24

Written by Kazz

Exclaimer; Star Trek belongs to Paramount not me.

Rating PG

This story is based on the episode in season 5 called Violations, in which the Enterprise encounters a telepathic alien race, the Ullians, who retrieve people's memories.

Truth Lies and Friendships

Dr. Beverly Crusher felt like a stranger in her own skin as she left her quarters and made her way through the corridors of the Enterprise. It was a feeling that had begun just days earlier, after the Ullian Jev had subjected her to a telepathic form of rape, and was still persisting. She simply didn't feel like herself, and at present, was having difficulty concentrating, which frankly wasn't surprising considering she'd slept little, even with the help of medication.

"Troi to Dr Crusher."

The page startled Beverly. Jumpiness was another side-effect of recent events.

Tapping her commbadge, she replied, "Crusher here."

"Are you ready?" came Counselor Deanna Troi's voice.

"I'm on my way. Crusher out," Beverly quickly responded, ending the communication and silently hoping the counselor and friend had not heard the slight quiver in her voice.

With a sigh, Beverly recovered herself and continued her journey to the counselor's office, setting course for the nearest turbolift. As she walked, she tried to steer her thoughts away from her nightmare, and the upcoming session with the counselors.

Since the incident, there had been seemingly endless appointments, both formal and informal. They had entered Ullian space to be close to their counselors who had bent over backwards to help with the effects of a crime believed eradicated long ago. But no matter how many people she spoke to, Beverly Crusher feared that the images in her mind ... in all their minds ... would never go away.

Each session was emotionally taxing and the last one had ended in anger - Will Riker's. It had been difficult for him to hear Deanna relating her experience. Both his heartbreak at having an intimate memory warped into a nightmare and his agitation at his image being used to hurt Deanna had been almost too much for the Enterprise's strong first officer to bear.

After witnessing Will's reaction to Deanna's recollection, Beverly began to think she might be better off if she kept details of her experience to herself and not involve the person of her own distorted memory ... Jean-Luc Picard. While she knew he was her friend and would listen, she feared discussing it would dredge up guilt and other old feelings for him. Though he never spoke of it, she knew he still carried the burden of the death of his friend and Beverly's husband, Jack Crusher.

Still, Beverly knew Jean-Luc's well-being wasn't her only motivation. The unwelcome jaunt down memory lane that Jev had forced upon her had stirred up her own feelings and emotions about her long-dead husband, feelings and emotions that she'd just as soon not confront with an audience. Memories she thought she'd never have to face... again.

Waiting for the lift, Beverly crossed her arms and chewed on her bottom lip. She lost herself in her thoughts and jumped when, several moments later, a hand suddenly touched her shoulder.

"Beverly, are you alright?"

Beverly looked up into the drawn features of Will Riker. Normally, his expression was almost jovial, his eyes usually filled with humor and the magical Riker twinkle; seeing her friend so distressed sent a flash of anger through her, anger at Jev. She quickly squelched it, though and summoned up a small but sad smile for him.

"I'm fine," she replied, even though she didn't really feel that way, "How are you holding up?"

"I'm fine," he echoed her lie and she saw it for what it was. She didn't call him on it for fear he would call her on her own. Instead, they entered the lift as the doors opened. They passed the first few moments of the ride in silence then Will suddenly spoke, "Computer, halt lift."

Beverly looked over at him and saw him staring at his feet. Keeping his voice low and quiet, he asked, "Beverly, do you think these sessions are helping?" He paused before continuing, "because frankly, I think they're only causing us more pain."

"I've been wondering about that myself," Beverly replied, then, her voice softened, "Have you spoken to Deanna about this, away from the Ullians?"

He shook his head, "No, it's like we're walking on eggshells about this." Will turned, holding her with his eyes. "I think she's afraid ...of me, damn it. Beverly I'm afraid of me, I should have been able to stop him, shouldn't I? Do you think she knows that I wouldn't – couldn't do that to her?"

"Oh Will, you didn't have a choice. None of us did …"

"Beverly, I'm losing her."

Looking away, he continued quietly, "What Jev did ... how he used me ... my image to-"

He stopped, his shoulders slumped forward. For a moment she thought he was going to throw up. For the thousandth time she cursed ever meeting the Ullians – Jev.

