Disclaimer: Naruto not mine.
A/N: Yay! A lil ficcie! Major props to Silvaren for "At the end of all things" ... it inspired me to write this... and that story is a million times better than this one... so yes... this was written for my own enjoyment... not to show how "unoriginal" I am.. haha.. mleh.. OH! The poem that's in here is one of my own.. yup... it's allll mine. Hehehe alright I hope you guys like it...
Desperation of Love
In the end, it really wasn't that simple anymore. The lies that had controlled their lives for the past six years no longer supported what little humanity they had left. Pieces that had fit so perfectly in their minds suddenly revealed angles and curves that had not been there before. Foundations started to shake, proving that they were not as strong as their builders had thought they would be – not as foolproof as they hoped they would be.
Naruto stared at the boy sprawled in front of him. His chest heaved with exertion, yet every breath required an effort and cost him a sharp retribution of pain. Dirt and blood caked what were once his black clothes. Now, torn and barely recognizable, they served only to reveal the wounds and countless scars underneath. All from him. The snarl had faded from his lips, the mad rage gone from his darkened blue eyes. The hand that was held at his victim's throat shook with effort, the long, sharp nails gleaming in the moonlight. All he had to do was push – just a little – and it would all be over. Yet... aside from his lack of energy, something withheld his hand and it was all he could do now to breathe and keep his hand in its position.
Where was his hatred when he needed it most? Through his tiredness, Naruto felt a dull ache of disappointment. Had it, too, betrayed him? Like so many of the others? Like... Sasuke...
For a long moment, the two boys looked intently at one another. Their veil of hatred gone, the softness of memory was overtaking them through their pain.
"So..." Naruto's voice rasped with fatigue and pain. "This is how it ends..."
Even in that position, Sasuke managed to call up a faint smile of scorn. "You're not going anywhere either." He coughed violently, spitting up blood, and accidentally scraping his neck on Naruto's trembling nails. He winced at the new pain but with an effort, he sighed and leaned back against the tree. He had fared no better than Naruto – strips of cloth hung useless from a body that was covered with wound upon wound, scar upon scar. All from Naruto. His long, black hair fell limply around his shoulders. Eyes as dark as the night that surrounded them were glazed with agony – slowly, he slid them shut.
And finally, Naruto reached the end of his energy. His trembling knees gave way and he landed with a soft thud on the ground. He sucked in his breath sharply at the pain and immediately felt the consequences in the lung Sasuke had punctured. The two lay silent, focusing only on drawing breath after painful breath.
"Sasuke," came Naruto's barely audible whisper. "How did we end up like this?" He was tired, oh so tired. It was funny, how all of the emotions and reason that had been driving him for the past decade seemed to disappear in this moment. There was no hate, no anger in his question – he had accepted reality – that he and Sasuke were going to die by each other's hand - yet a small part of him that he had not known still existed mourned for what could have been.
"...I don't know." Sasuke found that it was getting harder and harder to focus. And through this weakness, something broke. Memories he had suppressed for all these years suddenly floated through his mind. His family's love. His brother and how they had been before IT happened. Iruka-sensei's gentle teaching. Kakashi-sensei's perverted books. Sakura's unfailing devotion. Naruto... before he became... this. The last one caused a familiar ache to resurface in his heart. Memories he had deemed useless and burdensome came to him with a vengeance. The ambitions he had been chasing blindly after dissipated. He had devoted everything to his goals... and yet... and yet... in the end... what he really wanted...
... what I really want...
"I don't know," he echoed faintly.
Sasuke could pinpoint the exact day and time when everything had changed.
He was exhilarated in a unsatisfied way. Splattered with blood that was mostly his own, he stumbled through the darkened village. Grimacing with each step, he forced himself to go on, to walk the route he had walked so many times before. But, tonight was different. Finally, he reached his destination. The house loomed ahead of him, darkened and silent. It seemed as if nothing had changed since he first left it. The Uchiha crest still stood guard on the double doors, the ivy still twined gracefully up the stone walls, the grounds were still neat and well-kept. With an effort, he made his way to the door and knowing with certainty that it would not be locked, pushed and entered.
