Circles + Girls = 1 Helluva Stomachache

By Saphron

Sequel to: Trig + Girls = 1 Helluva Headache (I think their collective name shall be the 'pie stories')

Disclaimer: According to my abacus the count is still zero…hmm…maybe it's broken. I should go get the beads changed on it shouldn't I? Hey I'll just get a new one. I'm sure I could convince Archamedes (sp?) to give me one of his…he owes me a favor. (Who do you think *really* came up with pi?)

A/N: Hey y'all-yes this is a sequel to my trig fic--but I'm telling you now it ain't a very good one. Not nearly as funny as the last one and considering that one was pretty lame, well that just goes to show ya how bad this one is. But oh well, I was bored and thought I'd write it anyway, but only cause someone asked. If you are bored too and have nothing better to do, then hey, knock yourself out. (Though fair warning that this sucks.)

Still sticking with the stereotypes society sets out for girls and boys… (You know, I probably only came up with this idea cause I have a Humanities essay due…on 'what it means to be a woman back in'--I forgot the date, but hey whatever, it's for the book, There Eyes Were Watching God.) Woo-hoo, go feminist me! ::lights bra on fire:: Eh-he…sorry. I'm very weird.

On a personal note to NZGIRL-(only read everyone else if you wanna see me get hysterical)-in case any of you bothered to read my a/n's I wasn't being serious! I KNOW that a typical 19 y/old boy probably wouldn't be giddy…I'm sorry to say some people missed the humor (woosh-::passes hand over head::) and thought I was just being incredibly stupid/weird (not that I deny the weirdness part.) I don't blame it for going over your head-as that probably means I did I really sucky job in conveying that it was meant to be waggish (real word!) but I was curious-did you bother reading the a/n's? Cause if you did-well I thought I made it pretty clear in them that this wasn't meant as fluff. In all truths I was somewhat mocking fluff! (Not that I have anything against fluff, for seriously I do love reading it, but I was in a mocking mood) You know, a/n's ARE there for a purpose, believe it or not…::gasp in amazement and recoil in shock-"wow! Really? How odd!!!":: Well if you didn't read them then, then you're probably not reading this now---and if you wish you may continue to flame me with "O.K Neal's 19…NINETEEN! It's a great story but I don't think Neal would act that way! Come on a 19 year old guy! Think!" to quote directly ::cough:: not that I'm trying to embarrass the writer of such a vulgar comment ::cough-yes I am:: (actually I do think, if somewhat bizarrely, nevertheless I do actually think, wow surprise, surprise) but did you bother to read the a/n were I stated a very clear message of weirdness? I'm sorry I must seem like a real bitch to you right now for quoting you directly, but unfortunately for you, you get to receive the buffet of my very first flame! I've had constructive criticism, stuff close to flames, like little sparks, but never a full out flame. Normally I would ignore it…but the 'think!' part just irks me cause I DO think. I'm not an idiot and I am quite insulted at being called one. I don't mind if you criticize my writing-understandable and acceptable. (I thank you for calling my fic a great story none the less, however I accept your comment for what it's worth ::cough-not much:: sorry, that was mean, I apologize for that last remark) But I don't appreciate direct personal attacks. (If you have a problem with me, as you so obviously do, please send via e-mail, it'll save embarrassment for BOTH of us) What in the hell have I ever done to you? I'd sure like to know, you're kinda gunna have to tell me straight out cause I don't *think.* ::very sarcastic here:: However right now I feel more pity towards you than anger…and am very tempted to go laugh in your face, but shall restrain myself for that shall surely cause you further embarrassment. Sorry to you, you great louse! But I am a fighter-if you attack me, prepare to defend yourself cause I will fight back! Flame me some more if you wish-and everyone else who thinks I'm being bitchy as well, you could get a little bonfire going and maybe burn me at the stake! ::note sarcasm:: but unlike Kel I don't hide my anger…I bare my teeth and threaten to rip you to shreds…::growls menacingly:: I'm not a mean person-however I do what I have to do! ::hysterical sobs:: Ok? OK!!!!! I'm no longer sure who's the victim and who's the victimizer, but in all truth I think we're both both! I don't think I'm ever writing an attempt at humor again! I can't stand the flames! ::gack:: I could a) snobbishly pretend I don't care, which would be the wise choice, and although I apparently don't *think* hence that must be the reason I'm gunna go with b) vent my anger and slash you into itsy bitsy pieces, which makes me feel a helluv a lot better. :;sighs:: there. Now that I've humiliated both myself and ::cough:: you-know-who (sorry I had to put your name but if I didn't I don't think you would have read the /an) -I shall proceed to write part two. ::deep breath:: flame me peeps-but beware that I fry easily. ::another hysterical sob:: be nice? ::sighs:: or not. Whatever. I'm gunna go crawl into a deep dark hole now. ::limps away very forlornly/way-over-dramatically-::cough:: drama queen!:: just read and flame and get it over with!

