Shinobi Drinking Games!, a naruto fanfic

A/N: Ok. I guess that there are warnings needed...there's lots of drinking involved in this fic, some mature content (but it's lemon-free, I promise...). There's OCC, but mostly on part of Hinata. As always, I only do OCC if it's funny, or if it serves a purpose, so don't worry. There's method to my madness. Oh. Just so's ya know: this is a bit of a crack-fic. I thought of it earlier this evening. Not really edited, other than for gammar. Review, Please!

Legal Stuffiness: I don't own Naruto. If I did, I wouldn't be living in a crappy apartment.

And now, kiddies...on with the show

Shinobi drinking games! One-shot cracked out idea…

It was a party, and everyone brought a different kind of liquor. Naruto wondered briefly who would be the first one to pass out. Then he remembered something, his eyes widening. "Keep Lee away from the booze!" The rest of the party looked over at the dark-haired man, and he simply shrugged, stating that he hadn't planned on drinking anyhow. "Good. Now, who's got the first game?"

Jiraya raised a hand. Tsunade's eyes narrowed. "Oh, no you don't. I'm never playing with you again. Not after the last time."

"Last time?" Kakashi's visible eye sparkled with curiosity.

The frog-sennin chuckled. "Strip coin-bounce." The rest of them widened their eyes. He nodded, blushing slightly. "She has very bad luck. And bad aim, too. Right, Tsunade?" The Hokage's eyes glared daggers at the white-haired man.

Kakashi said in a bemused way, "Strip coin-bounce…" His eye misted over, and then he came back to himself with an evil glint to his eye. He got up from the table, and went over to the other side of the room, where Anko was sitting. Naruto's eyes bulged. Eeew. I don't wanna think about Kakashi and Anko…

"How about a movie game?" Shizune offered. "Before the movie starts, you pick out things that are said often during the movie, and every time you hear someone say your phrase, you drink!"

"Sounds fun, but that takes too long!" Naruto didn't think he had the patience for that sort of thing.

"I've got one." Everyone turned to see Hinata. She had a smile on her face. It was an uncharacteristically sly smile. "It requires only three decks of playing cards, and a good bluffing face." They all seemed interested, except for Kakashi and Anko, who were playing their first round of strip-coin bounce over in the corner. "The game is called…" Her voice lowered, and she said, "Bullshit." Naruto's head reeled. He'd never heard Hinata swear before.

"Where'd you learn that game, Hinata?" Neji asked, clearly disappointed in his cousin.

Kiba piped up, "She learned it from me!" Neji said something about Kiba being a bad influence. "Damned right I am. Someone has to corrupt Hinata. Sure as hell wouldn't be you, Neji." Kiba's grin was directed at Hinata, who blushed. Her hand reached out and lightly smacked Kiba's leg. He leaned forward and said quietly enough that only she could hear, "Don't do that in public, Hinata-hime. We wouldn't want them to catch on, now, would we?" Her blush only deepened.

Over at the coin-bounce table, the battle was raging fiercely, and neither one was giving up any time soon. Both Kakashi and Anko had their shoes off, and one empty shot glass in front of them. Their liquor of choice: bourbon whiskey. Anko had a hard time imagining what it must be like to drink though a mask, but Kakashi was doing it pretty well. "How about upping the stakes?" Kakashi said.

"What did you have in mind?" Anko was far from even having a slight buzz, but there was a nice warmth in her stomach, and she was feeling content.

"Carbomb." When she blinked in confusion, Kakashi moved to another table for a moment, pouring a glass of beer. He took it back to the table Anko sat at, and then set it down. After pouring a shot of the whiskey, he said, "Bounce the coin into the whiskey. If you make it in, the shot gets dropped into the beer, and I drink. If not, you do it." He watched her reaction. "And you take something off." It was a dangerous proposition to be mixing these things so early in the evening. The last time she'd done anything remotely similar, she'd woken up with a hangover, and a sickening feeling in her stomach, because she found Shiranui Genma in her bed.

Kakashi saw the look on her face, and seemed to understand, but had no intention of backing off. "Chicken?" Her eyes blazed at that remark, and she took a handful of his shirt in hand, pulling him across the table. Her glare was stony, and he shut his mouth with a click of teeth.

"I'll do it. Just remember, if you call me chicken again, you'll regret it later." Her threat seemed to hold a promise of follow-through, and Kakashi held up his hands defensively. She took the coin they'd been using, and stared at the small glass in the middle of the table. Biting her lower lip, she flicked her wrist, bouncing the coin on the table. It landed squarely in the golden-brown liquor, and she smiled. "Bottoms up, darlin'."

"Don't call me darlin'." He grumbled as he dropped the shot into the glass of beer. For this particular drink, he pulled his mask back. She was curious to see what the rest of his face looked like, but the glass obscured it quickly. He polished off the mixture very fast, and pulled the coin out of his mouth. For a very short moment, she saw his smile before he pulled his mask back up.

