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*Disclaimer* - I don't own the characters, never have done, never will do. Sueing me will earn you all of $5.36 and if you're really that desperate for cash then you can start saving money by getting the hell off the internet. Unless you have a completely free server of course. In which case I envy you greatly. Anyway, on with the fic...

Author's Note: I always wanted to do an epilogue for ALBoH but I wasn't sure what to put in it. It was Ella JW who gave me the idea for this in her review of Part 11 ^_~ so all credit to you girl! This epilogue is for joo ^^.

A Love Born of Hate

Epilogue

It's nine fifteen on a Saturday morning, and as such I am still in my pyjamas watching cartoons when the doorbell chimes. Otousan has gone to work at six and won't be home until lunch time, so I'm a little wary about answering the door as I'm alone in the apartment. I peer sleepily through the spy-hole, and yelp.

"Hang on!" I rush into my room, yank off my pyjamas and scramble into some decent clothes. "Coming!" I shout down the hall, darting from my bedroom to the bathroom. I snatch up a comb, drag it through my hair sideways and pause only briefly to admire the effect in the mirror. It needs gel, but there's no time. I fly back down the hall and pull the front door open.

"Ohayo, Taichi," I say breathlessly.

Taichi smiles broadly at me and says, "You've got your top on back to front."

I look down at myself, and curse. "Kuso! Ah, whatever. Come in." I shuffle my top round as Taichi kicks off his sneakers. "How come you're out of bed this early?" I tease.

"Well…" Tai attempts a goofy grin, but it isn't as genuine as usual. "I haven't actually gone to bed yet."

"Right…" I steer him into the living room, plonk him down on the sofa and switch off Inu Yasha. "What's going on?"

"Well…" says Tai again. He twiddles his thumbs. He looks so adorable when he does that. I shake my head, smiling, and sit down beside him, slipping my arms around his middle. He kisses me, and then leans his head on my shoulder. "I was writing something," he confesses.

"All night?" I can't keep the disbelief out of my voice. Tai can't write for more than five minutes without complaining of hand cramp.

Taichi shifts his position and draws his feet up underneath him. "Yeah. All night," he says comfortably. I raise my eyebrows.

"Writing what, exactly?" I ask. I can't deny being a little suspicious, and I think he's enjoying it.

With a slight flourish, Tai produces a squashed pile of papers from his back jeans pocket. "This," he says dramatically, tossing it onto my lap. Curiously, I pick up the top piece and began to read aloud.

"Life sometimes has this funny way of -"

"Right then!" Taichi leaps to his feet, interrupting me. "I'd better be off!"

I grab the back of his shirt and pull him forcefully back down. "You only just got here. You aren't going anywhere yet," I order, pushing him onto his back and abandoning the sheaf of papers in favour of flumping myself on top of him. He mutters something I don't quite catch.

"Nani, Tai-chan?" I say sweetly.

"I said, 'You're not reading that while I'm here!'" he repeats crossly. "It's about - you know, in the Digiworld. I wrote it all down. And I'm not going to suffer the embarrassment of just sitting here while you read it!"

I'm quite taken aback by this little outburst. I look from Tai to the papers, and back again. Then I chuckle and nudge his nose with mine.

"Okay. I won't read it yet," I promise. "But for now, you're going to stay here with me and play Time Crisis. All right?"

Taichi's eyes light up. He loves Time Crisis, although he can't play it for toffee. "All right," he agrees readily. He scoops his papers off the sofa while I set up the PlayStation, and we get down to business.

After about half an hour, repeated virtual death begins to wear Taichi down, to a point where he finally declares that he doesn't want to save the president's stupid daughter anyway, and lets me do all the work. Fifteen minutes after that, the clunk of his head onto my shoulder alerts me to his complete exhaustion.. He's fast asleep.

"Oh, Tai…" I have to smile. Carefully, I slip out from underneath him and lower him gently onto a cushion. I switch off the PlayStation, fetch my duvet to pull over Taichi, and brush the stray strands of hair out of his face - he looks so cute, I can't resist touching. And then my eyes fall upon his precious pile of papers at the sofa's foot.

It's obvious that Taichi is going to be asleep for some hours. So, I make myself a mug of tea, curl up in the armchair with it, and begin to read what Taichi has written.

* * * * *

Life sometimes has this funny way of taking everything that's stable in a guy's world and turning it upside down and inside out. It's not a pleasant experience, and it happened to me twice over the summer. The first, I got transported to a whole different world and told to save it. And before I could even recover properly from that shock, the second bombshell struck. I fell in love. With another guy.

To this day I don't know why I developed feelings for Matt. Even of all the guys in the world, he was the most unlikely. Damn, but he was an arrogant bastard back then! There was nothing I could say that he wouldn't argue with. No plan I suggested was ever good enough. No joke I cracked could ever make him smile. He was the absolute bane of my existence.

That night when Myotismon brought MegaStatumon to freeze us all, I thought at first I was the only one who'd escaped his attack. Then I found out Matt had gotten away too, and almost wished it had just been me. Rescuing the others would be hard enough without him bickering over everything I said. Only he didn't. At least, not as much as he could have. I put it down to his worrying about Takeru being all frozen. He even agreed with my stupid idea for him to 'distract' Myotismon's forces. God, that was a really dumb plan. And it was because… it wasn't really a plan. It was just meant get him out of the way, so I could get on with rescuing the others without him interfering and arguing all the time. It's a godawful thing to admit to. But he did argue with me a lot, over some really stupid things sometimes.

Well, my dumb little not-really-a-plan worked. They all chased off after him, and I snuck in and let the others out. There was a bit of a tussle with a couple of guards, but Birdramon, Gomamon, Kabuterimon and Palmon easily took care of it. We made our way back to Takeru - I figured that's where Matt would be - and the little guy had eventually thawed out, and come looking for us with Patamon, Agumon and Gabumon. But Matt was nowhere to be seen.

We looked for him all day. By the time night fell, I was close to panicking. I wanted to carry on looking but Sora wouldn't let me, said everyone was tired and we needed to rest. That exhausting ourselves wouldn't help Matt. But I couldn't sleep, anyway. It was my fault. I'd sent him off as a distraction, wearing my T-shirt, just to get him out from under my feet, for god's sakes! And now he'd been caught. I was sure of it. If he'd been hurt, I'd never have forgiven myself.

Gabumon was worried too, of course, and Takeru was beside himself. By the end of the second day, I finally had to voice everyone's fears. Myotismon had Matt. And I was killing myself with guilt.

"We'll go and rescue him tomorrow," Sora promised. I didn't want to worry her, so I agreed. But after everyone else was asleep, I left her a note explaining that I'd gone to rescue Matt, and took Agumon and Gabumon with me. Takeru was muttering something in his sleep in a distressed way. I looked away, feeling sick. What if I was already too late?

As we were approaching Myotismon's standing, sudden harsh laughter made me jump out of my skin. Agumon leapt in front of me protectively and Gabumon bared his teeth, but it was only DemiDevimon.

"What's this?" he cackled. "A rescue mission, for Blondie? Some hope!"

I glared at him. "What's that supposed to mean?" I demanded. God, I hoped Matt was all right. Please let me be in time, I prayed.

"Just that he's locked away in Myotismon's deepest darkest dungeon, down the East wing staircase. You'll never get to him down there," DemiDevimon replied smugly.

"Wanna bet on that?" I yelled, hands balled into fists. Now I knew where he was! Stupid little DemiDevimon. "Agumon, go!"

"Pepperbreath!"

But DemiDevimon was flapping away. "You'll never get to him," he called back in a sing-song voice.

I was such a moron. Of course it was a trap. But on I charged, straight into the castle. My first clue should have been that Matt's crest and digivice were right in the main hallway, in the trophy cabinet, just waiting for me to take them. And how could I not have found the complete lack of guards suspicious? Baka! Down the East wing staircase - there was a Bakumon there, but Agumon digivolved to Greymon and Novablasted him, and he ran away clutching his smoking rear, conveniently dropping the keys. Greymon de-digivolved, and I snuck inside…

I cannot even begin to describe what a relief it was to see him. His hair was a mess and his clothes were rumpled and dirty, and he had enormous dark shadows under his eyes, but god, he was alive! I wanted to rush over and glomp him. Instead, I grinned and waved.

