So, this is a Barbossa session. 'Nuff said.

Disclaimer: I don't own it.

"What the hell are you doing?" Barbossa looked up Everyone had gravitated towards him to see what he was doing. Except Jack. He was still talking to Willis. Except Willis was watching Barbossa as well. Silly Jack, Trix are for kids!

Out of sheer boredom, Barbossa had, unknowingly began to move his ears. And not that almost-normal-slightly-twitch-your-ears kind of moving your ears, but the flap-your-lobes-bend-your-cartilage type of moving your ears. Naturally, this had attracted some attention from pretty much everyone in the waiting room. Except Jack. He's so vain. And fine.

"Willis, are you going to send me a patient any time soon?" Willis continued to stare at the oddness that was Barbossa. "Willis? Willis! Dammit, Willis, answer me!"

"Huh? Oh, uh, yeah. Drake Barbossa, go on in."

"What are we staring at?" whispered Will. Pfft, silly Will. Well, more stupid than silly. But have it your way.

Barbossa put down his magazine (Seventeen. We'll touch that later. If I remember.) and slunk into Liam's room. The monkey leaped in after him and settled into the corner of Liam's office. She decided to ignore it.

"Hello, Barbossa." Liam looked the almost-corpse up and down. We'll put it bluntly: He was ugly.

"Um... I'm Liam Finch." Barbossa growled in reply. Testy. Testy is spelled almost like 'Tetley' but not the same. Wow. Learned something new today.

"So, what are we starting with?" Liam snickered. He sounded like the British version of a hick. Those crazy hicks...

"Well, I was thinking that we'd begin with a short history of yourself. Maybe tell me a bit about your childhood?"

"Okay." settling into the squishy (!) brown chair and looking like the guy from Masterpiece Theatre (yeah, yeah, he doesn't really.) he began his long and somewhat boring story.

"Well, I was born to an ex-prostitute named Jenny and a baker named Coffloffum. Yeah, I said it. Well, I grew up pretty well. Not spoiled, but not dead poor. And I was okay, until the Russians blew up my house and my family. Then I had to have extensive plastic surgery to become a woman so that I could prostitute myself in order to get money."

"Couldn't you just have gotten a job?" Liam mumbled without really listening.

"Oh, it's easy to think of. But have you any idea how hard it is to get a job as a prostitute when you're a man?" Liam raised an eyebrow and shook her head. She began writing on her paper. 'It seems that Barbossa has some preconceived notion that he needs to be a prostitute. Perhaps because he is so damn ugly?'

"Anyways, I became a prostitute, and I slept with Jack Sparrow. He told me of the sea and how wonderful it was. So I asked him if I could become part of his crew. He said that the ocean was no place for a woman, so I got more surgery to become a man. Although, I never got my manhood back. You know, in the pants?" Barbossa pointed to his nether regions. Of course, he meant his toes, but Liam thought what you probably think. The fact was that he always had his... manhood... even after the surgery. It's a wonder that Jack never noticed. Must touch on that later...

"So, I became a part of Jack's crew as a man. Well, he was a bloody idiot. He never read maps right, was always staggering drunk and never really shut up. Seeing as everyone hated him, we asked him for the bearings of that Isla thingy where the treasure was and marooned him. And then we got the treasure. And we became immortal. And then Jack shot my ketchup sandwich and left me for almost-dead. The end."

Scarily, Liam had actually been listening to his story. She pondered this. So Barbossa wasn't the criminal that everyone thought he was. He was just an every-day transsexual who hated Jack. And she didn't blame him. Jack was a blubbering idiot. Not bad looking, mind you, but a complete moron.

"Very well." Liam did her impression of Snape. A bad impression. He does say 'very well' a lot though. Count em. "Well, for our next activity, I'll show you a card with a colour on it and you can tell me what that colour reminds you of. Deal?"

Barbossa nodded. Liam held up the first card.

Green.

"Jack's favorite nail polish colour. Especially on his toes."

Red.

"Aaron Carter." (Don't pretend like you don't know who I'm talking about.)

Pink.

"Fluffy bunnies."

"You know, " began Liam before holding up the next card. "That is by far the most popular answer for when I show the pink card. "

Orange.

"A Hawaiian Luau!"

Blue.

"The sky."

Liam put down the pile of cards.

"You know, I actually do not know the point of this activity. I seriously don't." Barbossa frowned.

"Why do you do it then?"

"Eh, it makes it seem like I have some sort of idea of what I'm doing." She shrugged. "Well, next I'm going to show you an inkblot and you're going to tell me what the blot reminds you of."

"Well, that one's Cotton's parrot, nasty thing, that one's Elizabeth complaining about how bony her toes are, the next one's a pair of socks and the last one's Jack dying a long, painful, gory, prolonged death from a pair of swizzle sticks."

"Oh, or a squirrel."

Liam twitched.

"Okay, well, our time's up." Once again, another long hour. She was charging extra for this one, because she actually listened. "I'm going to schedule you for another session with Jack. It seems like you hate him. Not that I blame you."

Barbossa left with a grunt, taking his monkey with him.

Another day.

A/N: Any of you heard of The Living Things? Nobody has... Anyways, another chapter, just for you. Next chapter Barbossa and Jack.