Quirks, Similarities and Differences

Part 3: Differences

Carth gave a grimace at the stare Libra leveled on him. "You must really hate me."

"Oh yes, Carth, I really do." Libra's voice was deadly calm, an indication that at any moment she was about to erupt like some active volcano on Korriban.

"I didn't think - "

"There's your problem, Sith Spawn!" Libra jabbed a finger into his chest. "You don't think!"

Carth took a step back defensively, knocking her hand to the side. "How the hell was I to know you wouldn't be able to find them."

"If I lose my lightsabers, I can use the Force to remember." The Jedi's eyes narrowed. "When you lose my lightsabers, I can only torture you with it."

"Look," Carth spread his hands out in a gesture of peace, I'll help you find them."

"No, Carth," Libra shook her head, face turned into a sneer, "you've done enough, really."

"Here - " Carth bent down to open one of the drawers and found it locked. He stood and knocked his head against the shelf above the bank, knocking all the objects off. "Ah, damn it!"

"I sent my subordinates to destroy your homeworld once, I can do it again!"

"Look, we all make mistakes. Damn it, why can you build new ones?"

"Because my strongest and most powerful crystals are in those sabers," Libra dragged shaky hands through her hair, trying to reign in her temper. "Where am I going to find another Krayt Dragon Pearl? A Sigil? They don't grow on trees."

"I said I was sorry."

"I can't do my job without them, Carth!" Her voice bordered on hysteria. "I'm not a Jedi without them!"

"Libra!"

The Jedi took several deep, calming breaths of cool cabin air. She pushed down the sinking feeling in her stomach. "Tell me, when did you move them?"

"Early this morning. The hilts were digging into my back as I slept."

"So you tossed them off the bunk?"

"I don't remember," explained the pilot.

Taking up her pacing again, Libra wagged her finger in the air as she brainstormed to herself. "You did only a few things then. A) You tossed them from the bunk, B) you put them on my shelf, C) you moved and therefore they are still in bed or D) there is something you're not telling me."

"You know all I know."

Libra leveled him with an even stare. "Did you break them?"

Carth's brown furrowed. "What? No!"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes!"

"Because I won't beangry with you if you tell me the truth."

"Libra, I swear," Carth moved forward to take her hands, "I didn't break them."

"Fair enough then." The Jedi moved just as he closed in on her. She twisted about him and nudged him out the door. "I'm going to look now. Come in here and you'll never fly solo again."

"Why punish yourself?" asked the pilot, leaning against the doorframe.

Libra thought for a moment and then nodded her head in finality. "I'm cutting off your left hand."

"Damn…"

Sometime later, as Carth played a game of pazaak solitaire, Revan's voiced drifted out to greet him from the starboard quarters. Alone on the ship with her in hyperspace was only good when the air between them wasn't filled so much with tension.

"Carth?"

"Yes?" he called back warily.

"Would you come here a moment?"

He thought for a moment. "I value my left hand."

"I'm insulted. Move. Now."

"Look, sister, you don't tell me…" and then Carth decided that the best part of arguing was making up. "Coming!" He stood, leaving his solitaire game all by itself while he trudged with some trepidation towards her. "What is it?"

Libra sat on their bunk, two metallic cylinders lying beside her. "I found my lightsabers."

"You did? Where were they?"

"They had rolled into the service panel." She pointed a finger towards the opposite wall. "T3 got them out for me."

"Ah." Carth nodded, watching her face with interest and noting that something was wrong. "You didn't call me here to tell me that."

"No, no I didn't."

"Well?"

The Jedi sighed and patted the space beside her, which Carth gladly took. "I overreacted earlier, Carth. It was justified…being without one's lightsabers is frowned upon, but I shouldn't have threatened you or mini-Carth like that." She turned her blue eyes up at him in an apologetic expression.

Carth gave her a wry grin. "Are you going to make a formal apology to mini-Carth?"

Libra's eyebrows raised and she burst into laughter, leaning against him. "Haha! Perhaps I can work him in later."

"He'd appreciate that, I think." He stroked back a lock of hair from her face gently. "There's something else, isn't there?"

"Yeah, there is."

"So? Tell me."

Libra cast her eyes to examine her boots. "I had to scour the bunk for my lightsabers. Looking in various open compartments and what not."

"And…"

"And I saw you."

"Okay…" Carth wondered what it was she had seen that had disturbed her so badly.

"And her."

Carth sighed. Ah, so that's what it was. "My wife?"

His wife? I wonder what that would make me... "Yes." Libra's voice lilted low and soft. "She had…she had Dustil in her arms." She glanced at him quickly and then averted her eyes again. "He's caused a lot of trouble...but he was very cute as a child."

"It's a...nice holo-portrait."

"It is." She agreed. "Its lovely. Great colors, genuine pose...who took it?"

"I did."

"Oh. Nice job."

This conversation was putting Carth in a very awkward position, he didn't want to bury himself in an open grave, but then he didn't want to keep any secrets from her. "Libra…"

"I'm not upset Carth!" assured the Jedi quickly, perhaps too much so.

"You sure?"

"Well," she gave a loud sigh that shook her body, as if she was exhaling her soul into theair, "actually no."Her pale hands tightened on the blanket and then released it, she didn't want to shred it into bits in her frustration. "I am actually a little upset."

"Can I ask why?"

"Think about! You told me a little about her…but…Carth I don't even know her name! I know nothing about you or your life previous…or her."

"Does it matter?"

"Yes!" She slapped her hand onto her thigh for emphasis. "Yes. It.Does. Carth. Yes. It. Does."