"Hey, Yamato," I whispered. "I've come to get my T-shirt back!"

The dumbfounded look on Matt's face was worth a million yen. He spluttered a few half-formed questions, and I grinned still wider as I cheerfully answered them. I dragged him out and hurried him down the hall, and then suddenly, there was Myotismon. I can pinpoint the precise moment when I realised what a bloody idiot I'd been. I'd gotten Matt caught - again.

I didn't ask myself why I suddenly cared so much. But for some reason, Matt was my friend now. And friends look out for each other. That's why I planted myself defiantly in front of him and said, "I don't think so. You're gonna leave him… us, alone. Let's go, Agumon!"

I said 'him' to Myotismon because I desperately wanted to make up for getting Matt caught, by protecting him. But I quickly changed it to 'us' because, although I wanted to be Matt's friend, I didn't know if he wanted to be mine. I didn't exactly want to openly announce that I now cared about him, in case he scornfully threw it back in my face.

It's difficult to remember clearly what happened next. Agumon and Gabumon were digivolving and Myotismon was looming in front of us, and there was a lot of green smoke everywhere, and Matt was trying to go back for Garurumon. I couldn't let him do that, he might be hurt. So I went back instead. My lungs were burning and my eyes were itching, and then everything started sliding out of focus, and…

Back in the dungeon, I woke up suddenly. I think I made Matt jump, because he seemed kind of wary of me, and wouldn't look at me properly. Or maybe he was just mad at me. Probably. So I got mad back. He was so damn calm about the whole thing! Don't know where our digimon are, don't care. I think I was mostly mad at myself, actually, for being such a total moron. But at any rate, I took it out on Matt, and there we were rolling around wrestling with each other on the grubby dungeon floor.

He got the upper hand and pinned me down, glaring at me with his trademark angry defiance. And, glaring back up at him, something inside me just went bounce, and my heart rate suddenly picked up and started hammering away nineteen to the dozen. Like when somebody makes you jump with fear, only… different. The same kind of adrenaline rush, but an opposite emotion.

Right then, that exact moment, was when I fell in love with Matt. I see it now. But god, I was so dense at the time.

He was shaking. Matt was shaking, and I was having an adrenaline rush, and we were both frozen there, him holding me down, with our eyes locked. I didn't know what it meant and I sure as hell didn't want to find out. So I started ragging on Matt again, to start an argument, because I understood arguing. What I didn't understand was why I suddenly wanted to put my arms around him and promise to look after him. So I shoved him off me and wrestled him to the ground. "What's your problem?" I demanded. Matt snapped back, and we yelled at each other for a bit. He closed his eyes and refused to look at me, and that made me really mad. I remember screaming at him. When he eventually looked at me again though, his eyes were kind of red and raw. I stared. He was almost crying because of me. The anger melted, forgotten, and concern took its place.

"Yamato?" I ventured. "Have you been -"

"Have I been what?" His voice was lifeless.

"Well, uh… crying?"

The moment was interrupted. That was when Sora called out to us, and Ikkakumon blasted through the wall above. I caught a glimpse of a large brick hurtling towards my face just before Matt pulled me out of the way. I landed against him, his arms wrapped around me. And for a moment, one single blitzing thought occupied the whole of my mind.

I'm home.

I wrenched myself away and glared at him, suspicious of his intentions. It was easier to be suspicious of Matt than to be suspicious of myself. But all suspicion was wiped from my mind when Matt apologised for being such an ass earlier. I guess I should have apologised too, but I was kind of in shock. I'd only ever heard him apologise to Takeru before. I was flattered.

We started making our way out, and I helped Matt up (even though he pretended he didn't want me to), and then we were free and we were friends and the sun was shining, and life had never been better.

So trust Myotismon to wreck it all.

It was freaky enough seeing Takeru in a state of deep-freeze. But the way Matt just petrified in front of me and toppled over like a dead thing was terrifying. I caught him and started screaming bloody murder at Myotismon, which was very productive I'm sure, but luckily everyone else kept their heads. Sora and Biyomon vanished off somewhere while Patamon, Ikkakumon, Kabuterimon and Togemon attacked Myotismon and MegaStatumon. I dragged Matt away from the fray. It looked like a losing battle until Sora reappeared with Birdramon, Koromon and Tsunomon. The little guys digivolved all the way up to MetalGreymon and Garurumon and, caught by surprise, Myotismon and MegaStatumon were forced to retreat.

That was at about midday, and it wasn't until the next morning that Matt finally woke up. I'd fallen asleep. I tried to stay awake, honest I did, but I ended up crashing out at about four in the morning. Takeru's shouts woke us all up when his brother came round. Again, I wanted to glomp Matt. It made me uncomfortable so, after a bit, I went off with Sora on a food-hunt, just to get away from the weird feelings he seemed to evoke in me. But still, I couldn't stop thinking about him.

It did my nut. By the time we'd gathered enough fruit for everyone, I was so jumpy I was panicking just at the thought of going back to camp and seeing him. I frankly wanted to run as far as I could in the other direction. I was defensive, snappy and irritable at the meeting we held later. That's why I bit his head off, just for making a joke. I was tired, too. And it slipped out, without my meaning it to. I declared, very loudly, that I cared about him. In front of everyone.

And he scornfully threw it back in my face.

That hurt, and it hurt deep. Not only was I hurt, I was scared because Matt's scorn wounded me more than it should have done, and I was angry at myself for giving a damn about the opinion of that jackass anyway. Half of me hated him. The other half wanted him to take it back so we could be friends again. I didn't want to fight with Matt. But I couldn't just pretend he hadn't made me upset and angry either. I didn't know what to do. I needed a time out. I turned, and walked. Matt tried to call me back. He sounded sorry, but it was too late to unhurt my feelings. I ran.

I guess I was gone for about twenty minutes. Mostly I kicked tree trunks and cursed under my breath. At one point I started crying, but stopped it up. I couldn't justify my being upset, at least not with any reason that I wanted to hear. Angry was safer. Angry at him, and angry at myself. Angry at not understanding this strange bouncing inside me whenever I looked at Matt.

When I got back, all the others were sat around the campfire, talking in low voices. Matt wasn't there. I sat down with everyone and threw myself into being cheerful and cracking jokes. It was my best defence against being asked if I was all right.

Ten minutes became twenty, which gradually bled into half an hour. I gathered from Takeru that Matt had gone off in the opposite direction to me. When a full hour had passed since he had left, I was forced to admit that it was time to go and look for him. I was fiercely determined to absolutely kick Matt's ass when we found him. What gave him the right to worry everyone - to worry Takeru? God, I was mad at him like I'd never been mad at him before.

But when we caught sight of him, Matt was pelting away from a couple of fierce-looking digimon, and he looked like he'd been crying again. When we called out to him, he regarded us with the panicked stare of a deer caught in headlights, and dashed off again. If possible, my rage grew. Nobody hurts my friend and gets away with it! While Sora tended to an injury Matt had got from tripping over a tree root, Agumon and I stormed off to find the fierce-looking digimon who'd been after him and kick the crap out of them. Of course, Matt insisted they hadn't touched him. But then, he would, wouldn't he? It wouldn't suit his image to be beaten up on.

Luckily for the digimon, I couldn't find them anywhere. I returned to camp still a little angry, but I guess the walk had done me good. I was still a bit mad at Matt, to be honest. I didn't like being mad at him, but there it was.

I lay awake for a long time, trying not to muse on how I felt about him. It was fast becoming undeniable. But I still refused to think it in words. I did a kind of mental dance around the issue for about an hour without ever getting any closer to answers - or to sleep. I stared at Matt's back in confusion. What in the hell was happening to me?

That was when Matt rolled over and caught me staring at him. I jumped. So did he. He started some kind of lame apology for saying what he had, and I didn't really want to forgive him at first. Like I said, it was easier and safer to stay mad at him. But then I remembered my stupid plan to get him out of the way, and how none of this would have ever happened if I'd just co-operated with him in the first place instead of trying to get rid of him. I sighed. I had to forgive him.

