Vampires I would handle. Werewolves and demons and Catholics, I could handle. I had even come out on top when dealing with rogue butlers a time or two…

But this was something new entirely, and it was more gruesome then I could have ever anticipated.

A baby.

It was small and awful. It screamed and hollered, it would screw up its little face make noises worthy of waking the dead. It was forever eating and if it wasn't eating it was sleeping.

And it was exhausting. I am no stranger to hard work, there have been weeks where the only sleep I've gotten has been the short amount of time I've succumb to the sweet darkness that always waits on the edge when a battle is raging all around you and blood is seeping through a hole in your side and your damned vampire is so busy defending his fledging that he hasn't noticed you've been nearly hacked in half…but I'm not bitter.

Life has been strange to me. After losing my memory…revenge on the Order was good. It took a long to complete, but it was worth it. You see, I can justifiably kill anything… as long as it's supernatural in a sense, so I had wanted to make them all into vampires and fill them with three Cheshire church crosses full of bullets….that was frowned upon by many of my peers.

In the end it was quite simple. Christian (my mystery man) helped me with the perfect nefarious plot. You see, during my abduction I was to be given several injections. In addition to the one that was given to me, there was one in particular that caught my attention. It was a hormone injection to make sure that the pregnancy took. Have you ever wondered what happens to a man when he is given mass amounts of female estrogen, etc? It makes the body compensate by creating more testosterone and it the end the boy suffers greatly. It develops breasts and causes extreme emotions, all the while the while the testosterone inflated blood in the veins and makes them explode. You slowly bleed to death.

It's nothing that they wouldn't have done to me, and I sleep soundly at night…or I would if I didn't have this damnable child.

It is beyond me how people want these things…or how I could have ever been one. I'm sure there was never a time that I was complacent to deprecating in my own pants, and yet this one does it multiple times a day. It's disgusting and it's unhappy…at least it has that redeeming feature. If it was happy about its lot I might just toss it.

Christian is the father. It was an agreeable arrangement. There was, of course, no real intercourse. We simply did the same procedure that he was originally hired to do. Since then he has enjoyed a rather successful relationship with Seras Victoria.

I, on the other hand, am forever joined with the equivalent of an old man until my death. I am referring, of course, to the baby. It is bald and fat and it completely despises me. Everyone else adores the thing, which is fine by me. It's free babysitters, after all. They assure me that I too would fall in love with the little mess if I cared to, but I don't really care too. I do not to love anything else, things loved are the equivalent of sand to slip through lose fingers…you can never hold onto them long enough.

"Let go," Alucard will tell me. He loves it more than anyone. It's interesting to watch a creature of darkness toss an infant up into the air and then make goodly faces at it like an idiot.

I fear I am forever the iron maiden, never to be able to 'let go.' The worst part is that I don't find it to be a harsh punishment.

"Integra," said a dark smoky voice. "Are you watching little Sabien?"

"What's too watch? I'm sure it is fine, it's not like it's going to walk away."

Alucard looked at me strangely. "Have you fed him?" he asked as if I were a small child.

"No."

He looked at me for a long moment. "You have to feed them Integra."

"I'm not an idiot Alucard, I've just been busy"

"Alright," he said, ignoring her response, and pulled out a bottle. "Watch."

He made great exaggerated movements and he moved the baby around and leaned it back so it could drink. Then he lowered the bottle to the baby's mouth and it began to suckle.

I was not born yesterday.

"I'm hardly impressed Alucard," I said with a small upturn of my nose. "After all, babies really aren't so different from vampires, are they?"

I watched the expression on his face change from smug to curious.

"Kindly explain, Master."

"Well, it's obvious," I said, more patronizing than was absolutely necessary. Alucard's eyes narrowed. "Babies need constant feeding, they require mass amounts of attention, they're rather a nuisance and they will simply suck the life out of you….In short, Alucard, they are exactly like you."

Alucard smiled. "Do you not love your child, Integra, despite those reasons?"

"I do."

"Then is there no hope for me?"

I laughed out loud. He was more and more the jester these days.

"There is no hope," I confirmed, "as long as you have the Police Girl, you will not need another companion."

