hatch uncomfortably at the mention of surveillance. None of them had given it much thought but it made a lot of sense.
"I ain't no hero Doc, that's your job, but I'm a survivor, I'll take anythin' the Fates throw at me an' I'll obey that animal instinct me to survive. I did us all a favor takin' out André, capturin' Frank an' bringin' back Walt. And suspicion and subterfuge is the thanks I get. Looks like ma Daddy was right all along, no good deed goes unpunished… but I'll be damned if I let you talk down to me ever again."
James was furious that was evident to everyone, and Sayid and Ana-Lucia both had a feeling that if Jack didn't apologize there would be a beat down reminiscent of the one they had witnessed a few days ago. Tensing in readiness to jump in should the need arise the two of them watched on with wary interest.
"I'm sorry, I was out of line. You managed to accomplish a whole lot more than any of us have since we got here and I'm sorry I was suspicious of you." Jack was immediately contrite and this successfully took the steam out of James' anger.
"Forget about it, we're all wound up pretty tight. Now how 'bout we put our heads together an' try to figure out who our mole is."
Everyone breathed a silent sigh of relief at James' acceptance of Jack's apology.
"Yeah sure. I meant to ask you yesterday, how's your rib?"
"Broke it again a few days ago. Don't worry 'bout it Jacko I've had worse injuries before an' I'm still here."
Jack smiled cynically at this, "Another reference to your mysterious past. Any chance you'll tell us about it?"
"Nah, it ain't that interestin' anyway. How 'bout we worry about the present and pay Frankie a visit?"
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That Night
James groaned inwardly as he jolted his broken rib, Ana-Lucia had accosted him with bandages and such insisting that tough guy or not he had to take care of himself. He had to admit to himself that bound his rib was less painful and easier to ignore but he'd been conditioned to transcend physical pain and he was very good at it. What was more elusive was emotional pain that he hadn't quite found a balance for.
Lying in the dark of his tent he felt a twinge of yearning for Kate, sharing his bed with her for some tension relieving sex was now making sleeping in here without it virtually impossible.
He'd seen her when he returned from the hatch, she'd been playing with the older kids, counting to ten as they all ran and hid. Their eyes had met briefly and he'd seen the shame and guilt in the green orbs as he pinned her with an ocean blue glare. She had been the first one to look away and James had felt an unwelcome emptiness after he carried on walking.
It didn't help that Ana-Lucia had asked him, "¿Cuál es tan el reparto con usted y Kate¿Es usted dos que lo hacen o no?" (Translation: "So what's the deal with you and Kate? Are you two doing it or not?")
James had obviously denied it, which he reasoned wasn't a complete lie. They had been but they most certainly wouldn't be anymore.
James pricked his ears at the sound of footsteps outside his tent, holding his breath he cursed himself for hoping it was Kate.
Kate stood hesitantly, it was two in the morning and she was standing outside his tent, she wanted to go in and melt into his embrace desperately, but last night's rough ejection kept replaying in her mind. 'Maybe he's asleep, or maybe he's not even there.' She told herself, unconsciously taking another step towards the entrance. Reaching her hand out to push open the flap, she let it fall to her side uselessly, 'Who are you kidding Kate? He will not welcome you this time. You fucked this up just face it. Leave it alone. This is what you wanted isn't it? He won't be chasing you with those expressive eyes of his and he certainly doesn't have anything to say to you. Anything nice that is. Now you're free to explore your feelings for Jack without worrying about hurting James' feelings.'
Still she wavered at the entrance, chewing her lip in frustrated indecision.
James was standing now, his heart beating fast, 'Kate.' He could feel it was her in the very marrow of his bones. Attuning all his senses to the form outside his tent he imagined he could hear her breathing. Walking as if compelled by a magnetic force, James stood right outside the entrance. He heard her breath catch in her throat when she realized how close he was. Lifting his hand towards the flap, James hesitated, 'If you let her in you lose all sense of dignity and self respect. Either way she's not for you, so what's the point?'
He let his hand fall to his side and steeling himself against the weaker voice inside him he turned back to his bed and lay down.
Kate had heard him walk to the entrance and heard him walk away a few minutes later. 'Well, I guess now you know, Kate. He's not interested in anything you have to say.' Sadly she walked back to her tent, her heart aching acutely.
She must have dozed off for an hour because her watch said it was just after three a.m., Kate left her tent deciding to sit under the palm tree and wait for the sun to rise. She didn't bother to slip on the boots Jin had made for her using boar hide. Instead she just walked out barefoot in her jeans and sweatshirt because it was a little cold, and sat down under the tree.
James walked around from the other side of the tree where he'd been standing and sat down next to her.
"I didn't see you there." She said speaking softly.
"I know. I saw ya flinch." He replied just as softly.
"Congratulations on catching Libby as the mole. I think it broke Hurley's heart the way she resisted even though it was clear to see she was the one."
James did not respond, he just inclined his head slightly in acknowledgement of the compliment. He ran his hand through his shorn locks in an unconscious gesture of impatience.
"Do you think you'll ever be able to forgive me?" Kate asked suddenly.
"That depends."
"Depends on what?"
"On whether our rescue team shows up tomorrow mornin' to get us off this godforsaken Island."
"So I'll take that as a no." She said dejectedly.
"I'm serious Kate. While I was in the hatch with André I managed to send a distress signal out to ma brother Travis."
Kate looked at him in surprise, "I didn't know you had a brother."
"There's a lot 'bout me you don't know."
"Why didn't you tell anyone about the signal?"
"I didn't think it was important at the time."
"And you do now?"
"Only person I've told is you Sass."
"Why?"
"Why? Cause I figured anyone who's willin' to use their body to get information, and manages to do so, deserves to get what they came for." Watching her for a reaction, he wasn't disappointed at the tensing of her shoulders.
"I know you better than you think Kate. I know you'll never admit to me or even yourself that whatever bad feelings you got locked in your heart, I make you feel somethin' you don't want to feel. What is it Kate? What do I bring up inside you that scares you so much?"
Kate took a deep breath then let it out, staring out into the darkness she didn't answer.
James reached into his pocket and lit a cigarette, smoking silently by her side he waited. Halfway through the cigarette she finally answered, "Alive. You make me feel alive, and… it hurts. And I resent you for it."
"I thought as much… No good deed goes unpunished." James replied matter-of-factly.
"So why did you ask me?"
"'Cause I wanted to hear you say it."
"I guess we've both committed sins against each other, James. Where do we go from here?" Kate asked, her voice fraught with emotion.
"Think you can forgive me for that?" His light tone belied the emotional investment he was holding in her answer.
"I don't know." She answered truthfully.
Flicking his cigarette in the sand, James looked out at the water.
"I don't know if I can forgive bein' used either." He spoke sincerely, his voice betraying the hurt he felt at her actions.
They sat in a painful silence, each lost in their own thoughts.
When the sun began to rise, helicopters and a ship appeared on the horizon; Kate's eyes widened, a fragile hope beating in her chest.
James lit another cigarette, "Smile sweetheart, looks like Christmas has come a lil early this year, the Rangers are here."