He made it to the kitchen before he became aware of a presence behind him.
"Who the fuck are you?" came the harsh question. Sasuke felt cool metal pressed against his throat. He waited patiently for a moment, confident that he need not answer. He was rewarded when realization dawned. "Shit... Sasuke?"
Naruto withdrew his blade and stumbled over to where the light switch was. He flipped on the lights and squinted in the sudden brightness. He should have known – he had performed a jutsu on the doors so that Sasuke would be the only one who could enter. But of course, the black-haired boy wouldn't have known that – he probably just assumed that Naruto was still as naïve as before.
He stared with a mixture of emotions at the boy that stood in front of him. He had waited for this moment for the past four years, yet it was still so unreal. The two examined each other for several moments, each trying to piece together what had happened to the other in the years that had separated them.
Naruto's face was a reflection of confusion. The Sasuke before him was completely different from what he had expected, no, hoped for. He had grown, in a slender, graceful way that reminded Naruto all too entirely of an assassin. His eyes seemed to be permanently in the Sharingan mode and they gleamed a dull red that spoke of death. His hair was longer than before, nearly reaching his shoulders, yet it was highlighted with bold white streaks. His completely black attire was stained with blood and dirt, and in the places where it was torn, Naruto could see skin that was no longer as pale as moonlight. The cursed flame markings seemed to be burned into the skin and they remained there, as dead as the one who had put them there. But all these changes, Naruto could deal with.
What he could not comprehend was the expression Sasuke wore. The blood red eyes were devoid of any emotion and it scared him more than if they had been filled with wrath. Four years had carved his face into one of apathy. There were no curves to be seen – merely hard angles and edges. There was nothing about him that even suggested that he was still human. Naruto suppressed a shudder. This was not the Sasuke he knew.
"You took good care of the house," Sasuke said quietly. He surveyed his former teammate. Naruto had finally reached that growth spurt, the once short blonde now stood at nearly 6 feet. His hair had only gotten messier and slightly longer – not that Sasuke had expected anything else. Cheerful blue eyes still sparkled with mischievousness yet somehow, the hue was not as bright as he had remembered. With Naruto clad only in thin pajamas, Sasuke could see how the years of training had toned him to perfection. Inwardly, Sasuke let loose a tiny sigh. It was good to see that Naruto was still pretty much the same.
"Yeah, well," came the equally subdued answer. "I was waiting for you."
Sasuke stared a moment at a loss for what to say before turning away abruptly. He walked over to the open window and placed his hands on the sill. An awkward silence descended upon the room. Suddenly, Sasuke spoke.
"I killed Itachi." Even then, Naruto could not hear anything in his voice. No happiness, no regret, nothing. It was starting to make him worry.
"Does that mean you'll come home now?" Naruto dared not show the small, flickering flame of hope that he cradled in his heart. He leaned casually against the wall and was careful not to stare at Sasuke's back.
"No." The flame died.
Anger took its place with a vengeance as he pushed himself off the wall again. "Why not?!? Why the fuck not?!?" Naruto's voice rose in volume. He no longer cared who heard. Fuck them. Fuck them all. He had pinned all his hopes on this day only to have them slaughtered with that one word. What did he have to cling to now?
Sasuke remained silent for a heartbeat, as if faced with the question for the first time, as if he had not asked himself the very same a million times over. "I can't let go of the power. I still have goals to accomplish."
This was too much for Naruto. To have Sasuke come back and tell him this?! No. He clenched his fists and tried very hard not to fly at Sasuke and pummel him until he saw reason. "Then why the hell did you come back here?" he yelled.
"To tell you, that's all." Even to Sasuke's ears, it sounded lame. But... the truth was... he didn't really know why he came back. In the daze that followed Itachi's death, he had found his steps taking him back home. Back to Naruto. It made no sense, but in the end, Naruto was the only one he wanted to tell – the only one he wanted to see. He knew that a conversation like this would happen and yet he still came. It confused and bewildered him in a way he was not used to.
"Sasuke."
