QUICKIE

Romance/humor

Fired? What? La, la, la, la, can't hear anything!!

This is a GS story. Yes, I'm in denial. No, I don't think boycotting the show is the answer. (After all, we love the show and the characters. It's the actors that are ruining things.

Warrick Brown needed a tape recorder but his own was being repaired. Hoping that Sara would lend him hers, he went looking for her. According to the timetable, she was working on a couple of cars that had been in a crash.

"Hey, Sara?" he called out.

The response came from somewhere under one of the cars in storage.

"Yeah!"

"How's the evidence coming up?"

"I've just started." She grunted, "If you see Greg, tell him to hurry, will you? I'm teaching him how to lift prints from cars."

"Will do. Listen, girl, could you lend me your tape recorder? I'll get it back to you in two hours."

"Ok, but no scratches!"

When Warrick put the tape recorder on his desk, he noticed that there was a cassette inside. Out of curiosity he pushed 'rewind' and 'play' and then listened…

His eyes widening comically and he gaped until his jaw hurt.

He abruptly stopped the tape,

"Man…what the hell was that?? Those two sounded as if…as if…No. Can't be. Oh, no, no way, I'm just jumping to conclusions!" he scoffed. He was intrigued though, and he took out the tape to see if it had the 'evidence' seal. It didn't. Sara must have been listening to some music and accidentally pushed 'record', leaving evidence of one very interesting conversation…

If it was just a conversation…

Warrick couldn't resist the temptation; he needed to verify if there was more than just talk. Oh, man, if it was what he thought it was, he'd try to get enough 'evidence' to tease those two!

He put on his headphones and listened to this…

(rustling sounds of clothes, paper and plastic, something metallic… and suddenly -)

GRISSOM: "Why did you stop here?"

SARA: "We need a little time alone, Grissom."

GRISSOM: "Yes, we do, but why did you stop here? It's an alley-" (pause) "What is this for? Wet towels, cleaning fluid, plastic wrap…and a clock?"

SARA: "I'm timing us. We have thirty five minutes."

GRISSOM: "Thirty five minutes for what?" (Sounds of a seat creaking under someone's weight, and sounds of clothes being messed up with) "Sara?" (Mystified) "What are you doing?"

SARA: "I'm trying to get to you. (Impatiently) Why do you have to wear so many clothes?"

GRISSOM: "You can't be serious! Do you want to do this in the car?"

SARA: "Desperate times require desperate measures- Damn! I can't lower this zipper…"

GRISSOM: "Sara, we can't do this, here-" (quick intake of breath) Oh."

SARA: "We can, baby." (Lowering her voice to a husky whisper, "We've given each other oral affection before, haven't we?"

GRISSOM: "Yeah. (A little breathless) "Yeah… but not like this, Sara; I don't… oh. Ooh. (long sigh, cut abruptly short) "Wait, wait, can't I kiss you first?"

SARA: "We have no time, baby…"

GRISSOM: (huskily) "One kiss, Sara, just- Mmmmh-"

SARA: " 'issov, 'e 'ov 'ave 'ive-"

GRISSOM: "What did you just say?"

SARA: "I said, Grissom-we-don't-have-time. I can't speak with two tongues in my mouth, you know!"

GRISSOM: (huskily) "So, don't talk… mmmmh"

(sounds of buttons being wrestled with)

SARA: (urgently) " 'issov, 'issov! '

GRISSOM: (impatiently) "What!"

SARA: "We don't have time for making out. We're here for a quickie-"

GRISSOM: (sounding as if he's never heard the word before) "A quickie? It sounds undignified-"

SARA: (patiently) "All right then: We're here to 'take care of a problem'. We haven't been able to be together in three days, Grissom. I'm frustrated and so are you."

GRISSOM: "Sara, I can manage-"

SARA: (skeptically) "Grissom, today I saw you carrying reports in a suspicious manner; you were obviously trying to hide an erec-"

GRISSOM: (panicked) "Oh, no, was it that noticeable?"