We chatted for a bit, friends again. Friends one minute, hating each other the next… Whatever next? I thought in amusement. Then I quickly decided not to try and answer that question. Conversation petered out, and we bade each other goodnight. I closed my eyes.

Without warning, searing pain ripped through my stomach. I gasped, clutching my sides. Shit, that hurt! I folded myself in half as the pain doubled, tripled. I whimpered something. I was vaguely aware of Matt staring at me, horror-struck. And then I wasn't aware of anything anymore, for quite some time.

* * * * *

My eyes cloud over at the memory, and I glance across at Tai's sleeping form, just to reassure myself that he's still breathing. Paranoid, I rebuke myself. Of course, he's fine. But I was so scared for him that night. I still have nightmares about it sometimes. I couldn't cope if Taichi died, I really couldn't.

My tea is cold - I took no more than a couple of sips before forgetting all about it. Putting the papers to one side for the moment, I get up and make another mugful. I watch Taichi as the kettle boils. He's dreaming; his eyes are darting about behind his closed lids and the fingers of his right hand, sticking out from beneath the duvet, are twitching. He's probably busy winning the championship soccer league cup, or something.

The kettle clicks at me, and I pour my tea. I place the mug on my coaster and take a moment to simply sit on the floor beside the sofa and watch Taichi dream. The strand of hair I brushed out of the way earlier falls back over his face, and he wrinkles his nose and snorts a little at the tickling sensation. Smiling, I tuck it back behind his goggles and take his hand, pressing it against my lips with my eyes closed. And for the millionth time, I thank whatever powers that be for the fact that Taichi is alive, here and in love with me.

With a silent Amen, I tuck Tai's hand back under the covers and return to the story he has written.

* * * * *

I had a really weird dream while I was passed out, which helped explain a lot - or rather, forced me to accept the explanation I'd been trying to hide from.

I was back at the summer camp. It was a free activity hour, and Matt and I were chilling out under a big shady tree. We were completely alone. I was lying on my back looking up at the tree, from which some interesting-looking penguins were hanging. I guess that was my dream's way of remembering that there was snow at the camp. Dreams are weird.

My eyes were closed. The grass was tickling my bare arms. And Matt was saying something.

…Tai. I guess I should take up Takeru's advice. I... I want to be your friend. I've wanted to for a long time. I know we fight a lot, and mostly I start the fight, but I don't know how else I'm supposed to get your attention. Until recently, you've never strung a sentence together to me except when we're arguing. I just want...

I opened my eyes to look at him. He was sitting beside me, smiling at me. The sun was behind him and I had to squint. Matt's voice was still talking. But the lips of the Matt in front of me didn't move an inch.

I don't know how to tell you this, Tai, but... for a while now, I've wanted us to be friends. More recently, I've wanted... more than that. I don't expect you to feel the same way. To be honest, right now I'm not sure how you feel about me but - I love you, Tai.

Matt was still smiling at me. And then, he got up, and walked away.

Wait, I thought. But I couldn't speak. I scrambled up and ran after him. He was only walking, but the faster I ran, the further away he got. I was running so fast. It was a still warm day but the wind whipped past my ears as I hurtled across the field. I leapt over a stream and vaulted a wooden fence and found myself in a dark forest, and I was dashing between the trees chasing the flitting image of Matt I kept seeing in the distance. And something was holding my hand and pulling me forward faster and faster, and then I must have fallen over because I was lying on my back again and oh look, there was Matt leaning over me, and his lips were moving but I couldn't really hear him, but that was all right, because what was important was what I had to say…

I love you too, I said.

He looked shocked. And in my dream I felt so exhausted, and the colours of the forest were all starting to bleed together, and I felt faint and weak, but somehow triumphant, as though I'd solved the oldest riddle of all time. Of course, I thought muzzily, it all makes sense now. I love him, that's all.

Needless to say, I was considerably less pleased with my epiphany when I awoke the following morning.

A host of faces clustered around me asking if I felt all right. Matt wasn't among them, for which I was deeply thankful. I couldn't have faced him just then. I felt sick, but I knew it had nothing to do with my physical condition (which, I later learned, was down to an allergic reaction to the fruit we'd eaten the day before). I was in love with Matt. I knew it, and I couldn't hide from it anymore. All I could do now was hide it from everyone else.

I forced myself to grin and talk to him normally when he came over, and tried to make sure that at least one other person was always around when he was with me - otherwise, I just knew the conversation would stick very uncomfortably. But I couldn't keep myself surrounded forever. As dusk began to fall, I found myself facing Matt alone. He offered to leave me in peace but, as uncomfortable as I felt around him, I still longed for his company. I told him to stick around.

He said he needed to talk to me. He looked serious. My nerves jangled, and suddenly a horrible suspicion hit me. What if he loves me too? Oh hell. Please, don't talk to me about that, Matt, I thought desperately. Anything but that. Please.

Turns out he wanted to know about something I'd said when I woke up 'for the first time'. I didn't know what he was on about for a moment. And then, as if the first wasn't bad enough, another horrible suspicion hit me.

Do I talk in my sleep?

Heart thudding, I told Matt I was tired, and he left me alone.

Sora told me that was when he ran off. Cocooned in my own panic, I didn't even notice. The others fell asleep one by one waiting for him to come back. But the next thing we knew, it was broad daylight again, and Matt and Gabumon and Takeru and Patamon had vanished. Matt was getting really good at vanishing by then. I cursed him under my breath, but god, I was worried. He hadn't come back all night. Something must have happened to him. And Takeru must have gone off looking for him on his own - they hadn't left together, Sora was adamant about that.

We decided to split up. Sora, Mimi and Jyou would go one way, Koushiro and I the other. We were just about to set off when Garurumon came pelting into the clearing, gasping something about a plan by Myotismon to split us up and promising to lead us to Matt.

"What about Takeru?" asked Jyou.

Garurumon swept his gaze over the group. "Takeru's missing?"

This was bad. "Let's just find Matt first," I said. "Who knows, Takeru may have found him by now. At least we know where Matt is - right, Garurumon?"

"Right," the wolf growled. "Follow me!"

It was a long haul, so our digimon all digivolved to champion stage, and we rode them. It only took us about an hour that way. Garurumon led us right to Matt. He was spread out unconscious on the bank of a river. He was pretty out of it, but he was safe and alive. And I was SO mad at him. Mad at him for doing this to me, for somehow making me care about him and then worrying me half to death by just vanishing with no explanation. He was so god damn selfish!

I leapt down from Greymon, who de-digivolved to Agumon. The other digimon returned to their rookie levels too. I made a beeline for Matt and started shaking him like a rat and screaming at him. It didn't take him long to come round.

First Gabumon tried to calm me down, then Sora, but I wasn't in a calming down sort of mood. I stayed plenty angry. I stood and glared at him as he explained about a new digimon called Kelimon, who was in league with Myotismon, and how she'd taken away Takeru using her hypnotic powers. I took every opportunity to snap at Matt and demean him. I told him it was his fault that Takeru had been captured, that the world would be a better place without him, and that he didn't care about anyone but himself. When we reached Myotismon's standing he said something about Takeru loving him, and I said rather snidely that nobody would ever love someone as selfish as him. I tried to say it like I meant it. And he just gave me this look and said, "Yeah, makes you wonder, doesn't it?" And I thought, shit. My heart sank into my sneakers. He knows. I quickly began organising everyone into a rescue force, head spinning. Could my life get any more complicated!?

Somehow, Matt and I ended up standing guard together, preparing for a forceful invasion. Sora had a lot to do with that idea. Well, thank you, Sora.

Matt and I successfully avoided looking at each other for several minutes. Then Matt, seemingly with a supreme effort of will, nicely asked Agumon and Gabumon to give us a little time alone. I whimpered inwardly. I didn't want to have the conversation that I knew, sooner or later, had to be had. So, I upped the aggression. Matt tried to be rational, and I could see what an effort it was, and I felt awful for stamping on his brave intentions. But, dammit, I was scared.