Sasuke's attention snapped back to Naruto. His voice had changed into something ominous and foreboding. Reluctantly, Sasuke forced himself to turn back around and face his former friend. He was slightly startled when he looked at Naruto once more. All playfulness and joy had gone from his face – the immense seriousness surprised Sasuke. Had Naruto really matured that much while he was gone? The Naruto he had known didn't even know the meaning of being serious.
"I always keep my promises, no matter what the cost."
Sasuke laughed lightly, a laugh void of humor or warmth. "Promises mean nothing."
Naruto met Sasuke's eyes and held them. "Sasuke, you aren't the only one with a demon inside, y'know."
Inwardly, Sasuke stumbled a bit. What was that supposed to mean? Was Naruto still caught up in trying to beat him? It didn't matter how strong Naruto had gotten these past four years – it was nothing compared to what he had gone through. What was Naruto thinking? Strange how after all this time, the blonde could still dance circles around his logic. Naruto was never one for concrete definitions – every time Sasuke thought he had Naruto figured out, the blonde would do something or say something that completely shattered the box. Now... even now... he was no different.
Naruto stared calmly into Sasuke's emotionless eyes. He remembered that one night, when he was still young and innocent. Sakura had handed him a scroll and through her tears she had told him that Sasuke had left this. That Sasuke was gone. With trembling fingers, he had opened the scroll to find that Sasuke had asked him to take care of his house while he was gone and to please not go after him, he knew what he was doing, after all. What followed were four miserable years of loneliness and helplessness while he waited. Naruto hated being helpless. He hated waiting. But most of all, he hated not knowing. Each day, he was distracted with worry for Sasuke – if he was safe, if he was healthy, if he was happy... if he was coming home.
He could not remember when exactly he had come to his conclusion. He could not remember what led to it or what followed it. What he did know was the conviction in his heart, the absolute decision he had made. He would throw away his own humanity if it meant saving Sasuke's. He had learned – quite by accident – how to undo the seal that restrained the Kyuubi. After much research, he had even learned how to safely merge with the demon. The scrolls all warned that his human mind could not be separated from his demon mind once the two merged. To the best of anyone's knowledge, a maneuver like this was absolutely irreversible. A pang of doubt entered his heart but was quickly dispelled.
"Don't make me do this," Naruto said. Not pleading, no. Not entirely at least. But please, Sasuke... please...
Coldly, Sasuke replied, "You speak as if we were equals. Don't bother. Konoha no longer has what I want. There is no place fore me here."
"Sasuke - I will kill you before I let you go."
"Go ahead and try."
Naruto looked at Sasuke intently with eyes full of sorrow and regret. He saw the coldness that caked the boy's heart and reflected in his black eyes and it cemented his decision. He would do anything to stop that chill from spreading to the rest of Sasuke's soul. He had to do something before Sasuke traveled beyond help.
Naruto closed his eyes. His hands came up and slowly, he formed the forbidden seals. Red light began to radiate from his stomach and gradually, it spread until it enveloped his entire body. Sasuke watched, vaguely interested. He wondered what trick Naruto had learned this time and settled down for the show.
Naruto dropped his hands with a sigh. It was done. He felt the surge of chakra through his body as he began to change. Naruto felt his canines grow quickly into sharp weapons. His ears became pointy and elongated slightly, imitating his fingernails, which grew longer and sharpened to the finest point – as deadly as any blade. The whiskers on his face darkened and lengthened as well, transforming his face into something altogether animalistic. His hair grew rapidly until it brushed his chin and streaks of red auburn appeared. Naruto opened his eyes and Sasuke started. Eyes as red as his own stared back at him, the pupils contracted and slitted. Naruto felt the Kyuubi slip into his mind and into all the areas of his body. The power that was coursing through his veins was amazing – he had never felt anything like it.
Sasuke took a step back. He felt the stirrings of fear in his bitter heart but ignored them. Naruto couldn't have... Naruto didn't just...
In a voice that was deeper than before, Naruto repeated himself calmly, "I will kill you before I let you go."
With a snarl that sent shivers up Sasuke's spine, Naruto leapt at him. He drew his fist back and concentrating a massive amount of chakra, he attacked.
