A/N: I just finished reading all seven books of the Chronicles of Narnia and I was a little more than depressed when I found out about Susan's fate in the Last Battle. It bothered me so much I read through several academic essays discussing the books. When that didn't help me, I wrote this story.

This story has spoilers for the Magician's Nephew; The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe; Prince Caspian; and The Last Battle. I'm afraid you have to read at least those four books to fully understand this. I made this as close as canon as I could but I don't claim to follow C.S. Lewis' style or all of his ideas. I also added a possible explanation as to why Susan had turned her back on her kingdom.

Disclaimer: I don't own the world of Narnia. That original idea comes from C.S. Lewis. This is just my comfort story to get over my bad feelings about what happened to Susan.

Regaining Narnia

Chapter One

Unhappiness of the High King

King Peter the Magnificent sat on a comfortable chair on the balcony of Cair Paravel overlooking the crystal clear waters of Narnia's coast. It was his favorite spot and he had often lounged in it after an adventure like his last.

This "real" Narnia had offered him a happiness he never knew existed. It was as if he was back into the Golden Age but this time he felt an infinite joy more than he could ever dream off in those days. He was still High King and as such continued to govern this new Narnia with all the other Kings and Queens. He had duties of course. For what was happiness if there was nothing to do? But his duties did not weigh him down like they did before. He felt neither weary nor tedious with them, but instead they gave him a daily challenge he could never dislike. Each day he would look forward to a new trial, a new adventure.

But today when he came home from traveling to the eastern most islands (and had such an adventure there), he felt the first stirrings of sadness since Aslan had taken himself and his siblings to this permanent and more beautiful Narnia. All his loyal subjects had welcomed him with such pomp and gaiety, yet even their elation had failed for the first time. For there was someone he had been expecting to see there, and was disappointed when he realized she wouldn't be there and couldn't, forever.

His sister Susan had always been the first to welcome him back from his battles in those days when he ruled Narnia the first time. She would stand at this same spot if he was coming by sea and wave her white scarf in welcome. It would be the first thing he would notice when he looked upon the deck of his ship. If he came by land, she would stand on the top tower balcony opposite this one facing west and do the same. Then she would rush down to meet him, garlands of flowers bearing in her arms. But she would step back to let Lucy and Edmund greet him first. When they had their fill of embraces and kisses she would wait for him to approach her and receive her garland gifts to be placed around his neck.

Susan had always been his closest sibling. He loved all his siblings equally, but the differences in age with the younger two had made him treat them differently. He was always protective of both Lucy and Edmund as a sort of father figure. And even in Narnia, there was a hierarchy in the rule. He was the high king above all kings, second only to Aslan himself. But if ever he had an equal it was Susan; for Susan had never let him rule over her.

Their relationship had not always been the most peaceful. Surely, he argued and fought with her the most, and she had a way of grating on his nerves more than anyone. But there was no doubt about their deep love for each other. That was why he had grieved the most when she had turned her back on Narnia. He was the one that kept trying to convince her of Narnia's existence, long after everyone else had given up. Even hours before his ill-fated railway accident he had called her on a last bid of hope that she would join them in sending Eustace and Jill to Narnia to rescue Prince Tirian:

"Susan, it's Peter," he had said over line.

"Oh hello Peter. Sorry I can't stay long to chat, I'm having my hair done for Thompsons' ball this evening."

"I was hoping you could join us. I'm at the train station with Edmund. We're meeting Professor Kirke and Aunt Polly and Jill and Eustace and Lucy."

"That's nice. Say hello to all the dears for me, but I really can't go. I have an engagement tonight."

"Can't you come Su, just this once? Just for a few hours. You can still come later to the Thompsons'. We've missed you so much."

"But Sally Thompson would be expecting me and it won't do to be late for one of Sally's parties. They're society you know, the Thompsons' and its hard enough to get an invitation to their balls. I wouldn't dream of offending them by being late."

Peter was irritated over that last line. Who cares about the Thompsons? They were a snobbish lot who did nothing all day but show off their latest gowns and brag about their winnings in the horse races. Why Susan was impressed with them was beyond him. Besides, they had another chance to save a kingdom. Their kingdom! And there was a slight chance they could see it again if those rings still worked properly. Wasn't that far more important than a fancy ball with pompous and stuffy hosts?

