I... am continuing this O.O rejoice, everyone!! XD
Note: Naruto:Shippuden! spoilers. Akatsuki members anime watchers will not yet know! But you already knew that since I mentioned Deidara and all...
"Alright, so... after that incident... anyway..." Tsunade resumed the list-reading. "Naruto, you are to go with... what the hell?"
"Who, who, Tsunade-baa-chan?? Who, dattebayo?"
Tsunade blinked and read the name again. And again. And again. And another time JUST to make sure.
"Well... it says you are to be paired up with someone called 'Every Villian in the Series'."
Everyone looked at one another.
"That can't be right," they chorused.
"And technically, we'd all be shoved in one big group, since we've all killed people, therefore making us evil, thus making us villians, since villians are generally evil people," Shikamaru pointed out.
"So... we all just stay in one big group...?" said Hinata uncertainly.
"Yes," replied Shikamaru, AS IF he was in charge of the whole thing and had a better concept on what on EARTH was going on than anyone else... which he probably did. "We are to mingle as one huge party with the people that is not OUR one huge party."
"Actually, we've kinda come to that conclusion as well," came a voice.
They all spun around -yes, the voice was at such a CONVENIENT angle so that EVERYONE had to spin around- to face the voice, and it turned out to be-
"Shikamaru, this isn't funny," growled Neji, staring at the shadowy figure. "Stop it."
"What? I didn't do it!" protested Shikamaru, waving his arms in an exaggerated manner. "That's not my shadow!"
"He tells the truth... for I am...!" the shadowy figure stepped into the light, but that was pointless anyway since he was still just a shadowy figure. "...the Akatsuki leader!!" he clenched his fist for the dramatic effect, but since they were facing him, they couldn't really see it since it was so shadowy and all, so it turned out to be rather pointless.
"Leader, you're being really fucking weird!"
They all spun around AGAIN to face the new voice.
"YOU!" shouted Team Ten.
"YOU!" shouted Naruto, since he's a part of everything and he KNOWS who the hell the person IS.
"ME!" shouted the person retardedly.
"..."
"... oh... I wasn't suppose to say that... was I?" asked Hidan, blinking.
"No," everyone answered him. EVEN SHINO. Because it was THAT lame.
"But you're cool so we forgive you," everyone added. EVEN SHINO. Because Hidan is THAT cool.
"But... I cannot forgive you for killing me!" snarled Asuma, taking out his trench knives. "You! Me! We battle! Now!"
"Oh ASUMA!" sighed Kurenai. "My hero!"
Remember, she IS his lover and all. He must've done SOMETHING heroic for her to like him... but maybe not. Maybe Asuma wooed her just by being his usual chain-smokin', bad-ass self. So scratch that part with 'My hero!' if you think the latter is correct.
"Yeah, I'll just cream you again," laughed Hidan, turning into a chibi and pointing at Asuma and laughing hysterically. Asuna was also a chibi, but a much more discontented one.
"NO YOU WON'T! I know your weakness!!" screamed Asuma in a child-like manner, pointing dramatically at Hidan.
"Oh Asuma... you're so brilliant!" swooned Kurenai, while half of the people trained their eyes on the two men and the other half stared at the lone woman.
"Oh... you do?" asked Hidan, turning back into his normal form, stabbing himself, and drawing the diagram on the floor to PREPARE FOR COMBAT!! Yes, IN THE HOKAGE'S OFFICE!
"Actually... I don't, but who cares!"
"Asuma! You lied to me!" gasped Kurenai, striking a pose that suggested she had been raped, put in with a bunch of piranhas in a tank, blown dry, and shoved back into her position. Yes, even though Asuma wasn't talking to HER.
"Well, that means I'll triumph again, you stupid fuck!" sneered Hidan, lashing out with his AWESOME three-bladed scythe.
"ENOUGH!" roared the leader, grabbing Hidan's scythe's handle part in his shadowy hands. "We are here to dominate the world, remember? Why worry about such petty things like rekilling a character?"
Hidan scowled and looked back at his circle with the triangle inside, while everyone looked shocked at the Leader's words. Dominate the world?? That is so cliche it's not NARUTO!
"So that means I drew the diagram for nothing?"
"Yes."
"And stabbed myself for nothing?"
"Yes."
"And got worked up for absolutely NOTHING?"
"Yes!"
"That's not cool! And that circle was the best that I've drawn yet! DaVinci would be proud!"
"... are you pouting?"
Hidan glared at Leader.
"I'm not fucking pouting!" he said defensively, even though he so obviously was. Pouting, not fucking.
The Leader looked meaningfully at Hidan for another moment or so, then dropped the scythe, and motioned to the shadows.
Instantly, various villianous NARUTO characters materialized within the shadows and ambled into the middle of the office, so now the office was officially crowded.
Because of that, Tsunade used her new, AWESOME jutsu never seen in the series before to teleport them all to a field, so everyone was NOT crowded and shoved up close next to one another.
"So... uh... who are you all?" asked Kiba to the new arrivals, since he's the one that's missing out on all the recent adventures, and he's the only one who would TALK in this situation.
10 people stepped forward.
"I, as you know, am Leader," said the shadowy figure, glaring down at them all. "Respect me, for I am going to dominate the world."
A lot of people started running around screaming something along the lines of: OMFG THE SKY IS FALLING!! LEADER WILL DOMINATE NINJA-KIND!! CHICKEN LITTLE IS A PROPHET!! and other blasphemous things that they will most certainly be severely punished for when they die.
