You Only Live Twice.

PART ONE: In which Dib has an accident.

Main Entry: death
Pronunciation: 'deth
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English deeth, from Old English dEath; akin to Old Norse dauthi death, deyja to die -- more at DIE
1 a permanent cessation of all vital functions the end of life -- compare BRAIN DEATH
2 the cause or occasion of loss of life drinking was the death of him
3 capitalized the destroyer of life represented usually as a skeleton with a scythe
4 the state of being dead
5 a the passing or destruction of something inanimate the death of vaudeville b : EXTINCTION
6 : CIVIL DEATH
7 : SLAUGHTER
8 Christian Science the lie of life in matter that which is unreal and untrue : ILLUSION
- at death's door close to death critically ill
- to death beyond endurance : EXCESSIVELY bored to death

"Stealth-suit? Check. X-ray binoculars complete with infrared night vision? Check." I listed the items on my bed, one after another, before putting them into my knapsack. "Camera? Check. Extra film? Check. Cell phone? Check. Learning to stop freaking talking to myself?" I sighed, "Working on that one." I hoisted the bag onto my back and made my way out of my room. Today was the day. I knew it. Today was the day I was finally going to expose Zim. After three long years of ridicule and child's games I was going to finally beat the little green menace. I was going to earn my manhood, my respect, my—

"You look like an idiot." My sister's voice broke through my thoughts.

"Huh?" I eloquently replied.

"You. Look. Like. An. Idiot." Gaz repeated herself, pronouncing every world slowly as if she were really speaking to a moron, "I can't believe you're actually going out of the house looking that way. It wasn't even cute when you were a kid, nevertheless now." My sister, being 13, had recently discovered fashion and the dos and don'ts thereof. Obviously, my stealth suit, while brand new and state of the art, was a don't.

"I'm not wearing it to be trendy, Gaz," I replied, "I'm wearing it for stealth. That's why it's called a 'stealth suit.' It will help me get into Zim's base easier. You know—blend into the walls and stuff. Covert ops. Mission Impossible. James Bond, that kinda stuff."

"Bond wore a tux, not a gigantic condom."

Oh, so that's what the suits smell had reminded me of…it was made out of latex. That made sense.

"Besides," she continued, turning back to her video game, "it's our Annual Family Night. You can't go play with Zim, anyhow."

"I do not play with Zim, Gaz," I corrected indignantly, "he's my mortal enemy. The fate of the world could rest on tonight! I have to go out! I have to stop whatever evil scheme he's cooked up in his evil scheme cooker upper of evil schemey doom. Or something." I knew I sounded stupid, but over the years I realized that the more irritated Gaz became with a conversation--or my presence in general--the quicker she stopped talking and left me to my own devices. Either that or she would beat me up. Either way left me free to leave the house and fulfill my mission.

Gaz looked over her shoulder at me from the couch, an eyebrow raised. "O-kay, I'll let you get on with that, then, " Ah-ha! Success! "But just so you know, Dad comes home at 8 and it's your year to choose. If you're not back by then, you forfeit your turn and we're going to Bloaty's."

"Haven't you tired of that place, yet?"

She shrugged, "I like the little piggies." She gave me a little wave over shoulder, dismissing me., as she returned to her game.

"Riiight." I stated. I put a smile on my face and faked some good natured cheer as I made my way to the door, "Well, Gaz, don't worry. I'll be home before Dad gets back from work. If not—"

"Yeah, yeah, I know, call the Swollen Whatevers, they'll know what to do. I know the drill, Dib, now will you leave, you're voice is making me mess up this level, and if I kill you, Dad won't buy me pizza."

"Yeah, thanks, sis, I love you, too." I muttered under my breath as I stepped through the doorway. I thought I heard her make a little growly scoffing sound from her perch on the couch, but I was probably imagining things.

"Now, Gir, my next INGENIOUS plan is almost COMPLETE!" Zim was ranting again. Loudly. It was all I could do not to cover my ears as I watched from my hiding place behind Nick's containment chamber. I felt bad for the kid. He had been in that tank for three years, now. He had outgrown his clothing and now hung there, naked in the suspension fluid. The probe that Zim had placed in the pleasure center of his brain had driven him horribly insane with happiness, yet there was something in his eyes, something pleading that made me want to just pull the plug and put him out of his wonderful misery. However, I was too worried that any movement would alert Zim to my presence, and thus both Nick and my ears had to bear their tortures.

"Soon, Gir, we will have the Dib right where we want him." Zim, continued.

"In a giant vat of mashed po-ta-toes?" Asked Gir, naively.

"Yes, Gir, in a giant vat of—NO! Not PO-TA-TOES! Gir, stop talking nonsense."

"But I like nonsense." Gir answered, pouting a little. Zim chose to ignore him.

"As I was saying, soon my latest plan will be COMPLETE and I will have the Dib right where I want him: bowing before the incredibleness of ZIM! COMPUTER!"

