Well this is it. Sorry the ending is a bit rushed and just gets to the point but to be frank I'm glad to get this mini-novel out of the way and get back to writing my real one and my upcoming slash. Hope you'll all stick around for those and thanks to everyone who reviewed. You're absolute stars :)

The Cat grumbled quietly to himself over the waste of his precious clothes as he bundled all the twins' outfits into the Recyclatron. For the very first time though, he actually felt sorry for Lister. He didn't quite understand the monkey nature of loving companions and mates and children but he too was also suffering a great loss as he switched the Recyclatron to shred. If he felt this bad, then Lister probably felt pretty crummy too. "Listen bud, why don't you and I get totally drunk tonight? I mean 'singing songs about goblins' drunk. 'Peeing in Rimmer's closet' drunk."
"We do all that anyway. Look Cat, it's a nice gesture an' all, but I'd really like to be alone for a while. To just be with me thoughts. Think about stuff."
"So, what, I'll be back in say, ten minutes?" Lister's depressed little shrug told Cat to bugger off before he began to annoy him. The Cat checked his reflection and then twirled his way out of the room and down the corridor. "AAOOOWWW!!!" he howled as he passed Rimmer. Rimmer wrinkled his nose making his nostrils appear exceptionally large. "Go away you vile creature. Can't you see I'm busy?"
"Doing what?"
"Delivering a message to Lister from Holly."
"Doesn't sound too important to me. If it was then why didn't she just go on the magic wall thing and tell him herself?"
"...Shut up! It is important," said Rimmer before continuing on his way, muttering all the while about curiosity killing the wrong cat. When he entered his room he found exactly what he had expected - Lister sobbing drunkenly into a beer can. He rolled his eyes and decided that the best thing for Lister was to just keep him busy and try to snap him out of his misery. He had to be cruel to be cruel, otherwise nothing he wanted to get done would get done. "Lister, Holly has found something a few decks below." Lister swilled the beer around the can, taking great comfort from hearing the widget thunking against the sides. "What?"
"Kryten."

"Bleeding 'eck! He's total wreck. He looks like me first car a week after I got it."
"You crashed it a week after you bought it?!"
"No," Lister insisted, "me ex-girlfriend dropped a TV on it." Rimmer chose not to probe further. "Well Listy," he mused, "what are we going to do with it? We can't leave it here like this." Lister hauled Kryten back onto the bike piece by piece and rolled it back and forth. "It still works. Just the engine gone and a mashed handlebar. Not bad considerin'. I reckon I could fix this lot in a month-ish."
"You? Fix a Series 4000 Mechanoid from the 22nd century? You can't even build a Lego car."
"Alright, two months," said Lister as he strained to push Kryten and the bike towards the lift. Rimmer went with him shaking his head the entire time. "Ridiculous. Preposterous. Outlandish. Absurd! A... hmm, I'll need to check my thesaurus but I'm sure there are more good words to describe the very idea of you rebuilding a highly complex machine like Kryten." Lister ignored him and bopped up and down to the elevator music which he had changed to 'Corky and the Juice Pigs' a year ago. The lift stopped at the technician's floor and he dragged Kryten towards the workshop, slipping a few times under the bike. After arranging Kryten on the floor like a puzzle set he started to work out what pieces used to belong where and how they were attached. Rimmer watched Lister quietly for a long while before leaving him to ponder over which ear was the left and which was the right. Lister exhaled thankfully when he had gone.