Neal woke up with a start, and staring vaguely at the saliva upon his pillow, he rubbed his eyes and yawned. Hmm-'nother normal boring day, wake up, stare with wonder at his drool (it never ceased to amaze him), rub the gunky stuff out of his eyes, go to mess-hall and see his friends-and uh-oh. Hold on. Back up. Friends…Kel…KEL!!!!! Ack!

Suddenly remembering last night he blushed and grew quite flustered. Trying to ignore butterflies (which were really more like wasps) in his stomach he dressed clumsily and ran a brush through his hair. Ok--time to decide-was what happened last night a good thing or a bad thing?

Truthfully he didn't really know…as the insects in his stomach indicated…but no time to ponder now, it was already time to go!

~

All during breakfast Kel wouldn't speak or even look at Neal, and for this he felt very forlorn. All his friends noticed their cool attitudes toward each-other and wondered curiously at what had happened, each formulating their own idea, which more or less ran along the same lines…

~

Math class was a total disaster-for one thing, Neal still hadn't finished his trig problems, which made the teacher yell at him so hard the purple vein over his left eye began throbbing. And to make matters worse they were now starting semester two of this evil, unholy stuff! Circles! Perfectly round, perfectly annoying, circles! Oh what utter joy! O rapture! O fun-*fun!*

Bbit over-dramatic here, but hey, circles bug me. They are WAY to round! And I can't draw 'em for beans…good 'ol geometer! Sounds scary, but really it's as old-fashioned as an abacus, it's nothing but a stencil. But when I went home and told my mum I needed one she thought it was some fancy calcy or something and was like, oh no! Not another 80$ calculator!" ::laughs:: I played along for a little while before telling her it'd cost five bucks and the only purpose it served was so I wouldn't have to draw my own circles. She was relieved…but she sent me to my room to practice another half hour of geometry...oh well…I didn't practice, I read fanfic…explains my B- on the final…

He of course didn't understand a jolt--'what was the difference between a chord and a radius again? Hey, there's a tangent for a circle too! No kiddin? Wow--I am so screwed.' Were more or less his main thoughts-and as Kel was still on a speech-protest against him he probably couldn't count on her help.

But the worst was yet to come-

"Ok Neal, what happened?" Cleon asked as soon as he had cornered him alone in his room, struggling over the circumference of a circle. Well to do that he'd need to use pi-mmm…pie…pumpkin pie! Ug-he had a stomachache just thinking about it…better get back to math, or he could answer Cleon's question.

"Huh?" Was his 'o so intelligent reply.'

"You know perfectly well what I'm talking about Neal." Cleon said irritably, crossing his arms. "You didn't-" he stopped mid-sentence.

Curious, and unknowingly completely setting himself up in one major trap-"I didn't what?"

Cleon shook his head, "you did, huh."

"Did what?" Ok-he asked again starting to get irritated, he was obliviously walking right into-

Cleon hesitated, before-"make a pass at Kel."

"WHAT?!" hey, hey hold on-what was wrong with this picture? "NO!"

"Then what happened?"

"SHE made the pass at ME!" he shrieked in defense, Cleon gave him a weird look before bursting out in laughter.

"Oh right Neal, I'm sure. She just waltzed right in here and kissed you or something."

