10 Steps to De-Sue a Mary Sue

By: Kigen

Thank you everyone for all the reviews. I know it's been a long time, but it's back.

Disclaimer: I wish I owned Avatar, but I don't so I'm just going to take my frustrations out in fanfics. Just because rules have been written here does not mean they have to be followed. The notes on the bending styles comes from wikipeida and avatar spirit.

Chapter Seven: Water, Earth, Air, and Fire Bending.

Zuko stands in the room with Sokka, in his new Bai Sing Sei clothing and hair style. "Why are we still here? I thought the crazy yaoi fanatic finally released us."

Sokka sighs. "If only it was that easy. She just got sidetracked for a few months with Shaman King again. That, and her newest Zukka fic." he shudders.

"And now she's back to torment us some more?"

"Yep." Sokka nods. "She figures since she's got 157 reviews for the story, 38 for the last chapter alone; she might as well update."

Zuko wrinkles his nose. "Reviews?"

"After she puts the de-suing lessons on the internet, the suethors and other people will email her about what they saw. Basically, digital fan mail." Sokka makes a face that Zuko can't decide is amused or disturbed; probably a cross of the two. "One of them was over seven hundred words long. Another went into a lot of detail about theories about those little flame things you fire bending royals wear on your head. And spirits above, the Sue bending." Sokka shivers. "Some was stupid, some was realistic, and others were just... wrong."

Zuko rolled his eyes. "Whatever they came up with, I'm sure I've seen scarier."

Sokka shakes his head. "Uh-uh. Other than the usual, animal, blood, plant bending stuff; there was yaoibending, psychics, rainbowbending. I'm kind of surprised only one person suggested genderbending though."

Zuko smirks. "That eager to be a girl?"

Sokka blinked. "What?"

Zuko continues to smirk. "She's a Sokka fan. If she turned anyone into a girl, it'd be you."

Sokka suddenly takes on a smirk of his own. "Tough luck Zuzu. If she turned one of us into a girl, it'd be you."

"She would not. In Zukka, you're the uke-"

"You're using her words." Sokka points out.

"Shut up. But you're uke, so you'd be the girl."

"Nuh-uh. I asked Kigen and she said if she could choose any guy to turn into a girl; first she'd pick Haru and if she couldn't pick him, she'd pick you. She likes me as a guy." he looks proud of himself.

Zuko rolls his eyes. "Let's just drop it. I don't want to have to talk about Kigen's gender kinks. Why am I here this time?"

"Time to cover the bending lessons. At least we only need to cover the normal bending and not the Sue bending." Sokka lets out a sigh of relief.

"Then what are we waiting for? Hurry up and give your damn lesson so we can leave."

"We have to wait for Toph, Haru, Katara, and Aang." Sokka explains. "Iroh too. We need one of each kind of bender."

"Why do we need two earth benders and two fire benders?" Zuko asks.

"Iroh's needed for the lightning bending. As for Toph and Haru," Sokka shrugged, "Kigen was going on about the two having different bending styles."

"Then what's taking them? We've been here at least twenty minutes."

"She probably gave us time to ourselves. The fan girls reading this seem to enjoy me having to put up with the guys." Sokka sticks his tongue out. "I don't know what's worse; them or the suethors."

"Suethors." Katara answers as she enters the room. Jet was with them as well, dragging yet another bag of fan mail. "Aang and the others will be here in a few minutes."

"What are you doing here?" Sokka backs away, casting a scared look at Jet.

"Someone was kind enough to point out that since I didn't kiss you last chapter, Kigen needs to write the mpreg. But since you passed out, Kigen decided to be merciful enough to give us a second chance." Jet drops the bag. "Now stand still and let's get this over with."

Sokka backs up until his back's against the wall. "No. You, stay away! I am not KISSING you!" he holds his fingers up like a cross, as if that could ward Jet away.

"Would you prefer getting knocked up and giving birth?" Jet crosses his arms.

"No..." Sokka mutters.

"Then stand still and let's get this over with."

Sokka doesn't move as Jet walks up to him and quickly brushes his lips against Sokka's. "There, all over with." he wipes his lips off. "Now Kigen can leave us alone."

"Do you think Kigen will honestly consider that a kiss?" Katara giggles a bit at the look of disgust on Sokka's face as he sits and wipes his mouth. "She'll still write the story once she finishes a few of the others."

"No! Not you too Katara! Don't go to the dark side! Don't become a yaoi fan girl!" Sokka rushes forward and grabs Katara by the should shoulders. "Don't let her convert you!" he shakes her.

"I'm not a yaoi fan girl." Katara says gently, peeling Sokka's hands off her shoulders. "I'm just trying to avoid seeing my brother pregnant."

"Sokka's pregnant?" Aang asks, as he and the remaining benders open the door and come inside. "I thought he was a guy."

"I wish you an easy pregnancy and a healthy baby." Iroh smiles warmly, playing along.