Lister had just worked out... that he was an idiot and would never have a snowball's chance in hell of repairing Kryten, when Bob the skutter dropped a book with a loud thud beside him. It was a manual for the Mechanoid 4000 series. "Thanks a lot, Bob, I really need that!" Lister grinned and searched through the pages, tearing a few as he went.
"Oh don't thank me!" Rimmer snapped, standing in the doorway.
"Oh, right. Ta."
"Ta? TA?!" he gargled on his own rage. Rimmer stomped over to Lister and although he knew perfectly well that he couldn't touch him, Rimmer still took a few swings at him. "I'll give you 'ta' - Don't you 'TA' ME!!!" Lister lifted his crossed legs and swivelled away from him on the floor. "You selfish little smeg," Rimmer continued. "You contemptible git. Look at me when I'm insulting you."
"I can't look at you, alright? Every time I see you I remember you mincing around quoting Watson-Smyth rules. Every word you say reminds me of it. Of them. I've finally found a way to pass the time without crying so just bugger off!" Lister turned back to his work and Rimmer stood gaping at him: his mouth opening and shutting like a dying goldfish. "I do NOT mince around!" Rimmer eventually snapped.
"Just go away, Rimmer." Lister's plea fell on deaf ears which became evident when Rimmer deliberately plonked himself down next to Lister and began reading the manual. Three months later, Kryten was almost finished. "Is that the nose?"
"What's left of it."
"Put it on then," Rimmer sighed and examined their handiwork. Kryten looked relatively normal despite the brief incident with the vice which left Kryten's head resembling a vibrator Rimmer's mother used to have. They'd also had a lot of trouble locating all of his nose and the less said about the groinal attachment they found, the better. For now it lay with the spare heads Lister found and had banged into shape to look like the new one. "I think I banged the third one a bit too much," Lister had muttered after it tried to bite his finger off. Now, was the grand unveiling of the new and improved Kryten. Holly tried to appear interested but couldn't help yawning throughout Rimmer's speech about all the hard work he'd put into fixing Kryten. Lister was too tired to point out that all he'd done was bark orders at him and the skutters. The Cat gobbled popcorn noisily and heckled Rimmer until he finished. "I present to you - Kryten!" Bob the skutter tugged at the rope and the curtain fell back to reveal the rather bemused Kryten. "Can I go now? I've got to fit in three naps before lunch. I'm not going to have enough time to look at myself in the mirror before I eat. I hope you're happy!" the Cat whined before twirling to the lift.
"C'mon, Kryten, let's go. I've got to teach you how to rebel again."
"V-v-v-v-v-very g-go-gog-go-d, ssssirrrrrrrrr."
"Is his voice still acting up?"
"Yeah, the only section that seems to be workin' is 'North Canada'. We'll just have to use that for now," Lister sighed and adjusted a few switches in Kryten's head.
Rimmer moaned, "Ugh, Canada. I'm surround by the worst of Earth accents; American, Canadian and Scouser."
"What about me?" said Holly.
"Don't get me started on you. Anyway your accent isn't Earthy, it's Jupitarian." Holly didn't seem to care what anyone thought of her accent. She was far more worried about how she knew seven came before eight, but didn't know why. Kryten followed Lister obediently up to his room for his first Lying Lesson. Rimmer remarked it would more than likely consist of Lister lying on his bunk and Kryten watching and taking notes on laziness. Lister rolled his eyes and mentioned to Kryten that if he ever went on a mad human-killing spree like in the movies, that he should start with Rimmer so that he could watch. Kryten blinked a few times and wished they'd left him where he was. "So..." he mumbled to himself, "this is my life. At least I still have Silicon Heaven."

Author notes;
Goblin song - Huzzah Blackadder referance :D
Widget - I'm not sure how it should be spelt XP
Corky and the Juice Pigs - very funny comedy band
Mincing - a feminine/homosexual way of walking. I think he does a bit ; )
Accents - not my opinion! I love Canadian accents, but you all know how insufferably snobbish Rimmer can be
Additional Kryten notes - The real reason behind his demise according to the official Red Dwarf site is that he crashed into an asteroid. I don't quite believe this because a) how and why would one be on Red Dwarf and b) there is no evidence suggesting Lister's bike is space-worthy. So I know the story differs but hell, they change their mind all the time. Maybe they'll come across this story and steal the idea :S Also, I don't recall when he was built so I put the ballpark of 22nd century, please don't shout if I'm wrong, I have a bad memeory and you'll make me cry