Arithmancy

by: Faithful Wheezy

What starts out as a harmless plan to get Ron and Hermione together leads to a semester of detention, mind-reading, revenge, an accidental sex change, literal insanity, and a dumb Arithmancy textbook. In other words: not a harmless plan at all.

7/15/10 Re-edited, rewritten. Please enjoy and review!

Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling's, not mine.

One: Arithmancy for breakfast

"Ronald Weasley! Can you at least try not to act immature for a few minutes?"

"Me, being immature? Well, I'm finding it very difficult to 'not be immature' when some bossy know-it-all is always on my case about it!"

Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger were having another fight yet again.

Harry was sitting in one of the squashy armchairs nearby, as they were in the common room, apparently absorbed in his book, which he held upside down. Still, it was hard to ignore the physical pain he was feeling in his ears as a result of Ron and Hermione's outraged disagreement.

"Cormac McLaggen, huh? Who would've thought of it?" said Ron, ending in a sneer of which Lucius Malfoy would be proud. "So first you date Krum, then straight off to Cormac? You always claim you're not interested in Quidditch, but I'm starting to think that's the only reason you like them!"

"What?" raged Hermione, her hair falling into her eyes. She paused for a moment, trying to fix her bushy hair, but promptly gave up. "No! Cormac is... wonderful!" She crossed her arms. "And he, at least, has some control over his feelings... unlike some people I know."

Ron's ears reddened, this time out of anger. "Oh yeah? What kind of feelings?" he replied scathingly. "What are you implying?"

Suddenly, everything went silent as Hermione and Ron simply stared at each other, tension building. Just another normal day in the Gryffindor common room.

Finally, Hermione seemed to puff up. Harry peeked out from behind his book and instantly retreated behind it again. The sight was horrifying. Even Ron seemed to regret saying it. "Look, Hermione—" but he never got to finish his sentence. Hermione stomped up the stairs into the Girls' Dormitory.

Ron sank into the armchair next to Harry, and sighed deeply. Harry, sensing that the worst was over, put the book down open into his lap. "Ron, mate, what made you say it?" Ron muttered incoherently. "I'm sure if you just told her, then-"

Ron massaged his temples slowly. "Tell her what?"

Harry peered at Ron over the top of his glasses.

"C'mon, mate," Harry said idly, flipping a few pages in the book. "You're not exactly the best at hiding things." He paused to read a passage in the book. "Ah. So the Cannons replaced their Chaser only because Todley paid them to..." Harry adjusted his glasses and looked at Ron, who looked incredulous. "What? We all know."

"What, that Todley paid the Cannons to replace Boxtus?" Ron said. "Well of course. I mean, it was all over the Daily Prophet when it happened..."

"No, no, that we knew." The corners of Harry's mouth twitched.

Ron glared at him. "Knew what?" Harry noted how feeble his acting was and allowed himself to smile.

"How you feel about Hermione, of course." He tried unsuccessfully to stifle a chuckle as Ron's ears turned bright red. Ron muttered incoherent words again. "You should just come clean; all of our ears need a bit of a rest."

Ron seemed as though he wanted to contradict what Harry said and thought better of it. "Well, even if I was guilty as charged, which I'm not, come on mate. After what just happened?" Ron sank down into the cushions until his red hair began blending in with the couch's tartan.

Harry propped the book onto the table and started digging into his book bag as he replied, "Then why do you keep picking fights with her?" He came up with yet another book. Hermione's Arithmancy book. He tossed it into Ron's hands. "Here."

"Ugh, Arithmancy," Ron said, saying the name of the subject as though it were a swear word. "No thanks."

"You git," said Harry, getting his own book back off the table. "Hermione dropped it during her little argument with you, and I know she has a test coming up." He flipped a few more pages. "Todley was a Beater alongside Bagman in the Wimbourne Wasps... wow, that's blackmail... oh, sorry—" he muttered sheepishly as Ron grumbled impatiently. "Make it an excuse to see Hermione after your fight, I don't know. I know - give it back to her tomorrow morning apologize, for once."

"She's gonna think I nicked it from her," Ron said, holding the spine of the book between his thumb and forefinger. "She'll just get angrier."

Harry shook his book at Ron threateningly. "Well do something! I don't know, ask your sister for help. She's the expert." As if on cue, Ginny came stomping down the stairs, looking rather grumpy.

"You need to lay off her once in a while, Ron."

Ron looked at Harry for support. "What is this, Let's All Be Mean to the Youngest Weasley Boy Day?"

"Come off it, Ron, she's crying. And when I asked her what happened, the only thing she could manage was, 'Him.'"

"And you automatically assume it's me?"

"Well, who else would it be, Ron?"

"I dunno... Harry?"

Harry and Ginny laughed.

"In all seriousness though, Ron..."

Interrupting, Ron bounded over and shook Ginny by the shoulders urgently. "Ginny, this is exactly what I need your help for. How am I supposed to—?"