"What?" The computer whined.

"Bring me the DOOMINATOR!"

The computer heaved an irritated sigh, "Fine."

There was a moment of tense silence and then a fierce eruption of noise as the entire base shook with the force of whatever was coming. A platform rose from the center of room, smoke and dust rising around it, obscuring whatever the platform held from view. Lasers shot through the air, forming a type of barrier around the platform. Obviously to have such a high level of containment, Zim' latest plot had to be extremely dangerous.

I felt a growing sense of dread fill me as the smoke cleared, revealing what would surely be my doom. It was horrible, it was terrible, it was…a kitten? What? Surely this had to be some joke, but there it sat: a small orange tabby kitten. It looked at its surroundings curiously with wide green eyes before beginning to wash its paw, obviously not seeing anything interesting.

It was all I could do not to laugh out loud and reveal my hiding place. Zim was planning on bringing me to submission…with a kitten? I mean, yeah, it was a cute cat, but c'mon, give me some credit here. Kittens are pretty low on the scale of things that would have me cowering in fear.

"Aww! It's a kitty! HI KITTY!!" Gir shrieked, bringing my focus back to the task at hand. The small robot was standing just outside of the laser cage, waving madly at the kitten. The animal looked at him like he was insane. Knowing the way Gir acted most times, the animal's diagnosis wasn't far off.

"Yes, Gir, it is. Now get away from it before it unleashes its TERRIBLE DOOM upon your tiny metal head!" Zim announced, pulling the robot away from the cage. Gir looked as if he was about to cry for a moment and then magically pulled a Suck-Munkee out of his head and started to, well, suck. From the mess he was making, the flavor was obviously chocolate bubble gum, and I felt my stomach begin to turn.

"While Ulltra-Pipi was ultimately a failure," Zim continued, "The initial reasoning for that plan remains the same: humans love anything CUTE to the point of STUPIDITY!! The Dib-human is no exception. I have programmed this hideous cat-beast to be a creature of pure, unadulterated DISTRUCTION, its disgusting CUTENESS bringing the human into submission before unleashing its wrath. Pretty neat, huh?"

Gir looked up from his Suck-Munkee. "I DON'T GET IT!" He screamed before dumping the contents of his cup onto his own head. Zim shot him a look and then began busying himself at the control panel of the computer. He pressed a button and an assortment of robotic arms appeared seemingly from no where. Using a joystick, the alien began maneuvering the arms, one petting the cat to keep it calm, while the others performed a various amount of tests on the small animal.

It was then that my body decided that it was going to rebel against me: my nose began to tickle. The petting of the kitten was making fluffs of fur fly into the air, which had mad their way over to me, making me feel as if I was going to sneeze. I could feel the pressure building in my sinuses and fought to hold it back. After much internal struggle, I was able to hold the sneeze in, but not without a guttural little whimper as the air tried to push past my closed lips. I felt panic and adrenalin surge through my system as I stared, wide eyed at Zim, terrified that he had heard me. His attention hadn't wavered, however, from his experimenting and I let out a sigh of relief. He hadn't heard me over the noise from the mechanical arms.

The computer, however, seemed to be a different story.

"Umm, Sir?" The computer's voice broke though the noise.

"Not now, computer, can't you see I'm WORKING?"

"But Sir—"

"I said, not now!"

"Fine. Whatever." The computer resigned, indignantly.

Suddenly, without warning, the urge to sneeze rose, again. This time I wasn't able to stop it. It was loud. It was devastating to my mission. It was…kinda on the gross, wet sounding side. I slapped my hands over my nose and mouth in horror.

"Bless you." Zim said, automatically. His head then jerked up from his work, a quizzical expression on his face. He looked at Gir, who was now rolling around in the melted puddle of mess that was once his drink. "Gir, did you just sneeze?"

"BANANAS!" The robot answered.

"O-kay, I'll take that as a no…" His red eyes scanned the room, skimming past me. I let out the breath I didn't know I had been holding. My relief was premature, however, because I found myself in the next moment staring into ruby orbs that, from across the room, were staring at me. Zim's face showed an expression of surprise for a moment before he shot into action.

"THE DIB! THE DIB IS IN MY BASE! COMPUTER!"

"What?!"

"Why didn't you tell me there was an INTRUDER!"

"But I—"

"SILENCE! DEFENCIVE MODE!"

The computer sighed and mumbled a few select curses under its breath. Laser guns and more robotic arms appeared everywhere from nowhere.

By this time I was already on my feet and running towards the exit. If I could find an exit, that is. I jumped and dove over and under arms that grabbed at me. I dodged lasers, searching blindly for the way I had come in. One of the robotic arms miscalculated an attack and knocked Zim into the control panel. Reaching out automatically to catch himself, his hand hit a small red button. The laser cage that had been surrounding the Doominator kitten flickered and then disappeared. The kitten, realizing that it was finally free, flew into a destructive frenzy, slashing through wires with its small, but enhanced claws, wanting to find an exit to the lab as much as I did.

