Chapter 17
There Goes the Eye
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Kaji had been to many dives and holes in the walls in his day of cruising bars. Some were of the classiest joints one could ever hope to gain entry into.
Others made you wish you could get your money back from the bouncer.
The Pretty Girl Tea House made him want to grab his money, kill the bouncer, burn the building to the ground with all employees inside, and salt the earth to ensure nothing else grew from there.
Right now, he was being forced to settle to just glaring at the man who had dragged him to that damned Tea House ... at least until he could get a new clip for his gun.
Tofu was finishing up his work on Shinji, as the boy seemed somewhat traumatized by what called themselves attractive females from the Tea House. "With women like that, I don't think we'll ever have to fear the temptation of cheating on the women we love."
"Pops," said Shinji, finally relieved at the sight that yes, his arm was still attached, to start speaking again, "how did those ... um ... we'll call them women, know you?"
Ranma sighed. "I met them when I was about sixteen. Hard to believe they got uglier.
"Anyway, they're the step family of my ... third wife's new husband, I believe."
"AND YOU DIDN'T RECOGNIZE THE PLACE?" yelled out Kaji.
"Well, they changed it since I had last been there," claimed Ranma. "Besides, how was I to know they rebuilt it, and it was at what is now Tokyo-3? This city wasn't exactly around when I was last there."
Kaji sighed as he went to the restroom near the medical offices they were at, so he could cry. It wasn't until they were back at NERV that the true horrors used on him finally occurred.
While he was at the Tea House, his collar hadn't beeped once. While that might not be a surprise, it had also not beeped as they had been chased through several strip clubs on their way to hide.
This brought only two possibilities to mind to explain.
One was that he had grown as a person, and was truly dedicated to Misato.
The other one—and one that was almost certainly the real one—was that when he had accidentally seen one of the girls at the Tea House topless, it had killed his Mini-me.
Sighing, Kaji went into a stall, sat on the toilet, and started to cry.
"Ride on, old friend; ride on!"
Asuka stood before the mirror in the bathroom, looking at her stomach, finding it hard to believe there was a little life growing inside her.
And despite the rumors at school, it wasn't going to burst out of her stomach and kill the doctors.
Well, she didn't think. It would certainly fit in with the craziness of her family.
Her grandmother was obsessed with great-grandbabies.
Her father was married to four or five women; she wasn't too clear on that.
Her mother had traveled to the future, got knocked up, and came back to the past.
Her husband was a wuss in real life but a berserker in the bedroom.
She was co-wife with a woman with the emotional range a dead man.
"So," she said, "it's all up to me to be the normal one."
With that in mind, she looked down, and began to rub her belly. "You're going to be the best child in the world, aren't you? You'll always beat the doll's child in everything, just like momma!" she cooed.
After all, it's never too early to start lobbing on obscene amounts of pressure on children.
Nodoka sat at the dinner table, looking over some paperwork she had brought with her.
Whenever she got bored, or tempted to have any sort of intimacy with her husband, she would take out this particular bundle of papers.
It was the currently known marriage agreements made by one Genma Saotome for the Saotome children.
Next, came the laptop computer, specifically set up to log into the clan registry, and give her an update.
Setting up the first few contracts, Nodoka logged in. "Welcome, Nodoka Saotome. The price of panda meat had rose ¥300 since your last visit."
She smiled at that. Sooner or later, her husband would have value; one way or another.
However, today was not a very good day ... for males within the family.
"Two matches found.
"Kirishima Clan: one daughter Age 14: Mana
"Yamagishi Clan: one daughter Age 14: Mayumi"
Nodoka blinked. "So, they have children. But they are much too young for my son, and he does have so many wives right now.
"Hmm, perhaps... Yes; they would be perfect for Shinji!" she exclaimed, a maniacal smile on her face. "After all, my granddaughter has spoken loudly about his overly manliness. Perhaps two more wives are just what he needs.
"After all, he seems so willing to give me great-grandchildren immediately; unlike his father-in-law."
With that done, she sent e-mails to the clan heads to see if such an arrangement would be acceptable.
"Whoa," said Shinji, feeling a large shiver go down his back.
Ranma looked at him. "What's wrong?"
Shinji slowly turned towards him. "I felt as if someone had just walked over my grave."
"Tingling between the fourth and tenth vertebrae?" asked Ranma.
"Yeah, how'd you know?"
Tofu sighed. "So she got to him."
"Looks that way," said Ranma, shaking his head in pity.
"What?" asked Shinji, fear rising in his stomach.
Ranma sighed, before turning to the boy. "Shinji; that means my Mom just did something you're going to hate and most likely get blamed for."
"We'd better stop at the store and get some medical supplies," said Tofu. "You'll need them before the week is out."
Paling, Shinji turned to the man. "R-r-r-really?"
Ranma nodded. "A crash helmet would be a good purchase as well."
Shinji fainted.
"Think we should have prepared him more?" asked Ranma, poking his son-in-law with a stick.
"Nah," said Tofu. "No one ever warned us about our mothers ... or your mother ... or when they got together."
Ranma nodded, remembering several clinics that had signed agreements from Nodoka about "deposits" of certain fluids.