"Maybe we should do this in another room?" Anko asked, suddenly having the feeling that she didn't want to play this in public. Especially not around Jiraya.

"Won't the others be annoyed that the hostess left the party?" Kakashi teased.

"I don't care. I just don't wanna do this in front of that pervy sennin." Anko jerked a finger at the white-haired man across the living room. Kakashi nodded. He grabbed the shot glasses, and she took the bottle. She turned to the rest of the group. "See you guys in a bit. This game could get a little out of hand, so I'm going to save Jiraya the nosebleed and play in the other room." The sennin pouted, but the rest of them just nodded, too intent on their game of Bullshit to care.

Bullshit is a very simple game. For anyone who has never played, it's very easy to get into. Hinata had explained the rules simply. Three decks of cards are shuffled together. The cards are dealt out equally among the players, if at all possible. Starting from the aces, one person puts down as many aces as they have. If say a person's turn came up, and they were supposed to have the fours, they would put down either all or part of the amount of this number they had, or they could put down other numbers and bluff. If, like Naruto, you're bad at bluffing, and you get caught, you are made to take a shot of something. However, if you "call" bullshit, and the person is telling the truth, it's your turn to drink.

"I'm not as think as you drunk I am!" Naruto hiccupped. Kiba's smile was wide. The loud shinobi was swaying, and then he seemed to remember that it was his turn. "Three sixes!" he slammed down his cards. For a moment, the rest of the group looked at him, eyes narrowed.

Shikamaru, who lounged lazily next to Ino, said, "Bullshit, Naruto."

Naruto's face fell. "Damn! You're too good at this game, Shik-hic-kamaru!" He reached for his glass as Ino filled it with a green liquor. He raised it to his mouth.

"Wait! If you're going to shoot that stuff, take a bit of chocolate syrup first." Ino handed him a bottle of chocolate syrup. He squirted it into his mouth, then took the shot of crème-de-menthe. He blinked at the taste, and then said that it was yummy before he passed out. "Well, that's one down. Does that mean that we start over?" Kiba and Hinata nodded.

Lee sat in the corner with Sakura and Tenten, as well as Neji. They were having sodas, since none of them were big drinkers. All four of them were vastly entertained by the whole scene.

After the cards were re-shuffled, Chouji started off by claiming that he had five aces. Ino snorted. "Buuuuullshiiiiiit!" she said in a musical tone. Chouji picked up the cards and flaunted them. Ino swore under her breath as Shizune handed her the chocolate syrup.

Three and a half hours later…

Tsunade was asleep on the couch, leaning on Jiraya, who was going to have a rude awakening later because of where his hands were as he slept. Naruto was cuddled up against Ino, who was leaning on a snoring Chouji. Lee and the other non-drinkers had gone home long ago. The only people awake were the die-hard coin bouncers in the next room, and Kiba and Hinata.

Kiba's cheeks were pink, and he swayed slightly where he sat. Hinata was only slightly tipsy. She had only been caught "bullshitting" five times. Kiba leaned over and said in a loud whisper, "That was fun, Hinata-hime." She nodded, agreeing that it had been fun. He scooted closer to her, and leaned forward, taking her head in his hands. He smiled drunkenly. For a moment, it seemed as if they would just stay that way, staring at one another. Then the young man swayed again, and he over-balanced, falling on top of her. He grunted, and then saw that he was lying on Hinata.

The kunoichi didn't seem to mind, though. Her hands played with his hair absently, and she smiled up at him. He chuckled. "What luck!" He said, and bent down, kissing her. She made a small noise of surprise. Her thoughts: I thought we were going to try not to do things like this in public? His thoughts: Hmmm. Lucky position to land in. Very convenient…

Meanwhile, in the other room—

"Kakashi, come on. You didn't even get the coin close to the glass." Anko leaned on her hand. She was sprawled on her stomach on the floor of her bedroom, clad in nothing but her panties. Kakashi was down to his undergarments, as well as his mask. He took the shot willingly, but was torn between what to take off and what to leave on.

On the one hand, he could take off his mask, but nobody saw him without it…nobody. It would be a little strange to do that. Other than that, he could take off his boxer shorts and then he'd be really embarrassed, because he'd been staring at Anko's breasts for the past half hour, and well…let's just say that he'd be uncomfortable if he stood up.

Anko wasn't giving up. "Pick one. I really don't care which. Either one would be quite revealing." She sniggered at her comment. "Hehe. Revealing."

"Wow. You're soused, Anko." Kakashi seemed to be trying to change the subject. Almost faster than he could see, the nearly-naked woman had jumped to her feet, and hauled him off of the floor. He blinked. "Hey!" He said indignantly, but then both of them started to sway. "Uh-oh. Head-rush…" The room seemed to tilt sideways, and they fell in a heap onto the nearby bed.

