AN: Okay... this is mostly what Gohan thinks about his father and he has to say for his defense.

I know its not that true but it real to me and I think Gohan really would think something like that/this. And I added some fictional things... hey... everybody has to have flaws...hehee...just wait and read...

And What every fanfiction writer/author should remember and know concerning readers and reviewers too: ahem ahem...

THERE'S NO MISTAKES, FLAWS OR WRONGS IN FANFICTION 'CAUSE IT'S FICTION! (Except spelling and grammar errors...)

Disclaimer: World! Listen up!! I OWN THE DRAGONBALL Z!! ( Kinoha Chi drowns in suing, kill-threat, and suing letters. And gets couple of bomb letter too.) OKAY OKAY!! I DON'T OWN IT!!SHEESH PEOPLE!! CAN'T YOU TAKE A JOKE!!AAARGH!!( More letter fall on her ) Dammit...

(Gohan's POV)

I'm sitting at the one of the many cliffs and levels of Mt. Paozu. The moon shines brightly illuminating the summer night. The wind is kind and yet warm.

The clock is surely over midnight.

Nearby is cave you found when you were younger and showed it to me when I was no more than three. You and I were the only one who knew about this place. Even mom doesn't know about this. I haven't showed it to Goten yet...

I don't know why, but it's your right to do... It's been almost seven years since you died... I miss you terribly, Dad.

I am starting a school in few days. I hate it and I'm glad. I really don't need anymore books to study. Heck! I'm almost done the college studies already! I know you just thought about our safety and the others as well, sacrificing yourself but everything seemed so much better than before...

And what angers me the most is that they really didn't know you as I thought. Like they don't know me... Everybody thinks I have quit fighting but I haven't.

Mom is always saying how hard I study and I don't have time or will for some stupid training that I didn't ever like.

Wrong.

I have liked it so long as I can remember. I still train secretly at nights and early mornings. I have really become a master of sneaking and sometimes I feel myself ninja or something. When I saw Dad to train and fight first time as a kid I wanted too.

But Mom was always yelling at Dad he was ruining my education with some stupid useless things which didn't educate me.

Wrong again.

I grew up so much more mentally and I'm much wiser than a teenager of my age should be. Mom, have you forgotten everything about warrior philosophy? And fighting useless? Raditz would have taken me with him if it weren't for the little training Dad gave me secretly behind your back.

My anger just boosted my power and all happened subconsciously. If it weren't for that there would be no Chikyuu anymore...

When first I met Piccolo and started training and had to survive in the wilderness I wasn't so afraid just shocked and sad about your death. And again I'd be dead without those secret camping trips.

Everybody, once again, think, Dad has no guts to stand against Mom and her frying pan.

Wrong.

He just didn't do it in front of everybody's faces. I've come to realize Dad was a silent rebel sneaking around. Yes, sneaking. Nobody else saw it, well...maybe Vegeta suspected something, but he had this cunning and smart side.

It was always here.

He hides it behind his smile. Many stories I've listened about his, Bulma's, Kuririn's and the others adventures, it's almost always: "...then Goku got and idea and saved us all..." Not Bulma with her intelligence and brains. Not Kuririn, the boy who knew more than Goku or somebody else of our rather weird group of Chikyuu Forces.

Yes weird. A short former monk who could now days kick Frieza's ass. His wife, Android 18, tried to kill us by some mad doctor who had turned himself to an Android. Vegeta, the Prince of Saiyajins, the last full-blooded Saiyajin alive, raised by a megalomaniac tyrant who wanted to rule the universe and made his life living Hell. Tienshihan, Tien for short, a former assassin and has three eyes and Chaozu the Emperor of some distant country, a pasty doll.

Bulma, genius, owner of the world's richest company and bit of a tomboy. Yamcha, a desert bandit and a famous baseball player. Master Roshi, only Kami knows how old, perverted yet wise old timer with a turtle as a pet and a caretaker. And Master Muten Roshi is still one of the strongest people alive. He could beat that Mr. Satan with his bony pinky finger easily.

Though he's old, his power level is very high. Piccolo, An alien, half-Namek half-Demon, former guardian of the Dragonballs and my first mentor. And our two newest additions, Trunks and Goten. Our next generation of protectors. And then there was you...

Everyone super strong. You could crumble a building on one of us and well... he might have a scratch or two...

Mom blames you for 'traumatizing' me with fighting and having no childhood seeing all that death and blood. She always rants about "if that Goku just would have listened to me Gohan would be better off. I could have done for him so much more..."

Wrong.

I had a childhood, a good one in my opinion. Despite all the blood and violence I saw it really doesn't bother me. It never did.

You see those kind of things in movies enough.

I'm not afraid of getting hurt or fight. Must be my Saiyajin blood but I actually had fun fighting in Namek and Androids. Without Dad I would have spent my life to this day in my room, never taken a step outside my house and near surroundings.