"You love your son, Integra," he said with more of a disappointed air than first anticipated. "Why do you begrudge me my daughter?"

I smiled.

"Do you think I am unaware of why you have been moping about all these months?" I asked bitterly?

"Perhaps?" he asked hopefully.

"Ever since Seras and Christian have become cozy you've been all shoddy and recluse," I accused. "It doesn't the Queen to solve the puzzle."

"I have," he said slowly. "I think you misunderstand, Integra." I noted he would not look up from the baby, my little Sabien. It seemed like the child was everyone's but mine.

"I wonder if this child will be a good ruler." It worked; he looked up at me at the change in topic.

"Would you consider yourself a ruler Integra?" he asked.

I thought about it, it was more a slip of the tongue than anything. It took me a moment to answer, and as I tried to come up with an answer the only thoughts in my mind were that I was wasting time with Alucard when real work had to be done.

"Yes, over a very small domain," I answered hesitantly. "And, honestly servant, I think this wisp of a person had overthrown me without the slightest effort….I never learned to fight something powerless or without will…I feel just like I did after I first lost my memory. Defenseless and stupid."

He looked at me as the baby finished the bottle and he began to burp it.

"What?" he asked, plainly lost in what he would call my 'crazy woman fanatics.'

"You love this child because it is mine," I said in explanation. "Christian loves it because it is his and Seras loves it because you love it and it is Christians.''

He sighed, waiting for me to get to a point.

"Don't you see Alucard?" I asked. "I can't love this child because it has undermined me! It has, in a matter of months, earned the love, loyalty and affections that have taken me years to muster!"

"It's a baby Integra."

"IT'S MY BABY!" I yelled, not even sure why I was losing my composure. "HOW CAN EVERY BLOODY ONE OF YOU EXPECT ME TO LOVE SOMETHING THAT I AM GOING TO TRAIN TO BE A MONSTER JUST LIKE ME? HOW CAN I LEARN TO LOVE IT WHEN I WILL HAVE TO KILL ALL THE PARTS OF IT THAT ARE WORTH LOVING?"

The baby started to cry. Alucard put it down in the rocking cradle near him.

"There will be parts worth loving." He said softly. "You father raised you, he loved you, and there are still parts worth loving."

My chest felt empty and tired. "If there are, I am well unaware of them."

"I'm not."

"Shut up," I snapped.

"I think that you may be an idiot, Master," Alucard said dryly.

I looked hard at the papers, still unfinished on my desk.

"You've got it all wrong anyway," he said with his arms crossed, one foot rocking the cradle. "I am not pining after Seras because she's with Christian, your child is not your undoing and will not be anything less than wonderful, and you are worth someone's affection."

"If you're not in love with Seras then why have you been moping around this whole time?"

"I think you are missing the basic point here." He smiled at the wall. "However, if the woman you desired was having a child with another man, wouldn't you mope around, Integra?"

I was aghast. "What?"

"You had to have seen this coming," he said with a smile. "Anyway, Sabien won't be evil. At most he'll be a pampas ass."

"What?" I repeated.

He looked at me as if I were dense. "Honestly, Integra, how many monsters do you think will be left by the time he's allowed to take over?"

"There is always someone left to fight," I replied.

"I'll always be good for a brawl," he said as if it were a punch line. I frowned. "Until you're sick of fighting and ready for something more challenging, Master."

He was leading and I was finally ready to follow.

"I think a change…is necessary." I said slowly. "I'm not happy Alucard…I don't even find work as satisfying anymore."

He looked at me hard. "You're dense."

"You're evil."

"Touché."

"I'm not that dense, Alucard."

"Then what are you?"

"Frightened."

Alucard turned his head sharply towards her from the wall. "Me too."

There was a long silence.

"I like to be frightened."

"Me too."

"I'm not sure I'm ready for this."

"I can't wait the see the look on Police Girl's face."

"Sabien will have severe psychological issues."

"I want this Alucard."

"Me too."

A/N This is the final chapter. Thought I'd post it so you guys know what happen. Hope you enjoyed! Contact me with questions, and most of all REVIEW. Please and thank you.