I skidded and slid on the puddle of Gir's discarded Suck-Munkee right at the exact moment a severed electrical wire that had been flipping though the air like an agitated snake landed on the ground—into the puddle that I now found myself standing in.

The pain took a few seconds to register in my senses as the electrical current, conducted by the liquid on the ground, passed through my body. It was excruciating. I could smell the hair on my body burning and my jaw locked, grinding my teeth together. I could taste copper and I realized that the force had caused me to bite the tip of my tongue off. My body shook and convulsed and finally, after what felt like hours, I landed in a smoldering heap on the ground. Zim must have cut the power, realizing what was happening.

I felt him standing over me, but I couldn't open my eyes or move any part of my body. I felt completely disembodied, except for the pain. Oh, god the pain. My nerves were on fire, the sensations overwhelming. I instinctively wanted to scream and cry, but my body wouldn't respond. I suffered in silence.

Above me, Zim was ranting. "My lab! Look at what you did to my beautiful lab! This will take WEEKS to rebuild! DAMN IT, Dib-Stink!" He kicked me in the ribs with his boot, letting out a confused, questioning, "Eh?" when I didn't respond.

He nudged me, gently this time. "Dib-Stink? Hello?" He kneeled at my side, his gloved hand at my neck, searching for a pulse. "Ok, you're not dead, so what's wrong with you?" He stood and somehow I knew he was striking a triumphant pose. "Obviously you are too weak to stand up to the awesome power of ZIM!"

There was a few moments of silence, and he nudged me, again. "Ok, Dib, you can stop cowering on the floor, now, I'm not in the mood to destroy you." More silence. Zim huffed, frustratingly.

At that moment, my cell phone began to ring. I heard Zim rummaging through my bag for it, and the tone become louder as he finally produced it. It clicked open.

"DIB! Dad's home. Stop playing with Zim and get back here. I'm hungry," my sister's voice announced angrily from the phone.

"Dare you shout at the amazing ZIM?!" Zim responded.

"Zim? What the hell are you doing answering Dib's phone?"

"The Dib can't talk right now."

"Well then tell him he needs to come home. Now. Or he will be plunged into his own personal nightmare world."

"No, Dib-Sister, you don't understand. Dib CAN'T talk. Something is wrong with him. He's unconscious."

"What? What the hell were you guy's doing?"

"He so RUDELY snuck into my base and let loose my newest PLAN for world conquest. The lab is destroyed and your stinky brother was electrocuted. This seems to have a negative effect on your kind."

"OF COURSE that has a 'negative effect' on my KIND, Zim—it could kill him! Call an ambulance!"

"WHAT? The Earth medical drones HERE?! My mission would be compromised!"

"Take him to the upper level, idiot. Make up some story to tell the paramedics. I'm telling Dad. We'll be there, soon."

"You want me to drag his STINKING carcass all the way up—"

"YES, ZIM! NOW DO IT! Oh, and Zim?"

"What." Zim sounded slightly dejected, now. Gaz had that effect on people.

"If he dies because of your stupidity, I will personally rip your squeegally spooch out through your nose." Her voice was deadly calm. Zim gulped and I heard the phone click shut, again, ending the call.

Through the pain I was a bit surprised at Gaz's concern. Part of me wanted to believe it was because I'm her brother and she loves me, but the more sensible part reminded me that she just didn't want me dead because then it would deprive her of the honor of doing it herself.

My awareness of the outside world faded, then, and with that, did the pain. The disembodied sensation became more prominent and it felt as if I were floating. I knew something was happening, but I couldn't quite put my finger on it. Was I dying? Was this what it was like? Was a really bothered by that thought? There was so much I had wanted to accomplish, and getting killed by a stupid accident was not one of those tasks. However, I just couldn't seem to arouse the energy it took to really care at this point. The darkness was strangely comforting. Maybe this was what it was like in the womb.

Faintly, in the back of my mind I heard the sound of sirens and voices. I felt hands touch me, wires and tubs attach to my skin and my nose. I became unbearably sleepy and it was becoming too much of a chore to hold on to the waking world. I decided to give myself up to the urge to sleep. Somehow I knew I would wake up. Somehow I knew I was safe.

Or at least I hoped I was.

I gave myself up to the black that had become my universe and floated over the stars.

A/n: Ok, time to stop. No, this is not the end of the story, just the chapter. I'm going for something a little less angsty this time, and hopefully a little more in character.

The title of the story comes from a Nancy Sinatra song by the same name. It's pretty good. Everyone should download it. The full line is "You only live twice, or so it seems—one life for yourself and one for your dreams." I thought it fit.

I'll be updating this story alternating with updates to "Fake Plastic Life" at least for the first few chapters, because, after all, I still do need to finish FPL. I just wanted to get this one started.

Sooo…R and R, people! Please? The Taco commands you!

-j