SARA: "Only to someone who watches all the time." (Chuckles) "Relax, nobody saw."

GRISSOM: (sighs) "Oh, Sara. You're right, I've been frustrated. And you're not helping! You looked so sexy while you explained your findings-"

SARA: "I was in my coveralls and a lab coat!"

GRISSOM: "Which made you look even sexier… after all, I know what's underneath. (Long sigh) You know, I can't believe I lived for so long without needing anybody, and now… now I'm obsessed-"

SARA: "That's why we're here, baby. We have thirty five minutes for…" (pause) "Uh, no. We have twenty two minutes now-"

GRISSOM: "Ok, then. Let's do it. Just let me-" (sounds of seats creaking)

SARA: "Ow! My hair!"

GRISSOM: "Uh, sorry, I was just trying to- Damn, we have no space here! Sara, why don't we go to some hotel nearby-"

SARA: "Oh, yuck, no way, Grissom! Do you know how creepy it is to lie down on those beds?"

GRISSOM: (primly) "No, I don't."

SARA: "Oh, you know what I'm talking about! You have processed hundreds of hotel sheets and you know they're disgusting; there are fluids everywhere and-"

GRISSOM: "Ah, so that's what the wipes and the plastic are for…!" (pause) "Sara, why don't we just go to my place?"

SARA: "Grissom, we only have twenty two-" (pause) "uh, no, we only have eighteen minutes now." (Patiently) "We can't go to your place. If we do, we'll end up in your bed and you know how that is. You'll start kissing every inch of my body and I'll reciprocate, and after that we'll just forget the world outside and…" (Her voice breaks) "…and we'll stay there for hours …and…"

GRISSOM: (breathing hard) "Oh, God, you like to torture me, don't you."

SARA: "Baby, that's why we're here. Let me help you-" (sounds of a zipper finally being lowered)

GRISSOM: "Wait. Let's kiss at least."

SARA: "We've already done that-"

GRISSOM: "Just one... mmmmh..."

SARA: "Ooh, mmmmh..." (rustling sounds) "Ouch!" (pause) "What are you doing?"

GRISSOM: (impatiently) "I'm trying to unhook this thing! Why is female clothing so complicated?"

SARA: "Wait, wait- See? It unhooks at the front."

GRISSOM: "Ooh, I like that!"

SARA: (indulgently) "You're a breast man, aren't you?"

GRISSOM: "I'm a Sara man. Mmmmh"

SARA: "Oh. Oh, oh, oh, baby..."

(wet sounds)

WARRICK: (shifting uncomfortably in his seat) "Man, they are doing it!"

GRISSOM: "Mmmmh...Oh, Sara… you're so beautif- Mmmmh-"

SARA: Ooh, Griss-Oh!-om..!

(Sound of timer going off: ti-ti-ti-ti!

GRISSOM: "What's that?"

SARA: "Time's up, baby."

GRISSOM: (frustrated groan) "I can't believe we didn't do more than fondle-"

SARA: (mournfully) "I told you we didn't have time for... for..."

GRISSOM: "Foreplay" (sighs) "This is so frustrating-"

SARA: "I know. I'm sorry-"

GRISSOM: "Hey, it's not your fault. We just can't do quickies, Sara."

SARA: "So it seems…"

(abrupt end of tape)

Warrick exhaled as the tape ended. He couldn't believe those two were having an affair! Who would have thought that Grissom and Sara…?

For a moment he wondered what to do with this knowledge –he wasn't going to blackmail them, of course not; but he had this golden opportunity to tease them, and rattle them a little. There were dozens of jokes, for instance-

However, a better idea came to him. After all, those two were his friends. They had spent years alone and now they deserved a little happiness. Yeah, they deserved to have fun. More to the point, they deserved to get laid.

All right; he'd help them. He still didn't know how, but by this time tomorrow, those two would have more than thirty minutes alone.

THE END