I apologize for not updating this as much as I should. I had one heck of a nasty semester but no worries! It's over now! I'm hoping to dedicate this summer to catching up on all my Fire Emblem stuff and I have a continuing goal to finish The Diary of Erk. I really should go through with that hehe… Fire Emblem: Blazing Sword is the best FE game ever and the most fun to write crack!fics about! Also, I might not be writing a whole lot of Path of Radiance fan fiction like I have planned. Between work and school and me not being a lazy bum, it's hard. BUT! New laptop. New goals. New SCREEN I CAN ACTUALLY SEE. So here are more old entries from EJ. As always, chat logs have been edited out for the cranky admin peoples and the dorks who feel like reporting me for no reason. Minor things have been changed (like my terrible grammar).
Day 21
Weather: Rain, rain, more rain… did I mention rain!
Location: Some random guy's house
First it snows and then it rains. We can't win. Halfway through the battle the enemies we were up against spazzed and claimed things like "Ew, its raining, I'm getting all wet and my hair gel is running eeek!" and ran off so our fight is postponed until tomorrow. Joy.
And, to make matters worse, Bartre decided to test out his cleric skills on Nils instead of heading into the village like he was supposed to. Thus the village was sacked and we have no inn to stay in.
We're now stuck in some random-guy -who-doesn't-want-us-to-be-here's house. You'd think Luicus would be a little more grateful for getting out of the rain but no! He/she/it's complaining about the beds being lumpy and the water is too cold. I'm hoping the guy who owns the place will kick him/her/it out and we could watch he/she/it run, scream, cry, and maybe wind up in Merlinus' tent.
Crap. I think I'm getting a cold. This is NOT going to be any fun. Oh yes, Sain was put in charge of keeping Nils occupied this morning (it's become a chore, its sad, really) so he decided to tell him where rain comes from. (Yay for my random topic change.) Nils is extremely gullible (I proved that yesterday) and when Sain told him that rain is actually angels in heaven taking a leak on the world, Nils believed him. I'm scared of what Sain will tell Nils where snow comes from.
Raven and Heath aren't on speaking terms. Apparently, Heath rescued Priscilla this morning during our "fluke" of a battle (I'm confused as to why she can fight again, but I don't care.) and according to Raven, no one is allowed to rescue his sister but him. Funny, as he spends a lot of time trying to AVOID her in the first place. (And Priscilla paid ME to protect her to begin with. Oh well. I don't do refunds unless its a banshee like Serra.)
Ninian tried to talk me into being nice to Fiora today. In retaliation, I tried to talk Ninian into selling Nils off at the nearest armory because we're low on money and can't afford to feed him. She got angry and slapped me before storming out of the room. Sain thought it was pretty funny until I made him a little crispy.
So not only does my cheek hurt, but my arm still hurts, my leg still doesn't work too well, and I'm getting sick. I'm contemplating on calling in sick next battle, but I don't want to babysit Nils again. I shall force Sain to do that, mwa ha ha.
Unless it snows. Then I'm going to hide.
Anima Sage, Erk
Day 22
Weather: Cold. Rainy. Stupid. Argh.
Location: Still at the stupid guy's house.
Just when I thought I had gotten rid of Canas, the guy comes BACK. Sorry to say (no, not really) but Canas and I? We don't like each other very much. (I hate the guy.)
Since you probably don't know the story (considering Kate forced me into this thing around the time we were leaving Dread Isle) I might as well tell you.
I have too much time on my hands, don't I?
So the story goes that we're in the port town of Badon and Lucius (ick) Serra (yuck) and I are all traveling on the outside of town (some chick from the bar tipped us off) trying to get to the captain when out of NO where this... guy... Starts following us. Usually I lead the little group since Lucius is incompetent and Serra is about as useful as Nils on sugar (should say Nils PERIOD.), but no, this "Canas" guy decides he's going to lead. Let's see if I can remember it correctly...
"Good day to you, young mage!" Canas called out cheerfully to the violet-haired boy leading a group of mages. "Might I join you in your little quest?" Erk just stood there with his usual annoyed expression on his face, trying to decide whether or not he should answer the shaman.
"No." he finally said and turned to go, but he came to a dead halt when Serra opened her big mouth.
"That means yes!" Serra beamed, and Erk suddenly hit the pavement like a ton of bricks, "Erk is such a good boy, except when he's busy being a a gloomy body!" Serra was met with a cold, scary glance from her escort, but her low intelligence and high vanity level kept her from noticing this.
"Thank you, milady!" Canas said as cheerfully as ever. "This way please!"
"Er... excuse me," Erk, who was back on his feet, protested, "I'm leading the group here."
"Huh? Well, I think I should lead. I AM the oldest here."
