I own nothing but daft ideas…

Part 2, in which the fangirls meet Legolas' family…

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"Honestly, meleth nin, I don't know why they're following me!" protested Legolas, facing his wife's back as she glowered around a curtain at the mortal women surrounding the house. Inwardly, he cursed the fact that this had happened to ruin his reunion with his family after so long. "They started months ago."

"Well," she replied, "they can stop following you right now."

"I've tried everything I can think of. If I try to tell them to go away, they all scream and several swoon."

"Ada?" Númenhil, Legolas' eldest son, entered the room. Legolas turned and smiled at him. It was Númenhil that had met him in his father's hall and had carried the news of his return home. "Ada, what are all those screaming young mortal women doing outside?"

"They are looking for your father," said Dimfeniel acidly, shooting another look at the curtained window, through which the cries of the mortals could be heard. Legolas suppressed a shudder. He had thought that here, in his own home, he would be safe from them.

"They keep saying something about 'Leggy'."

"That's their name for me."

"Why?"

"I don't know whether it's meant to be affectionate, or they simply cannot pronounce 'Legolas'. From what I've seen of them, it could be either."

"Shall I try talking to them?" asked Dimfeniel. "I shall attempt to inform them that any more attempts to be affectionate towards you will not be tolerated." She snickered. "Leggy. It has a certain something."

Legolas grimaced. "Please don't call me that, meleth nin."

She smiled and kissed the tip of his nose. "Very well."

But even as she turned to go to the door, they both heard Númenhil's voice from outside.

"What do you lot want?"

Legolas swore under his breath, suddenly afraid for Númenhil. He went to get up, but his wife restrained him, her hands on his shoulders.

"He'll be fine," she murmured in his ear.

All this time, the voices had been growing louder. "We want Leggy! We want Leggy!"

The chant continued, but Númenhil spoke over it.

"What? You mean my father?"

Sudden silence fell.

"What?" wailed one female voice. "Leggy's your father? But that means he's old!"

Hand-in-hand, Legolas and Dimfeniel went to the door and looked out. Legolas grinned, putting an arm around his wife's shoulders. He decided to overlook the comment about his age. At the sight of the two of them, several mortals burst into tears. He noticed that these were mainly the ones wearing shirts emblazoned with the words 'Marry me, Leggy!'. It was a heartening sight.

"I warned you!" called a voice from the midst of the crowd. "I warned you, but would you listen to me? Oh, no, you knew it all, didn't you? Oh, he's about twenty and a bachelor, isn't he? Well, it's always the same, I always tell them, but do they listen to me? Oh, no…"

"Oh, do shut up!" yelled one of the mortals, who seemed to be something of a leader. "Remind me again why we brought you? You've been nothing but a pain!"

"Because I know more about Middle-Earth than concerns Legolas' appearance and archery skills."

"Oh yes." The leader shot the anonymous expert a look of deep dislike.

"Are you going to go away now?" snarled Dimfeniel.

"One more thing," said the leader. She turned to Númenhil. "What's your name?"

"Prince Númenhil."

"Are you married?"

"Uh…" Númenhil was starting to look worried. "No?"

There was muttering in the ranks. "Well, he's not blond…" "I always thought dark guys were hot…" "He's so tall…"

"Uh-oh." This was exactly what Legolas had feared might happen. He called over to Númenhil in Sindarin, which most of them seemed not to understand. "Drego, ion nin!"

Númenhil cursed, then turned and ran for it just as the young mortal women started towards him.

End… I think.

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Sindarin:

Meleth nin My love
Ada Dad
Drego, ion nin! flee, my son!