How dare he do this to them!

She crossed the short distance and stood in front of him, not touching yet close enough to make him look at her. "Will – Jev raped us, you, Deanna…..me." He glanced down and for a second, as she noticed the shock followed by resignation on his face, she thought she'd gone too far. "Will, listen to me." She paused. Beverly knew there was no need to be harsh, so she started again, "Will, she knows it wasn't you, that it wasn't your fault. The only person to blame is Jev and you're not going to lose her over him, are you? Your friendship ... your bond is too strong. In time, the fear will subside, for both of you, and for that to happen, you need to sit down on your own and talk things out. In the end, your relationship can only grow stronger."

"You really believe that?" Will asked, his eyes finding Beverly's again, wanting to believe her.

She saw hope in the sparkling blue orbs and smiled a genuine smile this time. "Yes," she replied and watched a grin emerge from between his whiskers.

"Resume," he called out then stood a little taller. Beside him, Beverly found herself doing the same, despite her own nagging fears for her relationship with her captain and dear friend. They exited the lift and made their way to the next group session. The Ullian councilor Karm was already there; she nodded and smiled as they entered. Deanna rose from her chair and spoke as she crossed the room.

"You're late," she frowned and then hugged Beverly as she continued, "I thought you weren't coming."

Beverly returned the hug and then winked as she replied, "No, sorry, we were delayed."

Will feigned total innocence at the fact they were late, spreading his hands out in a familiar gesture, as he replied, "Don't look at me."

Deanna laughed out loud and her two friends joined her, each happy to share these brief snippets of normality. Settling into the armchair, Beverly tucked her feet up under her and listened as Karm started to speak. Talking to Will had eased a little of the uneasiness she felt; maybe they should stop the "official counselling." She tried to stifle a yawn.

'Here, Jack, Beverly – over here,' Walker Keel waved them over to a table close to the stage.

Jack waved back and the couple edged their way through the crowded club towards their friend.

The Hellos, how are yous, and general chat died away and as the trio took their seats.

"Did Jean-Luc say what time he'd be here?' Jack asked glancing at the stage because the show was obviously about to start.

'He said he wouldn't be late, and you know Jean-Luc - he's a man of his word,' Walker replied, lifting his empty glass. 'I'm going to get another drink. What about you two?'

Beverly had known Walker Keel for a few years. He was on the fringes of her group of friends; he'd introduced her to his friend Jack Crusher and they'd fallen head over heels in love.

Before either of them could answer, Walker was shouting again.

'Jean-Luc! Jean-Luc!'

Jack smiled at Beverly; that was Keel all over - loud and devil may care. If there was anyone willing to take a dare, it was Walker. Jack stood as a man made his way towards them, and Beverley got her first glimpse of Jean-Luc Picard. He was smiling, she saw that much before her fiancé pulled the slightly shorter man into a hug; releasing him, he returned to Beverly's side.

Tonight she was being introduced to the third member of the trio, Jean-Luc Picard. The three men had been friends for a long while and always seemed to be spoken of as a group - Keel, Crusher & Picard.

'Beverly Howard, this is Jean-Luc Picard. Jean-Luc, Beverly Howard.'

As she looked up into his eyes, she immediately realised he was a man she could trust. He was a little older than Jack, close to Walker in age she guessed, and his hair was almost cropped. He wasn't good looking like Jack, or handsome like Walker yet there was something about him she liked.

He bowed slightly as he took her hand, 'A pleasure to meet you, Beverly Howard.'

'Thank you, I'm pleased to meet you.'

"I'll help Walker with the drinks, and let you two get acquainted.'' Jack popped a kiss on the top of her head, 'okay?'

She nodded. 'Good idea.'

'What's your poison, Jean-Luc?' Walker lifted his empty glass.

'White dry wine.'

'Good Lord man, you're not in France now,' he shrugged, resigned 'Beverly?'

'I'll have wine too, dry white.'

'Right I've got that.' Walker made his way towards the bar.

'Be right back – take care of her for me, Jean-Luc.' Jack patted his friend's shoulder.

They were alone in a room full of people.