"Don't care."
"That means he's ok with it." Serra shouted, but this was only making Erk even madder.
"IT DOES NOT!"
" Well I'm glad you're seeing things my way. Maybe you should follow my example every now and then, you might learn a few things."
"Gr…" Erk clenched his fists tightly. He did not like this Canas guy. Canas made him made, cranky, and he wanted to nothing more than to shock the hell out of him with his new thunder tome. However, these thoughts were cut shore when sudden cheering was heard across town. All the while Serra was making his life more of a living hell, Lucius had gone on ahead and reached the captain on his own.
"Yay!" Lucius cheered.
"Good job Lucius!" Eliwood said in a rather girly-like voice, "Here, have a cookie!"
"WE LOVE YOU LUCIUS!" The rest of the Eliwood's Elite shouted. Balloons and streamers and funny colored things flew around and everyone started to sing some corny song.
Very slowly, Erk turned to face Canas, his eye switching severely. "I hate you…"
Ok, I exaggerated a little bit but who cares. My point is Canas is back and thinks I should mind him like he's my master or something. I hope he doesn't try to take over my journal. I'll have to end up sleeping in the same room with Lucius again and what will I ever do with all my extra free time? First part of that sentence was not sarcasm. Just so you know.
Speaking of Lucius… Minor battle today (We're not progressing at all. Really.) in which he nearly got Guy killed. So naturally Matthew goes all beserk on Lucius and blames every little thing on him. So the bright ...monk...thing... decides he's going to commit suicide by jumping out of the window.
Of a 1 story house.
And window is 2 inches off the ground.
I don't care if I'm starting sentences with prepositions and conjunctions.
Lucius currently thinks he's dead so just to keep Matthew off his back, Hector said we have to act like he's dead. Poor Nils. He really DOES think Lucius is dead.
Still don't like Nils. Or Canas. Now I have to go fend of Fiora because she thinks I'm "greatly disturbed by the loss of my best friend". Lucius isn't my best friend. If he was, I'd have jumped out that window myself. Of course, I wouldn't have gotten very far, but that's not the point.
HA HA HA. New news. Eliwood tripped over a chicken outside this morning while walking into town. Half of the town snickered at him as he cradled the chicken and apologized. That is the highlight for my day.
Anima Sage, Erk.
Day 23
Weather: Warm. Sunny. Wee.
Location: Some village south of Bern.
Isadora was having a lot of trouble trying to keep Marcus under control today. People can no longer travel through Bern (or any neighboring villages) freely anymore unless you have a pass. So Marcus starts spitting out pointless facts or something about how they did this back in some war where they had to have their passes in red ink and not black ink and people were getting shot at and who cares.
Of course, not only do we have to have a pass but every other person has to get checked or something for weapons, and its completely random. WE'RE AN ARMY. OF COURSE WE'RE GOING TO HAVE WEAPONS.
All the checker people were women. I'm feeling rather violated now, but I think Sain enjoyed the little frisking party. …I wonder where we hid all our weapons? …I think I'm better off not knowing, actually.
There's also some rumors that the prince of Bern is having some sort of coming-of-age party (i.e. his 18th birthday party. Maybe I should tell Fiora the prince is hiring a stripper.) and of course, Lord Penthouse and Louise are invited because Louise is related to the prince's mum.
I wonder if Lucius is related somehow. He and Louise are both blonde and quite stupid.
I tricked Lucius into giving me 500 gold pieces in which I paid Raven to go trade to Rebecca in exhange for what exactly is going on. Supposedly we're searching for the "Shrine of Seals" that Archsage Athos (aka Santa Claus) wants us to go find. Marcus swears its some war memorial but Serra whacked him with her lance.
Of course, Lord Penty has tried looking for this place before but he came back empty handed and all his men were killed. Something tells me he let Louise command the troups. That or his long-lost cousin Lucius.
OH MY GOD! Ok, I swear to GOD we're all going to die now. Ok, do you remember Hannah? Our fortune teller lady? The old hag madly in love with Kent? Well the gossip is that she and Merlinus broke up or something so she's leaving and we have a NEW person to give us advice on who should or shouldn't go into battle.
Guess who her replacement is?
Nils.
OF ALL THE PEOPLE HERE it just HAD to be Nils!
We're screwed. Maybe I should go jump out that window with Lucius after all.
Anima Sage, Erk
Day 24
Weather: Cold. Dark. Hey, it's nighttime!
Location: You have two guesses. One doesn't count.
Ok, I think Eliwood needs to rethink his battle strategy. Our intelligent new Augurtist... (is that even a word?) came up with some brilliant plan and Eliwood told Kate to give it a chance. Naturally she thought the advice sucked. Here's a little bit of what happened.