The next morning, Sakura came to the Uchiha house, just like usual. She whistled a cheerful tune and wondered if Naruto was still in bed or not. Knowing him, he was probably still snoring away. Damnit, why was she always the one who had to wake – Sakura stopped dead in her tracks. The scene stretched before her horrified eyes and for a few seconds she did not believe it was real. The once beautiful house was demolished, reduced to a mere pile of rubble. The destruction shocked her and it was several moments more before she had enough sense to start running back toward the village. Several hours of all the search parties searching only confirmed what she already knew.
Naruto was gone.
In the year that followed, stories began to circulate. Whispers swept across the continent, carrying tales that were too incredible to be believed. Even when the whispers grew in volume, many still refused to acknowledge the possibility that the stories might be real. Perhaps they were afraid of the deadly consequences of confronting the truth.
The stories spoke of demons. How two of them - one brilliantly encased in what looked like flames, the other a true son of the darkest hour of night – were waging a war. How they fought anywhere and everywhere and that the destruction they left behind each time was immense. How the two never killed an innocent intentionally – just anyone that got in the way. And yet it seemed like everything was in the way between these two. Their world had narrowed until each could only see the other. Nothing existed outside of that. They took turns chasing each other across the continent – one week the black demon would seem to have the upper hand, the next week the red demon would seem near victory. Countless homes were destroyed. Countless landscapes were marred by their blood.
Two years had passed now. The Kage from every village united in a rare moment and unanimously decided that something must be done. For the first time in history, forces united – forced together by fear. Bravely, the best of the best marched out to confront and kill the two demons. Weeks turned into months and they did not come back. Hearts stopped and sank when reports finally came back of hundreds of rotting carcasses – and the demons still unharmed. It was the end of the third year. Each village reluctantly retreated within itself, unable and unwilling to do anything else. They had learned now what the cost was of interfering and it was much too high in their eyes.
Nothing came between the two. Nothing.
The beat of the overly loud music pounded in Naruto's ears. He scowled at the empty glass before him and without looking up, signaled for it to be refilled. The vodka came quickly and without thought, Naruto swallowed it all in one gulp. He tried very hard to forget where he was at the moment – tried to forget that he, one of the most feared demons of all time, was sitting in a shady dance club, drinking shot after shot of alcohol in a futile attempt to calm down.
His fist clenched and he slammed it down on the table. Damn that Sasuke. Yesterday's fight was still as fresh in his mind as it was three drinks ago. Yesterday had been especially bad, even though the end result was yet another stalemate. Why was it that Sasuke always knew exactly what to say to hurt Naruto the most? Was that all they really boiled down to? Each inflicting pain on each other – was that all their former friendship really came down to?
He did not know why he was so angry now. He pushed himself off the stool and made his way to the bathroom. It smelled like smoke and puke inside but Naruto ignored the stench. He twisted the squeaky knobs until a thin stream of water came out. Vigorously, he washed his face as best he could. He leaned back and stared at the man in the mirror.
Naruto's real form was hidden now. In its place was a completely different man. His height was still the same as if he was undisguised, but the rest of him was no longer recognizable. Dull brown hair fell around his face, shaggy and untamed. The red eyes were gone, disguised behind ordinary brown eyes and he had hidden his fingernails as well. His dark clothing clung to his toned frame seductively and around his hips he had placed a thin silver chain. Naruto's many piercings gleamed in the dim lights – three on one ear and two on the other. It was funny, but he had no memory of receiving those piercings. It seemed like every time he drank to forget, he would wake up with another familiar throb in his ear.
Naruto gazed at himself for a few seconds more before he sighed and turned away. He had to stop drinking – the last time, Sasuke had found him too drunk to fight and nearly killed him. He could still hear his mocking laughter echoing in his mind.
'So this is the kind of effect I have on you, is it?'
The demon frowned as he pushed his way out of the bathroom and through the crowd. He had to get out of here. Maybe if he changed to his full demon form and ran for a long time, it would clear his thoughts of a certain black and white-haired man. He doubted it, but it was worth a try. Gritting his teeth, Naruto tried to make his way to the door. Why were there so many fucking dancers? He wanted sorely to push them all out of the way with one punch, but he held back. Hurting random strangers for no reason was still the ultimate taboo. Hurting random bystanders of his battles – now, that was different.