Next, Tum (see Possession and Lover by me opening A/N) stepped up.
"Hello, I'm Tum... and... uh... I have a flower in my hair?"
"Another shadowy figure, eh?" Gai quirked an eyebrow while looking ridiculously like Sherklock Holmes in a trench coat and hat that appeared out of NOWHERE. "I think we may be onto something, my dear Watson..."
"Yes, we are," replied Lee, nodding vigorously.
"Um... no, we're just shadowy cause Kishimoto hasn't drawn us much yet," explained Tum, gesturing wildly.
"Ah, I see!" exclaimed Gai, instantly stowing away his coat and hat to who-knows-where. "Case SOLVED!"
"...OH THAT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL, GAI-SENSEI!!"
Really, the following doesn't show up often enough anymore. They used to be everywhere, now they're like... gone. You don't see them at all anymore. So I'll put in an excessive amount of Lee and Gai embraces to make up for the lack of it in OTHER fics not by me.
"LEE!"
"GAI-SENSEI!"
"LEE!"
"GAI-SENSEI!"
The ones that were SUPPOSED to be used to this classic manuever sighed and turned away. Those that WEREN'T had their eyes twitching like they had Tourette's. (that is... if I understand Tourettes correctly... I'm not entirely sure I do, but oh well)
And some of them just kept right on screaming and running around like lunatics.
The next guy who stepped up was met with gasps from Sakura, Naruto, Tenten, and Lee.
"YOU!" they screeched, shielding their eyes. "YOU!"
"Yes, it's me, un," declared Deidara. "I'm Deidara, yeah... and I like art, un!"
Meanwhile, Ino, who had, until recently, been running like a maniac, stopped, took one look at Deidara, and screeched her loudest yet.
"OMG!! IT'S MY EVIL LONG LOST BROTHER!" she yelled, shattering the eardrums of several people's ears. Luckily, Tsunade used her medic nin skillz to heal everyone quickly, so no damage was done.
"I'm... an only child? Yeah?" tried Deidara.
"You were missing ever since I was a mere youngling! Mother and Father always said I was their little princess and I was their only one, but I knew better! I remember you!" Ino said in one breath.
"Look... I think you're mistaken, un... I was from BOULDER," Deidara reasoned. "You know, the place where that Uchiha Obito died? Yeah?"
That earned him an INTENSE glare from Kakashi's single eye.
"What, un? Stop looking at me like that! It's weird, yeah!" said Deidara, obviously feeling uncomfortable at the grudge Kakashi held and the fact that he was being mistaken for Ino's evil long lost bro. "All right, un! ONE! I am NO-ONE'S long lost brother, yeah, and! TWO! I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR OBITO'S DEATH, KAKASHI, SO STOP GLARING LIKE THAT! UN!!"
"Oh... you're responsible," breathed Kakashi, his glare INTENSIFYING. "All of you Boulder nins are responsible..."
Apparently freaked, Deidara backed up and ushered Zetsu forward instead before Kakashi could start ranting.
"..."
"Um, hello," said Chouji. "What's your name?"
"... Zetsu. Canniball. Me."
"..."
"...?"
"..."
"...uh?"
"..."
"...hi."
"...? Oh... hi."
"WELL, since that's so awkward-" started Kisame. However, there was suddenly a movement, and Shino was standing with his arms outstretched in front of the group.
Everyone looked quizzically at Shino's outstretched arms, when suddenly a whole bunch of insects flew out and piled onto Zetsu's face.
... why, that was a TERRIBLE sentence!! Let's try...
Everyone looked quizzically at Shino's outstretched arms, when suddenly-
A whole bunch of insects zoomed out and swarmed onto Zetsu's face!!!
Alright... that's still miserable, but work with me for now...
There was silence... and then Zetsu started glowing yellow, and yellow puss started oozing out of his plant appendages. In seconds, all the buggies were dead, much to the dismay of one Aburame Shino.
"... I'm definitely eating you, Aburame..." hissed the plant-man.
Shino shrugged.
"WOAH! What was that yellow glowing thing!?" gasped Jiraiya, his eyes WIDE as dinner plates.
"I call it... the Zetsu Zone," replied Zetsu's white side of his face.
There was a slight pause, and then...
"Don't let your guard down," Shino said suddenly.
"I will not let my guard down for one instant, because I am the Pillar of Akatsuki," retorted Zetsu's black half of his face.
"You're the... what?" inquired Hidan. "Pillar of Akatsuki? Since when?"
Shino and Zetsu (black and white sides) both shrugged, and said in perfect harmony (complete with Shino being alto and Zetsu being bass while devils sing soprano and tenor):
"Tezuka Kunimitsu from Prince of Tennis references."
I know the last part with Shino and Zetsu was COMPLETELY random, but those two... they're a match made in heaven. Not the yaoi way, but like, awesome, stoic, plant/bug, mysterious man way XD
And Zetsu Zone has a better alliteration than Tezuka Zone. Tezuka's full name should be Zetsu Kunimitsu instead of Tezuka Kunimitsu LOL
And seriously. Where has all the Gai and Lee EMBRACE scenes gone? It's vanished from FFnet. It was here a year ago!! XO LET'S BRING BACK GAI AND LEE HUG SCENES EVERYONE!
May I also bring to your attention that Iruka STILL doesn't have a freakin' line? Yes... I'm sure I'm doing this on purpose now. It's like Iruka's non-existant. When do you guys think I should bring him in?
MC