"Send the purple haired girl into the sea of arrows, she will fend well." Nils said in a random mystical chanty voice.
"Pegasus knights don't stand a chance against archers, Nils." Kate was not impressed.
"Fiora might, you never know." Erk mumbled under his breath, but he noticed that Kate had found herself stifling a grin. Sadly, Nils noticed this.
"Do not send the pigheaded magician into battle, he will only cause great harm!" Again with the annoying mystical chanty thing.
"Lord Pent left yesterday, Nils. Sorry." Erk smiled sarcastically. This really set off Nils.
"ELIWOOD!"
"I think we should try Nils advice." Eliwood sighed heavily, "Really, has Nils ever steered us wrong before?"
" ...Do you really want me to answer that?" Erk spoke for both him and Kate.
" ...No," Eliwood said rather quickly, then tried to convince the two into testing out Nils' new ability. "but Nils and Ninian have the ability to sense danger and probably know what's best in battle."
"That explains why they've been kidnapped constantly." Erk rolled his eyes.
"Do you want latrine duty, Erk?" Eliwood's eyes narrowed into slits.
"No, sir." Erk gritted his teeth.
"Then I suggest you hold your tongue and listen to what Nils has to say."
"YEAH Erk!" Nils stuck his tongue out at Erk before he turned his attention back to Kate and Eliwood.
"oooooooooOOOOOOOOOooooooooooo Erky got reprimanded!" Lucius grinned.
"Don't use reprimand, Lucius." Erk wasn't phased by this at all. "That type of vocabulary is too difficult for you to comprehend."
" Ok…" Lucius bit his lower lip.
"LUCIUS! YOU'RE ALIVE!" Nils shrieked and suddenly glomped the monk.
"Sticky fingers! Ew! Off the robes! Just washed! HELP!"
"Lucius just contracted idiotitus." Erk quickly thought up. "It's very contagious and very deadly." He motioned to Lucius, who luckily, got the hint. Lucius began to cough and stagger, then fell over on the ground. Nils let go of the blonde before he hit the ground, then wipes his hands on his shirt."
"Won't you catch it though, Erk?"
" No. I'm immune to it. You might not be though, you had better be careful!" Erk warned him.
" You're right! I'm going inside! C'mon Eliwood, Kate, lets talk inside!" Nils grabbed the tactician and the Lord by the hands and dragged them inside. Eliwood turned back once to give Erk a warning look before he disappeared into the tent.
As you can see, Eliwood and I aren't the best of friends. Lucius thanked me (he glomped me... yeah.) for helping him call in sick on the battle today, but I don't think Fiora is too happy with me. She's got a good number of arrow scars now (I have a new found respect for Nils... ok it only lasted for five minutes.) and Kate isn't thrilled with having to use Nils for advice. I told her I could try to be the augury but she said I'd end up sending half of the team to their doom. It wouldn't be ALL of them... just Fiora. And Nils. Everyone else is pretty competent on the battlefield.
It's just OFF the battlefield is what scares me. Unless its Fiora or Nils. Then they're incompetent either way.
I think there is something wrong with Sain. We've been in the SAME village for what seems like over a decade and he hasn't gotten in trouble with Kent for sneaking 4 or 5 girls into his tent a night. I hope he hasn't seen "the light" like Matthew and Guy have. Ew, ew, ok, new thoughts Erk, Sain creepy, icky, gross, retarded.
Bartre wants his own pegasus. He wants to be a pegasus cleric valkryie thing or something... He tried to steal one of my fire spell books today but he ended up setting himself on fire (I have my books trapped i.e. if you touch the thunder spellbook, you get shocked, the fire spellbook you incinerate yourself, etc.) and then said he was going to pound me into the floor. It's not my fault if your hands wander someplace where they're not supposed to be. I have my books locked so that idiots like YOU don't torch down cities or turn into pikachus or something.
Don't ask me what a pikachu is. I got the term from Eliwood. He was drunk one night and was ranting about how he had a dream that he saw the future. It was something like he had a son who fought in this tournament against a bunch of different heroes from different lands and one of them was a yellow mouse that could use thunder attacks called a pikachu. (Then Guy whacked him upside the head and knocked him out because by then Eliwood was taking his clothes off.)
Like THAT is ever going to come true.
Anima Sage, Erk
Day 25 (note: many apologies to Eliwood fans. Eliwood and I have never gotten along and we probably never will. Sorry.)
Weather: Overcast but Dry
Location: A house. I'm apparently "grounded"
There IS a battle going on currently, but thanks to Lord Eliwood I wasn't "allowed to participate until I learn to hold my tongue and show good sportsmanship to my fellow teammates, including Nils".
Bite me, princeling.