Abruptly, Naruto felt someone grab his arm and before he had time to react, he was whirled around into an angry kiss. He knew already who it was, even before their lips met. He could smell the scent that was uniquely Sasuke no matter what disguise the other man had on. Two hands now held him in a vice like grip as rough lips continued to attack his own.
Sasuke drew back and Naruto could hear the light pants that escaped from his mouth. With a critical eye, he scanned his hazel eyes, light brown hair, and skin-tight black outfit. The curse marks where hidden, and for the first time in four years, Naruto beheld Sasuke's white skin. He had nearly forgotten how pale Sasuke really was. Sweeping his gaze back up, he was met with a gaze no less emotionless than his own. It was almost jarring not to see the red eyes he had grown so accustomed to.
"Should I kill you now?" Naruto asked calmly. His cold mask did nothing to reflect the confusion he felt inside. Seeing Sasuke in a human body made him feel emotions that he thought he had learned to ignore by now. A nearly unperceivable ache began to form in his chest that he could not explain or dislodge, try as he might
A sadistically cold grin spread slowly across Sasuke's face. "You don't want to. Not now."
Sasuke leaned in once more and their mouths met. He slid a rough hand up Naruto's arm and into his dark brown hair, cradling his head. Hesitantly, Naruto placed his own hands on either side of Sasuke's face. The kiss deepened - their mouths open now, their tongues battling fiercely for domination. Hungrily, the two men clung to each other until the necessity for air forced them to stop for a moment. Pulling back slightly, they stared at one another with glazed eyes.
Somehow, the two found themselves in a cheap motel room. Their groans and loud pants filled the small room. The springs on the old mattress screeched in response to their overwhelming passion. Their love was violent and intense – there was nothing tender or gentle about it. Hours later, bruises and scratches and bites covered them both as they lay there, breathing hard. Slowly, their breathing slowed and evened out. Naruto and Sasuke stared at each other, expressionless as a heavy silence descended upon them.
In an instant, they both had their weapons at the other's throat. The human forms slipped from their frames and two demons lay in their place. Naruto's nails and Sasuke's blades shone dully in the faint moonlight. Their faces were cold now, nothing even remotely hinted at the act they had just committed. Any emotion they might have felt had been killed in cold blood, lest they interfere in ways that were forbidden.
"I'll ask you again. Will you go back?" Naruto said. His words fell, crisp and metallic.
"Why should I?" said Sasuke in an even voice.
"Sasuke, you left behind a heart." Naruto could not keep the harshness from his voice this time but he quickly recovered and resumed his blank mask.
"I don't need a heart. I thought I made that clear to you a long time ago."
"You won't go back."
"No."
His red eyes cold with the intent to kill, Naruto lunged forward. When the dust had settled, Sasuke was gone and a gaping hole had been born in the cheap plaster wall. Naruto let out a stream of curses. He gazed a long moment through the hole, into the dark, dark night. Abruptly, he turned around and stumbled back to the flimsy bed. He threw himself on it, ignoring the creaks of the springs, and sighed. He would not give chase tonight. He closed his eyes.
Sasuke was the only one who could make him this weary.
Nearly a week later, Naruto was heading toward the Sound Village. He was in desperate need of restocking his emergency medicine. The only person he trusted for his supplies in the last three years was the only other demon he knew. The only other person who wouldn't fear him, who wouldn't try to make him give up and go home. Naruto had let Kyuubi's natural form take over, and he loped across the desert easily on all fours.
A warning light went off in his head and in an instant, Naruto had changed back to his now normal form. A kunai was flying out of his hand even before the transformation was complete.
Sasuke dodged the weapon easily. "That wasn't very nice, Naruto."
Naruto said nothing, merely looked at the demon that stood in front of him.
The Uchiha smirked and still it was an expression without emotion. "Did you miss me?"
"Like hell. Are you going to kill me or not?"