Anko was sprawled on top of him at this point. In spite of their change of situation, she proved to have a one-track mind. "I'm not gonna lose to you, Kakashi. Pick one, or you lose both at once." He considered for a moment.

"How much is left in that bottle?" He asked suddenly.

"Don't change the subject, baka."

"I'm not, really. How much?"

She peeked over the side of the bed. Frowning, she said, "Two shots, maybe."

"How about we each take our last shots, and then lose the rest of what we've got on?" His tone was not a little suggestive. It took everything he had to keep his voice from sounding like he was smiling, which he was. This had been his plan all along, obviously. For a long moment, she seemed frozen, staring down at him.

"What about the others?" She seemed to be looking for an excuse.

"They're probably passed out by now, Anko. Are you being chicken again?" That was the last straw for her, it seemed.

"Screw the bottle." Her hands moved very quickly, pulling his mask down. One hand took a good portion of his hair and yanked his head upward. He blinked in surprise. Anko was still nowhere near as drunk as he was. The woman could really hold her liquor. She knew exactly what she was doing. Their lips met, and she kissed him for a long moment, then pulled away. "I told you…don't call me chicken."

And that was all she wrote. Kakashi was in no position to argue with her, even if he had wanted to.

Nine in the morning…the aftermath!

Tsunade opened her eyes. She found that Jiraya's head was leaning on her shoulder, and his hand was…not where it should be! Pursing her lips for a moment, she tried to think of the best way to teach him a lesson. Her head was feeling like it was stuffed with cotton, though. Hangovers really, really suck, she thought briefly. Before she could really think of a suitable punishment, however, she looked around the room.

The others were literally sleeping where they'd fallen. Shizune was sleeping with her head on the table, and Shikamaru's head was in her lap. Tsunade noticed immediately that the lazy ass shinobi was not actually asleep. He had one eye partially open, and was looking up at Shizune's cleavage. Tsunade resisted snorting. She then saw Naruto, Ino, and Chouji all huddled together. That will be interesting when they wake up. Ino was sleeping with her head on Chouji's stomach, and Naruto was cuddled up next to her, arms around her waist.

The Hokage shook her head. She turned toward the other side of the table, and got a little bit of a shock. There was a pile of clothes on the floor, with two pairs of feet sticking out from one end. In that pile of clothing, there was a jacket that had fur lining the hood, and another that had a red swirl on the sleeve. Oh, wow. Now that was not something I wanted to see. She decided to save the two of them some embarrassment.

Quietly extricating herself from Jiraya, she tiptoed over to the sleeping pair. She carefully reached under the clothes, and put a hand over both of their mouths. "Kiba, Hinata, wake up." Her voice came out as a hoarse whisper, and she saw two pairs of eyes open very quickly. "Get up and go get dressed, hurry. I'm going to have to have a word with you two about this." Their faces were so red, she felt very sorry for them.

They both slipped their long jackets on and picked up the rest of their clothing. Slipping off to the bathroom, they were dressed and back in the living room in less than three minutes. They looked at the floor. Tsunade suppressed a smile. "Now, I don't think that I have to tell you that what you did was wrong."

"Yes, Hokage-sama." They both muttered in tones of shame.

"Next time, don't do that with other people in the room, ok?" Their eyes widened, and she laughed quietly. "Get the hell out of here. People are going to be waking up soon." At a questioning look from Hinata, she said, "No, I won't be telling anyone about it. But the two of you sneaking around is annoying. Kiba, go and talk to Hiashi." His eyes bulged. "That's an order, Kiba. You too, Hinata. Stop being afraid of him. You're heir to the clan aren't you? Stop letting him boss you around. You need to start calling him on his…bullshit."

That made the two young shinobi laugh. They left smiling, hand in hand. Tsunade sat back down on the couch. She was still tired. Sleep sounded good, but it was cold in the room. She glanced at her fellow Sannin from the corner of her eye. He actually looked normal when he was asleep. Not really perverted at all. After a moment of debate with herself, she decided that even if she woke up with his hand on her breast again, it didn't matter. She just didn't want to freeze her ass off. She then curled up next to him, marveling at how warm he was. Jiraya, the human furnace…she thought hazily as she fell asleep again.

Kakashi's head was killing him. He sat up, or at least he tried to. There was something on his chest. Opening his eyes, he saw an arm. His eyes followed the arm over to a shoulder, and a neck, and then to a face. He smiled. Anko was asleep next to him. He tickled her nose. "Mrmph…" She swatted at his hand, then opened her eyes. She raised an eyebrow. "Ohayo, darlin'."

Kakashi groaned. "I told you, Anko…stop calling me that."

"You wanna make me?" Her smile was evil, and he liked it.

"Why not?" He jumped at her, and she giggled.

And so, the moral of the story, kids, is this:

Anko's parties are wild. If you leave early, you miss all the fun!