I overstepped the line, though. I flipped the wrong switch. I told Matt it would be his fault if Takeru died - and god help me but it was meant to hurt him. That was the point. I was meant to mentally score myself a point as that little expression of desperate pain flashed across his face. But I got more that I bargained for. And suddenly, giving me the shock of my life, Matt just dissolved in a crying heap right there in front of me.

I would have given anything then to take back what I'd said. But the damage was done. Seeing him in tears, and knowing that it was because of something I'd deliberately said, undid me. I felt despicable. And this time, the desire to put my arms around him and promise it would be all right was too strong. I reached out and, nervously, snaked an arm around him.

"You okay, man?" I asked, and promptly cursed myself for asking such a thick question. Of course he wasn't okay! Without even planning to I pulled him closer, and he wrapped his arms around me and sobbed into my T-shirt. I stroked his hair and murmured what I hoped were comforting words. I was this close to kissing him - forehead, cheek, lips, anywhere within reach. It took steel effort to restrain myself. God, his hair smelled nice.

"Man, I'm sorry," I apologised. "That was a really dumb thing to say." He just shook his head, wiping snot all over my shirt. Gross. It made us both giggle, though.

That bouncing feeling was back inside my chest again. And the scariest thing was, I really didn't want it to stop. I wouldn't have minded staying right where I was… maybe forever.

Jyou put paid to that though, coming crashing through the trees shouting that Sora, Koushiro and their digimon had all been captured. Mimi showed up soon after. The moment was ruined. But I vowed then and there that I would never, ever hurt Matt's feelings like that again, so help me god.

We mounted an attack on the front door of Myotismon's castle, but it held fast. And then a human-type digimon with catlike ears and a fox tail skimmed over our heads on dragonfly wings, and I was introduced to Kelimon. I didn't make it a lengthy introduction. Matt yelled at us all to run, and run we did.

A cry of pain from behind me that could only have come from Matt stopped me dead in my tracks and, without thinking, I spun around. Kelimon's mesmerising eyes swiftly became my whole world, and the next thing I was really aware of was Koushiro slapping me and all our digimon attacking Kelimon. I could hear Patamon, and Biyomon and Kabuterimon. I stood up, taking stock of the situation as quickly as I could. Where was Matt?

"BLUE STUN!"

In that last instant, I saw him, staggering away from Kelimon in a drunken sort of way. Then, rippling blue energy swept over me, and I was unconscious even before I hit the floor.

I was the first to wake, and I surveyed our situation with a sinking heart. We were back in the dungeon that Matt and I had been kept in before - we kids were all together, but our digimon had been taken elsewhere. And Takeru had blood all over his fleece. I stared.

"Kelimon got him," said Jyou quietly. He'd woken up just after me, and went over to examine Takeru. "It was an ice attack, called Razor Shards. They didn't go in too deep, but he'll be in a bit of pain when he comes round."

I nodded and swallowed. This was all my fault. If I had concentrated properly on the rescue mission instead of focussing on being a total bastard to Matt, this mightn't have happened! I was the leader. I was responsible for everyone. And I had let them all down, big time.

The others woke up one by one. I was expecting Matt to be majorly mad at me. In fact, he told me it wasn't my fault. I was quite surprised by his generosity, but nevertheless grateful. Matt comforted a sniffling Takeru and the others talked among themselves while I wracked my brains for a solution to the mess we were in. I had to find a way out. The others were counting on me. Several half-formed plans drifted in and out of my mind, but the more I thought about it, the more I realised there was only really one option left to us. I'd landed everyone in this dungeon. It was up to me to get them out of it.

Heart thumping and feeling slightly sick with nerves, but resolute, I yelled for the guard and ordered him to let me see Myotismon. The little Bakumon quailed under my glare and fled to inform his master of my demand.

Everyone looked at me expectantly. But I couldn't tell them what I was going to do. If I did, they wouldn't let me do it. And this was their only chance so, dammit, they were going to take it whether they liked it or not.

The Bakumon came back and let me out. Everyone was exchanging worried glances. I looked round at my friends. God, they'd been so great to me. I wished I had something to leave them. But I only had one thing…

"Hey, Matt," I said, forcing a little smile. "Take care of Agumon for me."

"Take care of… but -"

I turned away from his frantic face and followed the Bakumon up the stairs. I could hear him shouting at me to come back. I squeezed my eyes shut. I was doing this for him; for Matt and for all the others. I wasn't going to let Myotismon hurt them anymore.

Bakumon ushered me into a long hall and shut the door behind me. A long, red carpet led up to a plush throne that I presumed belonged to Myotismon. Kelimon, however, was the one sat in it. Myotismon was stood beside her with a platter of grapes, dropping one into her mouth every so often. I felt repulsed, but nevertheless steeled myself to advance.

Kelimon looked down her nose at me as I approached, and Myotismon sneered. "Come to pay our final respects, have we?" he said. He smiled widely and cruelly, displaying his sharp fangs.

"In a way," I said boldly. The thought of the others, locked up back in the dungeon, was the only thing that kept me from taking to my heels and running the hell out of there. "I have a business proper - prepa - persition -" I gave up on the long words. "A deal to make with you."

Kelimon laughed. "What could you possibly have that we want?"

"Whatever it is you want, you can have me for it," I said in low voice, keeping my head down submissively. "I'll co-operate, I won't be any trouble. You can even kill me if you like and I won't raise I murmur. I swear it. Just let my friends go. Please."

There was silence. After a moment, I ventured a peek. Myotismon's shoulders were shaking and Kelimon was trying not to giggle behind her hand. When they saw me looking, they both burst out laughing properly.

"How noble," Myotismon chuckled. "But why would I need to strike such a deal? I already have you all. I could kill you all if I wanted!"

I saw red - probably not the smartest thing to do under the circumstances, but I never have been the sharpest tool in the shed. "Dammit, let them go!" I screamed furiously. "You don't need them! You don't have the right to keep them here! Whatever you want you can have from me, but stop being such a fucking sadist! You -"

A sharp backhand slap cut my tirade off and sent me sprawling to the floor. Kelimon towered over me. I tried to scramble backwards but she stood on my ankle, hard. I winced. God, she didn't look heavy, but it hurt.

"Get this, squirt," she snapped. "We'll have what we like, when we like, from each and every one of you, without making any concessions in order to get it. You'll do as we say, or you'll die all the faster. Am I making myself clear?"

When I didn't answer straight away, she picked me clear up my the collar and threw me against the wall. My head smacked back against the bricks and stars clouded my vision. "I said am I making myself clear?" she yelled.

"Y-yes," I gasped, trying to focus my eyes.

"Good. Now let's make something else clear. I'm used to getting what I want. And right now, what I want is a world of my own to dominate. The Digiworld's all very nice and all, but I think you'll appreciate that it just doesn't have all the home comforts of your own world - plus, humans are just plain easier to kill and enslave. I'm going to your world, boy, and I'm taking it over. Your digital energy, and the digital energy of all your little friends, is going to get me there. And nobody - not Myotismon, not anybody from your world, and most certainly not you - is going to stop me. Clear?"

I staggered to my feet, staring at Myotismon in amazement. "You're just going to let her do this?" I demanded incredulously. "You do realise, she'll be more powerful than you? She could come and take over the Digiworld and have you killed any time she wanted, if you let her take over the human world!"

Myotismon looked confused for a moment. I think I was beginning to get through to him. Needless to say, Kelimon didn't like that much.

"Silence!" she snapped. I sailed across the room again and jarred painfully on the floor when I landed. Her lips curled cruelly. "Do all the DigiDestined children have as much spirit as you, Child of Courage?"

"Every one of them," I answered her defiantly.

She tsk-tsked. "That'll never do. We'd better make an example of you, to discourage any would-be trouble-makers."

She bore down menacingly upon me, and for the next ten minutes, my whole world was pain.

* * * * *

I jump as the worn old mug in my hand shatters under the pressure of my unconscious clenching grip. The lukewarm remains of my tea spill all over my lap and one of the broken shards slices cleanly across my palm. I curse and clutch my hand as blood oozes from the cut. Carefully removing the shattered pieces of mug from my lap and placing them on the floor with my good hand, I shuffle across to the kitchen and manhandle the first aid kit out from under the sink, cleaning and bandaging my cut as best I can.

