Success is counted sweetest
By those who ne'er succeed.
To comprehend a nectar
Requires sorest need.
Not one of all the purple Host
Who took the Flag today
Can tell the definition
So clear of Victory
As he defeated--dying--
On whose forbidden ear
The distant strains of triumph
Burst agonized and clear!
-Emily Dickinson, Poem 112
====================
"Trying and Failing"
A Cardcaptor Sakura Fanfiction
Written by Kate "SuperKate" )
====================
He had failed.
The early spring air weighed heavily on his shoulders, pushing
him down until his head drooped and posture slumped, his feet caught in
an invisible quagmire that just barely skimmed the top of the pavement.
For most others, the day was simply breezy and a bit cool, nothing to
complain about, but for him...
For him, it was the end of everything.
What had begun, certainly, as a breezy, cool spring day had ended
in the Final Judgment, the last test of the cardcaptor, administered by
the more cold-hearted of the Clow Guardians, Yue. Performing well was
encouraged. Nay, not encouraged, REQUIRED. The cardcaptor who defeated
Yue in the Final Judgment was to reap the greatest of rewards and take
Clow Reed's position as the Master of the Clow. Certainly, he -
descendent of that very Clow Reed - could defeat a silver-haired pretty
boy with a venomous bad attitude!
But he had been thrown from the shrine roof within the first few
seconds of combat. His eyes burned with tears that he forced away as he
remembered the stinging pain that rushed through his body as he crashed
against the brick-paved walk, his muscles and joints screaming out in
agony and shock as he rolled to a helpless stop. But physical pain
meant absolutely nothing when compared to the internal pain, the pain
tearing his heart apart, shredding the muscle and leaving it at his
feet, wet by his tears.
He, Li Shaoran, the descendent of Clow Reed and the rightful
keeper of the Clow cards, had failed.
The victor, of course, had seized him by the hands as soon as the
judgment had been made and, despite his bruised ribs and sore joints,
insisted on twirling across the brick walk with him, laughing gleefully
at her new-found lot in life. The battle had been long, and she had
almost lost to Yue's superior skill and wit, but somehow, Fate herself
had catered to the tiny brunette girl with the perky pigtails and
allowed her a second chance. Shaoran couldn't be sure that he agreed
with Fate's decision, but who was he to really argue? So he twirled and
giggled, pretending to enjoy himself while actually wondering if she
knew what she had done.
Did she? When he had first relocated to Tomoeda, Kinomoto Sakura
had been nothing but a typical fourth-grade girl. She laid in the grass
with her friends and knit little scarves for her stuffed toys in the
fall; she played chess and checkers at recess during the winter; she
developed irrational crushes on older boys when she had, well, nothing
else better to do. She bickered with her brother, loved her father, and
mourned the long-ago passing of her mother. She protected her friends -
especially the raven-haired Daidouji Tomoyo - with a fierce passion,
and even managed to see something in the loud-mouthed, self-possessed
Sun Guardian, Keroberos.
But he knew better than to shrug and label Kinomoto-chan an
average girl. Oh, he knew! For as his days in Tomoeda turned to weeks
and weeks to one month after another after another, Shaoran had
witnessed a change in the petite girl with the shaggy locks. Her
nervousness faded to determination, her weakness built into strength,
and suddenly that typical fourth-grade girl was bolder, more
substantial… Wonderful in all the ways he had never expected her to be.
And yet, still, as the sunlight danced through the flowering trees that
were her namesake and the breeze ruffled her battle costume, Sakura had
proven once again that she as still just a girl – a girl twirling
through a courtyard, laughing and smiling as though nothing had ever
happened.
But it had. The wind picked up and Shaoran glanced at the slowly
darkening horizon. The Final Judgment had come, and –
"Li-kun!" He was surprised to hear his name burst through the
silent late afternoon and turned on his heel to see Sakura rushing
towards him, her cheeks red and chest heaving with effort. "There you
are! I was looking for you!" Her ruddy cheeks puffed out and her pink
lips protruded in a sudden pout. "No fair slinking off like that! I
wanted to talk to you."
He shrugged, his hands shoved in his pockets and his brown eyes
darting towards the sidewalk. "I don't really have anything to talk
about," he responded coolly, prodding a sprout of grass that had poked
up through the cracks in the concrete with his toe. "And we do have
that math test tomorrow, you know."
