I used to hate when he did that. When I first started working for him, before we became serious, he would get distracted from his work and just sit behind his desk and look at me. It really disturbed me. . . I had never thought of myself as attractive, so I always thought there was something on my face. Why else would he have been looking at me? To state the obvious, Rosenkreuz had not been big on promoting self esteem.
However, his stares no longer bother me. It is not so much that I have grown used to them, but that I have come to realize the true meaning behind them. I never have and likely never will be able to think of myself as good looking, but I know that what Omi is seeing is not my outer appearance. . . not by itself anyway. When I see him looking at me, he's seeing me as I see him. . . perfect. I still find that amazing.
He loves me, and I can see that when he looks at me. If I happen to catch his eye in a glance, it is like the whole world around us screeches to a halt. No matter what stressful things are going on, one glance from him and it all goes away. In dangerous lives like ours that can be dangerous, but it can also be lifesaving. That tightening I get in my chest when he looks at me, that quickening of my pulse, lets me know that there is feeling left in me, there is love. . . there is something in my life that makes it worth living.
He realizes now that I have caught him staring, and he grins that lopsided grin that he only shows when there is no one else around. A year ago I would have only scowled in return, but now I can smile back; I can return his gaze with love as powerful as that which he gives to me, knowing that amid all the stares he receives in public thanks to his high status, mine is always one he can appreciate, just as I can now appreciate his.