He'd looked in bad shape when he'd come back. But reading about what that bitch had done to him made my chest ball up in a tight knot of outrage and pain. I close my eyes and lean against the work surface, trying to stop my arms shaking.

Matt? Ungh…ow.

The memory makes me want to scream. Taichi just didn't look right like that, bruised and beaten. He was born to win. He was the brave, strong, fearless leader. He kept us all going. My pride had taken just as much of a blow as if I was the one who'd been battered - I felt humiliated and ashamed, not of Tai, but for him. I'm surprised to find that, even months later, thinking about it still brings tears to my eyes.

I push my tea-soaked jeans off, dump them in the laundry basket and fetch another pair from my closet in my room. My hand stings like hell. I struggle into my clean clothes, dump the remains of my mug in the trash and blink hard to clear my vision before reading on.

* * * * *

Like I said, I'd suspected that Matt felt the same way about me. He confirmed it when I returned to the dungeon, with a simple slip of the tongue. He called me 'baby' by mistake. I stared for a moment, and he tried to pretend that he wasn't turning an almost neon shade of pink, and then I wearily decided to just let it pass. I was still hoping, I think, that the whole thing might just miraculously blow over if I ignored it for long enough. For the time being, I was content to pretend to myself that I wasn't comforted by the worried attention he was lavishing upon me. I ached all over, and I must have looked pretty bad to him. I also pretended to myself that I wasn't grateful for his arm around me as we staggered out to Kelimon's carriage later that night. He wasn't just supporting me physically, though, and I knew it. But I was too tired to go another round at the same old 'mental versus emotional' battle.

It was because of Matt that I didn't give up. He'd told me not to give up hope, so I clung to it grimly. That's why I persevered for three hours solid trying to pick that sodding lock with Mimi's hairclip. I took a five minute break to cry a few silent, frustrated tears while everyone else was asleep, and I was nearly asleep myself when I finally cracked it, slumped against the door jiggling that little pin almost mechanically. That's why, when the lock suddenly gave, I went head over heels clean out the back of the carriage, Matt right beside me.

We were lucky we were above water at the time. When Matt didn't resurface right away, I panicked, thinking he was drowning. But then I felt him bump against my legs, and dragged him up into the air. He gasped for breath and clutched onto me like - well, like somebody drowning. And the feeling that he needed me just made my chest go bounce, bounce, bounce… God! I berated myself. You nearly just died, and that's all you can think about? Of all the stupid times and places to have fuzzy feelings about someone!

I forced myself to concentrate on the matter at hand. There was a beach nearby and we made our way towards it. Once ashore, I wrung out my T-shirt, and had to squash the urge to smirk at the way Matt was trying to pretend he didn't want to stare at me. I was beginning to think this love lark might have its perks after all.

We started trekking across the barren desert before us, in hope of reaching somewhere we recognised. God, I was so exhausted by then. I tried not to let it show, I wanted to get us to relative safety, but I guess the way I couldn't keep my eyes open more than halfway kind of gave it away. I felt Matt's arm slip around me, and then he was lowering me to the ground, and I tried to get up but my legs were as weak as water. I remember being about to try again, but I think I fell asleep.

I was so comfortable when I woke up. I could feel sunshine nearby, and I was curled up on something soft. Sleepily, I stirred and opened one eye. An expanse of green tank top greeted me. I froze for a second, then raised my head. Matt was asleep against a tree trunk, and I had been snoozing practically on top of him. He had one arm round me, for chrissakes! And damn me for liking the feel of it, but I did.

I knew I should get up and move away. I knew he could wake up at any moment. The whole situation reeked of big, stupid risk. So big, stupid Taichi put his head right back down and snuggled comfortably up to his friend again.

I practically had a seizure when he spoke.

I didn't really hear what he said because my heart was suddenly thundering so loudly in my ears, and I leapt about a mile back. There was so much adrenaline flooding my system, the world seemed to move in slow motion. He was so at ease with himself. He was in control of the situation and knew it. I could barely breathe, and my limbs were twitching with the urge for action that the adrenaline brought. Fight or flight, I thought, the words flashing inside my brain, that and a million other thoughts tumbling around inside my head. I felt electric with excess energy.

So this is what total blinding panic feels like, an insanely rational part of my mind mused.

He spoke with confidence. I floundered and burbled. He bade me come closer. Automatically, trembling, I obeyed. I couldn't look at him, god, I couldn't. I could feel his finger titling my chin up. He was going to hit me. I screwed my eyes shut.

He kissed me.

My thundering pulse became a distant roar, mere background noise. Every nerve end, already on full alert, tingled with excitement and fear. This couldn't be happening. It was. Matt's lips melded softly with mine, and I slipped my arms around his waist and pulled him closer. I was flying. I was on the world's most massive adrenaline high and I was kissing the guy I loved. I was soaring about a million miles up in the sky. I was…

I was kissing the guy I loved.

I was kissing a guy…

My heart seemed to slam itself against my chest wall. I couldn't breathe. I was going to be sick. I was shaking. I pushed him away, spitting, trying to take back what I'd done. Trying to take back the fact that I'd liked it, and even now wanted to do it again.

I don't want to write this. I don't want to even think about what I said and did next. I was scared. That's all. I was scared of myself. But I'd promised, after I'd made Matt cry, I'd promised I'd never do anything to hurt him again. And then -

Dude, SICK! What kind of a sick freak are you? Make me puke!

But… wha? Tai…

Just don't, okay Yamato? Just keep away from me!

You're saying… you don't have feelings for me?

You're damn right I don't have feelings for you!

Liar. I was a liar who was running scared. So much for the Crest of Courage.

I started us walking again, towards a forest in the distance, for lack of any better course of action to take. I kept a good distance ahead of Matt, but even so I could hear him trying desperately to choke down his sobs. The sounds made me feel sick. I felt like a monster. I turned around in a moment of weakness, and saw him stumbling along in my wake, head down, hands clutching his elbows. I'm sorry! I nearly cried out. I wanted to pull him into my arms, like last time, and make all the hurt go away.

What would that make me?

I turned around and kept walking, scoffing at his pain over my shoulder.

God, it's so easy, looking back, to see what a complete and utter bastard I was being. But there, at the time, the other option seemed just as wrong to me. More so, even. If I hadn't been stuck in the Digiworld, I would have left Matt where he stood and run home to lock myself in my room for about a week, I think. But that option wasn't available to me. Being a total bastard seemed like the next best thing.

He almost got through to me when we stopped to rest. He was this close to making it happily ever after then and there, and I was just as close to giving in and letting him. And then he screwed it up.

Tai -

Don't talk to me, Yamato.

Oh yeah, well if you don't have feelings for me then how come you snuggled right back up to me after you woke up? Answer me that, Mister I-Think-You're-Sick-For-Fancying-A-Guy! And how come you got all hugsy with me that time when I got upset, huh? HUH?

Because... just because you were my friend, and I cared about you, okay? WERE my friend, that is!

You snuggled up with your head on my chest because you were my FRIEND?

I was in deep water and I knew it.

I don't have to listen to this.

Don't you dare just turn around and walk away from me! You love me, Yagami! You said so!

Oh yeah? When?

After that fit you had from eating that fruit you were allergic to! I sat beside you and held your hand and hoped and prayed that you would get better, and I told you I loved then, and you opened your eyes and said 'I love you too'... You may not remember it, but you said it, man!

I felt like I'd been hit in the stomach with a basketball. My dream… which perhaps was not entirely a dream after all… It was hopeless denying it further. I couldn't fight this anymore, it was draining me. It was like trying to hold back fire with nothing but bare hands. I was ready to collapse on the floor and give in, throw myself onto him and sob my heart out, et cetera, et cetera. And then, Matt said something really, really dumb.

Sora can vouch for me!