"It's just a ball, Susan. There will be others. But today's important. We're sending Jill and Eustace back to Narnia. And I think we've found a way back, maybe… just maybe we could all go—"

"Oh for heaven's sake Peter! Not that again," she bellowed at him. "When will you grow up, you lot! That magical kingdom isn't real! Stop wasting my time with your silly games!"

"But Su—"

The phone clicked, she had hung up on him.

And that was the last time he had heard her voice.

He had been angry with her then, so it was easy to dismiss her and not think about her. He had told himself in the days that followed after Aslan took them to Narnia that if she was left alone in their world, it was her choice and there was nothing they could do about it. But now he let himself think about her again and he began to place himself in her shoes. He couldn't blame her for forgetting. It was far easier to do that when they returned to their world, especially if you had so felt so much pain in loss.

And Susan, as she herself told him, had experienced the worst pain in losing Narnia twice.

Peter stirred from his sleep and looked about his room. It was dark save for occasional flashes of lightning illuminating his travel bags that were still left unpacked since he and Edmund came home from boarding school that afternoon. Their first day of summer vacation started with a literal storm. The rain hadn't let up since they arrived home and seemed to show no indication of tempering, at least until dawn.

Edmund was sleeping soundly through the storm in the next bed. Peter was about to lie back down in bed when he heard the sound of a sniffle. He dismissed it as the wind, but it sounded again, this time much louder. He realized it must be coming from the next room and he laid an ear on the wall. There it was again, this time it was a series of muffled sobs that had managed to go through the thin walls.

He got up to investigate and quietly entered the room where his sisters slept. Lucy was sound asleep as Edmund and he knew immediately the source of the sobbing. On the next bed by the wall was Susan, curled up in a ball of sheets, pretending to be asleep. But the shiver of her shoulders had given her away.

"Su, what's wrong?"

She didn't respond and continued to feign sleep. He sat on the edge of the bed and laid a hand on her shoulder.

"Su?"

A flash of lightning and a clap of thunder responded and Peter realized what this was about. Tears glistened in his eyes.

"I miss them too, Su." He gently rubbed her shoulder. "It was a night like this. I was so frightened for you. I huddled outside your chamber wishing Edmund and Lucy weren't in Archenland but at home with us. I think I aged ten years just waiting alone outside your door. And then I heard them cry and I rushed in and saw them. They were perfect. Mrs. Beaver handed to me one. Do you remember? It was David. And you were cradling little Sarah. And that was the first time I saw you smile in half a year."

He paused to wipe away tears then moved to stroke her hair just as Susan uttered another sob.

"I know how you feel," he whispered.

But Susan had turned over so violently and gave him a fierce look despite her water-lidded eyes. "You have no idea how I feel!" she said scathingly.

"Susan, I loved your children like they were my own. I was the only father they ever knew."

"But you're not their father! It's not the same."

"Shh…I know that," he said soothingly. He wanted to add that he loved his niece and nephew just as she did, but he held his tongue to encourage her to continue. Ever since they had come back from Narnia (for the last time, as Aslan told them), Susan had made no mention about it in all of her letters to him and Edmund in the one year of school. Lucy had told them she stopped mentioning anything about Narnia at all. But he knew she needed to talk about it sometime.

Susan heaved another sob and stared at the ceiling. "They were all I have. When Arthur died before they were born… they were the ones that made me happy again. But they were taken from me too. Nine years, Peter, just nine years with them. And now I'll never see them again and I'll never know what happened to them!"

Peter pulled her to him and for several minutes allowed her to sob on his shoulder. His own heart was hammering in his chest. He questioned yet again the cruel fate that the country he loved so much had given him and his siblings. It was painful enough to leave Narnia the first time, but on the second, it had cut both he and Susan and to the core. All the people and wonderful creatures they loved the first time they had been there had died out and they had no way of knowing how they fared when they disappeared again through the wardrobe. He had thought about this almost every night while he was at school. Did Mr. Tumnus live a longer life? Did the Beavers had any grandchildren? How had the centaurs, the dyads, the dwarfs, and all the other creatures that had served them well, fared? And most of all, did David and Sarah, his proclaimed heirs, taken the throne and ruled up to old age? Did they even reach maturity at all? Or had their lives—just like their father—had ended so shortly? He and Susan would never know as no accounts of other Narnian rulers aside from the four Pevensies had survived by Caspian's time.