Sasuke grinned, showing his sharp teeth, and without warning, he attacked. And so the war continued as if nothing had ever happened. The two slipped back into the familiar pattern of battle. Countless fighting slowly turned them into enemies, cultivating hatred where there had been none before. Yet, when the knowing eye of the sun had gone, and the dark shroud of night come in its place, a different relationship was formed.
They came to each other, each like a moth drawn to a flame. Weeks, months might go by, but eventually, in the end, they would find each other and express their rage in a completely different way. They did not question this – it was natural for them. Their relationship needed no explanation, merely it's existence. The demons dared not question what it was they were doing, it was a fragile enough system as it was. And so they left it alone for another three lonely years.
It was a warm June day when they met again, like so many times before. There was no prelude by now and they slipped into the familiar patterns of violence. The fight progressed well into the day and when night began to creep out, the two knew that something had changed. Each battled now, knowing that this would be their last. Almost relieved, they accepted the finality of the situation.
Finally... finally... they were tired...
Naruto and Sasuke lay in the darkened forest. Naruto's mind was starting to grow dim. It was weird, he thought through his haze, how after waging war across the entire continent, the two of them ended up only a few miles from Konoha. Memories of home and his childhood flooded Naruto. Sasuke... what had he been like before Orochimaru? Before all ... this? Naruto couldn't remember anymore and suddenly, he wanted to cry. He gathered his waning strength and crawled, slowly, to Sasuke's side. Collapsing, he lay there for a few moments, trying to overcome the pain. Their hands found each other and they clung with a fierce desperation.
"I'm sorry, Naruto." Sasuke's voice was barely audible and Naruto could hear the struggle he was going through.
"Me, too." It was getting harder and harder to breathe. He closed his eyes and surrendered to the darkness. A soft sigh escaped and his hand went limp in Sasuke's grip.
Sasuke turned his head painfully to look at Naruto's face through cloudy eyes. He fought desperately to keep his eyes open, to keep conscious for as long as he could, but his blinks became longer and longer and his eyelids felt so heavy. The blackness beckoned at the edges of his vision yet Sasuke still struggled. He did not want to stop looking at Naruto. It was hard now, to form any coherent thought, yet as he finally slipped under, a last wisp of regret flickered across his mind before the darkness claimed him too.
... what I really want... is you...
Quieting the Broken Man
Gossamer strands of treasures lost
Sway before your longing eyes
The hand that reaches, tender and trembling
Grasps at naught but broken dreams
Against the screaming backdrop
-of lies too bright, movement too blurred –
you stand and you despair
facing away, a spirit stretched in fear
...toward the sunset...
and the wild gestures flung
from your fingertips
slow you down not at all
be still-
and wait for the coming dawn
be still!
Your anguish sinks – too fast, too hard
In the stillness of your breaking heart
...be still.
Sasuke opened his eyes and the world swam before him. He squinted and tried to focus. Since when did hell have so much white? It took him a few more moments to orient himself. He noticed, belatedly, the smell of clean linen and sickness and the feel of the soft bed beneath him. A hospital. How?
Ignoring the pain, Sasuke turned his head. A window framed the rows of Konoha houses and buildings that he had once been so familiar with. An ache began to throb in his chest. His arm caught his gaze and he stared, clearly surprised. The black flames that had entwined themselves around his body for so long were nowhere to be seen. He regarded his original pale skin with something akin to awe.
A soft noise caught his attention and he turned his head to the other side. He was met with clear blue eyes, each an ocean of their own. Sasuke's breath hitched. He had not seen those eyes in more than six years. He had forgotten... he had forgotten...
Naruto lay on the other bed, a faint, wry smile twisting his lips. It was the Naruto could have been, should have been – blonde, tall, and brilliant. Sasuke felt the ache grow inside of him as the two gazed at each other intently. After a few heartbeats, Naruto broke the silence with his soft, tender whisper.
"Will you stay?"
Sasuke looked at him. He thought of the long and empty years they had spent fighting. He thought of the loneliness of power. He thought of the uselessness of his original ambitions. He thought of what he really wanted and for the first time in years, he smiled a true smile.
"Yes."
... what I really want... is you...