Summary: response to Kimonkey7's April Fool's Bad Fic Challenge.
Prompts - Location: McCarron Airport, Weapon: a can of beer, Evidence: roll of WintOGreen Lifesavers, Dialogue: "I don't think I've ever seen one that big before."
An Occurrence at McCarron Airport
The sun was shinning. The sky was bright and clear and empty except for a few birds and they certainly were'nt bothering anybody. And there were a few planes coming and going.
It was great weather for flying. It was bad whether for dying but is there ever really a good time for that? Can you squeeze it in after lunch? Won't have to worry about that meeting with the boss, I suppose.
Good weather or not, there was a body there was always a body and it wasn't the weather but whether they found out what happened to the body. There was always a body.
"You know our shift doesn't even start for another eight hours?" Nick asked in a low voice, not wanting anyone of the hundreds of people in the place where they were to hear him. They were walking into McCarron airport and Nick looked at his watch. Maybe his watch was wrong. Maybe the sun was wrong. Miscommunication with the moon wasn't entirely out the question.
Sara frowned. "I just go where Grissom tells me. Never did care much for time anyways. Midnight or noon, it's only 12, right?"
That makes sense, Nick thought, thinking that she was raising a valid point. So he didn't complain. He didn't ever complain he just went where Grissom told him to.
"Do you really think it's him?"
Nick sighed and shook his head. "Sara, you were with me when Grissom told us."
Sara nodded. "I know," she said, nodding, "but I have to pretend like I don't know what you're talking about so you can explain it to me."
Nick cocked his head. He was just starting to realize hoe smart Sara was. "We'll have to see the body first but yeah from what Jim said I think it sounds like the serial killer."
"The airport serial killer?"
"No, Sara, the maintence closet serial killer, he just thought he'd try to throw us off." Nick shook his head, thinking maybe she wasn't so smart after all.
"Sorry," she said giggling. "I was drinking this morning."
Nick raised his eyebrows. "I had no idea."
They walked through the doors. The airport terminal was busy busy busy even though there was a body somewhere there was always a body but it was like the peeple didn't even care. They rounded a corner and the seen changed instantly and dramatically. Here, there were less people, just a few cops and a suit and Jim Brass. And the body.
"Hello Nick and Sara," he said. "The body is over there" and he pointed over there where the body was. The man's head and face had been beaten saveagely.
"What was the weapon?" Nick asked pulling on his gloves.
Brass held up a can, it was a beer can. It was one of those really big beer cans. "I call it!" Sara said quickly.
"I wasn't offering it to you," Brass said. "It was the murder weapon."
Sara looked disappointed. "How do you know?"
Brass sighed patiently "well, there's blood on it, Sara."
"I'm sorry," she said sheepishly, "I don't think I've ever seen one that big before. It made me thirsty."
Nick clapped his hands together. "Okay, let's get to work."
Sara glanced longingly at the can that Brass was still holding but she grabbed her flashlight and started to walk down the hall.
Nick knelt by the body and something green caught his eye. He reached out and picked up an item, it was okay because he was wearing his gloves, and he looked at it curiously. It was a roll of WintOGreen Lifesavers. He put the roll in an evidence bag and sealed it. He stood up.
Suddenly, a man dropped from the ceiling with a crash rolled and jumped up waving a gun around.
Brass rushed forward and the man kicked him in the face.
"What are you doing?" Nick asked angrily, reaching for his own gun.
"Sorry," he said, "but I can't take any chances."
The man was breathing heavily, though Nick couldn't really see a reason why. "My name is Jack Bauer," the man said. "I work for the Counter Terrorist Unit in L.A. and for the past seventeen hours twenty-three minutes and fifty-four seconds I've been tracking a terrorist cell that's been trying to plant poisoned evidence to kill crime scene investigators." He looked all around the terminal. "I believe urine danger."
Sara gasped and grabbed Nick's arm. "No!" she screamed.
Jack ignored her and gestured to the evidence bag that Nick was holding it had the roll of Lifesavers in it. "I need to see that roll of Lifesavers in the evidence bag that your holding."
Nick held out the bag. "It's not a terrorist," he said "it's a serial killer." He tried to explain. "The suspect kills the victim with a weapon of opportunity, like a can of beer, and-"
"Dammit, I lost good people today!" Jack yelled. "I know what I'm talking about!"
Nick nodded. "Okay, sorry." He was thinking, this guy was a little crazy.
The man Jack Bauer held it the bag up and looked into it at the roll. "Dammit." He said, shaking his head. "Wintogreen. Son of a bitch." He pulled out a cell phone.
"What?" Nick asked, feeling afraid.
"It's worse than I thought."
Suddenly gunfire erupted from what seemed like every nook and cranny of the airport. Bullets whizzed by everywhere and Jack shoved the CSIs out of the way so they don't get shot but he didn't do a very good job. He only has one gun but took out the seven men that are now coming down the hall and then he jumped out of the window.
Nick and Sara are leaning against the wall and watching and Nick holds his arm because blood is gushing out of the wound where he was shot. Sara saw it and started crying.
Nick glanced sidesways at her, trying not to cry from all of the pain. "Do you hear that?"
"Hear what?"
"I don't know," Nick said, not knowing what the sound was. "Kinda like a beep BEEP beep BEEP."
Sara shook her head. "You're just delusional from all of the pain."
Nick shrugged it off. "Did I ever tell you about the time that I was nine and molested?"
Sara looked at him for a moment with her mouth hanging open and then started crying harder. "Nick, I love you," she said crying.
He frowned and patted her on the back. "That's nice, but I was really hoping that we could talk about me. I've just been holding this in for so long."
Suddenly, Grissom walked in front of them. "Did you guys wrap up your case?"
Nick shrugged and waved his non-bloody and shot arm to encompass the scene, there were cops and dead bodies everywhere. "I guess so."
"Okay," he said. "I'll see you back at the lab. Try not to bleed on the evidence."
"Will do, Gris," Nick said.
Sara helped him up and on the way out to go to the emergency room, she snuck over and took the can of beer.
When Nick glared at her, she said "there's no sense wasting it."
They laughed.
The End.
Note: Thanks, Kim, for coming up with this idea! I had a lot of fun. Really.