And then there was the hardest blow of all: the fact that he and Susan can never go back to Narnia again.

Susan finally pulled away and wiped her tears with the end of her blanket.

"It's alright, Susan. We'll always have memories and that is a comfort," he said. It was the mantra he repeated to himself every night when he thought of what he lost.

"Memories?" Susan gritted. "I wish I didn't have memories. I wish I'd forget all of it so I could go on with my life."

"Susan…"

"I have suffered more than any of you have. You didn't have a husband who died early, like I did. None of you have children snatched away from you, like I did. And I can't bear it. I can't." Her face grew so harsh that Peter was frightened. "I'm glad I can't go back to Narnia anymore. Because I never want to go back. Not when it dangles some piece of happiness to me then takes it away after I've barely enjoyed it."

"You mustn't think that, Su."

"I'll think whatever I like. My children are dead and so is everything about Narnia to me."

"Su…"

"Just leave me alone Peter, go back to bed."

She turned away from him and there was nothing for him to do but go.

She never mentioned Narnia during the summer. Whenever he or Edmund or Lucy talked about it, she would leave the room. And a year later, when Peter met her again after her trip to America, Susan seemed to have gotten her wish. She had forgotten about Narnia.

"I knew I'd find you here!" Lucy piped in, breaking into Peter's thoughts. She was closely followed by Edmund who was flushed with dancing and seemed to be in jolly spirits. They were having a dance in the main hall five floors below and Peter could hear music and laughter invade his balcony.

"Oy! We need the High King down there!" said Edmund. He pulled at Peter's arm. "So you can stop hiding and join us in the dancing. Jill's unbearable, I can hardly keep up with her. I need a replacement."

Peter shook his head and didn't budge from his seat. "I think I'll sit for a while. Just get Eustace to dance with Jill or any of the other Kings. Goodness, we have dozens. She won't run out of partners. And she has options with any creature who can waltz."

"No really, Peter, don't be a spoilsport. This is your welcome home celebration. What's a party without the guest of honor," said Lucy.

Peter got up from his seat but turned to the edge of the balcony, looking out into the sea. "No, really, I'm not up for dancing and merriment," he replied rather morosely.

Lucy approached him tentatively, sensing his rather somber mood, a first since Aslan brought them here. "What's wrong?"

Peter gave a great sigh. "I wish Susan was here."

Edmund joined them on Peter's right. "Peter, you know we couldn't do anything. We tried."

Peter bit back the tears in his throat. "We didn't try enough!"

Lucy and Edmund fell silent and for a long time, the only sound was the music below and the crashing waves of the ocean.

"Did not Aslan promised that we would always be happy here," said Peter. "Why then am I not happy. I can't be when Susan's not here. And why shouldn't she not be here?"

"She refused to believe…" began Edmund.

"Then I'll make her believe!" said Peter with conviction.

"How?" said Lucy. "We can't get to her. There's no way…"

"There has to be!" cried Peter desperately. He began pacing to and fro. "Aslan said once a King and Queen of Narnia, always a King and Queen of Narnia. She cannot be lost. I'll find a way, I'll find a way to bring her back even if I have to defy Aslan—"

He stopped for there was Aslan in front of him.

"Son of Adam, you need not defy me for your will is my own. I have not given up on Susan. Even now, I am offering her the chance to regain her place in Narnia."

Peter bowed before him. "Forgive me Aslan, I have spoken rashly."

"There is nothing to forgive, my son. For you have spoken in love and selflessness."

"Is there a way we could help her, Aslan?" asked Lucy.

"Yes, but the change must start from her. When the time comes, I shall call upon you again to travel with me and you three shall help her find her path."

"When shall that be Aslan?" asked Edmund.

"Patience," said Aslan. "It shall be soon."