He sneaked me out while I was supposed to be studying and took me in some city to play in the park with other children and to eat ice-cream. Or we would go fishing or sparring somewhere far away so the others wouldn't notice our ki. And Dad was supposed to be training for Androids and I was supposed to be studying when I couldn't train. We had a great time together.

He sneaked us away so often as he could and he always said he hoped ChiChi would be coming along. We got caught many times by Mom and they were usually the times Dad and I had sparred rather hard. Mom yelled and insulted him for 'being a bad father' and 'not thinking his own sons best' 'how Gohan will grow up with an irresponsible father like he was' or ' you're a bad example' and things like that.

Dad just stood there trying to calm her down looking sorry, which I knew he genuinely was. And every insult and accuse hurt him badly emotionally. And it was always Dad who said he was wrong and he was sorry, never Mom.

She has never said she was sorry. It was always Dad. Mom is blind in this case. Sometimes I feel really burning anger with her for doing that, hurting Dad. Dad would never hurt her. Not physically or emotionally. He was always the one who tried to do things without arguing and tried to talk to her but she won't have none of it.

Dad you showed me freedom, and will to choose yourself, be independent but not too much. More thinking I've done more I respect and love you. You told me in this very same cliff about your grandpa. You said he died when you were about five and then you had to survive on your own. Learn to hunt and cook, learn to fight by yourself and defend yourself from all these beasts and dinosaurs'. You were all alone.

Once again, the others think you're an eternal child, never growing up, but in reality you never were a child. You just put on a cheery facade and smile and everybody thought you were fine even if you weren't. I learned to see through it. Sometimes I use it myself and it goes through...

After you died, everybody was telling me that it wasn't my fault. But I already knew that. They were the ones that blamed me and did not understand. Vegeta understood perfectly.

You see, while turning to Super Saiyajin first time or ascending you feel a rage burning through you like an inferno. You gotta relieve it somehow. You're just angry and can't think rationally. Dad told me when he fought Frieza he could have finished him off like a fly but the anger, rage, pride were too great.

Eventually when spending enough energy you'll gain the control. When ascending you usually can control those emotions only its way harder. But in my case my own hatred boosted those emotions and feelings....

I wonder how you are doing up there. Probably training and fighting happy as ever.

Wrong.

I know you're hurting too. Without friends and family. Sure there is lots of other powerful fighters and you may have them as friends up there but still you're alone. You were always alone.

The one who had to be strong and confident. The one who handles the situation whatever it is. Like a never moving rock which anybody could trust and lean on. You trusted them yes, but never fully on.

Did you ever tell them when you were sad or depressed or you were worried so much that it hurt. No.

They whined their personal problems, secrets and feelings to you 'cause they knew if they told you not to tell, you wouldn't. You never bothered them with your own feelings or problems. You solved them alone. But who was there for you to lean on? None. You stood alone. Not even Mom was there like that.

I know you Dad.

You told me about everything. You trusted me more than your own wife. And I told you. The popular belief is that I'm closer with Piccolo than with him. Yes. I have a some kind of bond with him, but its weak. Fragile. Nothing compared to one Dad and I shared.

He told me that he and Mom had a strong bond despite all the yelling and hurting she did. Thought Dad didn't ever tell her that. It would have caused more yelling to stop with freaky things...

Its getting colder and the wind is picking up. It's starting to rain. I can smell it and see it. Like you taught how to sense weather. You knew so much more than anybody would know.

Hey! I'm the only person who knows he can pick locks and pickpocket people. And of course taught me that too. It was actually fun. We always returned the objects we stole so it wasn't a crime. And because of our super speed it really wasn't a challenge. The lock picking was little more challenging.

And I'm good at them.

You wonder now when did he learn these rather unusual skills? He was traveling around and in some big city a thug tried to pickpocket him. Dad beat him up and then got curious about the man and he promised not to tell about this if he taught him 'his techniques'.

Weird huh? The world and universes savior a thief? I didn't affect his morals any. Morals... The one more thing you taught me or better showed me. You had really strict view about bad and good but yet it was really loose and faint. Pickpocketing is 'legal' as long as you return the things to the owner. Violence isn't bad at fighting...etc

. Again you can't learn your morals from book. You have to know about real world. For example making a fire, explained in book and it works. Yes in theory but what about in practice? Hellova lot curse words and kicking the branches. Curse words...

heh. I was once again the only person besides Vegeta to know you had a really foul mouth. As do I. I just hide it around the others. Like you do. Sparring or training insults and curses flew like punches and they were really bad. Saiyajins have a creative mind for insults and swearing. I sigh... It's time to go inside and hit the sack...

I know some day... You'll be back.

Okay... There it was. Damn I had fun with writing it. and I cried too and was angry... for those who intend flaming....

READ THE NOTES ABOVE BEFORE YOU DO ANYTHING STUPID!! (Flaming I mean...)

But still.. FLAME ALL YOU WANT IF YOU JUST REVIEW!! (Huff huff...yelling is a tough job)

Check my other stories too. IT'S AN ORDER!!

But you don't have to obey...