Chapter 1: I Hate You, You Hate Me…

It was an average day at preschool, and all the kids were in the playground, waiting for all three of the gay dinos to appear and act stupid as usual. Then, the doors opened, and first came Barney, the big, purple dino with a green belly. "Hello, children. My name is Barney the Dinosaur, and we're going to have a super-dee-duper time!" he said in his stupid, suck-up voice.

"Shut up!" shouted one of the children. "You say that EVERY FCKING DAY!"

Barney gasped in shock. "I think somebody's been watching too much naughty TV. You should spend more time watching good, wholesome shows, like mine for instance," he smiled.

"You're retarded!" another kid shouted. "Nobody watches your show anyway. The only reason why we even show up for filming anyway is 'cause we get paid 50 trillion dollars a week. Not that we actually want to be part of this stupid show!"

Barney ignored the kid's complaint. "Children, today we're going to get in our imagination time-travel machines and go back in time to the year 1879 when Thomas Alva Edison invented the light bulb!"

"Do it yourself," the kid in the wheelchair said. "We don't give sht about going back in time."

"Too late," Barney said once again in his geeky, kiss-up voice. "We're already time traveling. Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee… weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee… weeeeeeeeee!" he shouted while spinning around like a retard.

Just then, the kid with the hearing aid threw an apple at him. "What the hell are you doing?"

"We are time traveling!"

"Oh brother," the kids moaned.

Oddly enough, for some strange reason, the kids actually do end up in 1879 (however that happened). They watch as Edison perfects the world's first electric light bulb. "Success!" shouts Edison. He turns around and gasps when he sees motion picture cameras, a bunch of kids, and a big, fluffy, purple dinosaur. "What in heaven's name is this?"

"Hello, friend," Barney said. "I'm Barney the Dinosaur. And these are my friends."

Edison looked at the kids. "We're not his friends. We're part of a TV show," the kids said.

"TV? What the hell is that?" Edison said.

Barney gasped, and then began to cry. "Now what?" grumbled the kids.

Barney looked up, tears still in his eyes. "Mr. Edison, father of the light bulb, said a bad four-letter word," he moaned. "How could he?" He sobbed more hysterically than ever.

"Shut up, already!" the kids yelled. Edison rolled his eyes and left his office to market his new invention. Meanwhile, Barney and the kids went back to the present date.