"I know…" She pursed her lips together and glanced away, and
Shaoran frowned. How many people were there in the world that he could
even pretend to consider his friends? The number could be counted on
one hand, and yet he still pushed her away, shouldering her into the
realm between acquaintance and total stranger, keeping her always at
arms' length. "Well, before you go to study for that test, can I just
say that I thought you did really well today?"
He blinked, trying to hide the evident surprise he could feel
creeping across his expression. "Me?" he questioned, staring at her as
she smiled widely. "What did I do? You're the one who defeated Yue and
became the new Master of the Clow."
She shrugged shyly, the color in her cheeks shifting from the
ruddy tones of exertion to a pale pink blush. "I know," she admitted,
her green eyes peering up at him through thick lashes, "but it was
really Kaho-sensei who saved me. Without her help, I... I wouldn't have
been able to beat him. You didn't have that chance, which wasn't very
fair. And so... I wanted to tell you I thought you did well for not
having that extra help, you know?" She chuckled and shook her head.
"Well, I'll see you at school tomorrow, Li-kun. Good luck studying for
the test!"
Shaoran desperately tried to think of a response to her leaving,
something to call after her as he watched her brown head of hair and
brightly-colored battle costume disappear into a speak in the distance,
but he couldn't. Instead, he stood dumbfounded on the sidewalk, his
hand outstretched to catch a girl who was no longer within arm's reach.
Then, he sighed slightly to himself, his hand closing into a fist
and falling to his side. Maybe Sakura hadn't realized what she had done
in defeating Yue and becoming the new Master of the Clow. Maybe she
would never realize what she had done – he couldn't be certain.
But for once, Li Shaoran was certain that he understood what HE
had done that chilly spring afternoon.
And for that reason, he smiled the rest of the walk home.
===
Fin.
===
AN: I started this fic a good four months ago and just finished it now.
I got the idea one night while reading my English 273 (American
Literature) homework and it just spiraled from there into this little
adventure before you.
Poem belongs to Emily Dickinson. CCS belongs to CLAMP.
Special thanks to Yumeko and May, my beta-readers. You girls rock!
2/24/04
11:30 p.m.
By those who ne'er succeed.
To comprehend a nectar
Requires sorest need.
Not one of all the purple Host
Who took the Flag today
Can tell the definition
So clear of Victory
As he defeated--dying--
On whose forbidden ear
The distant strains of triumph
Burst agonized and clear!
-Emily Dickinson, Poem 112
====================
"Trying and Failing"
A Cardcaptor Sakura Fanfiction
Written by Kate "SuperKate" )
====================
He had failed.
The early spring air weighed heavily on his shoulders, pushing
him down until his head drooped and posture slumped, his feet caught in
an invisible quagmire that just barely skimmed the top of the pavement.
For most others, the day was simply breezy and a bit cool, nothing to
complain about, but for him...
For him, it was the end of everything.
What had begun, certainly, as a breezy, cool spring day had ended
in the Final Judgment, the last test of the cardcaptor, administered by
the more cold-hearted of the Clow Guardians, Yue. Performing well was
encouraged. Nay, not encouraged, REQUIRED. The cardcaptor who defeated
Yue in the Final Judgment was to reap the greatest of rewards and take
Clow Reed's position as the Master of the Clow. Certainly, he -
descendent of that very Clow Reed - could defeat a silver-haired pretty
boy with a venomous bad attitude!
But he had been thrown from the shrine roof within the first few
seconds of combat. His eyes burned with tears that he forced away as he
remembered the stinging pain that rushed through his body as he crashed
against the brick-paved walk, his muscles and joints screaming out in
agony and shock as he rolled to a helpless stop. But physical pain
meant absolutely nothing when compared to the internal pain, the pain
tearing his heart apart, shredding the muscle and leaving it at his
feet, wet by his tears.
He, Li Shaoran, the descendent of Clow Reed and the rightful
keeper of the Clow cards, had failed.
The victor, of course, had seized him by the hands as soon as the
judgment had been made and, despite his bruised ribs and sore joints,
insisted on twirling across the brick walk with him, laughing gleefully
at her new-found lot in life. The battle had been long, and she had
almost lost to Yue's superior skill and wit, but somehow, Fate herself
had catered to the tiny brunette girl with the perky pigtails and
allowed her a second chance. Shaoran couldn't be sure that he agreed
with Fate's decision, but who was he to really argue? So he twirled and
giggled, pretending to enjoy himself while actually wondering if she
knew what she had done.