Jean-Luc smiled, 'I've been looking forward to meeting you. Jack's done nothing but talk about you for weeks now and I can see why.'

'Now that's odd, because I feel I know you already.' She paused as he took the seat next to her. 'They,' she nodded towards the bar where the two men were again laughing, 'do nothing but talk about you, too.'

'Good things, I hope.'

'Are there anything else?'

He smiled then and his whole face changed. 'I hear you're a Doctor; that's something I couldn't do – no patience.'

'If I had no patients, I couldn't be a Doctor.'

He looked at her and then threw his head back and laughed. 'No, you're right; I think I'll stick to Starfleet.'

'And I'll stick to medicine.'

'Deal!'

Before she could reply Walker returned, 'Well Beverly, has he bored you yet?'

'No, charmed me perhaps.'

Jack followed, kissing her as he sat down. 'That's Jean-Luc.'

It was during that first meeting that Beverly realised she could easily become attracted to Picard. If she had met him before Jack, who knew what could have happened?

As the three of them spent more time together, Beverly realised the attraction was mutual. The weeks passed and it became obvious that neither of them was going to act upon their feelings, so they started to relax around each other and become friends.

Walker and Jean Luc were a part of her early memories of Jack and they let her turn their trio into a quartet.

After a year, she became pregnant with Wesley and after he was born, Jack was so proud. He brought champagne and his arms had been so full of red roses she thought he'd brought the shop. And was she aware that there was no such thing as blue roses? What about people who had sons? She'd laughed as she accepted the flowers. As she arranged the flowers, she paused to watch as her husband gently picked up their son, and settled himself and the baby into the rocking chair.

As tears rolled down her face, she knew she'd never been happier.

She had a husband who adored her, a medical career that was going well, and now a healthy baby son; no one could possibly have ever been happier.

Wesley took his first steps, and on his first birthday, Walker arrived with a teddy bear so large he couldn't carry it alone, and had to talk Jean-Luc into helping. Picard brought an old leather bound book of fairy tales, in which he'd written 'To Wesley on your first birthday, a book to help you realise the dreams you've yet to live. JLP'

Time passed and Walker's assignments seemed to keep him close to Earth, whereas Jean-Luc went out into the stars.

Then Jack was appointed as Jean-Luc's first officer and all their lives changed.

"Beverly, Beverly."

She opened her eyes; Karm was gently shaking her arm. "You fell asleep," by way of explanation.

"I'm sorry," Beverly tried to stand and found her foot had decided to stay asleep; she almost fell back into the chair.

"Don't worry," Deanna smiled across at her, "it was only a few moments."

"I haven't been sleeping well, I…"

Deanna interrupted in understanding, "you haven't missed much. Will was telling us what it's like to be so tall." Deanna looked her straight in the eye as she spoke, ignoring Riker, yet obviously teasing him; there was a sparkle in her eyes.

Will raised an eyebrow then settled back into his chair as he spoke, "And you can go back to sleep now because Deanna's about to tell us about chocolate."

Deanna threw him a look that she saved just for him and he winked.

Beverley wasn't sure what she'd actually missed but something told her Will and Deanna were going to be alright. She just wished she could say the same thing about herself, but the dream had been interesting. It had served to reminded her just how happy they all had been back then.

The session ended and they all stood and chatted for a few moments. Will and Deanna offered to introduce Karm to the joys of Ten Forward.

Deanna smiled, "Joining us, Beverly?"

"No thanks, I think I'll have an early night."

Riker stepped forward, "You're welcome, you know." He touched her arm, "more than welcome."

"I know and thanks, but really it's an early night for me."

"Excuse us a moment," he said to Karm and Deanna, guiding Beverly to one side.

"Take some of your own advice, Doctor, and talk to the Captain."

She shook her head, "I can't, Will, you just don't understand." She stopped as he touched her shoulder.

"No, maybe I don't, but he's worried about you, we all are. Please Beverly, talk to him."

"No, I couldn't."

"Why? Don't you trust him?"

Her head flew up and he saw the anger and fire in her eyes that he hadn't seen since this started.

"How dare…!"

He cocked his head to one side and folded his arms.

He'd baited her and she'd risen to it.

"So talk to him."

To be continued