-x-

Dear Hermione,

I am a prat. I know I am. And I'm a stupid one, at that. I know it makes you kind of angry when I call your (here, Ron scratched something out) stupid names. I wish you'd show me some mercy, Hermione, because I'm repenting. I guess if you wanted to slap me I'd be the bloke to deserve it. I just hate how we fight all the time,

Ron

Ron looked over the letter he had written with some disgust. "I dunno, Ginny, this is laaaame. It sounds pretty mushy. Isn't it kind of obvious that I didn't write this? I mean, if I were her, I would know that I'd never write this piece of—"

"Why not Ron? It has your signature..." said Ginny innocently, looking over the paper. "It doesn't seem dodgy to me..."

"That dodgy," Harry put in.

Ron pointed out a few words. "I am a prat; I wish you'd show me some mercy.. Ginny, a Ron Weasley wouldn't say that!" He dipped the quill into the ink pot, intending to scratch them out, when Ginny held out a hand to stop him.

"Do you want me to help you or not?" Ron nodded. "Then," she tugged the quill out of Ron's hands, "don't," she screwed the ink pot shut, "do anything else-" she rolled up the parchment, "and make a fool of yourself." she slipped the parchment into Hermione's Arithmancy book and wrapped the whole book into another thick slab of parchment. Tying the parcel with a piece of rope, she beckoned the others to come join her to the Owlery.

"What are we doing?" asked Ron, an eyebrow popping up in question.

"Send it to her by owl post," said Ginny, smiling. "That way, if she does think you stole it from her, you won't necessarily have to be too near at the time."

Harry grinned.

-x-

Down in the Great Hall, Harry, Ron, and Ginny sat together at the table and began fighting each other for the kippers. Down at the other end of the Gryffindor table sat Hermione, deeply engrossed in a conversation with Cormac McLaggen. Harry felt Ron give a twitch next to him. "It's okay," he muttered. "Owl-post'll be arriving soon."

"Like that's supposed to make me feel better? That note was rubbish!"

A loud hoot interrupted Harry's reply. "Post," he said, nodding up at the ceiling. After a few moments, Harry dug his elbow into Ron's side. "Look. Hermione just got the book." Indeed, a tawny owl just dropped a large, book-sized package into Hermione's wheaties, narrowly missing her bowl of porridge. Ron blanched. He coughed and stood up. "Loo," he said gruffly, and ran out of the Great Hall, much to the amusement of Harry and Ginny, including Seamus, Dean, Lavender, Parvati, and Neville, who were sitting nearby and listening to everything that was being said.

"What's that?" Cormac McLaggen looked inquiringly at the package in Hermione's cereal dish. Hermione siphoned all of the milk off of the parchment, and reached out to get it. McLaggen got to it first. "Hey," he said pompously. " 'might be for me."

Hermione sniffed. How rude.

"Dear Hermione, I am a prat, I know I am-"

"What?"

"S'wat it says here in the letter."

"Give it to me! I'm pretty sure it's not yours if it's addressed to me." Hermione snatched the parchment out of McLaggen's hand. "Dear Hermione... I am a prat... I know I am..." Hermione read the letter slowly. When her eyes rested on the writer of the note, she stared at it for a while.

Ron.

Apart from a mutual love of Quidditch and Keeping, Ron was incredibly different from McLaggen. Sure, he might be loud and boisterous, but he was funny. He was loyal. Sweet, a bit awkward at letter writing... okay, a lot awkward at letter writing, but that was beside the point - and a good chess player. Hermione smiled to herself.

"The Mudblood's daydreaming again," said a sneering voice that came from behind her. Hermione turned around. Draco Malfoy stood there, smirking.

Pansy Parkinson, who was holding his hand, giggled shrilly. "Ah, let her sleep, Draco! It's not often she gets love letters. Even in her dreams she gets dumped by that Weasel King."

"Weasel King, eh?" Malfoy said, his knowing expression at complete odds with the surprise in his voice.

"Her little crush."

The two Slytherins roared in laughter, accompanied by the whole Slytherin table, who enjoyed tormenting Muggleborns at every chance they had, whether it was as petty as laughing at trifling romances.

"Granger loves the Weasel, Granger loves the Weasel!" they all sang.

At that moment, Ron came in, looking slightly harassed, but blessedly oblivious to what the Slytherins were singing. He slid next to Harry again.

"Oy, Ron. You missed a lot of the movie!" said Seamus, grinning.

Ron turned towards Harry. "What's a movie?"

"Never mind," Harry said quickly. However, Ron had forgotten and turned to his friends, who were looking at him with knowing looks on their faces.

"What?"

Harry tried yet again to quiet his laughter. "Sorry, mate. It kind of... slipped out."

"I'll get back at you later," muttered Ron angrily towards Harry, who simply shrugged with a good-natured smile.

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