Kate had a cow. Ha. I have never seen Kate so pissed off before in my LIFE. She said it was bad enough that Lucius was "dead" and that Nils has to give her advice, but now that I'm out, she REALLY has it in for Eliwood. They had a huge fight this morning, too. It's still fresh in my mind, so… here goes.
Kate, Erk, Eliwood, and Marcus were all standing outside of the main tent. Erk and Kate were listening as Eliwood read off a piece of parchment. There was a rather smug and triumphant sound to the letter, but only the Lord himself would enjoy it.
" ...allowed to participate until he learns to hold his tongue and show good sportsmanship to his fellow comrades, including Nils." Eliwood rolled up the piece of parchment and handed it to Marcus.
" ...what?" Erk's eyes went wide.
"We have to go to battle in less than an hour! You can't do that!" Kate protested.
"Watch me." Eliwood stood firm with his arms folded over his chest.
"Oh ho I think not buddy! I'm the tactician here, NOT you, and NOT Nils!" Kate's tone of voice began to raise and she was pointing in all directions. The anger in her voice was enough to make Erk even back away slowly. Regardless, Eliwood stood his ground.
"Don't take that tone with me-" Eliwood began, but stopped when Kate was two inches from his face. She may have been shorter than him, but this was rather uncomfortable. Already the camp had gathered around to see what the fuss was about and he knew the troubles were only beginning. Still, he was in charge, regardless of her being the tactician and he was going to let her know it.
"I will take whatever tone I want with you, boy!" Sadly for Eliwood, Kate could care less. By now she was up and shouting in his face. "You may be a Lord and all, but out on the battlefield? You are under MY orders! THAT'S what you hired me for!" Kate stopped screaming and she was out of Eliwood's personal bubble, but that tone of authority was still with her. She turned to Nils and pointed to the ground next to her. "YOU. RIGHT HERE. NOW."
"Y-yes ma'am." Nils squeaked and scrambled over to the tactician.
"You're coming to the battle with me today. I'll teach you how to make correct predictions. I don't want anymore of this sending the Pegasus knights into pits of archers crap, understand?"
"Y-yes ma'am." Nils squeaked again.
"I'll allow Erk to sit this one out but ONLY this one out." Kate took in a deep breath and closed her eyes, then turned her attention to Erk. "Lay off Nils."
"I will if you keep him away from me." Erk grumbled, "I'm not a babysitter."
"Fine. Nils," Kate turned her attention to the scared child beside her, "I know Erk randomly antagonizes you for fun but you DO instigate half of what he does to you. You're not getting anymore sympathy for something you cause. You leave him alone, and he'll leave you alone. Are we clear?"
"Crystal, ma'am." Nils nodded.
"And YOU!" Kate's voice boomed again and Eliwood found himself unexpectedly walking backwards as Kate moved in on him. Erk had let out a small laugh but Lucius had elbowed him to keep quiet. Hector, however, thought this was the funniest thing he'd seen all morning and was almost in tears from laughing so hard.
"If you want to keep everyone alive and me around to KEEP you alive, you had BETTER stop this "protect Nils" organization crap going on around here." Kate jabbed a finger hard into Eliwood's chest. "If I find ONE more attack on someone for something Nils started, I'm taking it out with YOU. Do I make myself clear?" a low and rather scary growl emitted from Kate's last words and Eliwood found himself growing a new shade of red. He nodded, and Kate turned and marched off.
"You'll have to stay inside today." Kate snapped at Erk as she stormed by. "I'll take the account myself."
I sort of found it amusing. I'm sorry, I have this horrible and sick twisted sense of humor. (I think Kate is on PMS though, she went off on Lucius about missing an attack yesterday. Of course the he/she/it burst into tears and came crying to ME and yada yada)
On the brighter side, Kate dragged Nils out to the battlefield today to teach him how to augur battles properly. I have a strange feeling that isn't going to work out right.
I'm lounging about the place, watching Lucius and Lowen argue over something retarded. Serra "faked" her sprained ankle and even Bartre, the undefeated pegasus cleric valkyrie of justice, didn't want to go to battle today. Heck, even HECTOR came up with some stupid excuse that all his axes were broke and didn't have a weapon!
Even Ninian is here. Ok, anyone could tell that Nils is... incompetent, but it has to be brutal when his own sister won't fight for him. Lucius says he's starting to feel sorry for Nils and wishes he wasn't dead anymore. I told he/she/it that if he wanted to come back to life he'd have to go out to the battlefield and get killed to reverse the effect.
Thank God Eliwood isn't here. I'd have kitchen duty by now.
Or probably get stuck having to serve Fiora or something... Ew.
Anima Sage, Erk
Five Entries today.Enjoy. If I'm not a retard I'll have more up later this week. Kate