Fire: Another year, another White Day! Hi everyone!
Kisuke: This year, I'm sending a special present to Byakuya. (smiling behind his fan) It's a very good present.
Toushiro: (irritated) As good as miracle gel?
Jyuushirou: (equally irritated) Or a coupon?
Kisuke: Better. (bigger smile)
Toushiro: And you know that my name is spelled with "shi" meaning four, and "ro" meaning six, right?
Jyuushirou: Mine too.
Kisuke: That's why I'm sending it to someone with "haku" meaning white in his name this year!
Fire: That made no sense. (sighs) Why are you still reading this?
Kisuke: Because I'm here!
Fire: That's ridiculous! You're too insane to be interesting.
Kisuke: That's mean. (fake cry)
Fire: It says "fake!"
Shinji: I'm still here! Hey! Did you forget that I'm still here?
Fire: Then why aren't you handing out the story yet? (pushes Shinji to work)
Shinji: I want to join the conversation too. (sobs as he hands out the oneshot)
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Reminder: the verb "to shunpo" and all conjugations, ie. I shunpo, you shunpo, shunpo-ing, shunpo-ed, etc belongs to Fire no Kumo. If you want to use the verb, please ask for permission so I can send a list of all conjugations first.
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Reminder: Bleach terms are not in the glossary on my userpage, so if you're confused, you can consult a Bleach fansite, look it up, or ask me to send you a copy of my Bleach encyclopedia. It's too big to post up.
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More glossary words for those who don't want to ask:
Dosu – a side-arm type of knife usually carried everywhere. Remember those racks where you see katana displayed? The longest one is the katana, the sword used in battle. The middle one is the wakizashi, the sword used in the home, where it is inappropriate to wear your katana. The shortest one is the dosu, the sword or knife for common everyday use. Think of it as a pencil or pen. You'd carry it around as if it was nothing.
Jyuubantai – tenth division
Rokubantai – sixth division
Rokubantai-taisha – sixth division office
Ubandou – the main district of Seireitei governed by the thirteenth division. This is where the office of the Thirteenth Division and all related buildings are located.
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Kisuke's White Day Special
A Fire Project
Oneshot
Usually, the rokubantai's main office was a quiet and forgotten place. Usually, Byakuya had the luxury of completing his work without interruption. That was because usually, everyone gathered in the smaller office occupied by his—strangely enough—more popular fukutaichou. Of course, that was why Byakuya insisted that Renji worked somewhere far, far away from him. If it was an office like any other—where his fukutaichou had to work in the same place—Byakuya would never finish any work.
But today was different. That morning, Renji had come running urgently into his office, shouting nonsense that Byakuya couldn't understand, so the shinigami taichou didn't listen. Then, the redhead ran out. It was at that moment, that Byakuya knew he couldn't stay in the office. If he didn't leave, his fukutaichou would surely return with more worthless words. Renji had done it often enough for him to predict the pattern.
And that was how he ran into the white and green striped box.
Strangely, it was addressed to him. That was why he kept it. If it was just an ordinary box, Byakuya would have had no reason to take it, even though the deliveryman had already proclaimed, "Delivery for Kuchiki Byakuya." He even had to sign for it.
In the middle of the street.
In the middle of a crowd.
Where no one should have been able to find him.
Byakuya was very frustrated. Whoever had sent him this box hadn't really thought through the process properly. An ordinary person would probably have had more common sense than to send a deliveryman running after him, just to give him this...this...this tiny box.
He was very confused.
"K-K-Kuchiki-taichou! What are you doing here!" Byakuya glanced at the white-haired boy. "That's..." After looking closer, Hitsugaya shouted, "It's a White Day present!"
'White Day?' Byakuya had never heard of such a day before. 'What is White Day?'
"We have to get rid of it!" Hitsugaya turned to grab the box from the rokubantai taichou, but when he turned, Byakuya was already gone. The shinigami had kept walking! Irritated, the jyuubantai taichou crossed his arms before mumbling, "Chikusho, I don't care if you get growth gel!"
Of course, Byakuya didn't hear a word Hitsugaya said. He was more preoccupied with the strange package.
In fact, he was so lost in thought that he didn't realize someone was shouting to him until a hand reached out and stopped him. "Kuchiki-taichou, didn't you hear me?" Ukitake looked paler than usual, but that was because he had been running. "Everyone has been searching everywhere for you!" His ragged words rasped urgently, "You've received something?" Hitsugaya had sent a jigoku-cho to everyone about it. They were all told to keep an eye out for the strange packages sent from Urahara Kisuke since no one had any idea how he was sending them into Soul Society, but Byakuya didn't tell anyone about the gift he had received.
"Yes. It's very mysterious." Byakuya had no idea where it came from.
"There's a card!" Ukitake said as he turned the box over. That crazy ex-shinigami had taped it to the bottom of the box. Of course Byakuya didn't see it! "It's from Urahara Kisuke." He didn't have to read it to know. He had received that same horrible present a year ago. He still hadn't recovered from the shock of...of... Ukitake paled unnaturally. "A coupon... It's a coupon," he mumbled to himself as the moments of that day passed through his mind once more.