"Alright, alright, don' t hurt yourself, sister. If you want to know, I'll tell you." Carth caught her hand in midslap and grazed his thumbs over the backs of her knuckles. "But...promise me this: nothing about you changes."

She nodded. "Okay."

"And no guilt."

The laughter itself already sounded guilty to his ears. "You got me there, flyboy."

"Revan, I don't want to hurt you with this."

"Carth, I have to know, otherwise I feel like its three people lying in our bed as opposed to two."

The finality in her voice was enough to answer any of Carth's other questions. She needed this, and perhaps he did too. It was closure.

"Well…alright…"

Carth then related to her the story of how he had met his wife Morgana and their brief courtship before he left for the Fleet. Not wanting to lose each other, their marriage followed shortly after and Dustil was soon born. Libra watched him, engrossed in the story and was suddenly much more aware of just how fundamentally different they were in certain regards. She ascribed it to his family life and her lack there of, and the equally important distance of their genders…but as she listened to Carth speak of duty and loyalty to his family, she could only find respect and love for him.

Like anyone would, Libra regretted the loss of his wife...but now he was all hers. She nowfelt more confident that Carth was indeed in love with her because she was Libra, not a Morgana surrogate. The ghost in their bed appeared to be exorcised for the moment.

"Thank you for telling me. At least I have a name for a face now."

"I should have told you earlier I guess."

Libra gave him a tender smile, doing her best to appear more moved than hurt by the past. "Don't worry about it."

"Are you felling okay?" Carth, as ever,appeared to be seeing through the ruse. One mask wouldn't work on the man anymore.

"Do you want to know the truth?"

"Yeah."

Libra raised her hands in a mocking motion of exasperation. She didn't really mean it. "Force! Heh, you know me too well, Onasi! I feel a little hollow, but I'm better off knowing."

"Good."

"I just can't imagine you being married to a quiet woman. Good thing Morgana was a bit of a spitfire, eh?" Sheplayfully nudged him in the ribs with her elbow.

"Are you saying I'm a sucker for punishment?"

"Nah, you're not a masochist. Leave the guilt to me." With a flirtatious toss of her head to throw her hair over her shoulder, she kissed his cheek. "You just do what you do best."

"Oh?"

"Avoid questions."

Carth thought he might get a toothache from the sweetness of her grin. He raised an eyebrow and leaned in close to her face, touching his head against hers. "I'll let you in on a little secret: you do it too, sister."

"Feeling incestuous, are we?" was the husky whisper.

"Now that you mention it…"

Libra, laughing,pulledaway and showed him her palm, not indicating her concession, but instead forcing Carth to retreat looking rather disgruntled. "Just mini-Carth, remember?"

"What about the story I just told you?"

"I had to know that. It's not some bartering tool, Carth. You can ask me any questions you like and I'll answer. That is, if I remember. It's a partnership between us, remember?"

Carth's voice teetered between incredulity and sarcasm. "I can ask you questions?"

"Of course! I swear, all our conversations are so one sided."

The words were out of Carth's mouth before he could stop himself. They caught him unaware and he regretted them the instant he heard them. "Why'd you do it?

"Do what?"

"Go to the darkside."

Libra flinched and took a sharp inhale of breath. "Boy, you don't waste time, do you?"

There was no use apologizing for it now, better to take the intergalactic pong ball andhit it. "I've wanted to know that a long time, and here I have the person who can give me the real reason."

"We'll have to put the pieces together, I thinkbecause I'm not quite so sure myself. I do have a suspicion, however." She gave him a meaningful look, indicating that she had a past of her own to rival his. "But in order for you to understand, I'd have to tell you all about what I've gleaned about Revan's…my past. It is my past isn't it? One of them, anyway."

"They fabricated an entire life for Libra?"

"Oh yes," nodded Libra, "I have memories of events that never happened and mementos from a nonexistent home and life.Its a great self-esteem dropper. Here I thought I had a great memory when in reality I'm just playing around with the pictures of a holo-story. Heh."

"People like your mother and father...were they..." asked Carth gently, leaning an arm behind her so that they could share body heat in the cool room.

"No," Libra pursed her lips in agitation, "the Jedi Council would never give Revan the memories of her real parents.Libra's 'parents' were killed, so she continued on with the family smuggling business until the Republic got her. Revancan't remember that far back."

"That's harsh, on both accounts."

The Jedi shrugged. "There's nothing to be done about it. No sense mourning people that don't exist. That'd be a bit...crazy, don't you think?"

"The voices in your head?" teased Carth. "Have they come back?"

"You just wait, Flyboy, you just wait..."

"Oh don't worry, I am." He shifted himself so that he could lay comfortably across the bed, Revan leaning against his abdomen as he curled himself about her. "So where does Malak fit in?"

"He is rather interesting." Libra paused for a moment, considering how to start the subject. "I eavesdrop, you know, and with Jolee's help the big picture has slowly become clearer. You're going to love him."

"More then I already do now?"

"The Jedi don't have platonic relationships, Carth. They either A) don't care or B) fly straight into the heat of passion. I think it compensates for our mediator lot in life?"

"Tell me what happened."

Libra's gaze was eloquent. "Very well then!" She patted his thigh reassuringly. "Hold on to your hat, flyboy, and let me take you on a wild ride down the darkside."

And Carth listened with hungry interest as Libra explained, trying to ignore the hand on his leg that was slowly creeping its waydown on some perilous journey. Mini-Carth, however, was quite eager for his apology.