"Who's the daddy Snoozles?" Toph smirks.

"Jet." Zuko answers before Sokka can say anything.

"Kigen?" Haru asks Katara.

"Kigen." Katara nods.

"I'm not pregnant!" Sokka shouts. "Kigen just threatening with me so she can see me and Jet make out! I'm not having babies!"

"Calm down Pinhead. We know you're not." Toph shakes her head.

"Why don't we do the lesson now Sokka?" Katara suggests.

"Fine." Sokka reaches into his pockets and pulls out a couple of folded pieces of paper. "Kigen got this information from Wikipedia and Avatar Spirit . net, because she's not smart enough to figure it out by herself." he explains, unfolding them.

"First is waterbending. Waterbending is based off a Chinese martial art style called Tai Chi. It was chosen for it's fluid movements." Sokka looked up. "Katara, the notes say you're suppose to do some waterbending while I talk.

"The Waterbenders use Tai Chi, an internal style based solely on the control of energy." Sokka quotes from the paper as Katara begins to do some basic water stances. "It is a very soft, gentle and flowing, but devastating when mastered. Tai Chi students learn to use little strength to defend themselves effectively. While being used for combat, Tai Chi also serves as therapy for the purpose of health and longevity. "Tai Chi" literally translates into "supreme ultimate fist," and it earns its title."

Sokka looks up. "Okay Katara, you can stop now." Katara takes her seat on the sidelines again.

Sokka turns back to the paper. "Next is earthbending. Toph, Haru, you're both suppose to be earthbending here." The two begin with no argument.

"Earthbending is based off of the Hung Gar style because of it's firmly rooted stances. It should be noted though that Toph uses Southern Praying Mantis Kung Fu. Kigen says it's probably since Toph is pretty much self taught.

"The Earth Kingdom utilizes the Hung Gar system, a mix of the Tiger and Crane animal styles. This style uses deep low stances, such as the hose stance, and strong hand techniques. Hung Gar is one of the more external styles, but also practices some internal movement. Emphasis is put on having firm, solid stances. The Chinese character "Hung" is a family name which means "to stand firm and tall with integrity."

Sokka looks up. "It doesn't have any information about Toph's style though. But for the metal bending Toph did, Kigen says theorizes that because while processing earth into metal gets rid of most impurities, a small amount of earth remains in the metal. Because Toph is a master earthbender, Kigen says that she probably reached a point where even the small impurities in the metal were able to be detected and bent."

"Can we stop now?" Toph asks, annoyed to be doing the moves without any actual bending.

"Yeah."

"Finally." She marches over the wall, leaning against it. Haru follows, sitting in one of the chairs.

Sokka takes the next piece of paper. "Ba Gua's soft, circular movements are used for airbending. You're up Aang." Aang happily spring to his feet, playing about with his airbending as Sokka reads.

"An internal style like Tai Chi, Ba Gua is based around the eight trigrams of the Yijing. "Baguazhang" translates into "eight trigram palm." These can refer to the eight animals which Ba Gua movements are based on; Lion, Snake, Bear, Dragon, Phoenix, Rooster, Qilin, and Monkey. 'Circle walking' is used to train stance and movement. This teaches the practitioner how to move and change direction without pausing or losing momentum, as well as staying behind the opponent's back.

"Kigen would also like to point out it seems to her to be a bit more defensive than most; but she doesn't know for sure because she knows nothing about bending or martial art movements." Aang stops his bending, floating in the air back to his original spot, talking to Katara.

"Last but not least, firebending is based off of Northern Shoalin's swift and fast strikes. Get over here Zuzu."

"Don't call me that if you're fond of living." Zuko takes his place in the center of the classroom.

Sokka rolls his eyes. "Just shut up and do it Zuko." Turns back to the paper, smirking as Zuko grumbles and begins to do some stances.

"Am I needed?" Iroh asked.

"Not until we do the lightning stuff." Sokka begins to read again.

"Northern Shaolin is an external style based on extending the body, and long, aggressive techniques that explode and drive through the opponent. It is the Fire Nation's martial art of choice. Northern Shaolin became popular during the Tang Dynasty of China. This style teaches the 5 elements of movement; Wood, Fire, Earth, Metal, and Water. Each element describes a different way of attacking or defending. These elements can also apply to other martial arts. Shaolin is said to be the origin of most fighting styles."

Zuko stops as soon as Sokka's done reading.

Sokka pulls out the last piece of paper for the bending styles. "Your turn Iroh."

"All right Sokka." He stands in the middle of the room, taking a deep breath and starting the stances for bending lightning.

"Bending lightning is just another form of firebending." Sokka reads. "It involves taking the positive and negative energies and separating them. When the energies are separated, an imbalance occurs. When the energies combine again, lightning is sparked. Bending lightning is like bending metal. Only the masters of these elements have the ability to do it successfully."

Sokka crumples up the paper. "And that's that. Thank Iroh."