"Ukitake-taichou!" Sentarou shouted as he ran up.
"Ukitake-taichou!" Kiyone shouted as she pushed Sentarou out of her way. "It's that box!"
"We need to destroy that box!" But as Sentarou turned toward Byakuya, the long-haired shinigami had already walked on. "Ukitake-taichou, the box is gone!"
"The box is gone! Wake up, Ukitake-taichou!" Even as they tried to snap him out of it, Ukitake was still mumbling to himself.
But no one needed to tell Byakuya to destroy the gift, he was already thinking about it. Anything from Urahara Kisuke was bad. He wasn't going to open something so pointlessly ominous. 'I should just burn it.' He handed it to the servants as soon as he returned home. "Burn it." He had no doubt in his mind that it would be destroyed immediately.
It had been a long day, so Rukia was tired when she arrived at the Kuchiki residence. She had told herself that she should return to Ubandou, but her tired body refused to listen. Even though it was awkward to come into her brother's home without reason, Rukia just couldn't find the strength to go any further. She pulled herself through the front door and dragged herself inside.
That was when she heard the soft voices of the servants coming from the central garden.
"How wasteful," the serving girl sighed as she fanned the fire. "It's wrapped so nicely." They had argued over whether to destroy it or not, but after discussing it for so many hours, they decided that it was better to obey their master's orders.
"But I'm relieved that we're burning it. It's," the second girl shivered at the thought, "so creepy. The name on the card says—"
"Nii-sama received a present?" Rukia fanned the flames from the other side of the fire. "From who?" She asked who it was from even though she was more curious to know why he wanted to burn it. "Can I have it?"
"Rukia-sama!" The girls shouted simultaneously.
"Well, can I have it?"
That was how the box landed in Rukia's hands.
She didn't notice the card.
But she did open the box.
Byakuya had been trying to sleep for a while. He had to wake early the next day so that he could arrive early, and have more time to punish Renji. There was an order to report any strange packages and destroy them, but his fukutaichou hadn't told him anything! 'I should demote him,' although it seemed too drastic a punishment.
He turned again in his futon. His mind was too full of ways to rid himself of such a moronic fukutaichou to allow him to sleep. But that was how he was able to hear the shout coming from the furthest reaches of the Kuchiki residence. "Waah!" The voice was unmistakeably Rukia's. He shunpo-ed immediately to Rukia's room, but even with shunpo, his sister's room was far away. It still took several moments to arrive.
But he threw open the door in time to see an effigy of Rukia spring out of the tiny box and crush her. "Help!" Rukia shouted as she tried to push it off, but it was so malleable that it was impossible to move. It was like a bag of water. The more she tried to push it off, the more it suffocated her.
Byakuya poked it with his dosu before Rukia could suffocate, but it was full of a mysterious liquid that ate through the skin of the effigy, melting it away before either sibling could examine it closely.
"Urahara! He tried to kill me!" Rukia couldn't believe that the crazy shinigami could give something like that to her brother!
But Byakuya was more interested in the note fluttering down from the air than in his sister's angry shouting. 'Congratulations! This is my newest invention. I've researched Hisana-san enough to reproduce her! No need to thank me!'
Byakuya crumpled the note in his hands. 'It doesn't resemble Hisana at all.' He had thought that it was Rukia.
End Oneshot
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Fire's babbling:
Fire: Okay, here's my thought process on this oneshot, just in case anyone is wondering why the effigy doesn't look like Hisana.
Kisuke: I've never met her.
Fire: How do I know? Well, the evidence says so! First, Soi Fong has mentioned that Yoruichi has been missing from Soul Society for one hundred years. Since Yoruichi has been missing for a hundred years, and she ran away because she was convicted of helping Kisuke escape from Soul Society, that means that Kisuke has also been away from Soul Society for a hundred years. If Byakuya has only found Rukia forty years ago, a year after Hisana died, that means that Hisana died forty-one years ago. Add the three years that she was married to Byakuya and you get forty-four years ago. In other words, she was only brought into Seireitei forty-four years ago, an entire fifty-six years after Kisuke has left Soul Society. In other words, even if she has met the captain of the twelfth division before, it was probably Mayuri, and not Kisuke.
Kisuke: Long.
Rukia: (jumps onto Kisuke and proceeds to punch him) You tried to kill me! You tried to kill me!
Kisuke: Waah! I'm being attacked!
Fire: That's obvious.
Rukia: You tried to kill me!
Kisuke: I didn't! That present was meant for Kuchiki—
Rukia: You tried to kill Nii-sama! You tried to kill Nii-sama!
Kisuke: (sighs) I just can't win.
Fire: I know this oneshot wasn't as funny as last year's oneshot. If you have any other comments, please review and send them to me. I want to know everything! You hate it? You loved it? Do you really have to keep reading this? Just send me a review already!
Sasuke: You started the story without your co-writer?
Uryuu: (pushing up glasses) We don't need you as long as I'm here.
Sasuke: That's why this year wasn't funny!
Fire: (ignoring Sasuke) See you all next year!
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