"I prefer wallowing in...greif thank you very, schery muchy."
A large wave of alcohol washed through Link's eyeballs. The image of the thin and graceful Marth wavered and became a thin and graceful lady. He made a drunken grab, fell off his stool and onto his face.
"Come on, you're drunk. Let's get you home."
"I'm not drunk."
"Say the alphabet then."
"I- I can....I can do that....errrmm......red, orange, twelve, yo momma...he, he, he."
Marth grabbed the poor guy beneath the arm pits and started dragging him towards the exit.
"Come on. We've all had it: comes with the job. Too much heroing and not enough loving, that's what I say."
"I...I did loving good," Link defended, drunkenly registering an attack on his manliness.
Marth gave his shoulder a reassuring pat. "Sure you did, buddy. Sure you did."
The fire escape clanged open and they fell out into the pub's back alley. An icy night breeze, carrying the stench of alcohol, dried blood, and sweat, whistled in from the neon-splattered street.
Marth registered a towering shadow looming above them.
"Link, I challenge you to a duel!"
"Give it a rest," Marth growled to the dark Sorceror. "He's too drunk to fight."
"You mean too cowardly!"
"No, I mean he's been drinking pints of whiskey for two days solid."
"Oh. What happened?"
"I dumpded Zelda," garbled Link.
"She dumped him," Marth corrected.
Ganondorf gasped. "Oh, that's terrible. But they were such a great couple. Let me help you there."
He took Link's feet and together they carried the unconscious hero into to the street, where they found a disgruntled Epona parked, a dozen parking tickets hanging from her saddle. She trotted over, the yellow clamp rattling loosely around her leg.
"Your place or mine?"
Marth gave the dark lord a disgusted look.
"Hey, I've read those YAOI fanfics: I know what you two get up to."
"Speaking of which, how is Roy?"
The two locked eyes for a moment, and then suddenly laughed. The boiling hatred of a few months ago was almost a sort of mutual respect now. Ever since the Playstation crew had arrived, the whole gang had been brought together by a common enemy.
Relationships, on the other hand, frayed into tatters beneath the weight of training.
They loaded the Kokiri onto his horse.
"Well, well," Ganondorf laughed.
Across the street an ostrich type yellow bird was cooing gently in a parking lot.
"I believe that is a Playstation's beast, is it not?"
Marth watched the bird, but eventually shook his head.
"Keep it for tomorow."
He climbed up infront of Link. With a flick of the reins, he galloped away.