I jerked my head up as new reserves of adrenaline shot through my system. Sora knew? Well, who the hell else knew!? Tell the world, why don't you, I thought bitterly. Suddenly the situation seemed a lot bigger. It wasn't just between Matt and me anymore. There were wider issues to deal with here, ones that I had no control over. I freaked out all over again.

There's nothing going on here, Yamato! So just leave me alone!

Tai! Be reasonable! You know what you said!

I didn't say nothing!

I ran. From the argument, from Matt, from myself, it doesn't matter, I just ran. Fear lent wings to my feet and I quickly lost him in the closely-knit trees. I ran and ran and ran until I couldn't run anymore because my chest was heaving so much, and I staggered to a standstill and steadied myself with a hand against a tree. Far back behind me, a gut-wrenching cry reverberated through the forest.

You love me, Yagami Taichi! You said so!

I closed my eyes. "I know," I whispered. The hand not on the tree clenched into a trembling fist. And this time, no effort of will could keep the tears from leaking out between my clamped eyelids.

I didn't know what to do all day. I really had no aim; I had the compass to guide me in a straight direction, but how would I know I was going the right way? My restlessness led me to choose first one direction, then another, and another - I must have walked in about six circles by the end of the day, and gotten practically nowhere. But it was so much harder to shut out the thoughts when I was sitting or standing still.

The night was pleasantly mild but it took me a long time to fall asleep. I wasn't used to being alone. At home there was always somebody else in the apartment with me, and I hung out with a large group of guys at school. In the Digiworld, the other DigiDestined normally surrounded me, but tonight I was utterly by myself. I'd never really experienced true loneliness before. It cut like a knife. I slept in fits and starts, continually waking up and dozing off again. I was alert at the first distant growl of thunder.

I don't normally mind thunderstorms. Hell, I even like them. But I was alone and it was getting cold, and from the increasing closeness in the air I'd say I was soon about to be pretty wet as well. My prediction came true. With an angry burst of thunder, the heavens opened and torrential rain poured forth.

And the only thing I could think about was that I didn't know whether or not Matt was all right.

I sighed and ran a hand through my drenched hair, hanging low over my eyes from the weight of the rainwater it had collected. Damn me for worrying about him. Damn me for caring. But I couldn't just turn it off - if I could have, I would have done it long ago. The thought of Matt lying in a ditch somewhere, soaked and shivering, made my heart-rate skip up a notch. An image of a tree, stuck by lightning, keeling slowly over and then crashing down to pin Matt to the forest floor, made it begin to thud inside my chest. I started walking, eyes wide, scanning frantically. I tried to control my breathing and get a hold on the panicky feeling rising up from the depths of my insides. By the time I had imagined a pack of wild Kuwagamon tearing Matt's body limb from limb, the thunder of my heart was almost indistinguishable from the thunder in the skies. I broke into a frantic sprint.

"Tai! M baaa! Unee jooo!"

I stopped dead. I couldn't decipher the words but the cry was unmistakable. The shout had come from somewhere ahead of me, but it was along way off. I started forward again, pushing my body to its limit, air rasping in my lungs.

"Obbit! Edda kib!"

Hobbit? What the… God only knows what he was meant to be saying, but he sounded as though he was in serious pain. So was I. I'd picked up a lot of physical stamina playing soccer, but after a minute or so's flat-out sprinting the stitch in my side was unbearable. I dropped into a jog, then, wincing, slowed to a brisk walk. The sun was slowly rising behind me now, and the thunderstorm beginning to recede. When I had caught my breath, I began to jog again. And suddenly - voices! I dashed ahead -

"Tell me what happened!" That was unmistakably Matt. I felt weak with relief. The next voice I heard, I could barely believe.

"She's from another world, the Magiworld, created the same way as this one, back when humans used magic instead of computers…"

Tokomon?

I nearly burst forward to greet them both. But something held me back. I couldn't face Matt, not now. I just couldn't. He probably hated me now anyway. I didn't want to have to talk to him about the things we'd both said and done. But god, I couldn't just leave him again either. What if something really did happen to him? I dithered, wracked by indecision. By the time Tokomon and Matt had finished their conversation, my mind was made up: I would trail them both for a while, working up the guts to possibly come out of hiding and face Matt later. Once again, the cowardice of my choice, and the bitter irony of its contrast with my crest, nagged at me.

Matt started running suddenly, yelling for Takeru. My insides lurched as I hurried to keep pace a hundred yards or so behind. Takeru was out here too? Where were all the others, then? We really needed to be together, as a group, in the face of the double threat of Myotismon and Kelimon. I silently snapped at myself in furious misery for not having the guts to do what was needed. I was being a crap leader and I knew it.

But still I couldn't make myself face him.

Tokomon couldn't have given him very clear instructions, because Matt was still searching for Takeru an hour later, constantly dashing in different directions. It was becoming more and more difficult to keep up with him, and at one point I thought I'd lost him altogether. Luckily I found him again, but I knew that next time I might not be so lucky. Suddenly, before I could think about it and change my mind, I started determinedly towards him. I wasn't going to be a coward anymore.

Unfortunately, I stood on a fat twig. It snapped with the sound of a gunshot, and with it so did my nerve. I shot back into the cover of the denser trees and ran like hell. It was some time before I realised he wasn't chasing me, and some time more before I realised I'd lost him again - for good. I slumped to my knees and bashed my head against a tree trunk in despair.

I considered calling out to Matt, but I didn't want to run the risk of him just running in the opposite direction. I wandered for maybe another fifteen minutes, growing more and more panicky all the time. What if something had happened to him? What if - oh my.

I blinked and squinted, the brightness hurting my eyes. I had just stepped into a clearing, and in the middle of it stood a huge tower, made of crystal or glass or diamond or something. It was reflecting all the sunlight, and blinding to look at. I backed off into the shade again, rubbing my eyes.

"Intruder! Intruder!" The front wall of the tower shimmered and vanished, and a small buzzing digimon flew out. "Danger! An intruder is attempting to escape with one of the prisoners! All guards to give immediate chase!"

There was a pause. Then,

"Where are the damn guards!?"

He was talking about Matt, I knew he was. Matt was in serious trouble. And, as usual, I didn't think - I just acted. I leapt out of hiding, grabbed the little sentry-pest, smacked it against the ground and ran inside. I could hear voices everywhere as the chase raged. I knew I couldn't afford to get caught. Glimpsing a pair of double doors, I cracked them open, checked nobody was on the other side, and slipped in.

It was a curious room. There was a line of posts across the center, and on a high shelf sat a row of cloudy spheres, each about the size of a child's bowling ball. In one set-back corner behind the door, there stood a small desk with a mirror on top of it. Otherwise the room was bare. I pressed my ear to the door and tried to gauge what was going on outside.

"How dare you! Cretinmon, take the brat back to the keep."

"Takeru!" Matt's anguished voice stabbed through me like a knife. He'd been caught, then. God. I chewed a fingernail and tried desperately to think of something to do.

"Your bravery amuses me. I'm not going to sacrifice your brother first, you trouble-making little runt. I'm going to sacrifice you."

I realised, with a jolt of further panic, that Kelimon's voice was coming closer. I scanned the room for another exit. There was none. Out of options, I scrambled underneath the desk just as the doors flew open with a theatrical bang. It sucked as a hiding place, but I hugged my knees and prayed she wouldn't look round.

Matt stumbled into view, Kelimon keeping a tight grip on his ear. He was gasping for breath, he'd obviously just been running. He was terrified and trying not to look it. I'd do anything to make him safe. I knew it like a fundamental truth of the universe. I'd die in his place if it was the only way to save him. I felt strong enough to rip Kelimon apart single-handed.

She tied Matt to the middle post, then stood back and smiled nastily at him. "Let's see. How much can we make this hurt?"

I was hoping she'd leave the room, even if only for a few seconds, so I could untie Matt and we could make a dash for it. The likelihood of it was dwindling.

"Any last words?"

"Go to hell." I silently cheered him, and tensed myself for action. Kelimon was laughing.

"I admire your spirit. Too bad I'm about to crush it," she remarked. "Permanently."