Needless to say, Ranma was not happy.
Neither was Tofu. His Mother had made more agreements.
Ranma picked up Shinji, as they made their way to the store. "I still say our moms are related."
Tofu nodded, before cleaning his glasses. "Agreed."
"Gendo Ikari, heh?" asked the nurse on duty, once again pushing the comatose leader of NERV to a new room.
Already, he was being moved once again. So far, the rooms they had put him in had: sprung a leak in the ceiling, electricity had failed, suffered a lightning strike, caught on fire, and had the sewer lines explode into.
"Someone up there must really hate you," said the nurse as he wheeled Gendo into the last free room.
Shaking his head as he hooked the freshly cleaned man—including a shave—to the monitors, he turned to face the other patient in the room. "Ms. Akane Tendo, time to change your catheters."
The sky above the hospital began to darken, as the forces of evil began to gather. There avatars had been silent for far too long.
Shinji looked in fear at the breakfast he had been asked to make. As far as he knew, pregnancy cravings weren't supposed to start this soon.
Must be just my luck.
"Pass the ice cream?" asked Maya.
"These eggs need more Tabasco sauce," said Rei.
"I need some more hotdogs for my salad!" yelled Ritsuko.
Shinji slowly backed out of the dining area, to the living quarters, where Ranma was eating. "Is it always that bad?" he asked.
Ranma nodded. "Wait till they send you out for ice cream and pickles at three in the morning."
"WAH!" cried Maya on the subway to NERV. "WHAT WILL SOCIETY THINK OF ME?"
Ritsuko sighed. "Now what?"
"I'm married and pregnant before twenty-five!"
"And?"
"AND?" yelled Maya.
"Maya, that is not a social taboo," said Ritsuko. Really, where did this girl get those ideas from?
Thirteen years ago...
A preteen Maya Ibuki looked on with a bunch of her friends as an older girl began to lecture them.
"Now remember," said Akane Tendo, wearing her Halloween costume of a priestess, "if a boy touches you, you'll always be perverted in the eyes of God, and then no one will like you."
Maya had no way of knowing that both Tatewaki Kuno had been bothering the girl, as well as she had been hitting the spiked punch at the Halloween party a little hard.
Maya gulped, rubbing her belly. Now everyone will know that a boy has touched me, and that I'm a pervert. No way was that priestess lying.
Ritsuko sighed as she watched her assistant start to break down. "Maya, what the hell did this to you?" she muttered.
Shinji had expected his wives to act weird due to their pregnancy.
He never expected this.
Asuka was going around to the class ... apologizing for her behavior. She was being nice, offering fruit baskets, and being polite and courteous to everyone who was below her self-declared social circle.
Rei was even worse. She refused to take off the lab coat when she went out. While it was a few sizes too large for her frame, even Shinji had to admit she felt ... familiar ... in it. Though where she had found one plus had the time to both have it stitched with both her new last name and a patch from Tokyo-2 University was beyond him.
Hikari was being ... well, Hikari. She wasn't dragging Toji off anymore. She was back to her old self.
And Toji ... he was studying? Yep, he was studying ... and smiling ... and looking hydrated.
Some guys have all the luck. Shinji sighed, wondering why he had to have the crazy wives.
Kensuke slowly opened his eyes.
The last few things he remembered weren't good.
He was dating a single girl from school ... a redheaded library worker, if he remembered correctly.
He had went home with her, they were making out on her bed—a new experience for the military fan boy. Who knew women loved a junior priest in training.
But she had handcuffs hidden in her stuffed bears...
"Oh my God," he muttered. "She was a dominatrix!"
Then came the worse memories.
He was spanked with a large paddle with the scarlet letter 'A' carved into it.
She had invited her grandma.
Kensuke began to try and free himself.
But it was too late.
The grandmother had returned, as had her granddaughter.
"Now, dearie," said the older woman, "this is how you break your man of trying to escape."
Kensuke barely had time to eep, before the older woman descended upon him, and pain began to flow.
Shinji just shook his head. "That idiot is probably off filming something. Not like he'd end up in a marriage or anything."
"Grandmother?" asked the librarian assistant. "Did the papers go through?"
"Yes, dear," said the older woman with the whip. "Now help me get your husband to understand who has the true power in this relationship."
Shinji shrugged. "Not like it's my problem."
"Class," said their sober and non-armed teacher, "we have two new students today.
"Hello," said one girl with dark reddish brown hair. "My name is Mana Kirishima. I'm here to meet my new husband as stated by my clan."
"My name is Mayumi Yamagishi, and I'm also here to meet my new husband because of clan honor."
Sighing, the teacher sat down, withdrawing his handgun and bottle of liquor from his desk. "And who is this husband?" asked the teacher, already pouring his first shot.
"Shinji Ikari," said both girls, before they turned towards each other, saying the exact same things at the same time.
"How do you know Shinji?"
"We are to be engaged by clan honor!"
"By whom?"
"A woman calling herself Auntie said so!"
Shinji cringed.
Deep inside him, the berserker soul cried out. It had been wronged, and someone would need to die to appease this sin!
The Fourteenth Angel had awoken; its mission clear, its resolve absolute.
Besides, what could possibly go wrong?