"Not a problem. Anyone care for some jasmine tea?" ambles back to his spot, taking a tea pot that he brought in with him, and beginning to brew it for all the people in the room.

Jet opens the fan mail bag. "Do we really need to do this? Can't we just do vague statements instead?"

Katara nodded. "She wouldn't notice, would she Sokka?"

"As long as we answer the ones she wants us to, she won't care." Sokka takes out the reviewer responses. "Someone read this." he waves it around.

"I'll take it!" Aang grabs the paper and starts to read. "Kigen wants to thank everyone for all the reviews she got, and all the Sue bending suggestions. She especially wants to thank Ookami Aya for one of the longest and most detailed review she's ever gotten-"

"One of the longest?" Haru asks. "She's gotten longer?"

"Don't know, don't care. What's up next Twinkle Toes?"

"And all the great details for the Sue bending. She also wants to thank Foxy-Glove for sharing the theory for Fire noble hair pins. For all the yaoi lovers, she's happy to please. For all the yaoi haters..." Aang pauses to look over all the words of frustrations and ranting about it not having actual slash, just her torturing the characters. "She says it's not yaoi, and she's sorry but she likes it. She says the same thing to the shippers... and the fan girls. She would like to remind people that if they have a specific question or request, to please PM it to her and not leave it in a review." Aang starts to fold the paper into an airplane. "Other than that she say's she'll use the suebending in the next chapter."

"Now that, that's over with, let's get out of here." Jet stands up.

The door opens dramatically. "Stop right there mortals!" All eyes fall on the girl. Her long waves chestnut colored hair shined brightly in the artificial lights that bathed her body where they were held up in buns, the long strands left over hanging over her shoulders. The bright violet orbs of her beautifully stunning face have a deep, strong fire of passion and determination in them. Her white and green clothing, clings and flows from her perfectly slender body; the authentic Korean influence clear in it's design. The baby doll style top is in white and spring green with a han bok like design, the sleeves tight and coming to her elbows. Her pants are leggings that come to her knees. And her slender feet, a golden tan color like the rest of her body. She opens her perfectly pink lips and-

"It's a Mary Sue! Everyone, run for your lives!" Sokka screeches.

"Shut up." The girl steps forward, out of the spot light. Without the bright light upon her, she looks much more normal. "Is that any way to speak to you're master?" she crosses her arms.

"Kigen I presume?" Iroh asks.

"Yes indeedy." she smiles, beaming in a way that is eerily creepier to Judee. "Authoress, anime fan since I was in the womb, and yaoi fan girl to the extreme. How can I be of service?"

"Don't speak to it! It's a Mary Sue! Back foul beast!" Sokka takes his boomerang and holds it up threateningly. "We don't want any of your bogus bending or demonic love."

Kigen rolls her eyes. "First off, this isn't my body. It's my OC's-"

"You're OC is a Sue then! It has purple eyes!"

"Calm yourself boomerang boy. Mi Sun has green eyes. I have purple eyes, because I'm the authoress and I can do whatever I want without being a Sue."

"You named your OC after your mom?" Sokka asks.

"Do you have a problem with me naming characters after my mommy?" Kigen half pouts, half glares. "I can always take the author control up from level two to level four."

"Level four?" Zuko asks.

"Don't tell me there are levels to your craziness." Toph groans.

Kigen smiles. "Yep. There are. Level one, I have no control of you guys what-so-ever, and everything is pretty much cannon. Level two is where we are right now. I don't really control you guys as much as I threaten and bribe to get my way. Level three, I keep you guys in character, and in realistic situations. At level four, I can make you guys do anything I want, as long as I keep you in character. At five, I fully become your god. I can do whatever I want to you, make you like who I want, and make you guys as out of character as I want in the weirdest situations I want. Level five is the suethor level of control." she adds morbidly.

"Why are you here anyways?" Katara asks, trying to change the subject.

Kigen quickly brightens up. "You guys all need to get your measurements taken."

"For what?" Haru asks cautiously.

"For your costumes of course."

"Why would we need costumes?" Jet puts his hands in his pockets, thinking of a way to escape.

"Because next lesson, we are covering Suebending. Which means I'm going to be here, giving the lesson. No, none of you can get out of it, so don't even ask. Azula, Ty Lee, and Mai are even going to be here. Now, everyone stay still while I take your measurements."

"We're doomed, aren't we?"

"Don't sound so sad about it." Kigen smiles. "It'll only last forever. Now everyone wave goodbye to the nice people who are watching."

"Oh spirits, she's crazy too." Zuko groans.

"I know I am but what are you? Now say goodbye, everyone."

"Bye."

:-:-:-:-:

I have appeared! And yes, next chapter will be done in costume, because I feel like it. Sorry if this chapter wasn't so great, I'm a bit rusty in the humor department.

Anyway, next chapter, we fight head on with Sue bending. Other made up bending is still being excepted, but please include your reasons.

Thanks for read and please review.

Ja manna-san!