She drew back her hand, and I shot out from under the desk and flung myself at her. Too late, god, too late! I heard her cry out her attack, and I screamed back at her - "Leave him alone!" - as I hurtled into her and we both skidded across the polished floor and crashed into the wall. I socked my fist into her face without a second thought, and she slumped and lay still. Just like that.

"Should have done that a long time ago," I murmured, raising my eyebrows. "Much easier than mucking about with digivolutions and stuff."

I lifted my head, and Matt was gaping at me, dumbfounded. There was a red line across his cheek where the edge of Kelimon's razor shards had just caught him. I didn't know what to say to him. Nothing could make up for what I'd said and done. So I just said "Hi, Yamato," feeling rather stupid.

What seemed like an eternity of silence followed before Matt asked, "Is Takeru all right?" I shrugged, and studied at the floor.

"Look, Matt," I said, nervously. "We've got some stuff we need to talk about." Boy, was that an understatement. "But not here and not now. So maybe we should just…"

"Set our differences aside?" I winced at his tone of voice, daggers and ice. "Sure, Taichi, I just won't dwell on the fact that you see me as a sick perverted freak for a bit. That ought to be easy."

I tried to convince him to co-operate as I quickly untied him, but he wasn't listening to me and I wasn't surprised. Devastated, but not surprised. I started to apologise and he didn't want to know.

If he doesn't forgive me, I realised, I am going to spend the rest of life regretting what I've done to him.

He wasn't beyond reason, thankfully, and was prepared to work with me to get the others out. Just as we were about to leave, though, he paused. He ran to the shelf. He grabbed one of spheres, and threw it down on the stone floor. The sound it made as it exploded was deafening. Had he gone completely mad!? He wouldn't let me drag him away and god, Kelimon was awake and coming right at us, shrieking like banshee. She lunged for Matt and he tried to scramble out of her reach - too late. He toppled, taking more spheres with him. He was down on his ass with slivers of glass sticking out of him and blood everywhere. I hauled him up, and he tried to go for the last remaining sphere, but I determinedly dragged him out while Kelimon was still caught up in her fit of hysterics. I hurried him down the corridor as fast as I could. We didn't have much time. He was bruised and bleeding and dazed and I wanted to stop and make a fuss of him, but that would have been suicide. And then, without warning, he just folded up and collapsed behind me.

"Matt! Are you okay?" I crouched beside him as he supported himself against the wall, breathing in shuddering gulps, and put a hand on his arm in a gesture of support. He shrugged it off angrily. Tears pricked my eyes. I sealed my lips shut and turned away. I really had wrecked it, then. Nothing could repair our friendship now.

After a moment, he stood, and we made our way onwards again. The silence was unbearable, but when he spoke behind me, it was worse.

"You should have let me smash that orb. It was more important than you know." It wasn't what he was saying that hurt me so much as the way he was saying it. Haughty, cold, superior. Relentlessly vicious. Hateful. He hated me. I was crying. He didn't know it, but I was.

"'NII-CHAN!!!"

We froze. Then Matt pushed past me and charged ahead to find his brother. I followed blindly, dashing the tears out of my eyes as I ran. I didn't know where he was leading me, until suddenly we came upon an iron gate - how big was this place, anyway? - with Sora, Koushiro, Mimi and Jyou inside. They leapt up at the sight of us, but Matt was concerned with only one thing.

"Where's Takeru?"

I grew steadily more and more horrified as Koushiro explained that Kelimon had taken Takeru as a sacrifice to open the portal back to her own world. Matt dashed off again, and I promised the others I'd be back before dashing after him. Neither of us knew where we were going. We came to a fork. Matt went left, and I took the right path.

My corridor seemed to stretch on forever, but I kept going, feet pounding, breath rasping. Matt couldn't live if Takeru died, I knew that, I'd seen how much he cared for his little brother. Even if he never spoke to me again, I needed to feel I'd gone some way towards making amends for the things I'd done. I'd still look out for him. I wouldn't let Takeru be hurt. I couldn't watch Matt go through that pain and not be able to comfort him!

* * * * *

I have to wipe the tears from my cheeks and eyes because the writing is becoming too blurred to read. He really cares about me. God, he cares about me so much. I am humbled. And I am so, so grateful.

* * * * *

I came upon a suspiciously familiar-looking set of double doors, and peeked inside. Smashed glass carpeted the floor, and I felt a sudden dryness fill my mouth. I had come the wrong way. I had come in a full circle. And Matt was back there somewhere… with Kelimon.

I turned, and ran as fast as I could the way I'd come. My lungs ached, my muscles burned. I always thought that, if you really loved someone, you could push your body beyond its limits and make it perform miracles to save them. That's what happens in movies, I guess. But movies are just movies, after all. They're not real. And I couldn't run anymore. My legs refused. I could barely manage a brisk walk, and I cursed myself for it. I had a stitch like you wouldn't believe. I wanted to kill myself running, if it would save him. But it wouldn't, and I couldn't.

It seemed an age before I passed the point where Matt and I had taken our separate ways, and aeons before I reached a winding staircase. I staggered up it, clutching the rail. As I neared the top, I heard a familiar high-pitched voice calling out a taunt.

"Hey Kelimon, come and get me! I'm running away!"

"Blue stun!"

Takeru's small form pranced into view, and then collapsed as the shockwave hit it. New reserves of energy - from where, god knows - rattled through my system, and I started towards him, crying out his name.

"You!"

The vicious snarl to the left of me made me turn my head, and there was Kelimon. "Where's Matt?" I yelled, fisting my hands.

She graced me with a twisted smile that chilled my insides. "You're too late. I already killed him."

For several seconds I just stared at her stupidly. That couldn't be right. It couldn't just end like this, like… God, he couldn't die! I'd know if he was dead, surely, I'd have felt it somehow…

"Well, you know now," Kelimon said harshly. I hadn't realised I'd been speaking aloud. "He's dead. I threw him in the pit."

For the first time, I took in my surroundings. A smouldering round chasm engulfed the center of the room; I could feel the heat radiating from it. Matt? In there? I couldn't look. I couldn't think it. My knees gave way and I landed hard on the floor, hands clutching my elbows, staring into the ground. A bubble was rising from deep inside me, and it exploded from my mouth in a harsh sob. There were too many tears. I was drowning.

"He's my best friend." My voice quavered uncontrollably as I spoke. "You can't just kill a guy's best friend, just… I never told him!" I was gone, I was in pieces. "I j-just ran away from him, and now… now… This is all my fault! If I hadn't been such a bastard to him, this w-wouldn't have happened!"

"Shut up!" Kelimon yelled. I raised my head and bored my eyes into her hatefully. Her. She had done this. She had stolen my beautiful Yama-chan's future. Everything about him that had made him so special was dead now. Those haunting eyes and that hard attitude and the unshed tears that linked them both… gone. I would never see him again. He had kissed me once, and I had pushed him away. I could never tell him how sorry I was. I could never kiss him back. He had died hating me, and he would never know how much I loved him.

I was going to kill Kelimon if it was the last thing I ever did.

I flew at her like a demon, screaming something, god alone knew what. I went for the first thing that came to hand. And I ripped her wing clear out of her back with no more effort than it takes to pull the wings off a fly. She screeched hard enough to shatter diamond. I shoved her. And she tumbled into the pit, and was gone. Her screams were cut abruptly off. She was dead.

But it was an empty victory, because it couldn't bring him back.

"Matt…" I shook like a leaf. I didn't want to be here, feel this. I would have done anything to see him one last time, or to hear him say my name.

"Tai…"

I froze. It was such a weak cry, had I imagined it? Was I cracking?

"Tai! Taichi!"

I dropped to my hands and knees and scuttled to the edge of the pit. Oh dear sweet Jesus, it wasn't a trick, I wasn't mad, he was there, alive! "M-Matt?" I stammered.

"Yeah!" He was crying too. "Get me out of here!"

I looked around for something to let down to him, but there was nothing. Fate had given me a second chance to save him. I wasn't going to throw it away. I couldn't cope with his death the first time, let alone a second. "I'm coming down to get you!" I shouted, trying to ignore the hungry red energy storm that pulsed below.

"What? Don't be such a pillock." I swung my legs over the lip of the pit and began to lower myself. "Tai! Moron alert!"

