Disclaimer-I don't own Digimon.

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Across The Tears-

Summary- The digidestined ponder their relations to each other, their digimon, their family, and their enemies. (Collection of One-Shots) (All four seasons)

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Ken kara Osamu, Wormmon e

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So many times, I've wondered, "If I hadn't wished Osamu away, would he still be here?" And then I realize that thought would still be in my heart.

I've thought often about Osamu. I've thought about how I can make it up to him. Be the best son? The smartest? A genius? I thought and thought that day, when I got Wormmon back. And realization hit me. If there was one thing Osamu would want me to do, it was to have friends.

It occurred to me that as a child, Osamu was my world. He was my big brother, my friend, my savior...everything. I would cling to him like there was no tomorrow.

Then came the day when there was no tomorrow for him. With the pop of a bubble-just like that-he disappeared from my world. I couldn't understand why. I wanted to understand...but I was afraid.

And then came Wormmon. I realized that during my time as Digimon Emperor, I had treated Wormmon just as Osamu treated me when he found me with the digivice back then. All the anger within me formed into hate, and I directed it towards Osamu. Wormmon hadn't done that to me. And now, I realize just what Osamu would want me to do. He would want me to have friends.

There's more than that. It is only now that I can fully understand. We were mutually dependent on each other, but Osamu more than I. See, I could depend on my parents.

But Osamu...Osamu was the prodigy. Osamu was older. Osamu was the responsible one. He should have been the independent one, too. In the end, though, I was the only one he could depend on the most.

It is like that that I depended (and I still do) and depend on Wormmon. I didn't know it, but no one else had ever treated me with such kindness, such understanding. My parents were proud of my genius skills back then, but would their love have been the same if I was a normal boy? No one else meant it when they talked to me in a kind voice before. But Wormmon did.

We were just a normal family. Osamu was the genius. I was a mere shadow of him after he disappeared. I surpassed every obstacle that came in my way. But I could not be. It simply was not possible for me to exist as such. I couldn't have the natural genius that Osamu had.

I could never replace him.

It is simply not enough to replace him. I could never. I would never. Something so precious, it cannot exist in anything else--that is what Osamu is to me. If I cannot replace him, then there is only one other thing I can do for him. I will be what he truly wanted to be.

If there is one thing I have learned from being a family genius, it is the tremendous amount of things that are expected from you. Osamu felt the pressure of these things and oftentimes felt as if he was carrying a great burden on his shoulders, say the weight of the world.

'I don't mean to complain, Ken,' he often told me. 'I know others have greater burdens. But I just can't take it sometimes. Do you think I'm being selfish?'

No. I would always shake my head no. No, Osamu...he could never be selfish. He was a hero in my eyes. I glorified him as a god, once. He couldn't be selfish. He couldn't.

I was wrong.

Osamu was a normal boy, as normal as myself without Wormmon. He worked hard to meet up with what was expected of him. He was being selfish.

He had the right to be selfish. Everyone does at one time or another. Even Daisuke.

But me? I've been too selfish. Did I ever once consider Wormmon's feelings? Sometimes I wonder if I deserve his company. Did Osamu ever feel like this around me? I hope not.

Geniuses don't have real friends. They have admirers, fans...people who envy them, but hide the jealousy so they can get close to the geniuses and shut them down. Never friends. Nor do they trust just anyone to be a friend. Almost every day, before Osamu and I went to sleep, he would talk to me. Minutes before we closed our eyes to sleep, he would lie awake, staring up at the ceiling. He'd spill his feelings about the day out.

For a while, I did that to Wormmon. How many burdens did I place on him. He would always listen. I tended to fall asleep before Osamu finished. Wormmon would lie awake and comment on my every word once I finished.

Osamu can never escape my memory. Even in the dark of the night, he is on my mind. If I hadn't said what I said that day, I wonder...

Perhaps it is because I have Wormmon. Ever since I got him back, I have realized so many connections between us that are similar to the ones I had with Osamu. Even more, it is like I have Osamu back. Wormmon is more than just my digimon partner. He's more than just a digimon, more than a code, or a bunch of numbers. Wormmon is more than my friend, more than my family. When I'm with him, I feel Osamu.

Could it be Osamu is always looking over me...and he's that close?

Is Osamu making sure I'm taken care of?

Is Wormmon...really just Wormmon?

Oftentimes, I've pondered these questions. I don't just feel Wormmon, I feel Wormmon and Osamu, Osamu and Wormmon.

Osamu never meant to be selfish. It doesn't take a genius to see that. He didn't want to burden our family, and so he took all the burdens himself, trying to battle them away with his genius. Maybe it could have worked.

Maybe we would have been better off if he was still alive.

Wormmon would be gone, though. But wouldn't we be happier? Wouldn't life be better?

It's selfish of me to think of that. Even if we would have been happier as a family, there would be something inside of me, I'm sure, something that would tell me that I had more in my life. Something would take away the happiness of that time.

Would it all be worth it, just to go back in time and get Osamu back? I can't say that I'd have Wormmon...my friends...or anything for that matter. I'd have Osamu, but would it be what we really wanted?

I don't think so. I can't really say what Osamu would want, but I don't want him to suffer the hardships he did ever again. It's my turn.

This time, though, I won't push help away. I'll take it when it's needed. Because that's what friends are for. Friends, family, and life in general. Now, I can embrace them with a fuller understanding. A better understanding. Simply...with understanding. For this, I have my friends to thank. Wormmon especially.

Wormmon is curled asleep on the floor. He insists. Of course, I pick him up and place him on the bed. How could I not?

Geniuses don't have real friends, but I do. Maybe because I'm not a genius anymore, but nevertheless, I have real friends. Daisuke, Miyako, Iori, Takeru, and Hikari-the original digidestined, too--all of them...they've done so much for me. They didn't push me away. I owe them. I want to know why they had helped me, why they became my friends.

Was it because I was one of them, a digidestined? Was it out of sympathy? Even now, I don't know. I don't think I really want to that much. In the end though, there's only one thing I can do. I'll offer them my friendship.

On this day, I, Ken Ichijouji, lie awake in my bed. So many thoughts are on my mind, but I just can't push them away. Today is the day Osamu disappeared. Today is the day I should mourn. How can I mourn when I am happy? Osamu lives in my mind, spirit and heart. He will always be there for me. I may not be able to live for him, but I will live how he would have wanted to...how he would have wanted me to.

I can finally understand fully. It's because of you, Wormmon, that I know how Osamu wants me to live.

Free...happy...carefree...

But most importantly, with friends.

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A/N-

Short. It's not so much Wormmon as Osamu, so I might do a separate one for Wormmon later. It's been a while since I've seen Adventure 02, but for some reason I just did Ken first. Opinion? Help for making it longer, please?

I don't know whom I'll do next. Requests will be taken into consideration, but not necessarily done right away. I can't force myself to write it, so sorry. Keep in mind I won't update regularly here. And unfortunately, unless I can get into it a lot, the chapters will probably be short.

Review or Flame.