"She did-"

"Uh-huh, on the lips I bet," he wiped tears of mirth out of the corner of his eyes, but then, sobering up, "seriously Neal, you shouldn't have done that."

"B-but I didn't do anything!" he stuttered. Ack! This double standard was way unjust!

Cleon shook his head again, this time in anger, "just don't do it again alright? She obviously doesn't like it."

Neal tried to argue his case again, but apparently Cleon just didn't seem to understand at all, and ended up popping Neal a good one in the jaw before storming out of the room muttering something about perverts and 'loyal squires coming to the fair damsels rescue!'

'This 'male-kisses-girl' thing really bites' he thought frustrated, rubbing his chin where Cleon had punched him. Why did everybody just assume it was he who had made the moves? UNFAIR!

He felt nauseous…how could this be happening? Kel was suddenly the 'fair maiden' and he the 'bad guy' trying to take advantage of her innocence! How come he had to play the villain? He didn't even DO anything for Mithros sake!

And to top off the horrible day he still had to deal with those damn circles…add that to his girl troubles and presto!-you get one helluva stomachache.

He sighed, plopping down on his bed to try and go to sleep. He didn't want to think about circles or Kel, only about the nice dreams he would have…maybe he could have a dream about eating a pie…a pumpkin pie…mmm…

The End…until the pilgrims land in a strange land and befriend some natives who introduce them to pumpkin pie…in which case they will drift off to sleep and have a very weird dream about a boy and his circle/girl induced stomachache.

Happy Thanksgiving!!!!! Time to pull out the turkey and stuffing and cranberries and (most importantly) pumpkin pie-wait, what's today again? March? Not thanksgiving you say? Then what holiday is it? St. Patrick's Day! OMG! Wrong holiday-oops, sorry there. That pie had me thinking…er-hem, back to Patrick…wear green everyone! I'll be off to go say hi to the little people now…

Oh-real quick, I made mistake last fic, it's Pi day, not Pie day…::very embarrassed:: sorry! I was thinking of the slice o' pie I had just eaten (seriously, told me mum bout Pi(e)-day and in honor of it she bought me my fav pie, pumpkin!) and trying at all cost to avoid thinking about my math test. (Which actually turned out to be an A- much to my very great surprise) and as I've never been the best speller…well hey, you know the ending results. I apologize! Thanks a mil Dani for pointing that out ^-^

And I also apologize for my Spanish jib; I meant no disrespect. I personally don't like Spanish only for the sole reason that I must learn it and the grammar tends to give me the biggest headache, but really I think the Spanish language is quite pretty (once you can get past the grammar) and it's not exactly evil…just confusing. Anyhoo-I'm terribly sorry for offending anyone and I hope y'all can forgive me. If not-e-mail or flame me-it'll make ya feel better. (And I promise I won't attack you I'm gunna get a rep now for slashing anyone who dare flames, which means no-one ever will cause they'll live in perpetual fear-is that a good thing or a bad thing? -it would make perfectly logical sense, even to irrational me, to flame me for it.)

And I also apologize for this being incredibly lame-lame-lame, flame me. It's ok, you can, I won't slash-promise. I have NO prob with anyone flaming my writing--just don't call me an idiot or else be prepared to die. I take great pride in being considered intelligent by teachers and peers and I don't think anyone has ever called me stupid (at least not to my face) in my entire life-so I got kinda snappish naturally. I apologize for being so bitchy-I have no idea how you will respond. Will you rage war against me and we shall go head on head? Slashing and mindless bloodshed? Or will you realize the error of your ways, (or maybe it is I who is at fault, I dunno) and apologize and we can bury the hatchet? Well I'm willing to completely accept your apology as well as apologize to you for embarrassing you-I really didn't want to put your name but I don't think you would have read the a/n if I hadn't! You left me no choice! I'm sorry! ::gets down on hands and knees:: ok? Yes? We can be friends? ::all we are saying, is give peace a chance!:: I really truly hope so. And have a good day. I hope I haven't ruined it. ::sighs:: off to go cower in fear and await everyone's (most likely flaming) response.