"I don't care." I didn't. I didn't give a damn. I just wanted everyone to be safe, and I didn't care what I had to do to get it. Matt was yelling at me to climb back up, but I kept going. Not much longer now. Not much longer, and everything would be fine. It was so hot. I was frying. I was so tired. But I wouldn't give up. I am Yagami Taichi. I don't quit.

He slipped, and my insides lurched horribly. I stuck out a hand to grab him. It seemed to move in slow motion, and then, by some miracle, I had him by the wrist, and he was scrabbling for a hold on the craggy wall again. I climbed up a little and, with forceful persuasion, he followed, inch by inch. He was exhausted, he was ready to give up and let go, I could see it in the glazed expression of his eyes. Damned if I was letting him. So I shouted and pulled and bullied him into clawing his way slowly back up to safety. And suddenly Takeru was there too, pulling me, and I was pulling Matt, and gradually we managed to haul him up, and he collapsed on top of me in a gasping heap. I gently eased him further away from the edge, and Takeru flitted about him in a panic. I calmed him down and, picking a key from where it had dropped into the floor, told him to go and let the others out. He nodded, and scuttled off. Matt and I were alone. I had so much to say, and no idea how to begin to say any of it. So for a long time, I said nothing, and simply stroked his hair as he lay with his head in my lap - a reassuring and very much alive weight.

"Are you all right?" I asked finally. He shook his head, but opened his eyes and smiled at me. It was a rather wobbly smile.

"I will be, though," he said.

I couldn't help it. I had to hold him, to feel him solidly in my arms and know for sure that he was really there, that he was really okay. We kind of dissolved into each other's arms by mutual consent, and I was squeezing him so hard I was afraid I must be hurting him, but he didn't raise a murmur, he just held on tight too. The tears were welling again, I could feel them.

"I thought you hated me," Matt whispered.

I shook my head violently, burying my face in his neck. Nervously bringing a hand up to touch his face, I said, "I don't hate you, Matt." Wow, understatement of the year. I wanted to go on. I wanted to tell him how much I cared about him - loved him. But the lump in my throat was getting in the way. And, yeah, I was still a little scared. I hoped he'd understand what I was trying to tell him, just by saying it wasn't hate I felt, but something else.

"I know," he replied simply. I pulled back, studying his face carefully. Matt's eyes met mine, and I was struck with wonderment at how very different we were. Like opposite poles of a magnet, hopelessly and irresistibly attracted to each other. And just like a magnet, I was being drawn towards him, wanting so much to taste him again. His eyes dropped shut a fraction before my own, and then it was like a butterfly had fluttered past my lips, so delicate at first, but then firm, and real, and wonderful. And I knew I had nothing to be afraid of anymore.

~Owari~

* * * * *

I am overwhelmed. Sincerity isn't something I often associate with Taichi, and yet it shines through his writing like a brilliant flame. I had no idea he could write like this. I am touched by his honesty, and envious of the ease with which he expresses himself. I tried to keep a diary once, but gave up because writing my emotions down made me feel uncomfortable. I wonder if Taichi keeps a diary? Probably not. He's too haphazard to write in it every day. I look back down at the sheaf of paper in my hand, and hope that Taichi will let me keep it. Or at least make a copy.

He's been sleeping for some time now. If I let him alone too long, he won't be able to sleep properly tonight, and then he'll be tired on Monday. I move over to the kitchen and begin making him a mug of cocoa. Taichi loves anything with chocolate in it.

Just before I go to wake him up, I quickly scan the sheets of paper again, and I find something I didn't notice the first time around. There's something else written on the back. It looks like a note.

To my Yama-chan, it reads, So now you know everything. I'm sorry I was a goofball. Still love me!? Love you loads and loads and loads forever, Taichi. X X X X PS If you laugh at me about this, I will gut you like a fish.

I have to laugh. Only Taichi could follow up a proclamation of eternal love with a death-threat. Setting the note firmly aside, I gently stroke Tai's cheek with the back of my fingers to wake him.

"Mmmmf." He rolls over and buries his head under the blanket. I roll my eyes.

"Wake up, sleepyhead," I order him. "I've made you cocoa. I'm not going to let it go cold, you hear?"

Taichi emerges, blinking owlishly. "I was just resting my eyes," he says in defensive tones. I shake my head, but I'm smiling. I kiss him.

"I read your story," I say. His eyes dart up to look at me.

"And?" he says guardedly.

I search for the right words. They're not there. They never are. He takes my silence the wrong way. "Were you… offended?" he asks anxiously.

"No. I loved it," I say. "It made me feel…" It sounds dumb.

"Feel what?" Taichi probes. I shrug with fake nonchalance.

"…Special?" I suggest. I am given a searching look.

"How special? Did it make you feel like the most special person in the world?" he demands. I blush and look down. I'm useless with this mushy stuff.

"Well, did it?"

"Yes," I whisper, hoping the floor might eat me.

"Well good," says Taichi, folding me up in his arms. "Because you are."

He says that to me so much. Even if it's not the truth, it's nice to know he thinks so.

"I read back over it, briefly, before I gave it to you," Taichi goes on. "It wasn't meant to be as long as it was. But as I went on I got more and more into it and added more and more detail… and suddenly it was five in the morning. I thought then that I should leave it where it was, I mean, I wanted it to have a happy ending…" He trails off uncomfortably.

For a moment I say nothing, contemplating his words. "You're thinking about Koushiro, aren't you?" I hazard. Taichi nods.

"We were pretty good friends before. I miss him," he says simply.

I bite my lip. "If you had the chance, would you change what happened?" I ask uncertainly.

"Yes," he says immediately, and my heart sinks. "I'd do anything to change how I treated you. I was such a damn bastard."

I smile, relieved. "It's over now, forget it."

"I can't. I hurt you. I -"

I press a finger against his lips to hush him. "Do you have any idea how happy you've made me since? I've long since forgiven you, Taichi. There's only two more things you could possibly do now to make me any happier."

"What?"

"Forgive yourself."

He thinks about that for a while. "The second?"

I grin. "Shut up and kiss me."

He does. I think it's going to be a great Saturday.

* * * * *

Appendix

Wow! I finally finished it! To all my readers, I love you guys! *huggles* Before anyone asks, yes, there will be a sequel. But wait. I know so many of you are going to hate me for this, but the announcement must be made.

The sequel will not be a Taito.

I'm sorry guys, but there are good reasons for this decision. Four, in fact:

1) After 12 chapters and an epilogue, I feel I have successfully done Taito to death. I could not possibly write any more of it.

2) I like variety. Other pairings interest me too, and I want to explore them

3) I honestly cannot picture a lasting relationship between Taichi and Yamato. They'd end up killing each other.

4) My mouto-chan Izzy has corrupted me. You can blame her at [email protected].

If you have any questions, see below. If you have a question that isn't listed, feel free to email me ([email protected]). However don't ask me what the sequel is going to be about or what pairings will be involved, because I shan't tell you. :-P

Q. If it isn't Taito, how can it be a sequel?

A. The sequel takes place two years later, after they have split up, and references will probably be made to the plot of ALBoH. You won't need to have read this fic to understand the sequel but it will help.

Q. So will Taichi and Yamato still feature heavily?

A. Yes, yes and YES. I haven't abandoned them as characters, I still love them both. They will play central roles.

Q. How many chapters will there be?

A. *shrug*

Q. Will there be yaoi?

A. Hell yes.

Q. Will there be citrus/hentai?

A. I don't know yet. If there is it will be fairly tame because they'll still be a year younger than Zero Two (thirteen), and while I'm aware that there are thirteen-year-old boys in the world who get up to all manner of dubious deeds, I'm not into shotakon. It shouldn't get any higher than R, and maybe not that far. (Sorry Meg!)

Q. Will you take as long between chapters as you did with ALBoH, you infuriatingly slow web-bitch?

A. Quite probably.

* * * * *

XD! Ti x

*** The sequels are now up!

http://www.fanfiction.ws/read.php?storyid=1033193

http://www.fanfiction.ws/read.php?storyid=1033197