Did she? When he had first relocated to Tomoeda, Kinomoto Sakura
had been nothing but a typical fourth-grade girl. She laid in the grass
with her friends and knit little scarves for her stuffed toys in the
fall; she played chess and checkers at recess during the winter; she
developed irrational crushes on older boys when she had, well, nothing
else better to do. She bickered with her brother, loved her father, and
mourned the long-ago passing of her mother. She protected her friends -
especially the raven-haired Daidouji Tomoyo - with a fierce passion,
and even managed to see something in the loud-mouthed, self-possessed
Sun Guardian, Keroberos.
But he knew better than to shrug and label Kinomoto-chan an
average girl. Oh, he knew! For as his days in Tomoeda turned to weeks
and weeks to one month after another after another, Shaoran had
witnessed a change in the petite girl with the shaggy locks. Her
nervousness faded to determination, her weakness built into strength,
and suddenly that typical fourth-grade girl was bolder, more
substantial… Wonderful in all the ways he had never expected her to be.
And yet, still, as the sunlight danced through the flowering trees that
were her namesake and the breeze ruffled her battle costume, Sakura had
proven once again that she as still just a girl – a girl twirling
through a courtyard, laughing and smiling as though nothing had ever
happened.
But it had. The wind picked up and Shaoran glanced at the slowly
darkening horizon. The Final Judgment had come, and –
"Li-kun!" He was surprised to hear his name burst through the
silent late afternoon and turned on his heel to see Sakura rushing
towards him, her cheeks red and chest heaving with effort. "There you
are! I was looking for you!" Her ruddy cheeks puffed out and her pink
lips protruded in a sudden pout. "No fair slinking off like that! I
wanted to talk to you."
He shrugged, his hands shoved in his pockets and his brown eyes
darting towards the sidewalk. "I don't really have anything to talk
about," he responded coolly, prodding a sprout of grass that had poked
up through the cracks in the concrete with his toe. "And we do have
that math test tomorrow, you know."
"I know…" She pursed her lips together and glanced away, and
Shaoran frowned. How many people were there in the world that he could
even pretend to consider his friends? The number could be counted on
one hand, and yet he still pushed her away, shouldering her into the
realm between acquaintance and total stranger, keeping her always at
arms' length. "Well, before you go to study for that test, can I just
say that I thought you did really well today?"
He blinked, trying to hide the evident surprise he could feel
creeping across his expression. "Me?" he questioned, staring at her as
she smiled widely. "What did I do? You're the one who defeated Yue and
became the new Master of the Clow."
She shrugged shyly, the color in her cheeks shifting from the
ruddy tones of exertion to a pale pink blush. "I know," she admitted,
her green eyes peering up at him through thick lashes, "but it was
really Kaho-sensei who saved me. Without her help, I... I wouldn't have
been able to beat him. You didn't have that chance, which wasn't very
fair. And so... I wanted to tell you I thought you did well for not
having that extra help, you know?" She chuckled and shook her head.
"Well, I'll see you at school tomorrow, Li-kun. Good luck studying for
the test!"
Shaoran desperately tried to think of a response to her leaving,
something to call after her as he watched her brown head of hair and
brightly-colored battle costume disappear into a speak in the distance,
but he couldn't. Instead, he stood dumbfounded on the sidewalk, his
hand outstretched to catch a girl who was no longer within arm's reach.
Then, he sighed slightly to himself, his hand closing into a fist
and falling to his side. Maybe Sakura hadn't realized what she had done
in defeating Yue and becoming the new Master of the Clow. Maybe she
would never realize what she had done – he couldn't be certain.
But for once, Li Shaoran was certain that he understood what HE
had done that chilly spring afternoon.
And for that reason, he smiled the rest of the walk home.
===
Fin.
===
AN: I started this fic a good four months ago and just finished it now.
I got the idea one night while reading my English 273 (American
Literature) homework and it just spiraled from there into this little
adventure before you.
Poem belongs to Emily Dickinson. CCS belongs to CLAMP.
Special thanks to Yumeko and May, my beta-readers. You girls rock!
2/24/04
11:30 p.m.