Author's note: This is totally and completely fluff. You have been warned.
Disclaimer: I have about as much claim to these characters as Joan Rivers has to her face. Am I allowed to say that?
"I'm telling you, Bren, it works!"
"Angela, I am not (hic) gonna stand on my head. That's just a m(hic)...ugh! Myth."
Agent Booth paused on his journey to Dr. Brennan's office, not sure he was hearing correctly, then broke into a grin and started walking again.
"Fine, go ahead with the water then. But I'm telling you, my Aunt Jenny swore by the head-stand method."
Tempe opened her mouth to reply, but all that came out was a particularly irritable-sounding (hic).
"You got the hiccups, Bones?" Booth asked as he stepped through the door of her lab.
"No, Booth, I just (hic) think they're cute and fun to (hic) mimic," she answered sarcastically.
"They are," he agreed cheekily, then turned to Angela and asked, "Has she tried crossing her eyes and humming Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star?"
"I can't even get her to stick her tongue out and hold her breath," she answered defeatedly.
"You're both rid(hic)ulous."
Booth laughed out loud at the normally straight-laced doctor struggling to quell a common, yet very annoying and quite awkward affliction. She (hic)ed quietly as she shot him a death glare.
"If you're just going to (hic) laugh, you can leave," she said sulkily.
"Well, I can offer some suggestions. I do have experience with the hiccups."
She ignored him and instead took a huge mouthful of water and tipped her head back to gulp it down. All it did was send her into a coughing fit, in between which were brutal hiccups. Booth walked towards her and patted her firmly on the back. He rubbed her back soothingly when the coughing subsided. She massaged her throatand wincedas she recovered from the violent opposing forces of hiccups and coughs.
"You okay?" he asked with concern.
"Fine," she choked out, followed by a (hic).
"Well, that clearly didn't work," Angela stated.
Booth tilted his head and considered Brennan for a moment before making his way to the coffee maker.
"Please, help yours(hic)—ugh…yourself," she said sarcastically.
"Actually, Bones, I'm helping you," he retorted, holding up a packet of sugar.
Instead of a snarky comeback, she gave him a skeptical look.
He ripped open the packet and handed it to her. "Trust me, my mom used to have me do this when I got hiccups as a kid. Just take it in one gulp."
She accepted the little bag and kicked it back like a shot of liquor. They watched her swallow it, and all three of them held their breath for results.
(Hic)
Angela let out her breath in a whoosh, Booth sighed audibly, and Tempe's shoulders slumped in disappointment before looking athim expectantly.
"What? It always worked for me," he said defensively.
"Wh(hic)…" she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "What now?"
"Have you tried compressing your diaphragm while you inhale?" Booth asked.
"Yep."
"What about forcing all the air out of your lungs in one big gush?"
"Check."
"Slow, steady breathing?"
"Mm-hm."
"Holding your breath?"
"(Hic)."
He turned to Angela. "Have you tried scaring her?"
"She doesn't scare easy."
"Patting her on the back?"
Ange nodded. "Nothing seems to work with this girl."
"This is just not normal. She is freakishly immune to all treatments."
"Guys, I'm right (hic) here," Brennan stated impatiently.
They all fell silent, contemplating other possible solutions to Temperance's problem. All the while, the silence was punctuated by the occasional (hic).
Tempe laid her head on her desk, which amplified the hiccups and made her shoulders jump. Angela tapped her fingernails steadily on the desktop. Both Brennan and Booth looked up at her and she raised her hands defensively.
"Okay, I'm going back to my work station. I'll let you know if I come up with anything."
She retreated from Brennan's lab, and Tempe put her head back on the desk.
"This (hic) sucks."
Booth suppressed a chuckle and stared around the lab. A sudden idea flashed across his face, followed closely by a wicked grin. He turned his head and looked at Tempe appraisingly.
He got up from the chair he was sitting in, and Brennan, noticing the movement, raised her head and looked at the FBI agent moving towards her.
He took her face in his hands and brought his lips down upon hers. Without thinking, Temperance parted her lips for him and engaged fully in the kiss before even realizing what she was doing, and with whom.
He pulled away after a few seconds and looked at her expectantly. She just stared at him. There was no movement as she waited for an explanation and he for a sign that it had worked.
A minute passed without a sound—hiccup or otherwise—and Booth hitched a smug smirk on his face.
"Looks like I cured you."
Brennan narrowed her eyes at him, but at the same time had to concede that he had, in fact, gotten rid of her hiccups, whether from the act itself or just the shock that he did it.
He started walking away with a swagger to tell Angela of his victory. "Don't worry, Bones. I'll be sure to tell her how you slapped me for my little stunt," he called to her, looking back at her over his shoulder.
She just shook her head and laughed.
He faced forward again and continued out of the office.
(Hic)
END (hic)
Please forgive this utterly useless bit of fluff. My sistah conned me into it with her questions. Anyway. I can't really complain. It was fun to write. Hopefully, it was almost as fun to read. Let me know! ;)